We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

I have just discovered a nozzle bite on my ARSE. Seriously unimpressed. Do you think it's too kinky early to whip out the blindfold for tomorrow night?!

Nozzle?? Mozzie!

Oh wow there are really courses on that? That's not nice

Ah all the guys I really like the look of are like getting blood out of a sodding stone, I find chatting on line hard work!

Hi All,
I have been separated from my Wife for a while now (separate bedrooms & life for ~year, she actually moved out 3 months ago) and have just started with OLD.
I am finding it an absolute minefield of varying rules and expectations! It is certainly no easy ride for the male of the species from my perspective.
I have a couple of irons that had to either cancel with a promise to re-arrange or sort some things out before arranging a first date. Both of these have now had the time to recover from illness/review childcare and both are still very chatty. My question is am I being too stubborn by waiting till they bring up the subject of re-arranging a meet-up as it was them that delayed/cancelled the original? Don't want to seem too pushy or too clingy desperate.
Thanks for any advice!

if they're still chatting to you then make it easy if you still want to meet up.

just say so if you want to meet up. but if you get fobbed off twice, back away unless you just want a pen pal

ReCycled I would say if they cancelled they should rearrange. However, if they cancelled because they didn't want to meet you then I would've thought they'd have cooled off! So it might be worth just taking the plunge and asking, and if they cancel again then you know where you stand and don't keep wondering.

Can I join. I have me a date tomorrow.

Quick update! Date tomoz with the man I've been waiting to see😀 BUT he's on the dating site now!
My date from Monday text me today, said he really enjoyed seeing me and will I have dinner with him!
I'll catch up here too but hope all is good with you all! Lol at the nozzle!

Aargh help me recentre! My ex is also OLD. He is now dating my friends sister. I'm finding it pretty hard if I'm honest. They've only been on one date, but he likes her. I know her. Too weird for me, and I'm pretty gutted. I don't know why.
It's all just a little too close. He's started OlD on the same sites as me, going to the same gym, he met her in the park in my town, she's my friend's sister etc etc.
Amy Young me !!!

Need advice quickly please. Spoke to my guy from Tuesday's date and we got round to talking about the fact I'm still on line and chatting to other guys. He's basically said he is not cool with that at all and if we are going to see each other again he wants to be exclusive. He's like fine if that's not what you want but we won't see each other again. I feel I've met him once and he's the first guy I've met I want to meet other people still for a few weeks but I want to see him again, but understand he's further down the line than that. Urgh what do I do? Help

Is he being unreasonable or am I?

bigred I think he's being unreasonable tbh . Was that your first date? I can't remember , sorry ! Mind I had a guy who deleted his profile as soon as we moved to WhatsApp, before we'd even met!
It depends how much you like him I guess? If you're not that arsed, I'd run away fast tbh - I think it's a red flag and all about control , sorry x

Please help... Guy I went on a date with last week Called me and all he talks about is work. I feel like I am speaking to a work colleague or cousin. If he asks to see me again do I say that it's like we are friends. He never complimented my looks when we met but acts keen... I don't think it's worth wasting my wkend seeing him but I can't just vanish on him cos he will bug

NB he did ask to see me and we said Sunday but he didn't confirm it when we spoke and i didn't bring it up

Thebigred - I think that's extreme he should be trying to get your attention not demanding not to speak to anyone at this stage

Thanks skyrabbit. Yes it was only our first date ffs only been chatting a week! That's what worries me I've been in relationships before where they've moved very fast and they have turned abusive. I do really like him as a person we had loads in common and a real mental connection but I wasn't sure I fancied him tbh. He said how would I feel if the shoe was on the other foot, I said I wouldn't care because at the moment we're not together I don't think about what he's doing when I'm not there!

He has a breakdown in the past and I think still suffers mental health problems, it's not good is it?

bigred it depends how much you like him, how much you think you can be strong and say no, and how red you think the flags are I think .
If he's just insecure that's one thing, but if it's control , then that's another entirely .
If he really likes you, then if you stay strong and say no, and he still wants to see you, and keep dating you, then there's your answer. If I was you, I wouldn't want someone strong arming me at this early stage .

And burger if you're not bothered, just say you don't feel a connection. If he bugs you, block

Yeah I'm not up for all this stress after knowing someone for 5 days! I've told him I'm not ready for exclusivity and he said doesn't want to see me then. Oh well

Bigredcar that's crazy, he is being very unreasonable. You've had a lucky escape I reckon.
I've date for tomorrow, we are getting on brilliantly on messenger but I'm really worried there will be no connection in reality or attraction.....I'm such a worrier. He said we'll be grand. Ara. I suppose just go with it.
I've also been chatting to another iron which seems sound and looks attractive. So will see.

Does anyone think it's a bad sign if someone is very very chatty online?
He's not talking Shit but after Mr. cocky turning out to be NOTHING like he made out I'm not wary.
Although this lad friended me on fb so certainly looks like who he says he is.

Fucking hell, this Shit is tough isn't.

bigredcar I think you are doing the right thing. It's never nice to think that irons we like are chatting to others but it's something we all have to accept until we get to a point with someone where we agree to be exclusive. This is really the point that it crosses over from dating to the start of a relationship.
After 5 days you cannot possibly make that kind of commitment and it is telling that he expects you to do so.

I do think that people like me old in their 40's, that are coming into dating after decades off the scene are at a bit of a disadvantage. The world has changed so much. I never dated when I was younger and now I'm really having to feel my way through this OLD lark. I have made mistakes and that could be what is happening here with him. I don't know his dating history so could be way off.
The thing is, whatever the reason, if it isn't making you happy, stop, move on. Give yourself permission to keep looking until you find the one that you truly deserve. If it's causing angst after 5 days, this isn't it. It is supposed to be fun.

Thanks everyone. I've now gone and agreed to meet him next week to see if I think we should date? Am I crazy? I said if I'm unsure then we'll move on. I think there is an element of that he is a bit of a hippy and I think looking for a real emotional connection which I actually do think we've had but is it an illusion at this stage you can't tell I don't think.

I have a date this morning I think but he's as yet not confirmed! See, starsky today's one is not massively chatty on line but coming across friendly and sweet...I think you just can't tell til you meet them. But it is tough this I agree!

Ah big Redcar is go with instincts and seems you were right, shame but?!