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Relationships

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We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

1003 replies

tanyadm · 06/06/2016 22:38

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP
OP posts:
TheWitchesofIzalith · 26/06/2016 00:18

singleandfab yes, that was what i was afraid of, that a sofa date would turn into a sofa relationship! I'm not high maintenance at all, but I'd like to be taken out a bit!
However, he did kind of sound rather nervous about suggesting it, and mentioned something about it being cheaper... I suspect maybe he doesn't have much money because his arty commission-based stuff doesn't bring in regular income, and i don't think his interior design work does either. Which doesn't bother me, I don't care about his income. And he did offer to bring wine, and food, and romantic music...which sounds quite nice really. Plus, I admit i'd inadvertently encouraged any ideas of bedroom antics by indulging in very flirty/suggestive texting throughout the morning, which he instigated! Ahem! Blush
So, I rang back and suggestedt I go to his instead and bring the wine (nosy as to why he wants to come HERE), Turns out his mother lives with him! Poor chap was very apologetic about it, kept saying 'Is that ok, I'm sorry' and I'm going 'no, not at all, it's fine' whilst imagining endless sofa dates and always at my house. I sensed he felt very awkward on the phone so I just said breezily, 'Ok, see you tomorrow' and ended the convo.

I started doing the paranoid thing then...is he only looking for someone to visit for sex, etc? But then had a lovely text saying 'To explain a bit further, my mum is not that good socially in general. But I would like you to come over in the future. And soon, of course! She's very withdrawn and I'd like us to get to know each other on our own terms and in our own context. hope you understand xx'
Aww....I thought that was rather sweet, and I think he's being sincere. I replied that of course I understood and it was fine etc, etc, and he replied 'thank you for your lovely kind words and your understanding.You do me the honour of having me as your guest, so looking forward to seeing you tomorrow'...bless. Now I've gone all soft and girly about him again. I'm so fickle!

singleandfabulous · 26/06/2016 00:43

Aw TheWitches given the circumstances, plus, the way he handled it I think he's a keeper. So we're both in the dame boat dating men who dont earn much and live with their mothers but who we want to flirt with and shag on our sofas!

Im doing exactly the same with Audidriver. I like him so much i dont care what the curcumstances are and that really isnt like me at all. Im bessotted Grin and i think he knows it. Im fickle too and hoping i dont go off him as at the moment it's wonderful.

CarrotMuncher · 26/06/2016 00:53

Witches, sounds fair enough! Maybe it was the encouragement rather than being presumptuous. I hope it goes well :)

Urgh, I took your advice on board. Totally agreed with it. But I've had wine so I flippin went and text him anyway didn't I Angry I was quite smooth about it, he has a foreign tattoo and I asked what it meant and he said 'I only tell people when im drunk, if you asked me tomorrow wen I'm out I might tell you' .. So I text asking if he was drunk enough to tell me what it said yet!!

No reply, and he's posted a status on Facebook since despite ignoring it...So my paranoia is now x1000. ARRRRRRRRGH Sad

Thebigredcar · 26/06/2016 07:14

That does sound reasonable in the circumstances and a lovely reply thewitches.

I had a guy that I'd liked message me with a comment on my picture, so I replied with some comments on things in his profile and that we really had in common and he just replies 'great'. No following up the conversation. Do they really expect you to just have sex chat with no attempt at a proper conversation? His profile didn't read as that type!

Thebigredcar · 26/06/2016 07:19

Carrot all the second guessing is stressful, I think sometimes you just have to hide your phone, take some deep breathes and think what is meant to be will be and try and immerse yourself in something else.

CarrotMuncher · 26/06/2016 09:33

Ok, I woke up to a text at 4am... Albeit rather short and the spelling being all over place but hey, I got one so I can chill out now!! This is why I hate dating!

Big Redcar I hate it when people act all keen and then you reply and they act like you're a burden and they're trying to stop the conversation. I used to have a guy who would always message me saying hi how are you etc, and then as soon as I'd reply it was like getting blood out of a stone. Why start it up if you don't want to talk?!!!

Neatfreak38 · 26/06/2016 10:16

Omg I can't keep up on here!
Witches I read your posts as very sweet and think he sounds lovely!
Carrot I'm the same & hate when you know they've done other things online. It's hard work. I was chatting to my 3 last night..

Man with kids v slow..like pulling teeth..have decided that 'if' anything was long term it wouldn't work. It all got a bit heated last night and he suggested I met him..it was past midnight?? All v odd. Supposed to be meeting today but no fixed plans so I'll get out of it.
My funny man who I click with is hilarious..imagine my shock when he calls me..again at midnight?!! My microphones not on anyway but o wouldn't have answered as my daughter was up & about! Really like his chat but he's not overly close. A possibility but has me actually lol..he's suggested we 'talk' today..Aaah!
My date man is chatty but not much convo..prob good as more to ask him when we meet! Out of them all he's probably the most suitable on paper but I'm not 100% sure what he looks like due to his photos not being that up to date but he's nice!
Still hating the seeing them online..yet I'm doing it!!

whatam1doing · 26/06/2016 18:04

Oh god planeman has been in constant touch wanting to come and make sure I'm ok. He lives over an hour away and is working till 9 next week ..we've just agreed he's coming here tomorrow night after work ...need to explain that to the kids 17 & 14!!

He's said he's happy to drive home but I know I won't want him to...does that make me bad...but really not sure about dtd for the first time when the kids are around! Even thinking about dtd on 2nd date seems wrong but after the other week feels like the natural next step ..the Sparks last week were so strong it was difficult to keep our hands off each other.

Am tempted to book a nearby hotel room ...help !!! Give me perspective ladies

singleandfabulous · 26/06/2016 18:30

Wow What thats great! I think you simply play it by ear. re the hotel, yes thats what i tried to do with Audidriver but life got in the way sadly. such a shame. Good luck, he sounds great!

Audidriver has his son this weekend so said he'd come and see me 'soon' so Im guessing Tues/Wed. I plan on blowing his socks off this time. God, Im obsessed. It's great! Grin

motheroreily · 26/06/2016 18:50

Can I join? What are the rules?

whatam1doing · 26/06/2016 18:51

Oh single I've done it I've booked the hotel!!! I'll work out what to tell the kids later. I m now panicking coz it's been 4 years and suddenly I'm dtd on a second date ..the catholic in me is saying 50 Hail Marys Over and over.

My sensible head keeps saying what if he's playing me..am I emotionally vulnerable coz of mum what if he dumps me straight after ... But my body (v specific bits ) say what the feck he's hot and you both fancy the arse of each other have fun !!

Help

Thebigredcar · 26/06/2016 19:33

Oo I've been properly woo-ed today! I hope he comes across as well in person as he's coming across on text and phone. Keep finding out more and more we have in common. Nice balance of flirting and proper chat too.

singleandfabulous · 26/06/2016 20:19

whatam1doing

I'm very excited on your behalf Grin How fantastic. Dont worry, it'll be amazing. I was full of doubts before me & Audidriver did the deed but my anatomy won. God, the weight of a gorgeous man on top of me was unbelievable, plus all the other delicious aspects of sex Id forgotten about such as the heat, the stubble rash, that fantastic 'man' smell, warm hard body, taste of skin, someone touching me, erm ... his obvious excitement! Ha ha, you'll be fine. I was raised a catholic too so know about the sin & guilt (which lets face it, makes it all the more exciting. Grin
Just enjoy it, take it slowly. make sure there's alcohol and a bit of music. I always take a travel candle with me too incase the bedside lamps are like Blackpool illuminations!

Keep us up to date.

singleandfabulous · 26/06/2016 20:22

TheBigRedCar sounds fantastic! How lovely to be wooed. It's great when you get a clever AND flirtatious iron. When are you meeting him?

whatam1doing · 26/06/2016 20:27

Oh single that's what I realised last week when we were out he was so fecking hot and I couldn't get enough of him even in the pub. Currently in the bath pruning the garden had been let grow a bit wild due to under /lack of use !! Not sure what the current trend is so back to what I've done in the past underneath all gone and sides tidied hope that's appropriate?

Told kids I was gonna be out with a friend a probably wouldn't come home. Haven't told them I'm only the end of the road ...gulp hand holding will be required.

Thebigredcar · 26/06/2016 22:55

Whatam it's very exciting it will be great I'm sure. Spent all evening chatting with him, he's so easy to talk to I'm feeling really nervous now as I'm really starting to like him now! Argh that's when it gets scary when I start to care! He's just sent me a lovely text cos I had to get off the phone as ds woke and I've gone all wibbly

Neatfreak38 · 26/06/2016 23:22

Loving this thread..what am I doing lol at your garden!!
Glad everyone's getting on well!

...date tomoz..looking forward to it but one I've been talking to since day 1 has asked to see me this week too..I REALLY click with him! He's funny..attentive..attractive..great!! So looking forward to seeing him so hope he doesn't cancel! I'm still going on planned date though.

Thebigredcar · 26/06/2016 23:48

Good luck tomorrow neatfreak hope it goes well! I am laughing at your garden too whatam but have had similar worries!

CarrotMuncher · 27/06/2016 00:25

Eek whatam1 about plane man! How exciting!! Re lady garden id say as long as it's tame you're fine!!

Aww glad to hear you've found a nice guy bigredcar... I know what you mean about caring, I am totally flipping out at the moment because I hate liking people and I really like this guy and it is making me feel very vulnerable!!

Good luck tomorrow neatfreak!

I go away for 5 days tomorrow so no date action for me this week!

Thebigredcar · 27/06/2016 06:51

It turns out my guy is very good friends with people I know through a circle to do with my ds. I also have all the details of his business, am I insane to consider having a first date at his flat? I think I know enough about him and he just seems utterly transparent that I feel safe but am I kidding myself, just need a reality check?

Thebigredcar · 27/06/2016 06:53

Meant to say also it will be a daytime date and I know how it is likely to end in that environment and I will admit I'm up for that Blush

whatam1doing · 27/06/2016 06:58

If you feel you know him then make sure you tell someone where you are going and have a check in time back with them. If you've an iPhone put find my phone on or on FB I have nearby friends and so does my best mate so she can keep an eye on me

Thebigredcar · 27/06/2016 07:06

That's a a great idea, my dsis will have phone number and address too.

singleandfabulous · 27/06/2016 10:43

Whatam1doing laughing at your lady garden dilemma! I was the same. When it came down to it though, I doubt he'd have noticed if I'd dyed it green such was his enthusiasm to 'get on with the job, if you know what I mean.' Grin

I think men are just happy to have a naked, willing woman in front of them!

So many dates on this thread it's hard to keep up.

Neatfreak Good luck and report back with all the gossip

TheBigRedCar that sounds great - at least he's not a total stranger.

I am counting the days until I see Audidriver again. He's been keeping me warm by text all weekend in a flirty but not dirty way. Grin Just telling me how amazing our last get together was. Still no dick-pics but I can tell he wants to. I've done no work since I met him. None. Nada.

I'm completely smitten.

RoseRedHead · 27/06/2016 12:29

Just catching up with the thread. Wow there are some really successful dates happening here Grin

314 how did the second date go?

Well...I had my first successful OLD in so much as it actually happened!
He looked older and slighter in RL but he was lovely. He's not looking for a relationship and neither am I so after a few hours of chatting, hand holding and snogging in the sunshine in the park, I ended up back as his Blush
I'm glad to report that everything still works after my years of enforced abstinence. It wasn't mind blowing but it was good and I'm actually really glad I did. I had a wobble and he was so considerate and sincere about me not doing anything that I really wanted to do that I just relaxed and felt right going for it.

I don't know if we will ever bother hooking up again but I have broken my fast and now I know I can do casual and DTD isn't hovering scarily on the horizon .

Very liberating. I'm a lapsed Catholic too. Grin

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