We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

NowWhat1983
In my opinion if he said stay in touch, and you want chat with him, get in touch!
If you don't want him to play waiting games, don't play them with him.

Well, Audidriver got back in touch Sunday evening and we met up again last night. He's been texting all day again and still seems super-keen. I have a very serious crush and can't stop thinking about him. Oh, and the bed broke

CarrotMuncher It's awful when you're keen isn't it.

Bed breaking sex.....brings back memories.

Yours is texting all the time....mine is not. I think I'll take the hint.

Hello everyone

I haven't posted in a while and this thread moves so god damn fast I can't keep up!! Hope you don't think it's terribly rude of me to just interject and ask what you all think of my situation.

Not sure if you remember Mr keen who sent me flowers to work after our first date? Well it's been 3 weeks and we have seen each other every opportunity. We spent last weekend in a hotel and things are seemingly amazing. But it all seems too good to be true.

He says he wants to be with me and only me. And can we delete our online profiles together soon. He's paid for the bulk of our dates and we have had the most amazing time. He even bought me a new dress and some underwear (long story, it didn't just come out of nowhere). I've been to his house and everything looks normal and nice. He tells me he is smitten and I'm beautiful. He's met a few of my friends and they approve. I told him he's on 3 month probation and he's fine with that but that he knows what he wants and that's me. I fancy the pants off him. We get on really well. He sent me another bunch of flowers since.

I'm trying to be realistic about this and look out for red flags but I am so swept away I worry I am missing something. He knows he's moving fast and he apologised if it makes me uncomfortable but that why waste time when you know something is right? It does feel right but I am also scared I will be made a fool out of or that his behaviour is somehow not right. I've always been treated like shit by previous partners and this is something entirely new.

What do you all think? I know you will be honest and that's what I need

Thanks and sorry for making this post all about me xx

NowWhat I know it was fantastic! He was much more ...um ... enthusiastic this time. I think he's beginning to relax a little bit (less rabbit caught in headlights than he has been) and oh my ... he knows what he's doing in every respect...

Sorry to hear that your iron isn't texting. Maybe he's not much of a texter. I find the older they are the less likely they are to text. It's so hard to stay optimistic and casual at this stage. I know, I was going mad at the lack of texts last week.

Oh Spotty I do remember you - that's amazing! I think you should just enjoy it while remembering the RULES, so don't give everything just yet (tempting as it is). Caution is a good thing and stops us from getting burned. Does he fancy buying me a frock and undies? Very jealous. how was the sex?

I saw him on Friday and Saturday and Sunday.

Last saw him 10:30pm Sunday night.

he is in a very demanding job. But he could text if he wanted.

Oh well. I cant decide to shoot a friendly text or just leave it.

NowWhat - I'd go with the friendly text. What have you got to lose? Scenario 1- he doesn't reply/doesn't seem keen... You get closure that it's not going to work and can move on and stop waiting for him to text... Scenario 2 - he's just been busy and you get a response and all is fine and dandy!!

I don't know if I like dating. I've only been on one date though.

I joined pof and people do message me but I find it draining. I'm aware I sound strange now. Does anyone else feel like it's a big effort? How do you stay breezey with it all?

oreily I felt breezy with this guy. Totally cool and not bothered.

Now I wouldn't say i am dying to hear feom him but i wonder why i haven't heard.

He is a surgeon though and told me he had a big week coming up.

But it takes 5 seconds to text.

Oreily I know what you mean. At first I thought it was fun but eventually just got sick of answering the same questions again... Where are you from... What do you do... I know they're just making conversation but there's only so many times one can explain all this without getting sick of it

Singleandfab - mind blowing

Maybe I'll deactivate for a month or so.

Maybe just use it when you feel like it oreily. I just found myself using it less and less and then eventually it was just out of boredom and I don't miss it now it's gone!

Spotty! Glad to hear it's going well with mr keen. he does sound extremely keen and in all honesty id probably find that a bit overpowering but nobody really knows how it feels unless you're in it and if it feels right to you then what's the problem, maybe just be a little cautious

Spotty That's fantastic!

Just not sure all the spending money on me is a red flag I guess. I've never experienced this before and it feels weird. I am trying to be cautious and it's good to be told that again I guess. Thanks xx

I mean, it's not normal is it??? I've never met anyone like this. Generous to a fault, genuinely doesn't want me to pay for anything (although I have insisted at times) as he wants to treat me like I should be treated. It's just beyond my realms of experience

Ive not had that either. Is he loaded?

Spottymcspotty, it's not a red flag until......... you want to do something important to you that inconveniences him somewhat him, or when you disagree about something, his visceral reaction is ''after all the money I've spent on her''. Money can be power, but it shouldn't be. I don't know if you can really tell if it's genuine generosity until something comes up.

spotty that's AWEsome! You sound really happy, and I don't see any red flags, just 2 happy people!
oreily I know exactly what you mean. I'm finding OLD soul destroying tbh, and it's doing my ego no good at all ( I.e. Is that all I can attract now??)
Doesn't help that my ex ( we're still good friends and I helped him pick out a shirt for his date) just texted how amazingly his date just went. It floored me. Selfishly I want to be the one texting him how amazing my date was, and it's just not happening for me. I don't like the person that OLD is turning me into . Think I need to step away and be single and alone for a bit.

He has a good job and earns a good wage.

Pigeon - good point. I have thought of that. And I've decided that if he starts spouting that shit, I'm not going to give a flying fuck. It's his choice, and if he turns around and tries to throw it in my face at any point, he can do one.

We've spoken about it extensively and he just says he wants to pay, he wants to treat me. The line of work he's in also means he gets discount at a lot of restaurants so he said he isn't spending as much as I think. I end up paying for things like taxis, coffee dates, carry outs. The less extravagant things I guess.

Spotty, I've always made the mistake of chasing after those guys that pursue you then distance you (rinse repeat rinse repeat). I think awareness is great but it can be hard to let go and relax and ignore that 'arrrgh whaaat' feeling that you get when a healthier dynamic is unfamiliar.

I went on the third date with a lovely crazy affectionate passionate guy today. he has loads of personality. If I brought him anywhere, I'd just say ''be yourself''. I don't think I've ever dated anybody where I wouldn't have worried about how they'd be received at least by family or friends, or by somebody. This guy, he's just such a true character I'd think if somebody didn't like him that was their problem. However, here's the but. Normally, because I chase those avoidant men (who are in turn attracted to women with a tendency to be anxious in their attachment style) it'd be about now that the man would be sending me mixed signals. Which I'd mistake for butterflies, or attraction, or chemistry. So whenever I grow attached to anybody it's based on a doomed cycle of push and pull pursuance and distancing. Always.

I'm really trying to make a concerted effort to override my feelings of being slightly stifled by his certainty for me. why does that stifle me? the fact that somebody is certain about me? this must be how Bear felt about me, stifled, because I was certain i liked him. I wasn't in doubt about it. How awful for him.

With the big spender: familiarity does breed contempt.

Truth is you dont know this man.

you dont know that he wont come out with some co-dependent shit like "after everything I did for you" whenever he wants something you may not be ok with.

Nowwhat totally get what you are saying. I've thought about that a lot. And honestly if he says anything along those lines or makes me feel that I owe him anything, I am gone. I'm hyper aware this could happen.

Good good. And you are doing your bit more than you think. Taxis etc add up. Certainly not cheap especially if you earn less.