We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Sky rabbit they aren't his initials..it's confusing why I've called him that!

Big red car I felt that about last nights..he'd grow on me but I didn't think cor?! I've just stopped chatting to anyone I haven't liked..thought any progression with. The one that's very slow is still going but I think any possible spark has gone already through annoyance at it all!!
DTD I dread..how many have down it on a first meet up say after meeting? How many after and are scared to death as know it may happen..isn't it just awkward?!

Aaah my one I
Likes just messaged me again..I hope he stays chatting to me again all night as is great fun but then I think why isn't he meeting me if free?!
Haven't got to the last page and my memory can only cope with a few posts at once..
What's an iron by the way? Your date?!

Carrot I agree with your last post. Spark is important and I sat looking at my date last night thinking he could have been Mr perfect but I was SO nervous that just wiped anything out! Anyway I see he's online so clearly not going to text me..onward and upwards!

Oh, shaking hands woolly that's so funny, and so very British somehow, I can't help giggling. Hope the walk goes well!

bigredcar I've been there and done that before, and no, you're not shallow.

neatfreak nerves still get me every time!

I'm going for my coffee date tomorrow. My Iron (no nickname as yet) was not put off by my disability and was just sleeping after a long night at work. Quite a lot in common, very similar outlook on life to me, so lets just see what happens :-)
No word from Quirky, i thought he might have sent a polite farewell text, but nothing. Still, his social skills weren't great, obviously.

Urrgghh, date with Mr.Cocky not great at all. Zero spark. Very boring in fact, incapable of flirting at all, despite the flirty texting.
I bloody give up.

I kept thinking of the wonderful dates with first guy. One was Best date EVER. And I'm sat here with Mr. Zero charisma.
Fucksake.

I made my excuses and left after an hour and a half. Obviously will not be bothering again.

I don't know if this OLD thing is for me. It's so hit and miss.
Plus I still have feelings for my ex if I'm honest. Not pof guy, my real ex I was with ten years.

Ara, just been a disappointing evening. Don't mind me.

Ah starskey that's disappointing for you - you weren't massively keen beforehand though were you?
Don't give up on the OLD just yet - I almost deleted all my accounts yesterday, and today I'm chatting to 2 lovely irons - I'm arranging going house hunting with one (he's moving up here so he says, in a few weeks!)
It's like a rollercoaster this stuff innit?

I'm so confused, spent two hrs talking to him tonight again he's so lovely I could chat with him all day and we've so much in common so there's a spark in that sense but is it a friend spark only I don't know. I've told him I'd like him to take me out next time and see how it goes then.

It is isn't it.
I was just so smitten with first guy. I kinda wish I hadn't met him at all cause my expectations are too high now.
Although actually that's a good thing.
I want fireworks and chemistry. Nothing less than that will do

Hope all goes well with your two new irons.

Talking on phone bigred or in person?

I spoke to someone today on tinder, really good potential then when I said what I do for work he unmatched me ?!?! It's nothing crazy at all.. A normal job WTF.

I agree that it's a roller coaster but I think it's worth leaving the profiles there even though there is a lot of crap out there !

I'd seen him all day for our first date and come away unsure then been chatting on the phone all evening.

How odd burger!

Exactly the same as me! my first iron was Indie Boy, and he was awesome, and yeah, everyone else has to reach that standard (even though he was flaky and rubbish lol)
I have a date with a sexy plumber tomorrow (see - I nearly gave up today, but I'm glad I didn't now!)

Starskey sorry mr cocky was a letdown. The spark is vital in my opinion.

Good luck tomorrow Thewitches - keep us posted.

Well, update on audidriver, after not hearing from him all weekend i caved and sent him a breezy text this evening. he was flirty but no mention of meeting up, just said that 'next time we'll have to make a thorough job of it and go all night.' Is it me or is it bad that he's not pushing to see me again? Ive never had this happen before so Im stumped. Should i be inviting him? is that it? I feel like he should be chasing me to be honest so Im a bit miffed still want to shag him though

Audi should be chasing at this point, I would bin him unless you are happy inviting him for a shag then go for it.

5 years younger than me asked to meet up again but the chat since has been basically non existent. Kind of hoping he will bail out so I can delete him, I like him and his personality but I feel like he has no interest in getting to know me more.

My future date messaged me earlier..asked if I'd be happy to talk to him on the phone..I was SO nervous but bit the bullet & called him. Omg I connect so much with this guy..he's funny, witty, clever, we have so much in common, finished each other's sentences..looks like my dream guy in his pics..was on the phone for over 2.5hrs!
We arranged our date for either Saturday or Sunday night..he said hes so looking forward to it! Even talked about places we can go on our second date?! I can't wait to see him and feel so much better now we've talked!! 😀

Two questions:

to those who are separated/divorced, how long did you wait before you started dating?

And, which is your preferred O.L.D. site, and why?

Reported pp

Sky rabbit and Starskey I can imagine if you meet someone great first the rest don't live up how frustrating. I'm now wondering how best to work this OLD thing. I don't yesterday I want to start again pretend we didn't dtd it's like we started on date 3 and we need to go back and have dates 1 & 2. He said he wants do whatever I need because he thinks there's a relationship there. Is that nice or overly confident?

I'm not seeing him again til next week and there's another guy I'd started chatting to on line that I already know form dc activities in real life, small world! He's not my usual type but is really nice and I'd love to see if we get any on. But I'm already feeling guilty about chatting with him and suggesting coffee. How does everyone else manage multiple irons if your at the meeting up stage? Or do you not meet multiple irons?

Neat this is just how this guy was too we could chat for hrs on a mental level we are really connecting.

thebigredcar I think it is nice that your guy wants to do whatever you need, to see if there is any relationship potential.

You have met him once, why not take a big step back and start to see your next date as your first date proper date with him? In RL we would meet someone before arranging a date. And that is effectively what you have done. The fact that you dtd doesn't mean you have to start where you left off. The goal posts have moved and now you will be dating him with a view to a possible future, you get to decide how you are happy to handle that. Go back to just hand holding if you like. You are the prize!

It's ok to see other people too, unless you have had the exclusivity chat and agreed not to. I would have coffee with the other guy.

Ooo neat that is exciting! And really promising

I am in awe of you talking to him on the phone. I hate talking to people I know on the phone, I don't think I could cope with the stress of talking to an iron! Go you!

Thanks for your great reply Rosetta it's really helpful. That's exactly how I feel, need to take a big step back and I'm reminding myself it is perfectly OK as long as your straight with people to change your mind and it is a process of me learning what I want as much as anything at the moment.

Oh, so many updates again! Oh, starskey what a let down. totally have been there myself, great connection on paper and chatting, completely different in RL. AND I too am feeling like not bothering anymore after the Quirky incident, as everyone says, it's so hit and miss. I never know if OLD is for me because I would SOOOO much prefer to meet the natural way. I know I'm useless at choosing the right people online, and I've wasted time talking to, and met up with people I would never have even bothered with if I'd met them on a night out, for example. So time consuming. (grumpy)

Ignore my grumpiness everyone. I'm just very up and down about the whole thing. Not even really that bothered about my coffee lunch date with my iron today, even though he seems like a great chap.I feel like i'm looking for things in his profile now that indicate we WON'T get on, I'm in that sort of mood.
bigredcar I totally agree with what rosetta said and you're right....it's a learning curve and getting to know what you want and need sometimes take time :-)
Single... DON'T chase audiman, as tempting as it is. He should be doing that. Read 'Never Chase Men Again' by Bruce Bryans. Even if you're not a fan of these self help books its an interesting insight into how men's minds work (massive generalisation, I know!)
He says " Letting a man dominate the initiation of contact is the only sure way you can gauge his level of interest. Men are very unique creatures when it comes to our egos and our sense of entitlement. We only value the things that we've worked for. Therefore, if you always lead the interactions, you're making him lazy....how will you know if a man is really interested in you or not if you're always the one to call or text him? For most women, it ends up driving them crazy when their sincere displays of interest go unnoticed, unrewarded and unreciprocated"

neatfreak Well done with the phone scenario, I hate that too, so nervewracking talking with an iron! I've got one from POF that wants to call me tonight (not todays Coffee Guy) I've only exchanged a few messages and I pretended it's not convenient! partly from nerves and partly because the weird mood I'm in.
It's fab it went so well for you though, sounds good!

Burger, that's a bit pant's isn't it? I pretty much agree, if he's not showing much interest in you it's probably not going to come to anything, he should be asking about you more, moving the convo along etc. Just delete him anyway though, you don't have to wait for HIM to bail. Mind you, I'm hopeless at being the first to do it if I like them still cos I need to be forced to realise there's no hope

On the brink for me -separated it's been 6 months
Big red car that sounds positive!
Rosseta thank you!
Witches you'll be fine just plod on and see! I was terrified but really glad I did it it's put me apt more at ease before our meeting now!

WELL..I went to bed with a big smile on my face! Woke to emails showing AD had viewed my profile at 1.10am..then viewed again this morning..then he winked at me..I was a bit like 'why isn't he just messaging me as normal'?! Paranoia sets in as I have very little trust and despite him saying last night he's only interested in seeing me at the moment I'm not daft enough to realise he's still nosing online. My brain got the better of me so I messaged him a 'morning' he replied straight back saying 'do you get the impression I really like your new photo?!' I said 'yes I have a few emails here'! Chatted a bit so I just need to calm down!