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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

1003 replies

tanyadm · 06/06/2016 22:38

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP
OP posts:
Thebigredcar · 23/06/2016 19:15

Sorry missed your post the witches...this is it just got to go with your gut I guess

Thebigredcar · 23/06/2016 20:19

Hmm not sure not really asking any questions about me. But tbh I don't really want to share to much about my life as my life is pretty bloody complicated, I think I'd be happy just with sex at the moment myself Blush That's not bad is it if it's what I want is it too is it? I've been conditioned to think I must want a relationship, not just sex but I'm not entirely sure I do or not

Thebigredcar · 23/06/2016 21:57

Omg I've got a date...and I don't think he is just after one thing either after all! Eek I'm petrified!

paynomind · 23/06/2016 22:01

Hello, I've been lurking on this thread for a while but I've finally decided to join in.

I'm early 30's, never been married and I don't have any children. My three year relationship ended suddenly a couple of months ago and so I took the plunge and joined Tinder last week. Suddenly, I've got two dates arranged for next week; drinks with one and dinner with another (I can't think of nicknames for the guys at the moment!). For some reason I'm absolutely terrified at the prospect of going off to have dinner or drinks with some random man from a dating app. Somebody tell me it's going to be alright!

WontLetThoseRobotsDefeatMe · 23/06/2016 22:25

Hi all...I'm sneakily sneaking in to the thread...

So, I've met a man. In real life, through a sport we both officiate in. We've officiated together 3 times, spending about 10 hours a time together and there's been a spark every time. All very innocent but I found myself getting pretty excited by it!

He's worked away for a while and we went from friendly texting to flirty to full on sexting. (Yes ladies, with cock shots, but I like...in the circumstance)
We met - by a car breakdown coincidence - and he fixed my car at his house followed by some rather amazing sex. Like, best ever - not first time sex at all?!

We're having dinner on Saturday. I'm excited like a 16 year old and can't stop grinning!

However...he's a widower. I don't want to hurt him but don't want to look like I'm backing off...any ideas??

TheWitchesofIzalith · 24/06/2016 03:27

neatfreak sorry, I've done it again and replied to the wrong person!
It was singleandfabulous who wanted another go... And we know what that was in relation to, hehe!

TheWitchesofIzalith · 24/06/2016 03:33

Hello robots well, it sounds to me like you and the widower are getting on like a house on fire... What makes you think you're going to hurt him or look like you're backing off? Sorry, maybe I'm missing something in what you said, I'm just confused I think...you've had amazing sex, you're going for dinner, you like him, he makes you feel good... . Do you mean you're not sure what you want from him yet?

WontLetThoseRobotsDefeatMe · 24/06/2016 09:45

Ah yes, that wasn't very clear was it?!

I meant that I am super keen but don't want to be overly demanding of him. If things don't feel right I want him to know he can say that he wants things to slow a bit , and I won't run for the hills. But I don't want him to think I'm trying to get out of seeing him!

Overthinking much?!

misszp · 24/06/2016 10:01

Two days away and there are lots of messages!

I am reading them all, just I have lost track of who has said what! So yay to any successful dates, and boo to any hiccups for you all!

Spotty- enjoy it, but keep your feet on the ground... as I said in a previous post, actions speak much louder than words.

What - I may have missed any in between posts from the original (sorry), but having been through similar with my nan, it is horrid and my absolute sincerest thoughts are with you. RE your dating, I would perhaps give planeman a little benefit of the doubt on this occasion, but I wouldn't over invest, and I would pull back just a little until you have perhaps better gauged the sudden cooling/heating up again. I don't think it takes much to send a quick text if you like someone enough, and in my experience it has either been due to another woman, or the fact he is doing a fading ghosting act! I also do understand however that life does get in the way... I guess you just have to work out which type of texter a person is.

I have come to the conclusion that I am self sabotaging. I have met people through OLD, and not one I have felt a spark with. Yet I continue to try and see if 'something' will end up igniting, when I know it won't. That way I can walk away with my feelings still in tact. I think if it was the right person I would know, because I felt that buzz with YPT. Has anyone else ever done this, and how did you break the habit?!

whatam1doing · 24/06/2016 10:57

Well the dreaded phone call came at 1am. So glad mum is at peace.

And on the planeman score I have to say he has come up trumps. I texted him a good morning with a sad face and he phoned within minutes. As he knew what it meant he was lovely and offered to drive here tonight to keep me company!! He's texted a few times always offering support and hoping I'm ok. He can't be playing me can he. Most fellas would do a runner at this point surely ....

singleandfabulous · 24/06/2016 11:34

Whatam1doing Flowers I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Must be devastating. Planeman is a keeper.

singleandfabulous · 24/06/2016 11:42

WontLetThoseRobotsDefeatMe I'd take it slowly. Do you know what grieving stage he's at? It's a difficult one. I was approached by a widower earlier this year who lost his wife just before Christmas. I thought he needed AT LEAST a year on his own to fully process the loss so let him down gently. He didn't seem to think he needed time at all. I think men are more able than women (generally speaking) to move on in that respect though. I'd say take it steady. Sounds lovely though and Grin at cock-shots - I like them too (seem to be in a minority on here) if I've been introduced to the cock in question beforehand! otherwise, it's a bit like flashing at someone you've just met. I do find them very nice to look at though generally. Blush

singleandfabulous · 24/06/2016 11:44

TheWitchesofIzalith - Yes, desperate for another 'go' Grin
Think I may have been too assertive last time and frightened him. May leave it up to him to make a move next time if I can find my willpower!

whatam1doing · 24/06/2016 12:05

Thanks singleandfabulous have to say I was absolutely blown away by his immediate reaction. I'll come over will the kids mind? I thought he was cooling maybe he has just had as Shit a week as I've had.

WontLetThoseRobotsDefeatMe · 24/06/2016 12:26

what So sorry to hear about your mum. How lovely planeman sounds to be around right now.

Thanks singleandfabulous - she died at Christmas. It feels - to me- very very soon. Steady is the way to go. But I'm loving the butterflies!

RoseRedHead · 24/06/2016 12:47

whatam1doing I'm very sorry about your Mum. Flowers

Planeman sounds like a good one.

Neatfreak38 · 24/06/2016 13:02

Whatam1doing so sorry to hear about your mum..yes he sounds like a decent one! Good luck.
Like others have said I have the worst memory so don't know who to comment on..sorry.

So my 25yr old..he's really nice to chat to..but it always gets to sex chat..when I seem to engage in what he wants he goes to bed (or on pof!)..he's witty..seems to get my humour but I do think is only up for one thing..I've left it..usually get a good morning but nothing today. Not such a bad thing he's too young!

And this is where I'm Feeling crap. My 33yr old with kids..update for anyone know hasn't read my previous..got on v well with him chatting..no pic..asked for one..ended up getting his Facebook info..he looked nice from what k could see. Then chatting I asked for a whe face! Wasn't so sure but I do like him to chat to..last night chatting again and I ask for another..yep actually seems nice..why am I so shallow to expect a male model?! Anyway got chatting and have said all along the kids could be an issue as he never has any time to himself..he also comes across as..poss a bit needy but can't tell if it's actually him being sweet..not sure what to do!

CarrotMuncher · 24/06/2016 13:02

What - I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Glad she's at peace though and plane man really does sound like he's a keeper! No I can't imagine he would act like that if he was playing you.

So much to catch up on since I last checked the thread! I'm losing track but glad to hear there's some dates going on this weekend Grin

I have one tonight and I'm getting really stressed as I've promised to plan it and I hate planning stuff! He said he wants us to dress up nicely so I've gone out and got some new shoes etc and now DDs dad has just text me saying he is going out after work so will pick DD up in the morning, I said no because I've got plans so now I've been given the choice of drop her off wherever he is at half 6 (I'm going at 7) or get her all ready for bed and he will pick her up 'whenever'. Bloody brilliant!! So I'm probably going to end up going out looking hideous. Yaaaaaay.

Neatfreak38 · 24/06/2016 13:05

Sorry awful spelling in parts!

CarrotMuncher · 24/06/2016 13:05

Ooh toughy neat freak, what do you think? If he's needy it might get a bit complicated but it might be worth a go as well. I say go for it but then I always do Smile

Neatfreak38 · 24/06/2016 13:07

Good luck carrot muncher once you're out you can relax!

Neatfreak38 · 24/06/2016 13:12

Carrot muncher..they say go with your gut? I think because 25 came along it just blew me a bit..33 has a good job..own house..works hard but has the kids the time he isn't away working? Last night he said if he was 'seeing someone he would make it work' I can't really pin what it is I'm a bit unsure on..maybe this comment (see if you lot can decide for me! So I was babysitting last night and he asks what I'm up to today..working I reply..all day he asks..unfortunately I say and get a reply of 'aww I wanna cuddle'..I can't see him being 'odd' if that's the right way to put it?! Like I said good job..responsibilities..don't know..

CarrotMuncher · 24/06/2016 13:24

Hmm have you met him before? I'd say that would be the kind of thing you'd say after meeting. I wouldn't say it's a total deal breaker but i would probably be a bit like oooook! But if you like him maybe just give it a go and if he cranks up the neediness volume then you don't have to go again!

Neatfreak38 · 24/06/2016 13:38

No I haven't met him..he's a mutual friend of mine on Facebook although I can only see limited posts he seems a devoted dad which is a really good thing. I don't speak to said friend enough to ask about him!
Aaah it's a hard one..yes not a deal breaker but a bit??! ..will see if he's chatty tonight & go from there..what do all you ladies tend to talk about? I feel we've covered loads..what happens if we meet!!

Neatfreak38 · 24/06/2016 13:40

I meant he's got a mutual friend of mine!

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