We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

I have a completely separate Facebook account for online dating. There are no friends on there. I only have pictures on there that are exclusive to that account iyswim. There is no phone number connected to this account or my "real" one. My security is pretty much set to lock down status.

I only chat to people online that I can google the fuck out of first.

It's so unfair that as women we need to take such precautions but there are some really disturbed people out there. I am very over cautious due to my own experience of being harassed but sadly that is how it leaves you.

The other day I asked my current iron to instantly send me a picture of him and the cat he had been telling me about so that I could see he was who he said he was. He suggested I google his work place to see him on there. I had to confess that I already had before we got chatting and I now I wanted to check he wasn't a random that had lifted the name and picture from elsewhere on the web. Thankfully he matched the work photos and his cat is very cute but what a palaver.

I also have a cheap phone and pay as you go SIM card for whatsapping guys so I can bin the SIM if necessary and change to a different number. I use my mobile for work and can't afford to have to change my main number.

Thanks Sky . Have told the police again just now and they have made a note of it, if any thing else happens they have the full history. (hopefully it won't come to that!). I've had no more calls, and he said "I wanted to punish you, and I think you've been punished enough and I am happy now so I've taken it off the site" , so hopefully this is the end of it.

I might change my mobile number though, all the same. I don't like the idea of him having it at his disposal.

Rose I do the same with Facebook, and the PAYG phone, however I have got a little lapse recently and have been using my normal phone, never again...if I ever decide to go dip my toe in again at some stage. It is a palaver, but I think you are really sensible and I will be following suit. Sorry you too had a bad experience Rose its makes you so cautious and mis-trusting.

Oh god Prizey that's horrible, at least though you only "met" him online - imagine if you had met him in person before realising how unhinged he is.

I've been really lax with my security (gave FrenchChef my normal phone no etc) so I think if I decide to message any more people I'll do a big security review beforehand.

Btw going for dinner with FrenchChef tonight - have shaved my legs - maybe I won't be messaging anyone for a bit!

Oh gawd, I'm NEVER dating again At this rate!

I use my normal number. Haven't got any mobile number associated with my Facebook.
prizey you did nothing wrong aside from trust someone with the bare minimum (which is NORMAL!). Most of us have been giving our numbers out, you just hit the batshit crazy on this occasion.

I would log this with police but take it no further. goodness knows how many poor women he is doing this with.

Good luck tonight woolly. I hope the leg shaving wasn't in vain wink

Oops

First of all Prizeyprize hope you are OK?! Sending hugs.

So I'm taking care having read about your horrible experience. I have a POF date lined up for tomorrow afternoon. Just tea and cake in a cafe in town so hopefully nothing disastrous will happen!

Not sure if I actually want to go now but I'll try it anyway!!

Good luck to everyone else!

Hi can I join,

So have decided to dip my toe in to this OLD! But then reading what has happened above to prizey I am abit 😮
On tinder and pof but no one I like the look of replies and the ones that do message don't really take my fancy!! Does any one else find this? Feeling dis heartened already! Doesn't help the ex keeps popping up on there all the time too!!

Hi, i'm new to the dating game and not impressed with online so far.

I joined POF, had conversations with 3 guys, of whom I spoke to on the phone and we arranged a coffee date. Then they disappear! The coffee date never happened because I messaged him to confirm it was still going a head and he never replied so I didn't bother!

Now I've joined Tinder and haven't met anyone yet.

The men on there seem to struggle with conversation

ONE of whom I spoke to on the phone and we arranged a coffee date.

Gettingthereslowly16 yep I'm on POF and Tinder and feel exactly the same. My profile on POF is set so anyone messaging me has to put more than 50 characters so it stops the 'hey' 'hi' 'hey there' 'how's it going' crap which they've probably copied and pasted to 200 women.

I've not quite worked out why there seems to be such a mis-match between what we want and who we get messaging us!

I think it's cos men don't assess and think could she do better than me/?

I have about four men I'm conversing with right now. I am detached from it all this time around. I'm checking pof between 9.30 and 10.30 and then saying 'night!' if I'm done. I have a vibe I'd get on with the Spanish one. But maybe that's just wishful thinking. Me reading his clunky English and thinking 'aw'

At least with these four, it's already been suggested that we go for a coffee or something so i hope that I can simmer them for a week and then go out the following week. This week coming is going to be manic. Maybe I should have delayed my re-launch :-p

Date with shorty tomorrow planed in after work. I decided I'm off in heels after making anyone who's 5"7 stand next to me at work Iv decided it can't be that bad. Open mind on superficial head off.

All other iron have gone cold or weird! I too find it so hard conversation wise. It's like men have forgotten how to have conversation. That's one thing about shorty, he can talk!

Do first date nerves ever go? I'm terrified before each first day!!!

Well after what seems like the longest week my date with planeman is Tomorrow!! He's really upped his game this week lots of lovely messages at all times of day. Whilst I've enjoyed "chatting" with him I've not got invested at all have left messages unanswered for hours. Not something I'd been able to do before. Am looking forward to a nice afternoon we've got a number of things do chat about now from our texts. He claims to be 5"9 so 1" shorter than me..hope he wasn't lying..

And to those saying pof and tinder are poor I agree and would also add match to that.

freaky I'm so sorry I completely missed your lovely messages. I have no idea how that happened! Thank you so much. Great list. I've spent all day today taking photos off all profiles - whatsapp, instagram etc. I've also changed my number so feeling a little better now.
lou, woolly, and sassy thanks so much you've all helped me feel better with your lovely messages . Makes it feel so much sandy..
314 update! 😃
Same goes for minop and what.....how did they go?

Right am on my way to meet planeman !! Lets see how this goes. Good luck anyone who's got dates today

lostlou I'm glad it's not just me I was thinking maybe there was something wrong with my profile! Not that I think I'm any great beauty but I would be nice to hear from the odd one I've messaged on occasion!! As for tinder lots of matches but no conversations let alone getting to any type of date!? Maybe I'm not putting enough time and effort in to messages I send!! What does everyone else put as an opener of ideas??

Hi everyone, I am new here but not to mums net. I have been on OLD for a month but not had a date yet ! I have done it in the past and found more guys I like not sure if it's me or the time of year but no luck.
I've given a few guys my number but they just go quiet. Also have an issue with guys not asking for my number on the apps.
I'm on tinder and OK Cupid.
Get loads and loads of messages on OK Cupid but no one suitable, loads of young guys too. Has anyone had much luck on there ?

I did used to have pof but deleted it as everyone who messaged me seemed to struggle with grammar or seemed to be a gangster. Considering re making it after seeing some successes here though.
Hope someone has a nice Saturday evening date planned !

Hi everyone, another one here who is not new to OLD ( i have dabbled on and off over the last couple of years) but I'm new to this thread and would like to join?
I have read the thread and part of the previous ones and find you all so supportive and full of good advice. Feel like I could use some of that, as a 48 year old single mum who only seems to attract weirdos and men who just want sex :-(
I'd like to say to prizeyprize how sorry I am that you had to go through that, that was terrible luck to be targeted by such a nasty man and I hope you feel a little better soon.
My current situation: I'm on one dating website that appears to be linked to loads of others as I get messages from men who are not even on my website. Mine appears to be linked to Plenty More Fish (NOT the free POF). My main problem (apart from the creepy ones) is I just rarely seem to see anyone I like the look of! Or if I do, the way they message is just rubbish, so many of them come across as a bit thick.

I've recently wasted 6 weeks chatting and texting a chap who seemed both attractive and intelligent, a date was arranged weeks ago but had to be cancelled last minute...and since then getting a chance for another one has seemed impossible for various reasons too long to go into, but I coudn't bring myself to get rid (maybe too over-invested?) as he was genuinely not messing me about. Finally binned him last night as he had moaned a few times about some of my texts being too long ( he called them essays) which I felt was unfair, AND we were having what I thought was a lighthearted discussion about the EU when he got REALLY nasty about it, said the conversation was 'going nowhere' (presumably because he was saying some pretty ridiculous/borderline racist stuff) and that if we didn't stop he'd 'have to put me in my place'. WTAF?!

So...that's the end of him. But I feel a bit sad even though he was obviously a knob. Just why is dating so hard? Why is just expecting to have someone treat you with good manners and a bit of respect online such a big thing to ask? Am I too old fashioned? Am I on the wrong dating site? Which is best? I don't use FB so don't think I can use Tinder, and I had the impression that was more for hook-ups than relationships...is that not right? I don't even know what Bumble is, either.

I actually cried about it last night, not because of him personally as it was obvious from that conversation alone that we'd not have got along in RL...but just the sheer grimness of it all sometimes. And the thought that I will be on my own for ever and ever. Which is really odd for me because after 5 years of being single I'm actually pretty content with it, I don't normally feel remotely worried about being on my own, I enjoy it.
I just feel like it's all shit at the moment. The dating sites are shit and the men on them are shit.
Sorry ladies, that turned into a bit of a vent.

Hello burger and witches. I can't really give any advice as I'm new to OLD myself. But yes to unanswered messages and it being soul destroying at times.

So my date last week, who I suspected of dwarfism, but was actually tall, hasn't messaged me and I haven't messaged him and I'm relieved. There wasn't a spark and I didn't fancy him at all.

Mr. keen is still keen! We have fast forwarded the date to tomorrow. I like his level of communication and he says very nice things. He seems like a good laugh too. In theory! We shall see tomorrow. I'm actually really looking forward to it I'm getting a bath now and preening myself in prep!

Thanks to those who posted about safety precautions.

Prizey I hope you are okay x

Well just on my home from date with planeman ...... What can I say but omg ???