We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

As horrible as it is, I think you have to assume they're dating other people until you have the "exclusivity" chat. Often people will have arranged dates before they met you, so you shouldn't assume they've met you but think they can find someone better!

Hi, old lady (late 50s)wanting some advice please. Bit of background - I have lived on my own for nearly 20 years after a disastrous marriage, had a long distance relationship since then and a few 'friends',

Had tried OLD but decided that it wasn't for me after meeting some really strange people. I ignored all the messages that didn't say anything (one word and text speak) but got a nice message a couple of weeks ago that deserved an answer as it was a proper message.
After batting backwards and forwards for a few days we met up and seemed to get on OK - he has made it clear that if he is to have a relationship that he expects sex to be involved - and I am quite happy with that normally.

Went to his house on Sunday, only for a coffee and an hour, it was my birthday yesterday and he bought me flowers, gave me the tour of the house - tried to hug me in the bedroom but I just patted his hands and walked off. Made it very clear that I have no intention of jumping into bed with him (dont know why I have had ONS in the past so its not as if I am averse to it).

He phoned my to sing Happy Birthday first thing in the morning.

My problem is - I am comfortable with him, but I just cant imagine ever kissing him or going to bed with him.
Think its worse because we live about 20 miles apart and cant even go out for a drink (alcohol) as we would have to stay over and that is far too committed for me. It's never going to happen naturally.

I drove away from his house on Sunday happy with myself and thinking that I do like him, but the more I think about it the more I can't imagine it going any further.
Or am I running a bit scared because I have been on my own for such a long time.

*calculated - not committed (about staying over)

Finally have a date amigas, not with a mad tinder guy but with a mad spanish guy. He told me he is really excited to meet up. Ah! looking forward to it... no expectations really. Just that he's worth a night out/babysitter!

burgerandchips I have chatted to about 15 people this last week (only because I was 'new' (back again) on pof and the only one that's finishing up with a date (so far) is the man I messaged. I liked the look of him, not his 'attractiveness' just the way he took a selfie, he looked kind of guileless, transparent, goofy, fun, authentic.........or something.

Morning all. I am walking on air. He's saying all the right things. He wants a relationship and he wants me.

He's only 6 months out of a long term relationship. He said it was dead in the am water many years ago. They even tried relate but that they just didn't love each other any more. And that he is ready to love again and it's me he wants. He's taken himself off the dating app.

This seems too good to be true. What if he's just a player? How the fuck can you tell?

spotty just be careful. I had one of those back in April I called him boatman on here. The old adage if it seems to good to be true it probably is too good to be true springs to mind.

Keep your feet firmly on the floor and remember you're a prize and he needs to prove he is worthy of you.

And if God forbid it all goes wrong ...we'll all be hear to pick the pieces up.

I'm really trying to keep my feet on the floor but it's hard when I'm floating. Oh dear god help me. This hasn't happened to me in over 20 years I am like a stupid teenager.

So glad you lot are here for advice and possible hand holding in the future. Sorry it's been all about me but my god I couldn't sleep last night with the excited feeling in my tummy. Gaaaaah

What...so sorry about boatman. That must have been horrible. What is wrong with these men. Ugh.

Just be very very careful Spotty.
I was on here a few weeks ago gushing about my first ever amazing OLD.
So lovely and fun, picked me up to kiss me. Swoon swoon.
Few fantastic dates later and we've slept together and he's now rapidly cooling.
I've had to initiate texts last two days, not like him at all.
So I won't be texting again. Hard as that will be.
I'm hurt cause I was really falling for him.
It bloody stings.

But onwards I suppose.

Just be wary. Protect your heart. Xxx

Warrior - I'm going to have a look tonight and message if I see anyone. Im really sick of gnus flakeyness.

Spotty - your guy sounds good but I have also had this keenness in the beginning then I got chucked so take it easy on your end

One guy I like on tinder has now gone away for 2 weeks and didn't even ask for my number ?? So many time wasters.

I don't have a separate phone I think I need one but will deffo try using Bbmor kik

Can I also ask what do you ladies respond if you have only 2 messages with someone then ask if you are up for a drink! ?

Thanks everyone. Duly noted. x

Ceecee - that's tough... It's kind of up to you what you're comfortable with I guess but if you like him I'd maybe try and just go for it? It might feel a bit planned but hey!

Spotty - can you tell if he actually has removed the dating thing? I can't imagine a player would do that! It does sound like he's going very fast though. Some people can just be like that though, and get a bit ahead of themselves. It might burn out, he might be a player - but you'll never know if you don't give it a go. I know for me if I don't throw everything into something I sometimes still look back now and think what if... So that's just what I do now! Just try and stay grounded (easier said than done)

Starskey - sorry to hear that, I hate the 'phase out '. It's so crap!

Burgerandchips - Do you wanna go? For me I prefer to wait until I get a good idea of whether there's a connection before I go out with someone otherwise I worry it'll just be awkward... But I know most people disagree and prefer to just go and see if there's a connection on the date!

Arghh I've woken up a little bit floating on air.. Date with mr tall went really well... I like him a lot but I'm mega nervous that this is all going to end in tears. I dunno why because he also says he likes me etc and is doing all the right things but I guess I'm just nervous as when I usually like someone this much it tends to go pear shaped! Also something is bothering me - I'm fed up of living with my parents!! I live in quite a busy family house and he is staying with his mum... We are on date 6 now and have never been able to just sit on a sofa or something and chill... It's always in a bar or out somewhere or sitting in his flaming car like we are 16!! It's driving me bonkers. Anyone else live with their parents and get the frustration??

Love reading this thread!
So I got chatting to 2 men last night..both contacted me..man 1 had no photo..I clicked with him in terms of messaging..attentive am so retesting etc..but then I got the photo..I'm an awful person to say I just don't fancy him..lesson learnt..don't message till you've seen them..unless you don't care what they look like!

Man 2..lovely..chatty..could only see part of his face! No sleazy comments..ended up sending me a couple of proper photos..good god..gorgeous! BUT he's 12 years younger than me..opinions? How many of you would date a man that much younger?

I think he just uninstalled it from his phone (thats what I did - I didn't delete my profile) so I'm not sure really.

I totally get your angst - we both live with family so I am not sure how that is meant to pan out hotels

spotty go easy. Foot off the pedal and try to chill. Easier said than done.
starsky so sorry about the backing off thing....what is wrong with them?
what how are things?
carrot that's a difficult one. Sounds like all going well though and there's always hotels if you get to that stage?
314 good luck with date!!
Welcome all others......getting difficult to keep up with you all!!
So I have had a FWB offer, but I just don't know if it's me, never done it before, but tbh....I could do with some . I've seen pictures he's OK but I'm not sure if I fancy him, but I think the sex would be good. . I just don't know....has anyone done a FWB? I don't want him to come to my house and I'm not comfortable with going to his, so it's a kind of non starter. WWYD??

Can I ask everyone how they feel about c*ck-shots? The Audi driver wants to send me lots one but I've refused as we've not dtd yet and it would feel ... odd to see a random knob ahead of having 'met it' if you see what I mean.

is this the norm now? God, I'm out of touch. he is young and hot though

neatfreak that's happened to me before as well. The photo is always a disappointment I find if the 'banter' beforehand has been good. Having said that though, I don't think you can tell from just a photo. For me it's a combination of looks, body and personality leading to that fuzzy feeling.

cock shots...urgh...not for me. Even if I am seeing someone, thats not for me. But each to their own! Maybe I am a prude. But I'd put me right off someone.

Prizey - maybe meet him a few times and if you have the spark...hotel?? I've never had a FWB so can't advise.

Carrotmuncher that does sound frustrating to say the least six dates and you've not shagged?! I'd be tearing my hair out. Can you book a nice hotel?

He sounds lovely though. I love the tall ones too (even though I'm only 5'6") when I first had a clinch with my current man it was like a hugging a massive wall of hot hard muscle! I literally swooned! Men are great aren't they!

would booking a hotel room after seeing someone for almost 3 weeks be a bit too soon. An opportunity has come up for the week after next. What do you reckon??

Spotty see, I don't mind the odd one if I know the man in question and we've done the deed and it's a nice-looking one but not if I've not had the pleasure of seeing it in the flesh yet if you see what I mean. From what I've gathered through groping though, he is 'blessed' in that area so probably wants to show it off and increase the chance of me wanting to sleep with him.

I'm at the same stage as you by the sound of it - totally smitten and can't eat or sleep!

Oh god spotty go for it. That's plenty of time. If he turns out to be crap then you've not wasted months. The sexual tension must be unbearable by now!

the tension is unbearable, I want to jump his bones