We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Thisistherighttime I agree that not all men do the chasing, especially if they are younger/inexperienced/intimidated/lower down the hierarchy at work say than you. If I'd waited for a man to make a move on me I'd still be a virgin. it's often been said to me that they didn't make a move as they assumed I had a boyfriend/husband/significant other. If I meet someone I like now, I make a point of slipping in the fact that I'm single straight away so they know the score.

Whatam1doing sorry to hear you were crying about your mum. must be awful for you but yes, how lovely that you have such a fantastic man there willing to go through it with you.

CarrotMuncher That's why it's important to have more than one iron in the fire.

Nowwhat1983 How exciting. Keep us posted.

No news from my end. Audidriver drops his son back tonight so I'm assuming he'll be back in touch next week.

singleandfabulous, you've just about summed it up perfectly.

My eldest DD (twenty and much brighter, clearly, than I am) laughed at me when I recounted my frustrating conversation with car mechanic man on Friday. She said that aside from me sabotaging the entire thing she really did not understand why I had got myself into such a state over his dogged repetition of "it's as you wish". She cleared things up for me very kindly by explaining in very patient terms "you asked him what you were both doing about Monday evening and he replied, it's as you wish. So he's basically telling you that whatever you decide he'll fit in with".

Oh?!

She then tells me that I have a terrible tendency to see rejection all to easily. Basically, I need to get a life.

So, back I'll go tomorrow and be clear and concise and give this ONE last chance.

Hi, date was good fun.
Got very drunk though and slept on his sofa. Very hungover today and have the Fear. Which gets me all depressed. I'm going to stay away from booze for the foreseeable. It just doesn't agree with me.

He wants to meet again anyway, so was thinking cinema Friday. But depends on childcare.

I hate the Fear. Hate hate hate it!!!!

What's the fear starskey? Forgive me for being a dope! Glad you had a good date

Yes witches it is him. Urgh, what is wrong with me??? I feel so needy. I caved and text him last night and even made a very light hearted joke about it. We chatted for a bit and he seemed fine. Then boom, he doesn't reply and I haven't heard from him again. I'm not caving again and I am backing off!! He did go a bit quieter via text before our last date and we still went and had a really good time (complete with the aforementioned possible hints) so maybe I'm being stupid. But grrrrrrrrr

If he's phasing me out - well it just doesn't make sense. Unless those 'hints' were not hints at all. But even without those, he talked about 'the next few dates' when we were saying goodbye. I would like to think that after this many dates, his confession, telling me he really likes me and us deleting our tinders, that he would have the decency to tell me if he wanted out rather than just phasing me out gaaaaaaaa I think I'm quitting dating if this one doesn't work out.

Oh God, I hated the phase out. I'm still stung from thar fella from pof.
Has he suggested meeting up again?

The Fear. Is that horrible anxiety and guilt ya have when you go overboard on the booze. It's awful.

Pretty much yeah... As I was getting out of the car he said 'we are getting pretty good at this dating business - but think we still need to go on a few more for practice' ... We have gone out the majority of Tuesday's since we started dating so I said 'see you Tuesday for date night then!' And he agreed so I'm guessing that's plans made. I'm backing off though and I'll see if I hear from him and if they go ahead.

Arghh no that's awful - especially after a date. Like when you spend the whole day panicking about what you may have said or done?? Yeah I get that.

what Ahh the end-of-dry-spell walk, yes....always makes me chuckle inappropriately the next day though.

Carrot - he sounds ridiculously frustrating! Sorry, I've got no advice; why can't he just be clear about his plan/lack of??

Witches (and anyone else concerned about mozzie bites and legs draping!) -
I honestly don't think he'd have noticed if I'd have had a mermaid tail! In a good way. Legs were not the focus of attention. Especially after a hugely tension building day at a mutual sports officiating event - a very large case of being physically very close, but everything else staying hidden (not a red flag btw, he's widowed and we have a chunk of an age gap so for now, we'd rather enjoy other than provide gossip!) which was a huge turn on! We may have also sent a few cheeky messages during the event...

Legs were draped, kitchen tables were utilised...very nice. He even woke me up (at 345am - early start for us both!) with coffee and marmite toast - and he wasn't put off by my grumpy morning face!

Robots - it is the most frustrating thing in the world! He is so lovely on our dates and seems so keen. But then for the last week via text it's mainly me making the effort, and then this happens. I don't know whether I'm coming or going if I'm honest.

Glad leg draping went ahead - mozzie bites and all

Mine hasnt had a relationship lasting longer than 6 months and he is nearly 35....

Hmmm. Red flag or not?

Maybe, nowwhat. But I wouldn't say it's a definite red flag. He may have just not met the right person. My sister is 25 and has never had a relationship, she's very pretty, a lovely girl and doesn't 'sleep around' or treat men badly...She really just hasn't met the right guy yet!! It happens.

I have been separated from my wife for a couple of months, and have been seeing a woman I knew before -- a fellow parent/playground pal from kids' school. We were originally just chatting over coffee (she is divorced too) and gradually things have progressed to a point (i.e. we've slept together a few times) where I think we're going to need to discuss our relationship and where it's going. My worry is that she is hoping we can become an item, whereas for me it feels too early to be getting serious (as in, too soon after my split). She's several years down the road from her own divorce, so for her it's a different mindset. I think she'll understand when I explain that I'm just not quite there yet (shall I actually say 'It's not you; it's me'?) but I also know she's going to be disappointed as I can feel how much she likes me.

I only had one serious relationship (4 yrs) before my marriage (15yrs) and so I feel a little inexperienced with all this.

Oh, my apologies whatAmIDoing and robots for getting you mixed up re mozzies and leg draping. I'm still sure Planeman, being a fantastic guy, would NOT have minded/been far too polite to mention mozzie-bites if they had been present though.
Robots, I'm glad legs were draped AND a kitchen table was involved, how erotic and spontaneous!
I've gone totally off OLD for now. After the promising start with Quirky then the silent sex and packed lunch my heart's not in it. It's just a re-run of previous online disasters over the last couple of years. i'm just hopeless at choosing decent men online! I am pretty happy being single so maybe I'll just hang around and live vicariously through all of you for a bit.
carrot that is very confusing of Mr Tall, I didn't realise he was going silent more than usual. Arrgh, really hope he isn't phasing you out. He didn't seem the type to do that, but you never know. Maybe he thinks you deliberately avoided his 'hints' and is thinking you're not so keen as he thought? Not that that would be an excuse to phase you out.

Oh, it would all be so much easier if men and women could just say to each other what they are thinking and feeling and worrying about! But its sooooooo hard to!

Witches - I know exactly what you mean, its like a rollercoaster for me all the time. I often have breaks and then an OLD frenzy, usually amounting to frustration and low self confidence and I take a break from it all, so I think that pattern is fairly usual.

I've been on just 1 date in 7 months, just no one suitable, all very frustrating. However, this weekend coming, I seem to have got myself in a bit of a pickle because I have a date on Friday, Saturday and Sunday....with 3 different men! I've been chatting with the 3 of them for about ten days and I can honestly say each and every one of them are such lovely lovely guys. Im panicking now, incase I like all 3 of them! Eeek. These men are like bloody buses!!!

So that is my news....I'll try and remember loo updates!!

Sounds like there is a fair amount action being had on here! loving the updates.....Robots use of the kitchen table had me sniggering!

onthebrink I guess just tell her that you don't want anything too serious, would have been good to have had that convo before the sex part, but hey she may be thinking the same thing that she doesn't want anything full on with you either. Best be open with her though would be my advice though, fwiw.

Just had the chat -- all fine. She totally understands my situation, and although she would love to go further, she's happy to go slow and stay fairly casual.

Oh that's good onthebrink I think the fact you're not long out of your marriage should make her see that it really isn't her, just where you are right now

prizeyprize go you! I look forward to the loo updates

pricey well done you. Defo plenty of loo updates

Wow Prizey!!

I bet you won't be overwhelmed with three by the time you've met all three though! Not last weekend but the weekend before I had two dates (one friday and one saturday) and it was so obvious that mr saturday was the winner. third date with him tomorrow. He '''has to see'' me so we're meeting for lunch tomorrow although he can only stay an hour and a half.

Onthebrink's story is why i give separated men a very wide berth.

I am really sorry, but I have neglected this thread due to work and redecorating my new house, so hi everyone, I am basically a newbie :D , I will read up on your stories over the next hour or two (there are a lot, and I love it!!!).

But I need to tell someone as I am about to burst.... I have a DATE Friday. A dinner date. With someone I actually find aesthetically pleasing to say the least, AND who has a sense of humour and can hold a conversation, by text at least. We have spoken for a week or two when he said 'I think it's time we meet properly... Friday night free for me to take you out?'. I haven't actually been excited about any irons/dates before, but I am with him, although I will NOT over invest too early, but I hope the relaxed chat is the same in person.

I know of him through friends of friends, but have never said more than 'hi' to him, many years ago. Secretly praying he is not boring/weird/insane/arrogant/ narssictic; all of these could describe previous dates/irons!

One thing though, how do you not compare yourself to exes? Because right now, that is what I am doing! repeats to self "I am the prize"

Ok a few of you know my date on Friday turned over night. He was a nice guy and it just happened. We got on well.

I left his house on saturday and he spent ages driving me all the way home in heavy traffic. Then he called me on Sunday and took me out again. We went for a nice walk in the park and then we drank wine on his balcony. He was so considerate and didnt drink much so he'd be able to drive me home again even though he has a demanding job an had to be up with the lark.

Whilst on his balcony he said "so our second date" and clinked glasses with me as he said it.

His parting shot in the car was ok lets stay in touch and earlier he has said he may be free on Saturday again.

Not heard from him since. It is only just Tuesday afternoon now and I last saw him late Sunday night.

Should I just leave well alone and let him make a move?

Nowwhat - I think you should let him make the move. I had this and overanalysed it ridiculously, and a good friend gave me the advice that you don't know what is going on with their life - they may be caught up in work, family etc. So do as someone else upthread says and talk yourself down on the hour, every hour. Just think, when he does get in touch you will know for definite that it was instigated by him, not you.

Yes he was the first to initiate contact last time.

I do wonder if it looks like i am not interested

Nowwhat - I'd say go for it. There is a lot to be said for playing it cool however if you are concerned he may think you're not interested, then if you end up not hearing, you will always wonder if perhaps you should've shown your interest by making the first move. If you make a move and it doesn't happen, well then you know it was nothing you did!

We had a date last night, I'm not being phased out, I even braved cracking a lighthearted joke about his lack of contact so he knew it had been noted!! Next time I post on here that I think I'm being phased out can someone remind me of this please because this is the second time I've been convinced it's happening and then we go on a date and everything's fine. I think I need to chill.

I just dont know. He said stay in touch as a parting shot....