We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Welcome Recycled - I think you just have to take the bull by the horns and say, 'so when are we meeting up? Are you free Thursday/Friday?' Then see what they say. If they avoid it, then be prepared for them not to be serious about getting together. They may just be looking for attention.

Neatfreak Good luck with your date tonight - you're really in demand!

Skyrabbit That's mean of him. You'd think he'd have the decency to move towns or something!

Thebigredcar I'd see that as a redflag if I were you. Far too full on far too soon. (I've plenty of experience with that). Good luck with your date this morning. Report back!

BurgerandChips Audidriver only talks about work too (mainly) and never asks me any questions about myself. It's not great to be honest and I now understand why his boss has a go at him for being boring with customers but I don't care as he's young and freakin hot and I just imagine him naked and sweaty in my bed while he carries on gassing

Carrot no date with Glastoman till Monday, we hadn't quite confirmed and turned out he wasn't free on Thurs, I wasn't free on Fri, he wasn't free on Sat (and then FrenchChef arranged a night off and is taking me out to dinner on Sat, yippee!)

I had a realisation yesterday - I think that if I'm at home, texting/messaging, I automatically assume they are the same - but they could be out in the pub, at work, asleep etc. So if I don't get a reply to a message immediately, I've decided not to angst about it. Witches what you said above about not chasing is really ringing bells with me - tis my new mantra!

Rosetta you're dead right about us being new to the dating scene and it being different from our youth. I remember just snogging during the slow set and then having a good look at them when the lights came up after the national anthem...

Starskey I think we may be fishing in the same pool/general location, hope none of our matches overlap!

H all...gosh, I've missed loads in a couple of days. Todays coffee date postponed again (by him this time) because he lost his glasses whilst hiking and can't drive without them. Oh, the perils of dating in middle age!

I'm chatting to two other irons, one on POF and one on OKC. the POF one is about 2 hours drive away though, but looks lovely and sends funny, happy chatty messages and wants to ring and meet. Whereas the POF one messaged me a massively long, funny message all about my profile, but has no pic.
What are your thoughts on talking to people without a photo? I did reply, as I enjoyed his message so much (he's clearly intelligent and writes brilliantly) and we have exchanged a few more messages. He says he will sort one out, but what if I really, really don't find him attractive? I'm going to look really shallow aren't I?

bigredcar I also think you did the right thing re the guy that wanted you to stop chatting to others. Fancy giving you an ultimatum like that?

Interesting reading about the negging 'compliments' don't think I've ever experienced that. Sometimes though, I think blokes don't mean to do it, they are just crap at wording things.

skyrabbit I very much doubt it's the same plumber, this one was of the 'one word answer' variety. Mostly 3 or 4 word messages, no conversation. Clearly only there for sex. Worry not!

Welcome, recycledparent, I'd say ask them if they still want to meet. I still think a lot of women wait for the man to ask, even if they are the ones who cancelled...it's weird, and I wouldn't, but everyone's different I guess. And as someone else said, if they say no or cancel again then move on. They could be just timewasters who only like to chat.

rosetta you're right about dating in our forties after years off the scene. I feel my standards of behaviour are quite old-fashioned sometimes, in terms of what I expect online from them. I never dated really either, the few relationships I had before I married were with guys I already knew as an aquaintance, colleague, friend-of-friend etc. So there was already a sense of having got to know them first a bit, without the added 'date' pressure. OLD has been a massive learning curve for me!

I've got to be honest the witches I don't respond to anyone with out a picture, I have to know what they look like!

Today's date was pleasant enough but zero chemistry. The other guy who gave me the ultimatum is still calling and texting me! He's now decided he was wrong and actually he's rushing things and will happily see how it goes...he has dumped a load of stuff of me and clearly has mental health issues. We are connecting but on all the wrong stuff I think, things I don't want to connect on really as I've had my own difficulties in the past, I really don't need a rescue project. What do I do.. I know I should cut him dead shouldn't I? I've not obeyed the rules in the Op and I know far to much about him already.

I have a message from a gorgeous iron I'm really interested in. He is gorgeous, just my type and friendly.

Hmmm, thanks bigredcar...I guess I love writing and words and I was so impressed with his messaging skills I caved in.
I think you're either going to have to be blunt with Mental Health Guy and say you don't feel you are suited, or just block him. I know it seems harsh but he's clearly not going to be good for you.
Ooh, exciting about the gorgeous new iron, as well!

Witches, I don't think I'd feel comfortable talking to someone without a picture. However, I have only ever used tinder where the only people who don't have pictures are people who are married or something. But I'm not sure about other websites I've heard no picture is more common then... There is nothing shallow about wanting to put a face to a name though!

Bigredcar - even if he does say that, you know he obviously really doesn't agree with it and that's going to make you feel awkward. I think just tell him it's not what you want - that way you don't have to worry about him continuing to message you etc.

Sooooo I am in need of advice as to whether you think these are hints or not:

I call mr tall the BFG... I have done before so he knows what I mean. The other day by text I called it him and he replied 'bfg = boy friend geek' ... I didn't know what to say in case that wasn't what he meant, so I just said 'yep thats what it stands for, and I like that you admit you are a geek' ... It didn't get mentioned again. Date night last night, in a conversation about driving license pictures etc I said mine was hideous and he said 'soooo what stage of this relationship do we need to be at before I can see it then?' And I just laughed and said never!

I kind of just laughed them off because I wasn't sure if they were intentional and can you imagine the awkwardness if they weren't? I figured if it was what he wanted he would say something a little more undoubtable. But I just told a friend and said 'I did wonder if he was testing the waters' to which she said 'hes doing more than test the waters he is jumping right in and you are letting him drown!!' So now I'm feeling guilty... Did I say the right thing? What should I have said??

Ooh carrot I agree with your friend, he's testing the waters!

And I think he wants to be your real, proper boyfriend.

I've no idea what you should have said, though because at 48 I'm still hopeless at that! but I think it's a good sign.

Don't feel guilty though, he's hardly drowning. He's just paddling!
How do you feel about him being your boyfriend? Is it what you'd like?

Carrot that defo sounds to me like huge hints he wants to be your boyfriend! Is that good?

To be fair to ultimatum guy (that'll be his Nn now!) he has ptsd from a life event which is what he's come out and told me and is doing all he can to deal with it positively. I hate this because we really clicked as friends. I could talk to him all day, I'd like to stay friends but it does worry me!? I always click with people like this though and it's not worked well before clearly! And hes blatantly come on too strong. It's just so depressing because I just can't have a conversation with most of the guys I'm chatting to yet ultimatum guy we can talk about everything for hours. Frustrating!

Hmm - I'm not sure how to say this so it makes sense... If he outright asked then I would probably say yes. BUT if it wasn't what he meant, I'm also very happy with how things are going and our dates, and I'm not in any mad hurry. So although I'd say yes, I wouldn't be totally devastated and want to end it all if I had got the wrong end of the stick - if that makes sense?

Bigredcar - could you maybe stay speaking as friends? Maybe things could progress if he starts to get better? He sounds like he's going through a lot!

Loo update.... Planeman being amazing has just volunteered to come over after mums funeral and take me for tea

Loo update. He's lovely.

Going on for food and more cocktails.

Thanks for the loo updates. They give me hope!

Brilliant lol updates! Great to hear things going so well

My date is becoming overnight. Unplanned. Shit shit.

Nice guy though

Yay! Have a lovely night both of you!!

Oh great updates

littlewoolly I'm fishing Dublin area. You???
Would be very funny if we overlapped. Lol

I'm very nervous about date for tomorrow. He is very excited about it, which is freaking me out. I bet he'll be a loon. I just know it.
I'll be stuck for hours too!!!!!!!!!

Wow just wow. Had the most amazing evening/night with planeman. Dtd after a several year dry spell.... bloody hell I've never known anything like it!
He's on earlies today so just left to drive back for work ... And he's going to take me out for tea after the funeral. He asked if I wanted him to come to the funeral for support but I said it would raise more questions than I could handle. And he agreed. Can this guy get any better ??

So pleased for you what - sounds like a lovely evening!

Wow glad go see these updates, sounds great.

I went on a date last night with someone called, let's say fleece man. He wore a fleece over his shirt to the date and it looked like it was about 15yrs old and slightly faded. He is very intelligent and nice to speak to on the phone which is what reeled me in. It was an awful date because 1. He doesn't drink and hadn't mentioned this before so I preceded to get trashed, he kept changing the conversation topic when we started to get to something a bit emotional / deep. I also think he lied about his height but I don't have him matched still to tell. Ughhhh, he was keen on me and now I don't know weather to ghost him or to text and say sorry no chemistry ??

Whatam1doing !!! Yay!! So pleased it went well and you got well & truly laid! he's a keeper as Ive said before. tell us more!

Burger If that's Fleeceman in stage 1 wooing mode on his best behaviour, imagine him 3 months down the line ... I'd dump if i were you

Good luck tomorrow Starskey - puts me off when theyre overkeen too.

Planeman sounds amazballs
Do you see this becoming something serious?
And Yayyyyyy for breaking the seal. Good woman

Over keeness is off putting, he does seem very sweet though. But if there's no chemistry what the fuck do I do.

I've only had the two other dates. First was the fun sexy man I went out with for a month. Lots of chemistry. But he ditched me.
Second was dull as fuck Mr.Cocky, and it was a pleasure to ditch him

This guy is nice, so don't know how to say not interested if no spark.
Ara, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
It's going to be a boozy lunch. So should be bit of craic at least.

Burgerandchips - although it's a real shame that did make me giggle a little on this hungover Saturday morning. He wore a horrible old fleece and you got trashed then found out he didn't drink!! Sounds dreadful. Hope the heads ok this morning