We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

And again! ...Oh give me strength

Hi darters. I joined the thread a while ago but decided I wasn't ready to date. I have NC'ed since. I'm back now and hoping for some advice.

I don't think I'm ready for a relationship yet but I guess non of us are until we meet someone we could have a relationship with?

Anyone else here looking more for casual than a happily ever after?

I have been chatting with a man on Tinder, he isn't looking for serious and so far the chat between us has been really good fun. He got a bit sexual but reined it in when I said I didn't know him well enough. Since then things have got a bit erm hot on the messaging front. Is there any point meeting someone after this type of interaction? There may not be a connection IRL and it's obvious what would happen if there was.
He is on Whatsapp a lot so possibly not just me that he is messaging like this.

I think I may be a little over invested and it's probably a red flag that I'm not really cut out for casual. But I haven't had a physical relationship in years and that is what I really miss. Sorry I have no idea what I am asking really. Think I have fucked this one up.

Sorry for the typos! Darters = daters

Ugh Prizey he sounds unhinged.

Right listen everyone. I'm done with OLD. Been on to police tonight after a very stressful evening. Basically crazy guy wanted to punish me for blocking him. He put my phone number and pics on a sex website, God knows what he wrote but I was in undated with messages, some indecent. It was awful. Phonecalls, WhatsApp, facetimes, I obviously declined and blocked them all. He texted me this evening to tell me it was punishments, he owned up to the lot, and then gave me some abuse.

Oh. My. God.

Are you safe? Does he know where you live? How awful.

You must be really shaken up

What a scary crazy creep. You poor thing. Lessons to be learned here too I think.

Fuck Prizey you poor thing, there are some absolute lunatics out there.

Wow. Prizey

How awful. The level of anger ..... what an arsehole. HOpe you're ok.

Chatted with about four tonight. The spanish one seems a bit kooky. I like him. I agreed to go out for a drink with a guy who lives in my home town. Id turned him down before. Not because there's anything wrong with him. He's tall, attractive, just his profile is ''anything you wanna know, just ask''. So I'm not expecting him to be good company but fekk it, there's a long summer ahead of me, one glass of wine with the man won't kill me or inconvenience me.

Prizey, i hope this doesn't put you off forever. :-/

Right listen everyone. Been on to police tonight after a very stressful evening. Basically crazy guy wanted to punish me for blocking him. I hadn't even met him!! We'd exchanged a few messages over the space of less than 1 day!! So to punish me he put my phone number and pics on a sex website, God knows what he wrote but I was immediately inundated with messages from men, some indecent. It was awful. Phonecalls, WhatsApp, facetimes at least 60 or 70. I obviously declined and blocked them all. I texted crazy guy when it first started happening to explain and to try and get it to stop and said I'd rethought and wasnt interested anymore, thus unblocking him. He texted me this evening to tell me it was 'punishment' and he owned up to the lot, said I'd been punished enough, that he was 'happy now' and that he'd now removed my number from the site then gave me some verbal abuse. I decided not to retaliate and ignored it. Please be very, very careful who you give your number to. I'd set up an anonymous email address and have them message you on that. Or just keep on the dating site. Real eye opener for me. Be careful everyone. There are wolves in sheep's clothing.

OMG! prizey!!!! I am so glad you're ok. That's just off the charts crazy. I agree with your giving OLD a break for the time being.
My mind boggles at the thought process behind such horrible behaviour! How you feeling today?

The other piece of advice I give to stay safe is the following:

• don't use any photos on OLD sites that you use anywhere else in public social media sites (reverse Google of images) leads them straight back to you.
• remain vague about where you live. If they have your surname and area, your address can can be traced very easily online
• please don't let them walk you / drop you home until you know them a little better.
• make sure your surname is not on whatsapp /whichever messaging app you are using. Again makes you very easily traceable.

I'm staggered that this guy did what he did. Jeez. If and when I go back to OLD I will think twice before giving my number to anyone.

Thank you sassy I'm OK, well actually no I'm not. I'm unnerved, anxious and sad right now. I feel a new wave of man hating brewing for me. Thank you for the hugs

That's awful Prizey, I'm sorry you have had to go through this.

Prizey Fuck. Absolutely awful. I am incensed for you. Utterly livid. There are lunatics out there. I'm so sorry this happened. Very very unsettling.. Such a massive massive hug to you. What. An. Arsehole...

Thanks handy and slow. I know - I'm so exhausted by it all. Just a whole level of crazy I've never encountered before. Such a creepy and awful thing to do.

prizey for you too!

Entirely natural to feel the way you do. Just remember that 99% of the population wouldn't do this. Take your time, you'll be ok. Xx

Sorry 314, Woolly and Spotty I didn't see your messages earlier and I'm not sure why part of my post was posted first. Anyway thank you. Thankfully he doesn't know my address, but anyone can be traced if you know what you are doing, its so scary. My friend says I should take this further legally but I just want to forget about it incase he seeks further revenge as a result. Thank you all, I'll take a break from it for a while, will still pop on here from time to time though. Good Luck everyone, be careful!!

Oh Prizey love, what a despicable individual this man is.

It may be worth speaking to the police again even if you don't wish to take it further. At least if they flag your address for a quick response it may give you a bit of peace of mind?

Thanks Rose I did do that last night and they said they would do exactly as you say for a quick response. They took his name (only have first name), age and phone number but they couldn't take much further due to no evidence that he'd put my number out there. However now I have a thread on whatsapp of him admitting it all to 'punish' me. So I could if I wanted to take it further, but I'm not sure I want to.

Prizey please log the admission with the police. Tell them if you don't want to take it further but it really will help if this creep tries to approach you or is reported for similar by another victim.

My heart goes out to you. I have experienced similar, (not online dating) it leaves you feeling very vulnerable and in my case I was stupidly questioning my own behaviour. Giving out my number etc. You must feel very shaken.

Thanks Rose I am really shaken up, and I feel like I've been really stupid in giving out my number, chatting with strangers etc. Thank you.
I will call the police again and tell them about the admission, thank you for the advice I appreciate it.

Still lurking and not updating, sorry! But just wanted to say Prizey..that's truly scary stuff. Hope you are OK, lovely. What a complete arsehole.

I also wanted to add a couple of things to Sassy's list

• take your phone number off your FB account. Once someone is in your phone as a contact, they'll come up on your "people you may know" list on FB. Even if you have your privacy settings high, it'll give them your last name...
• If you are on Tinder, remove your workplace from your profile. I have found people before by Googling their first name and workplace, which leads to LinkedIn...which again gives you their last name.

Timely reminder though. I've been guilty of some risky behaviour...I often let people give me a lift home and I spent the whole afternoon in Doofus's flat on our 2nd date () It's just good luck that I haven't run into anyone worse than married or a bit of a douche so far...

And this is going to sound hypocritical but I strongly endorse using all of the above techniques to thoroughly stalk an iron before you meet. You can't find out everything but you can find out if they are roughly who they say they are.

Oh Prizey you really haven't been stupid. All you did was give someone your number. We've all done that, and more risky things. You just got unlucky, coming across this nutjob.

Jesus Prizey, hope you're ok, that's serious stuff. Agree that you need to update the police - just to make sure that if he does do anything else, that your address will be pre-alerted (not the right word, but I'm tired!) . It would also make it easier for harassment charges to be brought if god forbid they were needed.

Freaky's list is great. I'd add a warning about What'sApp too - I added a guy - as far as I knew he only knew my first name and rough area. He then appeared on my FB as a People You Might Know, and I appeared on his I don't have my phone number on FB. The only thing I can think of is that FB owns What'sApp and that the info is shared.