We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Well if you like him and feel this isn't a deal breaker for you some viagra might be all you need. And there's other stuff other than PIV of course. Yes have a chat in person, see what the deal is. Don't worry too much could be something and nothing.

skyrabbit I know what you mean, I've had 2 coffee dates with a 40yr old, and it's all cycling. I try to sound interested but I'm just not. Actually he's a nice guy but I'm not feeling it, but can't seem to say so :( I know it's not fair on him.
I'm also making a complete fool of myself with a 25yr old (I'm 39) it's basically going nowhere but I do fancy him lol.
I've realised that I've managed to have relationships with every date I've had, without thinking if I really like them, them liking me has been enough. Guess I've got to break this cycle but it's so hard

OK I've discovered a safe way to do messaging without divulging your phone number. Download the BBM messenger app (they need to do the same, it's free), and you only need to give them your pin number. Easy to delete and block, phone number stays private.

prizey KIK is a messenger service. No need to give your number, just a username. I usually move to this from OLD site, before giving out my number. Though in saying that my KIK is down at the mo, something to do with updating software on my iPhone. It's playing havoc with my OLD! 😂

Oh thanks starry I've heard of that. I'll give it a try. Thank you.

Well I had a fucking great date with Mr Keen.

Seeing him again Weds...can't wait.

YAY at the fact there is a new thread! I was on one of the old ones but lost track as I was moving house.

I WILL catch up with everyones posts, but can I join again? waves hand

Help - I have done the same with a younger guy (YPT), but at least you can admire him and know where the land lies.

What - Jealous of your first date, and good luck with the second! A little jealous, as I haven't felt that connection or buzz with anyone yet.

I have a RL Iron thing going on. He is SO my type, a gent, funny etc but why don't I get that ' I want to jump on you vibe?!'.

Major blues about my ex too after our split at the beginning of the year, selling the house, and now being in my new property alone. The shine I had just a few weeks ago is a little tarnished right now :( I am sure this thread will help me get my buzz back!

Jeez prize have just read your post and sending you hugs and hope you are ok!!!

okay, advice and thoughts please.

Mr Keen - I've been chatting to him since last week. Met for first time last night. Sparks were flying and we really got on. Planned date 2 for Wednesday.

I am off work and have a child free week next week. He has suggested driving to Brighton for the day/ night while I am off.

Is this a very bad idea, giving I don't really know him?

I don't even know his surname! He isn't on FB so I can't stalk him on there. How do I find out more about him, find out he isn't a homicidal maniac?? Is there some sort of app that scans photos and searches the internet or something??

spotty your date with Mr Keen sounds brilliant - Yey - enjoy Wednesday.

I would say no to the Brighton idea. Not to be a party pooper or because he might be a homicidal maniac (though he might be) but if this thing with Mr Keen is a goer you have all the time in the world, make him work for that level of your time. Plus it might burn out if you move too fast. Or it might be that Mr Keen is too keen and getting ahead of himself and you lay yourself open to the 'lovebombing then ghosting' manoeuvre.

I would MH him with a breezy 'I don't book away-time with people whose surname I don't know' or something, or say you are too busy. It's only date 1. Give it some pace. Feel free to ignore me though!!!

to misszp

Thanks Handy.

I did say to him about going away with someone whose surname I didn't know. So he's told me, and his address and date of birth, and other funny and irrelevant facts. And hes asked if I want to know anything else.

I agree its too soon for a trip away

Hi all.

I agree too soon for a trip away, also you wouldn't want to go away and then for something to go wrong afterwards and regret going so soon. I am having no luck in getting a date, guys I add on whatsapp just stop messaging me!! What am I doing wrong here?

Hey, if somebody tells you they're separated, is the fact that their wife is still a fb friend suspicious? They were together as recently as aug 15. He's not claiming to be divorced, only separated. Am I reading too much in to that or woudl I be not reading enough in to it if I went on a date with him?!

Spotty, I would echo others... It might end up burning out etc!

Warrior, I wouldn't say so. I still have my exs on Facebook, not cause I want to keep them particularly just because most of my break ups have been relatively civil and I've seen no reason to!

I would MH him with a breezy 'I don't book away-time with people whose surname I don't know' or something, or say you are too busy. It's only date 1. Give it some pace. Feel free to ignore me though!!!

Spotty I can only agree with what Handy said !! Hi again!). MH talks a lot about two important aspects in building and maintaining a relationship - the main one being desire. Don't overly commit too early on and kill the desire which builds from taking things at a sensible pace! Revel in it... It is a good feeling! Also going at a sensible pace means that if he is going to pull a 'Mr Keen' and then disappearing act (we have all been there), you haven't overly committed.

Warrior I sit on the fence with stuff like that. I think sometimes we over rely on social media to find out facts which often means we actually make many assumptions.... But at the same time, even if the break up were amicable, I know I would personally probably hide my own profile, or block my exes in order to save my own heartache. Each to their own though!

Struggling to pick myself up off the floor the last few days. Majorly missing the ex and I know he is struggling too after our 6 years together (we split as we just were too different emotionally, not that we didn't love each other). GAH, how do I keep enough distance to not undo all the hard work I have done since selling my share of our house, picking up my pieces, going it alone and moving into my own?! I think am going to hit the gym looking as best I can, have a flirty chat with YPT, arrange a third date with my RL iron (who knows its very casual at the moment) and try and remember its he who lost out!

Miss thank you! I'm doing fine, cloud has lifted and feeling good again. Yay!
314 thats fine, check out how he talks about her when you meet to gauge the situation properly but I'd say having ex on fb is not a red flag and could actually be a positive.
Spotty I'd have to agree with the others. However in saying that my second date with my late XDB was a date in Brighton, we met on Tinder! We joked about wearing chastity belts so we would stop ourselves....however we had a great night and yes the hypothetical chastity belts came off. We were together for 18 months, he was the love of my life but, all that aside I agree with the others - far too soon. (Sorry that probably hasn't helped much )
Burger snap! I have exactly the same problem. Loads of messaging no dates.

a man blocked me, I presume because I didn't answer quick enough I did reply to his first message but then he sent three more and when I went to reply, I did think, where's my half of the conversation gone, and he has blocked me! you can only imagine the big ego versus damaged self esteem that blocks somebody who wasn't reply to you anyway (quickly enough).

Ok so someone who went silent said he just broke up with his ex then blocked me?
Is it the football or what is going on.
Prizey - glad it's not just me!

314 this knob was reprimanding me for not replying in a timely fashion. Then demanded my phone number.

Can you imagine how those guys would treat a gf, when they think somebody OWES them a reply!

Lots of bonkersness going on.

Dunno about that 'fb-friends-with-ex' thing I wouldn't be friends with exes (am not fb friends with my ExH - gross!) but everyone's different.

Twix is very amicable with his exW and they remain fb friends. If it all turns out to be a lie and he's still married I'll let you know!!

Ooh, I've got mentionitis again...

Scary isn't it?

Ha ha Handy. It's a positive, my ex and I hate the sight of each other but if he was a decent guy we wouldn't.

Warrior - I had someone message me non stop compliments and then made a new profile after I blocked them, then they started sending abuse. That can't just be an online behaviour, seriously don't get it.
How long do you give it before deleting everything? Problem is if you want to go back everyone recognising you...

I've told him I won't be going on an overnight trip anywhere, and he's fine with that.

But god help me, I sound like such a dick but oh my word I really really like him. I barely know him. It scares me. But he makes me feel like a teenager again and he's woken something inside me that I thought was dead. Told you I sound like a dick. Please help me get my feet back on the ground.

He'll probably ghost me won't he??