We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

spotty behave yourself!! sounds awesome! Keep it cool even if you are bursting inside!

I had someone a few weeks ago who kept messaging me on facebook, someone I knew in RL from ages ago... He was very persistent and I never once replied because he was a bit odd back then (why I kept him on FB I don't know?) ...then he started messaging me demanding an explanation, demanding to know 'what happened' and why I didn't speak to him!! I had to block him. What is wrong with some people??

Aww spotty I get like that!! It's so difficult especially when you're trying to play it cool!! Hopefully it will all work out

spotty gawblessya... It's allowed (I was the worst of the worst with Twix and have had numerous meltdowns along the way). But then he is the Master of Understatement which hasnt made it easy.

Talk yourself down. On the hour. Every hour. It will only make a tiny bit of difference but you must try all the same.

Bless you

I'm trying to stay cool but I keep straying into pathetic soppy teenager mode. Mainly because he is too. He is saying the nicest things.and I am saying nice things back. Seems I can't play it cool. Help!

He seems genuine but there is that small voice in my head saying...don't get too excited it's bound to go wrong

Carrrot another weirdo - there's deffo something in the air. When are you seeing your chap again? Have you made plans?

Well not sure what's going on with planeman feel like he's pulling away ...typical .. I might be wrong I know he was working 13 hrs yesterday and he did message this morning to say he was knackered but that's all...which is unusual. Just been and suspended my pof account and he's changed his name on there and been on line in last 24 hours. God men pathetic or what

But bigger picture and life has taken over my Mums really ill and been told she's got hours or days left to live so I've deleted his texts (we didn't what's app so I don't know if he's seen them or not) and am not bothering. Got too much else to cope with.

Good luck all

Oh what, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Puts things into perspective. I hope you are okay (I realise that's a silly thing to say, of course you are not okay) xx

what I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. Forget about planeman he sounds like he's following the usual pattern....so bizarre the way they do this but they all seem to. Concentrate on your mum. I hope all is OK

Oh what there's really nothing I can say. That's so sad, you must be beside yourself.

Forget about planeman

Thinking of you.

what I'm so sorry about your mum. Make sure you take care of yourself too and sod Planeman - he is insignificant now xx

So sorry about your mum what...and the date with planeman sounded so positive, why do men do this?

Being new to the thread, can I just ask what an 'iron' is (iron in the fire, I presume?) and what is 'ghosting'?

well, after my mini vent about dating sites and men on them being shit, i did an about-turn and actually made a POF profile. I think I decided to do it just to see if I really can do the whole dating thing without getting over-invested and over-thinking it all the time.
I didn't have a great start...the first message I received was from a 53 year old who just said 'I'd luv to bang u' but I am guessing that is par for the course on free sites?
Another one asked if I had whatsapp, after we had messaged a few times and when I said yes but only for friends and family he disappeared. The cynic in me always assumes that if they ask about whatsapp, they are probably hoping for a sexy chat with free pics!
On a more promising note i am chatting to a chap who sent a very well written and interesting first message, he clearly had read my profile (i get so fed up of men that don't bother). He's funny, intelligent (has a Masters degree) artistic, polite and slightly quirky and whilst I've only seen a head and shoulders pic, it appears to be up to date and I think he's rather attractive. Also near my town, which is a bonus...I always seem to get messages from people miles away.
Also chatting to another on my original dating site who I like the look of and seems very nice, but not quite as engaging as Mr Quirky. But then I'm hardly Miss Dynamically Exciting, so not going to write him off too soon.

witches yes
irons in the fire, comes from not just chatting to one exclusively, so when the main one does a disappearing act (or ghosting, if you will) you have irons in the fire, a backup plan.

Ghosting is the all to familiar scenario when you are messaging a guy for a day or two or more and things are going well, you really start to think 'ooh maybe this is it!' Then out of the blue all communications are shut down, no messages whatsoever, as if he didn't exist. He has ghosted you. Never, ever send the.'?' or 'are you there' text or the like......delete his number and move on.
Mr Quirky sounds promising and so does your other iron. at 'I'd luv to bang u', so charming. I think that's fairly typical of pof. You can put a filter on so that you only accept messages from people sending more than a specific number of words.
Yes if they ask for WhatsApp too soon before any kind of getting to know you, in my experience they could well be after sexting. I'm really wary now of giving out my number and use Kik or BBM or Google hangouts which doesn't require you to divulge your phone number.

I know, i hate when they ask for your nymber before u have got their measure. I prefer to exchange numbers as/when arranging a date.
ive no date yet. Mr may be Married cant do Thurs so i asked Mr Mad Spanish man

what sorry about your mum.
Puts things in to perspective.

What, so sorry to hear about your mum

Handy, we have made arrangements for tonight! I decided i do quite like him so I'm going to see how things go... I've been a bit of a loser and done a bit of googling into what i think it may be (he said skin condition and that I can't do anything orally either - so you can probably come to the same conclusion as I have with that )... I don't know, will cross that bridge when it comes I guess.

Witches, 'id luv to bang you' that's really made me laugh. I don't get why some men think a woman's going to go 'wow, he would luv to bang me... This man is the one for me!!'

Can I join in?

Been seeing someone since the beginning of June and due to meet tomorrow night and stay over and dtd! I. AM. SO. NERVOUS. It's been YEARS.

I fancy the pants off him though and after a few groping sessions I get the impression that he'll be great in the sack and is ... erm ... very well put together ... but still - so nervous. He's a lot younger than me and I have a massive crush on him because he makes me feel all funny. I hardly ever feel keen to do the deed with men, as it's more a case of being friends with them, going out and then a natural progression to sex but he is smoking hot, fit and young and really ... eager

I find myself obsessing about him all day which really isn't like me. I've never been married, no kids so it's really not like me. He just makes me swoon by being nearby and even his voice makes my heart pound.

One question - what's the expected thing with your ahem ... nether regions these days? Bald, trimmed, full, what? see - obsessed!

welcome, singleand fab. Your post made me giggle! I often think about what to do with ... downstairs.

well, I've been in work less than an hour. I've just had a delivery of beautiful red roses from Mr Keen

I am walking on air

Oh fantastic spotty! How lovely! I'm jealous haha

Singleandfab hahaha that made me laugh too! I go the whole hog... It's uncomfortable otherwise haha but I know a few who just keep it 'tamed' I don't think there's a right/wrong!!

Also I think I need a nickname for my current one!! Hmmmmm

I think I shall go with mr tall since he is a foot taller than me

Welcome single ! and I think tamed is probably the safe bet rather than plucked chicken or full on 70s mane?
spotty wowser!! That's awesome!!

I've just binned off 3 blokes I was chatting to - 1 because he lives in Ireland/London most of the time, so what's the fucking point; 1 because he is lovely (met him for coffee) but just no spark at all, and the last one because he's 55 (I'm 44) and I just can't get my head around the age gap - I think he'd feel like my dad

Thank you all for the kind thoughts. Mum is still Holding on don't know how much longer for though.

You're right planeman is the least of my problems and not really in my thoughts. But then he texts this morning his usual morning how's you? I nearly didn't reply but just texted morning back to him. Not sure what's going on there but I did like him so will keep communication open if he messages me ...won't be messaging him though. If he's playing games he'll get bored!

My friend is warning to be be careful and wary. I get what shes saying completely but talk about pissing on my bonfire

Sky - well done on the binning. Why bother when you know its not right?

What - . And I guess why cut planeman off completely, I think you are doing the right thing, like you say if hes playing games he will soon get bored

my friend speaks absolute sense though. He could just like the chase and then fuck off. She said if hes still doing these romantic gestures in 3 months she will start to trust him (shes been burned before)

But he has told me his 'intentions' and he isn't after just sex, he wants a relationship and he would hope that relationship could be with me.

Could be a bunch of lies, but I WANT TO BELIEVE HIM!!

All you can do is take him on face value spotty, if we start trying to second guess every single person then we would go mad! So I'd say if he's given you no reason to believe he's lying then believe him until he does!

I do get her point like you say, but sometimes if you like someone you just have to go for it and hope for the best!!

What, that sounds like a sensible plan... Just see how things go and focus on what's more important now