We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

ThePigeon, the mindset I'm in today I'd say I'm doomed whatever happens.

At least you have a vintage jag !

I shagged my date. Oh well. Not too bothered either way.

Nice night though.

NowWhat what was he like?

RightTime No, ghey dont get it at all. Audidriver had no idea I fancied him. I had to make a move. He admitted he was hopeless at that kind of thing. Ive heard it so many times not that i go throwing myself at liads of men .. oh no

I was reading how following (some) dating advice such as not texting back to quickly can attract avoidant types, I've been doing it differently with the man I'm going out with later. I told him I like that he texts. I've told him I love the nn he gave me (best nn ever) and he told me he can't wait to see me later and I just replied me too. So if my enthusiasm scares him off then fuck it, all I've done is fast forward another car crash, saving time.

I know Amy Young wouldn't really say don't text back. She's say get turned off by mixed messages and a lack of communication. And MH would say go get a fabulous life. So i'm just talkign about general dating advice that we think works. And maybe it does up to a point if you want to draw avoidant types in to your life :-/ have done this many times

ThePigeon I am SO glad that you are enjoying your relationship. Such a comforting thing to read.

I'm back to the basic fact here. All I ever wanted with car mechanic man was/is a fling. There's no future there.

ah, I've only been on one date with him. But I feel an absence of the usual chess game.

That is so refreshing and lovely ThePigeon.

He was nice. Sex was ok. First time is always a bit of fumbling. But he was considerate and sweet.

He drove me all the way back home too.

He says he will call but I am not too fussed.

Ha singleandfabulous it's great the John Wayne walk, forgot about that. It was fabulous, he left at 4am as he was on shift at 5:30am !! Text when he got to work and again when I eventually surfaced and said hello. And I've just got home to another card which he must have sent the other day which say " someone somewhere isn't thinkin of you....me lots of love plane xxx God knows when he sent it but timing is impeccable!

Oh my god What He's keen isnt he. Lovely to be so smitten. Yes, Id forgotten about the 'after effects' of a night's activities too. It's awesome!

Oh my god What He's keen isnt he. Lovely to be so smitten. Yes, Id forgotten about the 'after effects' of a night's activities too. It's awesome!

I hadnt thought of that. I guess he is keen! singleandfabulous

I know singleandfabulous its taken me by surprise that he's so keen but I don't get the feeling he's lovebombing, have had that before and this isn't like that...he texts when he can. He doesn't send hundreds of lovey texts or declare that he loves me...its just all more ordinary. And he's the one that's done all the running. If you remember I kept him at arms length for 4 weeks as I thought he'd got a bit forward early on! And yet he persisted ...."coz he fancied me" when I asked why he didn't give up ...

It's mad because I really really like him but really haven't invested in this as Im too preoccupied with stuff about mum. And yet he understands that, he didn't mind that I spent a chunk of time in bed crying about mum...
He's a keeper isn't he?

singleandfabulous do you agree with the very popular theory that it would be simple and straightforward from the start? I do not believe that all men do the chasing. I've heard a few in my past admitting ages after that they'd fancied me but didn't dare make a move.

I would like to have a (final) conversation with my car mechanic, at least, to express myself and understand a little better, maybe, what has happened or not between us. This way I can go off to England for a week, turn the page and then come back with a hopefully lighter heart.

Whatam1doing - he sounds lovely. It sounds like you get a really good vibe from him and it's really good that you have that especially at such a difficult time

Thisistherighttime - do it! What have you got to lose?

Urgh, paranoia is rearing its hideous head again. Haven't heard from mr tall since a very brief chat yesterday. I text him last night (not really a very interesting text mind you, just telling him something) ... And haven't heard back. I feel silly for getting bothered by it cause I know people have lives etc and I'm really not one of those who thinks someone should be texting me every minute of every day. In fact I really wouldn't mind if he was never much of a texter. But it just seems odd when I usually hear from him at least once a day, even if it's just brief. Hmm. Have I mentioned how much I hate this side of dating? Paranoia, overthinking, bleh. You just don't know where you stand when you're 'just dating' and someone could just ghost you at any point.

CarrotMuncher the questioning and analysing is so time consuming. Mostly well balanced and strong I have turned into a blithering idiot. I feel your frustration.

What have I got to lose? A few weeks ago I would have been afraid of missing out on the magic of potential. Now I want my peace of mind back.

I had a nice date two weeks ago. We arranged to meet again and then he cancelled as he had a family thing. I said let me know if you want to rearrange and he said he would.

So I thought that's that I won't hear from him again but he sends chatty texts every couple of days. Why?!?!? I feel if he wanted to meet again he would rearrange. Dating is confusing

reily Ive had that when they're stringing me along. They dont want you really but keep you on a string by texting making sure you're still around.

Hi all!
WhatamIdoing....oh, Planeman is lovely, definitely a keeper. I'm very jealous and very pleased! And he was even perfect in bed by the sounds of it that doesn't happen often to me!

What of the mozzie bites worry? Did it all just suddenly become irrelevant, I bet he didn't even notice them. And was there leg-draping? You have to at least tell us that, after saying you wanted to!

Carrot I'm confused now...sorry! Is Mr Tall the one who was dropping hints about being your boyfriend? He is, isn't he?
It's awful that bloody paranoia isn't it? Part of me wants to say 'stop it, think logically- he's not just going to drop you and never text again after the dates, and the regular texting, and testing the waters about being your boyfriend, it's just going to be like that night out he had when he didn't text...there'll be some reason'.
The other part of me knows I'd be EXACTLY the same as you! The very fact they keep in regular contact (which is good) is the thing that makes us paranoid when they don't. We are so fickle

motheroreilly I have had that too. It's not hard is it, either ask me out again, or stop texting me!

It depends how much the waiting around is bothering you. I think I'd probably have to ask, after all it's not like asking him for the first time when there is that fear of rejection...HE has already declared interest by asking you out first, and if he's sending chatty texts I don't think it's unreasonable to send a casual 'by the way, any ideas yet as to when we can re-arrange to meet? type-text.

Witches in the words of Edina & Patsy "absolutely fabulous darling"!!!

The mozzies wasn't me it was robots. Who mentioned leg drapping??

Great date last night. It feels like a real thing with this guy. Not pushing water uphill. Of course i know two dates is still only two dates. Cautiously smiling this mrmg.

My date texted and asked if I slept well....

Ok and now we have date 2. After date one on friday. He is picking me up by car.