We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Thanks Carrot. I do take people at face value and so far its done me well. But you do hear horrible stories.

Anyway, I am going to chill and enjoy. Its lovely and I am basking in the feeling.

What sending you my thoughts and thinking of you, what awful news. I don't think there are words to describe or even comfort such a situation, but stay strong.

Spotty - so very jealous of the flowers! I agree with your friends sentiment. Consistent actions are the only way to believe what comes out of someones mouth. Words show who someone wants (or pretends) to be, actions show you who they really are.

Sky - I think when there are valid reasons, it is better to bin than waste your time! Isnt it rubbish when you meet someone lovely, but there is just no... anything.

Single - Your post made me laugh too! Good luck with the stay over... And RE your nether regions, do what you feel is most comfortable. Personally I go for errr.. a small mowed lawn, rather than a forest :D

Carrot - good luck with tonight! loo update!

hi witches

I have a potential new iron after he gave me his number on Tinder (I have another iron - nicknamed Herring, but not sure I fully fancy him, even though we have been on a few dates). New one shares many mutual friends, so I know 'of' him and also he is who he says he is! Very close mutual friend said hes lovely, but needs to 'get a personality' because he has no opinion or much to say, and when you are someone who is outgoing and social, I do wonder if we will match... I guess the only way to find out is a date! Working on it as we speak...!

Can I ask you lot's opinion before I do this probably inadvisable thing please?

Indie Boy - We had arranged to meet for lunch a couple of weeks ago. I got a text from him saying he'd slept in so couldn't make it - I replied 'you snooze, you lose', and basically I never heard from him again . A week later I texted ' well, that was nice while it lasted, good luck and god speed' (crap I know). Still haven't heard from him ffs. Now, I don't want to go back to a flake, but I am intrigued why the ghosting happened.
Would I be crazy, in the interests of feedback, to ask him why? Just so I'd know - this kind of stuff drives me fucking NUTSO!

Sky - do not do it!!! He has given you his answer just by ghosting you. Save your own dignity at the potential of having no reply once again, and don't give him the ego boost by knowing you are STILL stewing over him. Just don't give him the satisfaction.

DO NOT DO IT!!! Step away from the phone!

well, that was unanimous!!! I just wondered if I could do it in a non-stalkery kinda way? He still comments on stuff on FB, so he hasn't properly vanished?

But, yeah, I know, its a stupid thing to do, the ghosting just boils my piss!!

Ghosting boils my piss too and I completely understand your reasons for wanting to text him. Just try your best not to!!

I once asked someone why they ghosted me, but I waited several weeks, by which time I was happily seeing someone else.

We'd never met but had chatted on line, and were trying to arrange a date, when he vanished.

A few weeks later I commented on something of his on Facebook, and he messaged me again, suggesting meeting up. I said I was seeing someone else now, and had assumed he was too, hence the ghosting. He said he wasn't, so I asked him outright why he'd disappeared. He said he'd thought about it and decided we were both too busy and lived too far apart, and therefore it was never going to happen. Fair point, but it would have been nice to have been involved in this decision, or at least informed!

Funnily enough, although we've still not met, we chat a lot on line now, and it's all very nice and friendly. I'm still seeing the other man, and I'd like to think that ghoster regrets missing his chance....!!

Urgh I hate ghosters Sky!!

Wouldn't the dating world be so much easier if everyone had to tell the truth?! You wouldn't need to get paranoid, and you'd always know what happened!!

I wouldn't do it again. Only because you've kind of already done it. If maybe the last message had been you snooze you lose I'd say what have you got to lose but seeing as he didn't reply to the last one he is unlikely to reply again, and I think that would make you feel 10x worse!! But I totally get where you're coming from. I always feel like things would feel better if I just knew 'why'

sky I wouldn't text him now, but in a few weeks when you've hopefully started dating other people and genuinely don't care about him, you could ask him then, out of curiosity. Be prepared to never get a straight answer though!

Thought I'd just say hi..just noticed this thread!
Haven't read it all but flicked through..good luck to those delving in..like me! and well done to those of you who are doing well!

I left my ex..complicated and a mess but moving on he was on ways my perfect match, just too many issues elsewhere. I then had a bit of fling with a man who I fear no one will ever livr up to..funny, clever rich amazing body and good looking..sigh!

So I basically signed up..bit unknown how but I am now on match and pof.
I have decided I am quite picky..I've contacted 2 blokes out of loads which shows I need to broaden my searching OR all the super fit ones are taken! I'm not shallow but do have certain requirements shall we say and don't see much point for settling for different.
I got chatting to 1 who I initiated chat with..nice but he's gone quiet. One who doesn't live near me but knows where I live well and he contacted me and sometimes visits and another close to me who hasn't yet put a pic on but I have good banter with..it's a minefield isn't it!
How many of you contact the man? I kind of think it's ok to but have always been chased as such so finding it a bit odd!

Thanks Spotty and Skyrabbit

Wow - flowers! How lovely!

Ha ha - no to the plucked chicken & 70's bush and yes to the 'topiary' then!

New man, let's call him Audi Driver, has said that he can't make our date as planned but can pop round tonight or tomorrow.

Now, I'm really disappointed as I wanted it to be special (not just a hump on the sofa) first time but I AM DESPERATE FOR A SHAG! dear god help me.

I'm going to need padlocked knickers aren't I.

Single - I think he has made his intentions perfectly clear even if he says otherwise. If you want more than a hump on the sofa... Put those padlocked knickers on and set your standards with him now! MH the hell out of your response text!

I've been trying to figure out what MH means...someone please enlighten me!

And I agree with Misszp, this is where you set the standard. If you're happy with it - go for it. If not, then rearrange for another time.

Also wondering what MH means!

Yep misszp I would say it does sound like he's made his intentions clear... I might be wrong but I would just tell him you'll wait until he can rearrange the original plans!!

I agree about intentions although I was never under the impression that it was going to be more than 'fun.' No idea what MH means but If he wants it badly enough he'll make the effort though surely.

MH is Matthew Hussey - a dating guru - a bit hard sell, but VERY easy on the eye

Sorry for the confusion! I was so use to the older thread as everyone used the initials!

Sky is right, I must say sometimes I just view the videos more than I listen :D

Single - if you are happy with just fun, then go for it, because that is what you want! :)

Single - agree with everyone else if you can deal with the hump and dump that may happen then see him.

Neat freak - I don't ever message first, I view men's profiles and feel like they have the chance to message if they want. Although on OK Cupid it says they have completed research that shows women get on better if they message first so may I should try ??

Someone has asked for my number but I'm not sure about him. I've had about 5 non starters that I've given my number to and then haven't met up. Should I say id rather arrange the date via app or ask to download Bbm? I feel like I will look like I've had bad experiences or speak to loads of men if I don't give my number out ?

Can I ask whether you mention dates with other irons? I.E. If someone asks to meet you on a Saturday but you already have a date arranged, are you truthful about what you are doing? Not sure if multi dating turns men off or makes them work harder. I'm just musing in the unlikely event this ever happened to me. My current iron has zero competition unfortunately

burger do you have a second phone for OLD? I think it's ok to give your number if you do. Otherwise you could move to KIK?
I think that so long as you are happy with the situation there is no right or wrong.

Rose I don't think I would. I don't know though as I am unlikely to be in that situation because I am so bloody crap at maintaining multiple irons!! But I think if someone said that to me I'd be a bit like 'erm... You could have just lied' so in that respect I probably wouldn't!

I wouldn't say I was going on a date, I would just say I was busy.

Thanks Carrot and Minty I think that you are both right. Not that I'm expecting it to be an issue any time soon.

I guess that is why my irons have always appeared to lead such busy lives though!

Oh blimey SkyRabbit Matthew Hussey is a fox! I am watching with the sound turned down!

Yes, I'm prepared for the dump but feel it's a shame as we got on so well (I felt). I'd really like a 'man friend' (sounds like a dog) but if they are in any way attractive then I tend to make my interest obvious

I'm going to try to find another iron though, just to take the edge off in case I do get dumped.

Ive been looking at Tinder but am horrified that it suggests mutual friends from contacts and raids your photo library.