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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

"Be a good wife"... be a good DH and F off!

628 replies

Just1945 · 04/06/2016 23:14

Sorry, fuming.

As a back story, married 15 years and 2 DC, early 40s and both professional and difficult careers. DH works standard 40 hours but often chooses to work late for various bullshit reasons Hmm and has an hour drive home so gets home lateish. I work a shorter 30 hours because I have no choice - have to do breakfasting, school drop off and pick ups. This means realistically that he is always the higher earner.

Because he is said higher earner, it is therefore my duty Hmm to "be a good wife", which I am reminded of constantly with that very phrase. I am expected to pick up after him, cook his dinner every day and wash his clothes and care for his children, as when he gets home they are basically almost in bed. Likewise he is too late home from work for after school activities and plays golf on the weekend so all that is my responsibility. Every football game, every netball game, every training session (3 days every week) and weekend matches are all down to me. When I ask when this is going to even out he tells me to "be a good wife" and dutifully complete his mundane tasks for him like I am his secretary Hmm and to shut up and get on. Apparently my time is worth less because I earn less. Well, not much choice because God forbid he take his share of caring for the children. I am of course reminded that should he be home early he could risk losing his job Hmm and various similar shit excuses (all non-legitimate, he is quite senior in his role and can find time for golf during the working day!)

He doesn't make me feel attractive and sleeping with him is a task. I just want to be left alone to sleep because I am exhausted. I am literally his second mother.

Anybody else have to put up with fucking man child please feel free to join in the rant! Envy I find it so demeaning and that phrase just sets me off.

OP posts:
Just1945 · 07/06/2016 23:35

Pam it's strange isn't it how older generations put up with so much more shit than we do, they knew the true meaning of 'til death do we part' regardless of what a turnip the other one was. I'm glad she now has the rest of her years to enjoy herself and do her own thing Cake

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nicenewdusters · 07/06/2016 23:39

Rarely has it given me so much pleasure to see one person tell another to fuck off.

And if Mr Golden Golf Clubs and Mummy List maker are reading this now, please have one from me.

Enjoy your wine Just.

cees · 07/06/2016 23:41

God he sounds an absolute dick, it's not a wife he's after it's a slave. What a fool of a man, I'm so happy you posted and gotten such sound advice.

Wonder will he leave his mother a list each day, signing off with be a good mother.

Just1945 · 07/06/2016 23:47

It's definitely mil who has read it and not him, as she has just highlighted a few posts back where I quipped that " I wasn't even sure I found men attractive " ..purely sarcastically and not out of sheer lady lust Hmm

So "lesbian" has now entered the long list of names she can call me Hmm Grin absolutely too funny. Isn't it past your bed time you toxic old bag silly thing you.

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CodyKing · 08/06/2016 00:00

Mummy - you haven't trained your son very well at all - shame on you for allowing this "Man" to stay a child and not be an independent role model to his children - buck your ideas up - you should be making him wash his own pants and not cooking for him - let him text his own wife - let him care for his own children - you are doing your son and his family a huge disservice -

nicenewdusters · 08/06/2016 00:01

Is your MIL (waves) emailing you about this ?

I love that she's highlighting the fact she believes you may be a secret lesbian, and not that she gave birth to and raised a man who makes Alf Garnett look like a liberal, metrosexual feminist.

Self awareness eh, it's not for everyone.

Atenco · 08/06/2016 00:03

Hahaha

Just1945 · 08/06/2016 00:03

That's a good point actually, he hasn't text me at all! Perhaps he does actually want to seperate after all and mil is scouting for reasons to justify my behaviour. Alleged lesbian is as good as any, wasn't expecting that one!!

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Just1945 · 08/06/2016 00:04

She's texting me furiously. The elderly and the Internet eh? Good for them! Grin

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CodyKing · 08/06/2016 00:05

Tell her it wasn't on the list 😁

CodyKing · 08/06/2016 00:05

What she saying now?

Just1945 · 08/06/2016 00:09

She says that a divorce will cost "an awful lot of money" and am I really sure I want to be on my own with 2 children Hmm if he thinks he is shirking out of parenting after we separate then he is in for the shock of a lifetime.

And I won't be on my
own, I'll have Susan Grin ahem

OP posts:
Hannahcolobus · 08/06/2016 00:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SpaceDinosaur · 08/06/2016 00:13

After that long with that poor excuse for a "man" manchild any straight woman would be questioning "men" because your primary example is so repulsive as a human being.

Doesn't mean that you're changing your sexual orientation, it just means that you are not attracted to the person that you "should" (as a good wife!!!) be attracted to.

nicenewdusters · 08/06/2016 00:15

I think this is your Get Out Of Jail card Just !

Several posters on your thread have expressed admiration for you, there's a lot of love in the room.

Tell him to come home tomorrow. When he arrives let him find you driving furiously around the smallholding on the ride on mower, wine sippy cup in hand, drunkenly shouting "Susan, she's the one I really love, and I won't have to hoover my own fucking stairs....."

Just1945 · 08/06/2016 00:16

Shock Shock I WONT HAVE TO HOOVER THE STAIRS!

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SpaceDinosaur · 08/06/2016 00:16

Out of interest. Is your MIL like "bunny" from sex and the city???

Because if I remember rightly, she handled the divorce in that. Her precious baby left it all to mummy to sort out. Grin

Has your MIL instigated divorce conversations and your husband said not a word? hiding behind mummy's skirts cuddling his gold clubs

Just1945 · 08/06/2016 00:19

He hasn't said a hoot. Her texts seem genuinely concerned, I have no doubt she thinks I am having a midlife lady love crisis or some such. They would have raided my emails for evidence of an affair, and found the 3 cakes and gin I order on a weekly basis from Tesco absolutely nothing. GrinCake

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SpaceDinosaur · 08/06/2016 00:26

3 cakes and gin

You are my spirit animal.

We should buy emus and llamas. I have my own wine sippy cup!

nicenewdusters · 08/06/2016 00:28

Need to go to sleep now but can't stop thinking of the Madonna film "Desperately Seeking Susan " !!

You sound pretty together bearing in mind they've raided your emails, even if there was nothing in them about Hot Chick websites ?

PotholesinMyLawn · 08/06/2016 00:30

OP
You are wonderful x

Asprilla11 · 08/06/2016 00:32

OP you need to tell us your MIL's name too, just so we can all say hello of course! Wink

nicenewdusters · 08/06/2016 00:32

I don't like gin, wine, emus or llamas but my love for cake knows no limits, does that mean I can still join your Ladies on Lawnmowers society ?

Just1945 · 08/06/2016 00:33

I am clever enough to delete the emails from the Hot Chick websites Wink although funnily enough I do get emails for "Asian Dating" which are usually full of women and I don't think I've deleted those....Grin

Llamas are a certainty, I wonder if I can train them to take the DCs to school? Oh eck there's a thought, where the f am I going to put Susan's four Hmm

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Just1945 · 08/06/2016 00:35

I'm not sure dusters, we are reluctant to let anyone on the mower when they aren't under the influence GrinWine

OP posts: