We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

oh good! glad he knows!

He hadn't even MET me at that point though! You know how when you swap numbers with somebody and send them a whatsapp they appear in your suggestions a day later.

I'm irish as well and I nearly shook a man's hand the other day too. Must be default behaviour when you feel a bit brazen going in to hug mode.

it was handy though, his settings were open and i could see him doing the ice bucket challenge two years back but i thought, yeh, he looks nice. so it was a handy headsup!

he should lock down his settings. lot a creeps out there

woolly that was me saying the handshake was very British, it just made me laugh
Argh, I hate the mixed message part and the not knowing what they are thinking.

I had an attractive plumber on POF chatting to me earlier, I must admit it was purely looks that attracted me and when he suddenly said 'I'd like to be peeling off your clothes tonight' I didn't immedately go into my default pearl-clutching mode and I actually thought 'would that be such a bad thing?'
If my son hadn't been home I might have thrown caution to the wind and encouraged him... I'm all over the place right now, don't know what I want!

Ach bollocks, sexy plumber just rain checked me for tonight - he says his son just broke his elbow so he has to head home
Not sure if it's a load or not, but he's still texting me and arranging for another meet, so hoping he's on the level ....

....and witches I hope it's not the same sexy plumber lol

So many updates! Loling at the drappy legs too! Meg that does sound odd, I think if I was sure about these white lies it would put me off enough to end it.

But it's mad it's so easy to lead your own mind up the garden path. I've come to the conclusion I probably need to tell this guy I'd like to just seem him as a friend at the moment cos I really think I'm trying to talk my self into fancying him when I didn't. I think he's lovely but I'd only been on a dating site a week and I already feel bad if I don't call him in the evening! This is not what I wanted at all, I've been single so long I want to chat to a few men, Its all too much too quick!

Planeman and toothbrush man sounding great!

This is silly someone give me a slap though I've got lots of messages and I'm chatting to people and I'm feeling guilty about chatting to them. I've learnt a massive lesson about not rushing in getting too intense too soon!

Got a lovely guy agreed to meet for coffee, will I look too desperate if I suggest this week bearing in mind I'm only free week days? I'm just suggesting coffee my self really early on, I can't be bothered with loads of online chat before I meet them. I need to know what they look like in the flesh clearly!

Those white lies sound to me like the male version of ''my fabulous life'' which I don't know if you remember but we were advised by dating gurus matthew hussey and amy young to make sure that we had fabulous lives.

all of that eating here, visiting there, drinking with the A team.. sounds like he's trying to sound like he has a full life. He'd be better off remaining mysterious and making you wonder!

Warrior314 that's exactly what comes to mind when he does it. He's doing a "my amazing life" - im just wondering how to get him to stop doing that now!
Since I separated from my husband last year I flung myself into a new hobby, making friends etc so it does seem I have a busy social life, and I can't help but wonder if he's trying to make his sound just as good?

Meg the continuing mini lies do seem a bit weird, I agree. I wonder why? Can you go down the route of saying something jokey about you enjoying a lazy sofa night and that you're pleased you don't need to make up any fancy nonsense??

Well I'm pleased my drapey legs have made you giggle! Not helping though!! He is lovely, but really freaking HOT (especially given the age difference) and I can't quite believe he's still interested! Argh!

Argh! The friendly guys with unattractive pictures on POF keep messaging /want to meet and the matches on tinder (I've been picky so only good pics) aren't saying anything!

I had this message that I felt was like a ''neg'' (negging)

this guy said ''ten years ago I wouldn't have been interested in you but now I think we could be compatible.

What the HELL does that mean? sounds like one of those neill strausse back handed complisults.

Hmm 314 I would take it that 10 years ago he was a bit of an immature prick and now he's just a bit of a prick!
Regardless it sounds like he wouldn't cut muster then or now...next!

Wow 314 he sounds like a keeper. Ask him out immediately before someone else does!!

ha ha, he's probably been on that negging course. little shit.

Just spent another hour and a half whatsapping MSG. He has given me the most flattering nick name. I like this guy. I'm keeping things in perspective though. All the signs are good but I have met him ONCE.

I hope he lives up to how I remember him. I drank a lot the first date and I'm wondering if I'll drink a lot less the second date and think, hmm.......... but no, the messaging is so easy.

I know Rosetta, It's probably supposed to make women reply. They reply only to ask what the fuck that is supposed to mean.
I didn't bother.

waves to witches & warrior and everyone else!

Frenchchef still messaging but not too enthusiastic so I'm backing off a bit. Messaged another iron & now have a date for tomorrow with Glastoman!

Yay to date with glastoman woolly! I have another date for Friday with a chef and two other irons chatting now.

Can I ask what is negging? Is it being rude on purpose?

Negging is where a man's chat up line is DESIGNED to make you feel like you need to defend yourself.

Or to make you feel grateful that somebody (they) has noticed you despite x,y or z

ie, you dress so sexily for a plus size woman
or, you're really pretty for a woman of your age

That kind of thing. There are much better examples because they hold negging courses and the misogynist little losers who hate women for not giving them sex would be trained to go for women with a low self-esteem and notice their flaw, notice their achilles heel. And then go in with what seems like a chatty friendly chat up line but really contains a reminder within not to get too big for their boots. ''loads of pretty girls here but I can't stop looking at you for some reason''. Delivered with a smile, really confusing.

They do courses for this kind of thing!! Wow!! Do women actually go for that?

Ooh good luck with Glastoman today/tonight woolly!!!

CarrotMuncher, the sad thing is it works / half works / can work on a woman with low self-esteem. I can see a time in my youth when if somebody had said to me, you're not bad for a short lass. I would have felt very conflicted....... I would have felt chatted up. But it would have lowered my confidence in the same swoop. I can't remember a time I ever shagged a guy who made me feel conflicted like that but apparently it does work and I can understand why.

Now if some dickhead said to me ''10 years ago I wouldn't have gone for a woman like you" I can roll my eyes and think is that the best you have, negging, and just move on. I don't even respond to put him in his place.

I think it would depend on the way they said it. Like the short example, If they said it as like a 'jokey way' then I could maybe see how it could work as just a bit of humour. But the ten years thing, or something that's generally quite offensive...just What? Why? It's baffled me!!

I can't believe these courses exist