We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Hi ladies,
Well my lovely pof lad disappeared. Was very disappointing. He seemed so keen.

But I've a date with a guy for tomorrow. I don't know what to make of him, he is very flirty and bit cocky. So I'm thinking another player. Very very good looking to.
Also very funny..... In a says whatever the fuck he wants way.
I dunno, I don't want to get burnt again and I was shocked how quickly I fell for first fella.

Also messaging a lovely guy I really enjoy chatting with but he's over an hour away. Does come here regularly though. He seems very sweet. Lots in common.
Very different to the cocky one.

Ara, dating. Bloody headwrecking stuff.

I'll see how tomorrow goes, although I'm fairly sure Mr, Cocky is only after one thing.

witches I'll be honest he sounds a bit too Quirky for me. Wraps!!! Seriously?!?

carrot your friend sounds like a downer, I'd tell her as little as possible if I were you.

Carrot I hate that reaction from people, it's like they can't just be pleased for you, or even a bit non-commital, they just have to put doubts in your mind! And you're right, OLD makes you paranoid enough already, because you can end up talking to and meeting complete oddballs sometimes.

starskey and robot thanks, I had high hopes too (should know better by now) but I agree, possibly just TOO quirky. If he could talk in RL the way he texts, it would be soooo much better. Still not sure whether to give 3rd date a go on the weekend.
What a shame that your lovely one disappeared starskey...but sadly, very common. Onwards and upwards, remember points 2, 3 and 6 of The List. Very good advice. (And repeat them regularly to yourself whilst you're chatting to the new one, hehehe)

The new 'ones' (plural) I should have said starskey. The guy who's an hour away sounds especially promising. Keep us updated!

I've been asked to meet tomorrow daytime for a coffee by one of my irons. We seem very compatible on paper and chat-wise...I feel a bit guilty about Quirky though, but since I'm a bit 'meh' about him now, is it wrong of me to just go say hello to this one'? It's not, is it?

Or is it?

Thanks Witches.
I was genuinely gutted over lovely guy. He was perfect and literally swept me off my feet. Slept together few times. Then turned cold as fook. I deleted his number so won't be acting the desperado, lol

But good thing is I've learnt a lesson about spotting a player. If they're too good to be true they generally are.

I'm in Ireland so Mr.Cocky is a garda. Which explains the cockiness. He sent pics last night, very good-looking. so now hyper wary.
Will update after date.

Oooo let us know how your coffee date goes
I'd give quirky the heave tbh. I've heard of lads like that. Who are one way online and then another in reality. It's the reality that matters most.
Walking straight through to your kitchen was a very odd thing to do. Like no social awareness. I'm sure he's probably lovely, but could you live with that dual personality thing going on?

Thanks all, I'll keep my mouth shut now. Not helping that I've not spoken to him as much as usual yesterday. Worried he might forget about me so the additional paranoia isn't helpful!!

What a shame about the obviously not that lovely guy going cold on you starskey!! You prepare yourself for this when dating but yet it is still really upsetting when it happens if you fell for them!! Good luck with mr cocky tomorrow! Even if he is cocky, you never know do you! And an hours not that far, do you both drive??

Go for it today witches! He's not asked you to be exclusive or anything has he? I'm crap at multi tasking too but if you're unsure about quirky then that would definitely swing it for me. Good luck!

Rose here I had to name change.

witches I definitely think you should meet your coffee date. It may help you make a decision about quirky. Don't forget you are the prize.

starskey I'm sorry your man went quiet on you. It happens way too often with OLD. Good luck with cocky. Let us know how you go.

Ahem - hello I'm single and I'm a floozy! Thought I'd just put that out there!

TheWitchesofIzalith Yes! Definitely go on a date with your new iron. it will up your confidence no end unless he's a complete arse of course Such a shame about the different between 'online Quirky' and 'real Quirky' but that's the problem with online dating; it only becomes 'real' when you meet.

Little your bloke sounds lovely. I love the idea of you both grinning at each other - a sure sign things are going well.

TheBigRedCar laughing at "I really want to shag him." Good luck later tell us if you shag him!

Starskey Good luck with your date tonight and sod the pof guy.

Can we have a poll about what expectations are in relation to communication (whether by text or phone) when you're dating someone? I'm happy to go a couple of days with no contact but more than that, I feel is a bit cold. Is it me? I couldn't be doing with someone who texted me shit every day.

Omg how does this thread move so fast?! I have THE worst memory so I really sorry for forgetting names..

The wraps sound..odd?! The sex is from my point of view a little odd?! Aside from that would you be happy to see him again?

For those of you having DTD I'm very envious!

Lol at the gardening bits!!

For the man who said he'd bought a toothbrush..sweet!!

My date update..simply put..I felt sick as a dog..the pub id suggested that's normally dead was rammed..I nearly backed out but was fine as soon as I saw him! Chatty..funny..very nice bloke..nicest car I've seen (I'm a real car girl!) stayed chatting for over 4 hours! He gave me a guided tour of his car after!! Then the awkward leaving part. I just hugged him & said 'message me'..what do the rest of you do for future ref?! His reply of 'oh I will be doing but I'll text you not through the site if ok?' And..nothing! BUT all I wanted was to reply to the man who I've been messaging and find hilarious! My phone had been going loopy and I got home at nearly midnight to masses of messages!

All my men I'm chatting to have messaged me again..the slow one has decided he'd like to see me Friday? Really not sure?!

The funny ones messages me a few times this morning..wish he'd properly arrange this date with me!

Hey neatfreak I know what you mean about saying goodbye - when you've had a really lovely time and want to see them again, it just seems really...I'd don't know, cold, to just hug and go!

Mr Toothbrush is my date - he is super sweet! My last ex is hugely self-centered and manipulative so it's all a bit of a shock to the system.

Mr Toothbrush has invited me round for 'tea' on Friday after a sporting thing we both do together. I'm already panicking about seeing him 'in public' for the first time with people we know - we are very much not public knowledge!!

Robot he sounds great! I'm sure he's happy for you both to be seen..are you worried about how to act around everyone?

I'm not fussed about seeing him again tbh. Although a lovely guy & we had a great time I just found going awkward.

Can't remember if I named my other one! We will call him AD for ease! I really want a date with him but am still waiting!!

Ooh, neatfreak that sounds promising. I'm still awkward about what to say/do at the end of the date. And I've been on quite a few in the last couple of years! If nothing has been mentioned about meeting again by the end of the date, I usually mumble something like 'well, it's been a good night', hasn't it?' even if it wasn't that great and wait to see what they say.

I have just sent the Text of Doom to Quirky. I feel mean, but it's not just the sex or the wraps it's other things as well. He was texting away happily this morning and told me he loves redheads (I'm one) and then said 'my last girlfriend was a redhead, she was really hot!'
Why do men do that? I don't need to know how hot she was or what I'd have to measure up to. Couple of other inappropriate/unthinking things on sunday too that I didn't bother to mention here, and I just thought 'thats it, I have to call it a day'.
I have done it in the nicest, kindest way I could, and hes just gone silent. Ah well. That's what dates are for, to find out if you click.
Lesson learned (for me at least) from this...be more assertive. I should have said I wanted to go out for lunch as arranged, not allow myself to be pushed into having him over here.

I have not heard any more from the guy who wanted to meet for coffee tomorrow since late last night, but he did say yesterday he was in work all night until today, then off till saturday, so I presume shift work. I have told him something about myself that I have to tell anyone I might meet up with...don't want to out myself but I have a slight disability that I don't mention in OLD profile or photos due to insulting messages from weirdos... and sometimes it puts men off and they just go silent.

It's an awkward situation, judging when to mention it, but to be fair most men don't mind. I could just turn up to dates without saying anything, but I don't feel that would be fair on them.

I want a Mr Toothbrush or a Planeman, too!

And, no, we havent forgotten about you, single....I am awaiting eagerly more earthy passionate descriptions of how you feel with Audiman, I love them! And I don't mean in a pervy way, I just love the way you write things like 'that fantastic man-smell' etc.

Single id say it depends who you're talking to. Me and mr tall usually talk at least once a day even if it's brief so I would find it odd I guess if that changed. I quite like that but if someone else wasn't as talkative I wouldn't really find that odd if that was just the way they were and always had been.

Neatfreak I usually ask him to text me to let me know he gets home safe, firstly because I'm a worrier and I do it to friends as well...secondly I think it saves a lot of the awkward do I text or not the next day if you've already spoken. That seems to crush the awkwardness for me!! Ooh you sound like you've got a few positive sounding irons... Good on you!!

Witches well done on breaking the news to quirky... Can't have been easy but at least you did the right thing and told him rather than ghosting him and leaving him wondering what went wrong!!

Well tonight I'm going for a 5 mile walk with FrenchChef so will update after (may drag him back to mine depending on how it goes).

I so empathise with those wondering how to end a date - at the end of our first date I SHOOK HANDS with him (went into professional business meeting mode). No snogs till date 3.

Glastoman has gone quiet - don't know if he's still recovering, or met someone there, or what. As FrenchChef is, so far, my only internet date, I want to have at least a couple of coffees with some others, just for comparison purposes, and Glastoman was by far the best contender so far. Ah well I shall not chase him.

Witches sounds like you are well out of that one. Sometimes it is good to decide not to see someone again for the sheer empowerment of it - it is YOUR choice, not anyone else's. You are picking what suits -you- .

Witches thanks! I did say 'hey I've had a really good night, it's been fun' I meant it too! He said the same back but?? He was very nice but not someone who I'm gutted over not hearing from today so?!
I want AD to ask me out aaaah! How many have you had fab messages and then their nothing like it in real life?! That's going to be the case isn't it..if I get that far!! The only thing from a lot off messages back and forth that I didn't like was when we were having trouble replying to each other on the actual site and he mentioned it being annoying writing replys and them going? Am o bad to be sad thinking he's getting on as well as we seem to?!

I think you did right re your text..gut instinct is normally right so you've made the right decision but it is hard.

Carrot yes I thought he might but nope?! Maybe I'm
Just too old fashioned!!

Little wooly enjoy your walk later! Keep us updated!

Hi all,

Neat - my ex had the same initials and is OLDating
Woolly - I think a long walk is an awesome idea for a date - lots of chances to chat and snog in bushes
Witches - think Quirky was too Quirky? The wraps in Tupperware just sounded erm, odd!!

I also never know what to do at the end of a date, which has inadvertently led to me agreeing to another one when I don't want one, just to be polite. I find it easiest to say we'll discuss later how we thought it went (by text!)

Anyone else have irons that they're not really that bothered about?? What do you do? Just stop replying?

Had my date and I'm feeling really confused, he was lovely we have so much in common and he's artistic, clever and intellectually right up my street. But I'm not sure I fancy him in real life! We dtd and it was nice but I wasn't really turned on. I do wish we'd gone out now and took it slower so I could get to know him better cos he is probably one of the nicest and most honest people I've met in a long time, I really want to fancy him but not sure I will though, Argh.

How shallow do I sound? But you do need that spark don't you, can't tell yet if it's a grower or not.

Lol at ending the date with a handshake! That's the kiss of death I suppose!

I had a date on Friday night and I liked the guy although possibly he was a little bit negative.......... but we had a good conversation about dating and loneliness and being single in a coupled up world, so our conversation was kind of enjoyable and reassuring, especially because it was from a man's side of the fence. Good to know that they feel loneliness too sometimes, that it's not just women chasing after men all the time. he is looking for something too. But he wasn't at all flirtatious. I think if he'd given me any small indication that he found me attractive I might have flirted back because he was attractive! but I just leapt out of his car with a formal thankyou and good bye, and I liked him
Saturday's was much better. I think we had a 'personality chemistry'. I clicked massively with him. I'm trying not to be shallow now. he was a bit overweight but not massively. I've not met anybody I get on with like that for ages. Seeing him next Saturday. when I was in his company I felt happy, entertained, desired respected................. I want to see him again. There's none of the anxiety I felt with H.

I love that you shook hands at the end of a date littlewoolly!

Oh yay on breaking your celibacy bigredcar I'm sorry it was a bit meh.

I know what you mean about not fancying him even though he seems a perfect match on paper. If only we could give those bits of us a talking to and switch the chemistry on!

I wonder if I'd have felt more chemistry if I'd gone more slowly though. I think I rushed in and he threw himself at me when I arrived! I will see him again in a different setting and see what I think. He was just physically not quite what I was expecting and I'd got myself in a lustful frenzy. He really was so nice though.

Woolly - a handshake 😂 that's amazing! Good luck with French chef tonight!!

Bigredcar - I personally think if there's a spark and you like someone you fancy the pants off them even if they're not generally attractive... In my experience if there's no spark I wouldn't fancy them even if they were the most good looking guy on earth! So no you're not being shallow at all... If it's not there it's not there, sorry breaking the celibacy wasn't so great for you