We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Oh, I missed out rose, a date, yay how exciting!
try not to get too nervous, easier said than done i know. When is it?
I'm a casual type too, live in jeans but can scrub up well with a dress and heels when necessary. Picnic is casual and relaxed, lovely idea...so I'd go with whatever you feel comfortable in, whether that's jeans or a maxi skirt..if YOU feel comfortable, you'll be more relaxed and that's much more conducive to a good date.

Oh, I'm sorry prizey, I'm terrible at keeping up with who said what

Well, I just joined POF last weekend (where I have met Quirky), my other website is called singlewithkids.co.uk, BUT the thing I don't like about it is that it is run by some huge mother company that runs hundreds of dating websites, and in the T&C's (which lets face it not many people read) it says they have the right to put my profile on ANY of their dating sites! So i get messages from people on all sorts of sites, and I'm not happy about it really. I want to KNOW exactly where my profile is being shown, so I'm not renewing when my subscription runs out.

Prizey I have just used tinder, I've not ventured into any others! It seems to be the easiest.

Witches he hasn't necessarily said no relationship. He sent me a text out of the blue after making suggestions of another date that he couldn't see me again. I asked why and then he told me, I said I liked him and still wanted to keep seeing him so we've just carried on!

Think I may knock the hotel idea on the head anyway because we wouldn't be free until 7 so it seems like a bit of a waste. Not sure what to do now, he has said he would really like to just watch a film and sit in with me, then hinted at me going to him but said his mum will get all 'mushy' ... I said if he wants I will brave that or if he'd prefer he can come here and brave mine! He just said we can decide Friday. I need a back up plan in case he says lets just go out though!!

Hi Carrot I understand now. I'm still dying to know what the 'problem' is though, bet you are too!
It's hard when neither of you have your own space at home, I remember the cringeing way my mum used to make a big point of 'going to watch tv in the front room' whenever I brought my boyfriend (now ex husband) home...she NEVER watched tv in the front room normally!
What do YOU fancy doing on Friday? Staying in and braving the family, or just go out again?

And is Tinder any good outside of London, and for us older ladies? I always thought it was for twenty-somethings looking for hook-ups, but clearly I am wrong from the experiences on this thread.
I thought OKCupid was good considering it's free. When I tried it there seemed to be a lot more interesting, intelligent guys than knuckle-draggers and I never got rude messages. I might give it another go.

Gosh so many replies..can't keep up!
Carrot I'm unsure..there's something telling me no. I had the cock shot last night..I don't actually see him as a sleaze like some though. I nearly choked on my drink..to say he's too good to be true is..well! Anyway I asked him to meet me..it kind of fell into the convo and he said he was busy one of the nights he'd suggested but ok for Sunday..thing is I'm terrified..pretty sure he's only out for one thing and he's been honest saying he doesn't know what he wants but?? I've gone and messaged him today (as do they always have to make the first move?!) and he's replied quickly BUT was on pof last night when he told me was off to sleep..I hate the stalking factor!!
I'm intrigued carrot what it is too?!

Neatfreak38 i take it it was an impressive cockshot then!

They all seem very keen to show us what theyve got dont they.

Lol..amazing body..and yes Erm..just yes!!!
Yes I don't know why they think it will change our outlook but?!

I am dying to know what it is! Although I think my suspicions of the ever famous skin condition are correct. I feel like he must know I've assumed that and that's why he's not said what it is? If it was something better then surely he would have wanted to tell me. I don't want to pry really, might have to wait for him to bring it up!

Witches - my parents are the same... And it's always 'ooooooh' and 21 questions if I tell them I'm going on a date, it's exhausting! I'm in Greater Manchester and tinder is quite popular here, but I am also a 20 something so not sure whether that's why, but you can select what age range you're interested in so it may be worth a go?

argh neatfreak I'm a mega stalker too! I hate the urge to do it but I can never help it. Arghhhhh! As for Sunday I'm sure you'll be fine. Not knowing what he wants may mean he wants more but doesn't want to seem to forward? When I've been asked that before I've said things like 'havent decided' etc... Go with your gut, if you want to go, go 😊

Ah Neatfreek you lucky thing!

carrott i bet you wish he'd just say it dont you instead of making a song and dance of things.

Well, AudiMan has been in touch by text to thank me for a wonderful evening and general chit chat so i can heave a sigh of telief that i havent been dumped or ghosted yet. Always a worry the day after.

Is it wrong that Im really dying for another go to see if it's better this time? god it's all so nerve wracking. I live in the sticks so lovely men dont cross my path very often.

Hello everyone. I've been lurking a long while and taking in all the advice you have to give! Thanks

Sorry though that some of you are having a tough time and that there are still so many weirdos about.

I'm newly single after a 20yr relationship/marriage to a controlling STBXH. Have dipped my toe in the water a little bit with a RL Iron (see I've even picked up your lingo) who I've known for 23 years- we've bumped into each other 4 or 5 times during that period and there has always been a spark but we've both been in relationships so it was never anything more. We've been exchanging fun, flirty texts over the last month or so and a couple of weekends met up at a very good mutual friends house at a bbq. (She didn't know we've been in touch though. Not ready for people to ask me questions about my dating situation, even my best friend!) Had a really lovely snog and a bit more after everyone else had gone to bed. Our situations are similar in that we're both coming out of marriages with domineering people- I trust him on this and have the added bonus of my friend having told me bits about it without knowing we were in touch- and both know that a relationship at the moment is not sensible. Bad timing.

But omg it's so much fun. But agony at the same time :( We both have children and his childcare division is based on his stbx’s shifts whereas mine is more fixed so there is very little opportunity to see each other. Which is probably a good thing until we are both actually single. So although he’s a definite, actual, proper RL iron that could go somewhere, it’s a case of wrong place wrong time. Hope that we can revisit it when timing is better for both of us.

So I’ve thought about other distractions. Am chatting to someone who seems nice on POF, I joined this week. No pics uploaded because I’m a bit wary of security after your stories! And have practiced flirting a bit with someone at work (think I’ve forgotten how to do it though so no idea if that will lead anywhere). My confidence is a bit battered so these are monster steps for me.

Thanks for all your wise counsel over the previous couple of threads and sorry for braindumping into a mahoosive post!

Wow I'm loving reading all your experiences! Great to hear people are enjoying it after a long period of singledom and celibacy. I've been single and celibate for 5 yrs eek. How soon is it appropriate to suggest meeting , I'd quite like to just get on and meet them and see how we get on but only been messaging for a day?

Hi All I posted a few weeks ago and was really hoping man in RL was single. I'd had so many small signs (from Jan up until this Friday just gone) but I had thought he was giving someone else a lift home at one point. I convinced myself that they were just friends, but I've just found out that he is definitely seeing her. He wasn't at the end of 2015 so since I've been single he was flirting with both of us. Big learning curve for me to follow the number 1 rule here and toughen up.

I just feel so though. It doesn't help that I came off antidepressants about two weeks ago (slowed the dose first but now feel very light-headed).

Just want to go home and bawl but have to take my DD to an event and smile arghhh!

How do I harden up?

Spotty and single - both situations sounds great and exciting !!

Re sites I am on OK Cupid , tinder and pof. I think OK Cupid is best for volume and more meaningful messages but tinder is good as filters out the complete uglies and if they have written something strange/ undesirable or linked their Instagram also can filter out. Pof is really hit and miss in my experience.

Can I ask how long you message an iron after meeting up before waiting for him to ask for another date or to see you again? If he doesn't bother then do you stop replying or do you confront and ask if he actually wants to see you again ?? Not sure which is best.

Aww lilac that's a shame..plenty more fish as they say! I'm Doubting mine..he's too young..good banter but? Also how many of you are chatting to people and then see them logged in still..I know it's going to happen and no ones exclusive but it's off to see and just batters trust..that I haven't got any of!

Hello to sicknspan, neatfreak and bigredcar...welcome :-)
lilac, sorry to hear about the RL man....it's hard not to get too over-invested even when there's not really that much to go on, but you'll feel better soon. He was not the right man for you, and you deserve better, try to keep that in mind :-)

On the 'still being logged in' thing when they say they are doing something else, I try very hard not to rush to the conclusion they are lying. I know for a fact my Iphone keeps me logged into POF for ages, unless I deliberately go to settings in the POF app and choose 'log out'...I really do think lots of people just don't bother logging in and out all the time.

Burgerandchips ha ha ... you have no idea. It's like being 16 again. I've lost half a stone in three weeks. Can't stop thinking about him and can't believe that I've actually got my hands on him finally after dreaming about him all month.

Lilac that's shit but at least you know.

Neat Yes, that would bother me too. I haven't ventured into OLD yet but think I should to take the edge off my obsession with Audi man.

bigredcar I don't think there's any hard and fast rule about how soon to suggest meeting. Quirky, who I'm meeting tomorrow, started chatting to me on Saturday and asked me on Tuesday. I've chatted to others in the past who seem happy to go for weeks without mentioning meeting. Six weeks was the worst, that was my very first date from OLD, and I learned not to wait that long again.
Thing is, you could chat for a day or a year and STILL not know if there's any chemistry between you until you meet. Now I tend to go with whatever feels right with the particular guy I'm chatting to. If they mention meeting first and I'm feeling positive about them I'll go with it.
I'm not keen on being asked to meet within just a couple of messages though, that's not quite enough for me. I'd say just chat, and go with your gut instincts and take your cues from them :-)

at neatfreak 'wanting another go!!
Nothing wrong with that at all, I'd be the same.

Witches I'm only on Tinder (+ I am really in the sticks!)

Bigred first chat with FrenchstickImeanFrenchchef on a Fri, req for date from him sat, coffee date sun. Mind blown following Fri! Epic txt flirting today too.

But other iron chatting since sat + no meeting yet, so I think whatever you are comfortable with timewise.

The witches..I can't think where I put that or what it was in ref too?! This is the prob I forget very easily and keep having to check their profiles..I look like a stalker!!

Thanks littlewoolly I'm gonna see how the chat goes tonight and see if it feels right to suggest it. I'm really restricted on meet up time as I'm free when ds is at school but can't go out in the eve or wkend at the moment.

The guy I'm chatting with is a self employed photographer though so has different work hours so it could work to meet in the day. He sounds right up my street though, similar interests and chat has been very easy, and flirty.

I think at the moment I'm looking for a friends with benefits situation anyway. I want some fun with a man!

I'm trying to be like the legend waving. I have a date tomorrow night and a date Saturday night.

What do you do when you spot that somebody's lying, before you've met i mean. how big a lie would make you not show up if you like them. I mean mr saturday.

Well mums not any different bloody horrible to watch we put animals down for less in this country.
Anyway after you all telling me it was ok to keep irons chatting I've got 2 on the go from Match both seem nice and both live really local to me.

But whilst planeman has gone quiet he's never quite disappeared just been less texts until today had a morning one closely followed by a sorry been a shite week mates wife got cancer ... And a how's your mum.

He's then resumed texting like normal. Joking flirting talking about Saturday and asking when our next date is?? Confused ...do I believe him and just carry on. I'm tempted to do that as I did really like him and he didn't strike me as a player or a liar. But I could be wrong. But I fancy the arse off him and could do with dtd it's been a long time ...and he certainly reminded bits of me what they had been missing on Saturday afternoon!!

Neatfreak, one word: screenshots