We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

WhatamI...elaborate!

What Iv been waiting for your update! Omg good or bad?!?
Shorty cancelled on me. He's very apologetic but hasn't tried arranging another date. He tried conversation earlier but I told him I'd gone out anyway so would talk another time. Instead I stayed in and put some graft into tinder and signed up to pof. Onwards and upwards on this crazy road!

Sorry ladies I'd had a few too many ciders and just fell asleep as soon as I got home.

Omg was omg fantastic.... So I got the train to his city ...he was in work till 1. All the way there he was texting asking was I nervous had I made sure people knew where I was. Anyway off train and he's taller than me despite saying he was shorter and since pic off site taken he's seriously taken up swimming so has lost a load of weight. And OMG he is "fit as a butchers dog" as my mum used to say.

In our texts he'd told me he was going to snog me in the station and I'd been like nah bit much as a hello ...well I have to say as first meetings go it was ..... Phenomenal.

He took me to a lovely pub which was converted from a church and we sat outside In the sun and just chatted and laughed and kissed. Lots of kissing...

The freakiest thing happened though ... We were sat gabbing and these ladies suddenly tap me on the shoulder and say "excuse us we've been watching you and we are so jealous!!!" We were like what ...1 said " you're so obviously in love it's lovely to see !" So planeman said shall I tell you then that I've only known her 4 hours!! And I said this is our first date !! One woman said to the other ...I told you it would be. So we were like er what ? And she said " I reckoned it was your first date or you were getting back together ...but whatever date it is it won't be your last. " so planeman was like thanks I agree and the woman's final words to him were "she's a keeper take care of her"

She left and we sat looking at each other saying what happened then? We hadn't seen these 2 ladies anywhere near us we hadn't done anything particularly lovey.

We've sorted date 2 for either Monday or Wednesday next week he's coming here and we'll go for a meal and a walk on the beach.

I can't believe I'd kept him at arms length for so long as he seemed a bit too keen.

It's 5am and my head is banging so cuppa tea and try getting back to sleep for me now.

What...that's a brilliant first date!! You must be buzzing!

So Mr keen really is very keen. He keeps saying how gorgeous I am and how lucky he's bagged a date with me. It's full on and I'm not sure how to react or what to think. Is it a red flag?? Also he's insisting on paying. I feel odd about his as I'm not used to it and I don't like feeling that I owe him anything. Is this a red flag too?? I'm hyper vigilant after being in an abusive relationship and not sure whether these are good or bad signs. ..can anyone advise? We are meeting later today. . And I'm really excited

Being super keen isn't necessarily a red flag in my experience, but it's something to be aware of. Some men are super keen at first, then as soon as they've got you they back off - no idea what they get out of this, but I've seen it a few times. Other men are super keen just because they're keen, and they stay keen and it's all great! My advice would be to try not to get caught up in it, keep your feet on the ground and evaluate the "relationship" for what it really is, rather than what his over-keen fantasy may be.

The paying issue isn't something I have much experience of, because it's never happened to me on a first date. But I don't think that's a red flag either - everyone does things differently. I think it would be worrying if you carried on seeing eachother and he always insisted on paying though.

Thanks for replying minty. Good to get perspective. I'm on alert for any worrying behaviour. On the face of it it's lovely. Being complimented and paid for a night out. But could also be read as manipulative behaviour in the long run.

Yes, I over think things massively

It's impossible not to carry past experiences into new ones, but you just have to keep reminding yourself that people aren't all the same. Try really hard to see things as they are, not as they might be. Easy for me to say of course, but I'm just as bad when it comes to over-thinking things!

I will try really hard! He is very cute though and we seem to be on the same wave length. Trying not to over invest but that is also easier said than done! Especially when I've had so many duds on OLD!

Spotty I'd say go with it, offer to pay from time to time, actually insist so that he accepts, but if he earns more than you, and he can afford it then go with it. He sounds lovely though and you sound well grounded, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you for today!

What Wow, what an amazing date that sounds fabulous. Did he check you got home safely on that late train last night? Any talk of second date? All sounds fabulous! So I'm keeping fingers crossed on my other hand for you!

Thanks for all the well wishes Witches & Spotty and everyone else, I'm feeling a bit better, sat about eating loads this weekend a la Bridget Jones (just indulged in homemade banana pancakes with bacon and maple syrup )
Got in touch with a lovely pen-pal iron (of 2 weeks), said I was leaving the site and explained why and gave him my email address and said I'd like to keep intouch. He immediately responded with how sorry he was this had happened to me and how awful it must have been. Said when I feel comfortable and have had time out to get over it he'd love to meet up. He gave me his email and phone number and pointed out there was absolutely no pressure, but wanted to give them to me so then contact can all be on my terms. I thought that was really sweet.

Oh prizey that sounds positive with your pen pal iron.

Yeah texted to make sure i got home even though just after I left he got called back to work as he'd been on call all day. I knew this and it was the reason I went to his city and had my train ticket home. If he'd had to get off I'd have done some shopping and wandered home.

We said Monday it Wednesday this week for meal and walk on the beach so we'll see. He's on a 13 hr shift today so will get intermittent messages hopefully. Have had a good morning and "what a fecking amazing first date that was !!" Text so far

I'm being really sensible though and whilst it was lovely it's one date no over investment on my part ....(do I sound convincing?)

Ha ha What (convincing enough )....all sounds great though, I must say. I love that he checked you were ok and that another date on the cards already!! Yeah baby!!

what that sounds like a lovely date!

Hi to the new people!

I'm getting sick of it all I think. Even the irons I'm talking to, I can't really be arsed with, which isn't fair to them.

Wtf happens to blokes at 40? Under 40, and there's some lovely beardy guys with different interests. Once they hit 40, it seems to be WHAM - overweight, no hair, like the pub and football. Either that or they're super into bloody cycling. Sodding cycling, all of them.
What happened to the geeky guys? I know I'm no massive catch, and this mini rant isn't particularly edifying, but it's all a bit disheartening

Great news about your date what how exciting!!

And prizey how sweet re penpal iron. Most importantly I'm pleased you are looking after yourself.

I really struggle to keep up with this thread - but prizey can't believe what's happened to you!! That's insane!

So the guy I posted about the other day that I was getting really paranoid about...well all was fine and we went on another date. It went really well again and since then we have basically been speaking the whole time. He has been commenting on stuff on my Facebook and tagging me in stuff, texting first etc. Everything is going well. He's made 2 hints at going on another date but not outright asked. So today, he sends me a picture of a hairdo on his daughter... I reply 'ooh I'm impressed, you can do mine next' and he replies 'well that would require another date' (tell me if I'm wrong but that's surely another hint??) I said 'great so the next date we can play hair salon' ... Go into work where I don't have my phone for an hour, and come out to 'on a serious note Im not sure I can see you again' ... I replied 'why??' Wondering if he was joking... He's been online and not replied.

WTAF?!

I want to text him again like errrrrrm excuse me? But I'm desperately holding back.

Carrot oh ffs. That's EXaCTLy what IndieBoy was like -super keen one minute, not sure if he wants to see me at all the next. It's fecking annoying isn't it? Back slowly off and see if he's still wanting to see you? I still can't figure out if this type of shit is a kinda player move or not , but either way, you deserve better than that.

I've a sneaking suspicion it's an ego thing - reel you in until they're satisfied that they are indeed awesome and then back off because they don't need the validation any more?

But it was literally within minutes sky - which is what I totally don't get!

One minute he's saying things like 'that would require another date' and talking about said 'other date' (he made a comment about if he does the French plait would he get a head rub in return) ... And then when I say yeah the response is that?? Wha? How?

WTAF? One minute he's sending you PICTURES OF HIS DAUGHTER (sorry, shouting....) then he's telling you he's done? What emotionally incontinent fuckwittery is this?

Er... it's a delete and block from me... the words 'bullet' and 'dodged' spring to mind. Hurtful though, very hurtful.

for Carrot

Urgh. I messaged again. My sister told me to just do it.

I tried to keep it light hearted so if it was some sort of odd joke then it wouldn't be mega awkward.

If I don't get a reply to this one I'm locking my phone in a cupboard or I'll spend all night staring at it!!

Thanks Handy (if calorie intake is an indication of looking after myself then I've been pampering myself this weekend. )
Carrot I had exactly the same last week with MrGif....so so weird. Literally hours of messaging every night, talking about how we'd look together, what we wanted from a relationship, asking me loads of questions, how he definitely wanted to meet....then suddenly a complete ghosting....I will never understand how mens minds work. I know how you feel and surprisingly it is really hurtful, Such a waste of time and emotion.

Sooooo..

Without going into too much detail even though I know none of you know him/me hahaha... He has basically just confessed to me that he can't... dtd. For medical reasons. I don't know much more than that. It came about because the other day I invited him over this weekend and he was really sketchy about it. 'Dunno what im doing, might be going out, think my daughters with me that night' etc etc

I made a joke comment during the conversation about how I was horrifically hungover and that I blamed him because if he'd come over then my friends and 2 bottles of wine wouldn't have!! He just said 'yes but I couldn't' ... Then shortly after I got the fateful text. Hmmmmm what to do.

Ooh my gawd... Have you guys got it on at all? Wow. Some thinking to do....

A bit of touchy feel so he's obviously not completely broken. I live with all my family so a busy household, and he is staying with his mum while he buys a house, so we haven't really had the opportunity!

Think I kind of need to know what it is before I can make any decisions... Are we talking forever orrrrrrrrr?

carrot is this the 40 year old Virgin? Now he's saying he can't. At all? Ever?

No prizey I think that was someone else.

He hasn't said how long. I don't feel like I can ask especially over text, it doesn't seem appropriate. I don't know whether it's some condition that's curable and he just has it at the moment or whether he will never be able to? Arrrrrgh

I think I have an inkling what it might be from what he's said but I feel bad about outing myself even though the chance of him reading this is practically non existent!!!