We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

What - so glad you had a lovely evening with planeman!! He does sound lovely, really happy for you

Right am a bit more awake now! So we went the local pub it's not that nice but it was quiet enough and we had a nice chat and few drinks, chat was just the same easy and interesting and the Sparks where flying again. We got to bout drink 3 and just looked at each other and he said lets go.
We walked round to mine I locked up and just led him up to bed!!!! And that's all the detail you lot are getting !!!! to say the seal has been broken would be an understatement though. Walking like John Wayne today!!

John Wayne love it!! So jealous of y'all - my seal is still well and truly in tact and it's getting on for my first anniversary, this simply won't do!!

Oh God, I'm so nervous about this date. I just have a feeling I won't fancy him and feel bad. He's trying way too hard to impress....
I want to stay home with my kids.

fucks sake i messed up and emotionally invested he has a girlfriend despite what he says he has no intention of anything permanent happening with us EVER he loves my breasts not me I AM A FUCKING IDIOT AND I NEED TO PUSH HIM AWAY im supposed to be working with him Tuesday too

i think i need a sick day

men are bastards

and im fucking stupid

I need a little sorting out please!

I've been separated from my husband for over a year. The divorce is underway. It was hell but I am more than willing, after therapy and self-nurturing to move forward for a bit of frivolity and fun with a man. Nothing serious, please! I'm in my mid-forties.

In spring a much younger guy, girlfriend broke up with him after seven years last year - (He's a car mechanic, I am a client of his) started sending me clear signs of interest (long, intense eye contact, etc) which I wasn't really ready for at the time. Over the past four months the attraction has grown between us but, I think, we are both reticent of making a clear step towards each other. He is certainly respectful. Seeing him at his place of work is not conducive to overt flirting but the few times we haven't been surrounded by bosses, colleagues, etc. the sexual tension has been obvious. He confides personal things in me too and is willing to help me out if ever I need.

These past few weeks the uncertainty of our non-existent situation has been weighing on me. I'm off to England on Tuesday (I live in France) and I booked my car in for a service last Thursday. I decided to ask him if I could see him before I left on holiday. Everything went great on Thursday. I asked him, he jumped at the chance, took the initiative, suggested coming round to mine on Monday, was bothered he couldn't see me during the weekend as he was away for a two-day car rally, returning on Monday morning. Just when we were clinching the deal, his boss turns up. So, after chatting with him for a couple of minutes I go to pay my bill. The boss's wife tells me I have to return the following day as there's a part which needs to be ordered. I leave the garage and as I walk past the car mechanic, who is looking at me whilst talking with his boss I say that I'll return on Friday.

Friday everything went pear-shaped. I go to pay the bill, the place is busy, men running around everywhere, the car mechanic finishes up my car and walks away without saying good-bye (he always does that when he's busy) and I say to him (because I need clarity) so what shall we do about Monday? 'I'll do whatever you want", he replies. And the self sabotaging on my part began "won't you be tired after your weekend?" He describes how his weekend will be and that yes it will be tiring but repeats "we'll do whatever you want". I'm growing increasingly irritated by his seemingly noncommittal responses and I say "let's just forget about it", he replies "I'm here if you need me. I'm willing to help you. It's up to you". OK, I think, so he thinks I'm asking to see him because I need his help. That's my fault. I wasn't clear about asking him for a drink but I was intending to do that on Friday. And then, because neither of us has exchanged phone numbers I ask "how are we supposed to communicate?" to which he replies "it's true we are both running around a lot". So, I get into my car and drive off in a cloud of dust.

Is this a typical case of 'he's just not into you' and/or a typical case of appalling communication?

The irony here is that there's still something not working on my car. So I'm wondering if I should return for a last time on Monday, get him to fix the problem, ask to see him on Monday evening, tell him clearly how I've been feeling. What he chooses to say in response is up to him. Whether it's a no or a yes, at least I can move on.

Terrible idea?

Thisistherighttime, that is confusing. I remember your mechanic from a while back, different thread perhaps. Is he french? Lots of scope for a lack of clarity. I do this too, i keep things vague and blurry to avoid humiliation but then end up uncertain what the context is.

Out on a date tonight. If anybody remembers me!

ThePigeon, enjoy your date this evening!

Yes, he is French, I'm French...

The need to be clear with him, even if it costs me a lot of courage, is becoming vital here. Regardless of the outcome.

RightTime, I would always say just go for it. There is nothing worse than sitting around and wondering 'what if' so just put it clearly and then if he says no there will be no more wondering!

Thanks! :-) Ah, you're French too! Your English is fantastic. I remember your story from a thread about whether it was ever a good idea to do the asking out (as a woman).

It does really boil down to that ability to bear the 'shame' of being brushed off or rejected doesn't it? I find that very hard so consequently I never risk anything. Never ask a man out. But somebody who doesn't feel the same level of 'shame' if their interest isn't reciprocated, then for them, it's not the same risk. Obviously I'm Irish, I think that's abundantly clear :-p

I'd have to talk myself out of the metaphorical self- flagellation - if I asked out a man and he said 'um, no thank you ma'am but I'm busy ........ for the rest of my life' - argh
But I know there are women who'd be all breezy and insouciant about that.

Yes, the what if V the possibility of their saying no.

The scales are wobbling.

ps, lol at your car still not being 100% mended!

He sounds like the plumber I fancied about three summers back! He was lovely.

Eventually I had to give in and get a real plumber. (ie, plump, badly dressed red in the face, smelling of copper and 10 day old sweat).

Thanks CarrotMuncher! It's taken me four months to slowly reach the same conclusion as you.

ThePigeon after a lot of mulling over and discussing it with a number of very patient friends it became abundantly clear that this man would never do the asking simply because of the fact I am a client, older, bla, bla, bla. Also, I am very clear that I do not want a relationship but something with no strings attached. So the asking or not asking became redundant. I've never asked a man out before. Even on Thursday I wasn't asking him out. I just said could I see you for a little time before I leave. He thought, from his words yesterday, that I was needing some help with something.

What I would like to say to him clearly on Monday, if we get the chance, is first, thank you for being a great car mechanic who has made my life a lot easier this year, second, thanks to you I have managed to detach completely from my future ex husband who has, in turn, ceased magically to attack me. And finally, that I am attracted to him, would have loved to have had a fling with him and found it a shame we didn't manage to make that happen.

But that's the weird thing ThePigeon, he's an excellent mechanic! A few weeks ago he came to pick up my Jag (vintage) which I need to sell as my husband has kindly dumped that responsibility onto me as well. I was told by the boss's wife that he couldn't come alone; they always turn up in twos as it wouldn't start. Imagine my surprise when, after the garage had closed, he turned up ALONE to pick up the Jag and repair my garage door (that's a long story) with a big smile. You wouldn't believe the tension between us that evening.

Anyways, weeks later the Jag is not repaired yet (although he has made progress this week a little) and now this small glitch on my other car. I suspect he's over worked.

And then when I asked if I could see him on Thursday he jumped at the chance and did everything he could to get it sorted. And then his boss arrives....

Arf! at 'walking like John Wain.'

I was doing that after my night with Audidriver. It's great isnt it.

So, when are you seeing him again? Has he called/texted. Has he left yet?

RightTime Youre going to have to put it plainly and ask him. I find subtle never works.

how about saying

"would it be totally inappropriate to treat you to a coffee?''

and he will either say '
'oh you're welcome, I'm just doing my job!" no

or, "that'd be lovely, I'd love a coffee''. hell yes!

At least that way you know whether he actually wants to edge forward a centimetre or just carry on giving you glances.

I've just had my older brother on the 'phone who said 'a guy who says 'it's as you like' doesn't sound like a guy who's into you. Just drop him. Life's too short.

Love the idea ThePigeon

singleandfabulous, men just don't understand subtlety, do they? And I'm all about subtle.

The man I have a date with has loads of older sisters. Can't remember if it was 4 or 5!

I always get on well with men with older sisters! weird. But seriously. for real.

And car mechanic has four older brothers, ThePigeon. I've only met one so far.

Ah the baby. And you have an older brother.

That could work

I'm the youngest of four ThePigeon although I don't think that's sufficient criteria for a successful relationship. My future ex husband and I were both the youngest in our families...

well there you go, two 'babbies' yooz were doomed.

My x was the eldest of four boys. The ultimate King. The leader. And he was so effing bossy there are no words.