We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Hi onthebr1nk well, I've been seperated for five years, divorced for 3. I had a brief go at OLD 3 years ago, tried match.com out of curiosity as much as anything. It was too soon for me though I think, and I was totally clueless about scammers etc. Talked to all sorts of unsuitable people and it put me off. But it was a great learning opportunity.

I've tried Match, POF and OKCupid. Now I just dabble on the free sites when I feel like it, I can't stand more than a couple of months at a time.
Match used to be full of scammers but I think there are less weirdos and undesireables, as it's not a free site. POF is good as there are loads of people, but you have to sort through a lot of dross to find the nuggets of gold!
I like OKCupid. It's free but doesn't feel anything like POF, there is a matching system where you answer questions, so the more questions you answer, the more refined your matches will be. I find the men on there seem to be more the educated, intelligent types. Never had anyone send me a rude message on there or whatsapp me a pic of their family jewels.

Whereas the first message I received on rejoining POF was 'I want to bang u'

I'm laughing out loud at the seductive message of 'I want to bang u!' I like OK Cupid. The only bit that frustrates me a little on there is I've had so many likes but it doesn't tell me who from unless I upgrade and pay, but I'm not recieving messages from these people as I've had far fewer of those.

I had a very lovely, romantic message from a hot guy in France...but sadly in France!

Oh I've just had a message from the guy I already know asking if I'm up for no strings attached fun!? I don't think he wants to go for coffee then and maybe not what I'm after

TheWitches How did your lunch date go?

well, i've been ignoring audidriver and he's been full on today, which proves your theory. He wanted so see me tonight but I said I was busy and he has other commitments this week apart from Friday but I'm going to make him wait until next week now and see how that pans out. he'll either be keen as mustard by next Thursday or will have lost interest. We'll see.

Neatfreak that sounds great and he sounds really keen. They respond really well to visuals I find, much more than sexting.
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Right dudes -quick advice - I have a date with sexy plumber tonight. He's offered to pick me up from home and we'll go to the pub. I've said I'll meet him there ( so he doesn't know the address ).
I'm not being weird am I? It's not odd to not give basically a stranger my address is it?

Not weird at all - very sensible. He may well be lovely, but, you wouldn't give your address to someone you'd just met on the bus, so no need to here!

I think the use of the word 'date' makes it feel like we should be totally open and relationship-ish when really we're just getting to know someone.

My concern seems a bit trivial now - I've found a fab new country park run that I've done a few times this week. Lots of mud, up hills, nice trails etc. BUT....I didn't t realise all the boggy bits were full of mosquitos and now my legs are bitten to shreds! I get quite a bad reaction anyway but it's like they knew I was planning to,ahem, display them to Mr Toothbrush drape them over his shoulders on Friday. What do I DO?!

Skyrabbit no for god's sake don't let him know where you live or you'll never get rid if he turns out to be a pillock Meet at the pub instead and get to know him.

Won'tLetThoseRobotsDefeatMe I'm sorry but I laughed out loud at "drape them over his shoulders." Snort! There's not a lot you can do in the timeframe other than apply some cream specifically for that problem and then, on the day, apply some complete cover foundation like Dermablend and then set it with translucent powder. If the room's really dark though he won't notice will he.

robots sorry I had to laugh at that too

You could try taking an antihistamine like Piriton, which should at least reduce the reaction and get some cream with an antihisimine too?

Oh robots I snorted out loud at drape my legs over his shoulders!!!! If your doing that he probably won't notice any midge bites unless he's very odd !!

Well planeman has blown me away again lots of lovely texts last few days as i sort funeral stuff and today the postman brings a sympathy card from him !! "To what thinking of you love plane xxxxx ". Oh my god !!!! I can't believe I've only had one date with this guy ...he seems to good to be true ....

Hi everyone,

I'm still following this thread everyday! If you remember me I went on a date with someone I nicknamed Robin, and I wasn't sure how I felt, but after a few more dates and a month later I am now more certain and find him attractive and funny.

However, I need some advice and wondered if anyone experienced this before!
He keeps telling me white lies. I know he's telling me them to impress me. So for example, he might tell me he's meeting someone for a birthday dinner, but he actually isn't. Or he says he's currently in such and such a pub with friends, but isn't. It's getting tiresome because I don't Want him to try and impress me!
I know on this thread when we've been chatting to irons we might say we've been to the pub with friends but really we've been sat at home in our PJ's with a glass of wine, but surely after a month of dating you wouldn't do this!?
I'm wondering how I bring this up. I can't very well say 'I know you often tell me white lies to impress me so please stop.'
I'm also wondering if this is a massive red flag? I mean these white lies seem harmless now but could prove different further down the line?

Oh what I think I'm a little bit in love with Planeman! He sounds like a keeper to me.

I hope you are doing ok at such a sad time for you? I'm really glad that Planeman is stepping up and at least giving you something nice to think about amidst the sorrow. The card was such a lovely thought.

Hi Meg. I'm sorry but those white lies would be a massive red flag to me.

Honesty is so important. Is he at home doing nothing when he tells you these things or is he out with someone other than he is saying?
After a month I wouldn't expect to know where he is all the time but I would be peeved if he actually lied to me about it.
How can you get to know him if he is presenting an artificial image of himself?
What do you think his motives are for lying? Just to appear more interesting?

I am mean but I would have asked him to send me a picture, feigning memory loss as to what that particular pub is like inside

Hi meg, oh, that's an awkward one. How are you finding out that they are white lies, by the way, is he slipping up after telling them and revealing what he was really doing? If so, could you just casually answer with something like 'Oh, I thought you said you were doing (insert activity) yesterday, did you change your mind?'
I don't really have any advice as I've not experienced that, but I see what you mean, they could become bigger lies further down the line. Hope someone with a better answer comes along soon!

Well the first time I noticed it he tripped himself up. He said he was eating at a certain place, and then we ended up going there on our second date. I'd been before, he asked a couple of questions about it and I said "you should know you've been before!" And he made up an excuse that was obviously not true.
So since then I've been more alert, he mentioned doing something in a pub so I asked him to send me a photo, he conveniently stopped responding then a while later said "oh I've left that pub now." The latest was yesterday I said I was going for lunch with friends so he had to go home in the morning, he said that's fine I'm going for lunch with my sister for her birthday. I asked where politely etc. But I already sensed he was just saying this and sure enough on his sisters Instagram she's posting pics of her birthday from the opposite end of the country!
Ugh I don't know what to do.

Laughing at robots leg-draping and mosquito dilemma too! oh dear, what with mosquito bite disfigurations and ladygarden styling dilemmas on this thread, it's all too much!
Wish I'd got some leg-draping action in with quirky, he was strictly missionary :-(
When I attempted a spontaneous leg-drape, he looked confused as if he had no idea what I was doing, and then said 'Oh yes, I see....yes, I have done that before'...Well, I was certainly hoping so at his age!
I don't think Mr Toothbrush sounds the sort who will let a few weeping sores come between him and lurve, robot hehehe!
Seriously, he sounds like he likes you for YOU, so just slap some germolene on, wear trousers and make sure you seduce him like crazy so that by the time the trousers come off he won't care what your legs look like!
single good to hear Audiman is in fifth gear again! Ooh, you are disciplined making him wait, good on you. I rescheduled the lunch date for friday, just wasn't in the right frame of mind. I thought he might have thought I was trying to get out of it completely, but he was quite happy to postpone. He does seem nice.
What...nothing really to add except Planeman....sigh....could he get any better? And has he got a single friend? ha!

Meg, I'd be very wary if I was you . Red flags waving all over the place !
Call him out on it - ask him why he's lying? Maybe it is to sound More interesting, but maybe he's hiding something ?
Before you go any further in th relationship, I'd say you need to know. X

I would like to call him out on it but how do I say I know he is, without firm evidence?
I genuinely believe he's doing it to make his life sound exciting to me/impress me, but it's annoying he feels the need to do as I'm second guessing everything he tells me now!

Oh, meg! Oh, that is unnerving. Does he know you can see his sisters instagram stuff, I don't know how it works because i'm very old-

If he knows you can see those things and doesn't mind, could you mention the birthday 'do' being miles away and ask jokingly how he managed to get there in time, see what he says?

Ah bollix! Nice walk with FrenchChef with great chat, but a very chaste kiss at the car at the end of it, I did offer to extend the evening but he was too tired (well he did do a mudrun at the weekend and is sore from it). Don't know if it's the brush off or not. The walk we went on was 2.5 miles out and back so 5 in total - he was quite happy to go as far as I wanted and then when I suggested turning back he was all over it (i.e. wanted to walk as far as possible with me/spend time with me so didn't mention the sore leg till I suggested turning back). Bit of mixed messages there. Hmmm.

Thought I'd hear nothing more but got a nice goodnight text, but nothing today. Don't want to look too desperate so haven't texted today. Hate this part!

However Glastoman may be back - he messaged earlier. We have had a couple of evenings with a flurry of messages, I'd like to get one of those going again before suggesting a RL meeting, what do ye all reckon?

(btw someone mentioned the handshake being so British -- guess what I'm Irish! - I think that's even worse as there's no formality in the culture here like that!)

lillywoollypervert, i've started going for the left cheek mwah, right cheek mwah when you meet them. If they're not too frosty and robotic looking. That way, they know that you're not totally averse to being touched which means that if they do like you they might give you a clue, touch you lightly... but if you change your mind and run for the hills without a backward glance then I think a kiss upon meeting but no kiss when you depart that spells out a message.

I can picture that guy crying in to his pot noodle. 'i thought i was a young tom jones, but women shake my hand''

The guy I met on Saturday night, when I was on the way to meet him, I got a fb request that he sent in error! when I got there, I said ''i got your fb request'' and he looked really embarrassed! He should have brazened it out, pretended he'd done it on purpose!

Warrior we did get busy on a couple of subsequent dates, he does know I like him in that way

Laughing at the idea of him weeping into the Pot Noodle!

FB request - he was interested enough in you to stalk you on FB and fb request you in error - good sign!

And I just sent a How are You text to FrenchChef (just to see if he's playing games and cooling off) and he was back within 4 mins!

I give up, I'm just going to adopt Manuel's line from Fawlty Towers
"I know naaaathing" as a mantra!