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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

"Be a good wife"... be a good DH and F off!

628 replies

Just1945 · 04/06/2016 23:14

Sorry, fuming.

As a back story, married 15 years and 2 DC, early 40s and both professional and difficult careers. DH works standard 40 hours but often chooses to work late for various bullshit reasons Hmm and has an hour drive home so gets home lateish. I work a shorter 30 hours because I have no choice - have to do breakfasting, school drop off and pick ups. This means realistically that he is always the higher earner.

Because he is said higher earner, it is therefore my duty Hmm to "be a good wife", which I am reminded of constantly with that very phrase. I am expected to pick up after him, cook his dinner every day and wash his clothes and care for his children, as when he gets home they are basically almost in bed. Likewise he is too late home from work for after school activities and plays golf on the weekend so all that is my responsibility. Every football game, every netball game, every training session (3 days every week) and weekend matches are all down to me. When I ask when this is going to even out he tells me to "be a good wife" and dutifully complete his mundane tasks for him like I am his secretary Hmm and to shut up and get on. Apparently my time is worth less because I earn less. Well, not much choice because God forbid he take his share of caring for the children. I am of course reminded that should he be home early he could risk losing his job Hmm and various similar shit excuses (all non-legitimate, he is quite senior in his role and can find time for golf during the working day!)

He doesn't make me feel attractive and sleeping with him is a task. I just want to be left alone to sleep because I am exhausted. I am literally his second mother.

Anybody else have to put up with fucking man child please feel free to join in the rant! Envy I find it so demeaning and that phrase just sets me off.

OP posts:
SpaceDinosaur · 07/06/2016 22:46

Does his mother regularly interfere in your marriage on his behalf?

PhoenixReisling · 07/06/2016 22:49

Listen arse wipe...you are not a good husband but a dictator....what you are doing is classed as abuse and yes it is illegal.

just please call WA.

Just1945 · 07/06/2016 22:50

Yes, constantly. Her thing this year was trying to persuade me to change the children's school, her thing last year was to try to convince me not to have anymore children Hmm she needn't have worried because he's never coming anywhere near me ever again!

OP posts:
SpaceDinosaur · 07/06/2016 22:51

He's read this thread because he accesses his emails?

Do you know he's read this or do you suspect?

Either way... HI JUSTINE'S HUSBAND!

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 07/06/2016 22:52

Well you're in trouble now Just, he's gone to defcon one told Mummy on you.....

No chance I suppose that your mummy's bigger than his mummy? Wink

It's a bit staggering he has no idea what a fool he's making of himself!

Just1945 · 07/06/2016 22:54

His mother mentioned that I stop posting on the internet about him Grin

Sorry David, you twat.

OP posts:
WellErrr · 07/06/2016 22:57
Costacoffeeplease · 07/06/2016 22:58

Grin Grin

Just1945 · 07/06/2016 23:03

Shall we tell him about how the Daily Mail loves to print threads like these? I mean realistically how many financial advisors called David can there realistically be in Haverfordwest HmmGrin

OP posts:
Just1945 · 07/06/2016 23:04

Katie Hopkins is going to know about your dirty knickers Dave

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 07/06/2016 23:04

"I then told her to fuck off."
Grin

On a more serious note... He has access to your emails?! WTF?! Why is that? Does he have your password? Is your email account synced with a computer or tablet that he has access to? Please sort that out ASAP! Change all passwords and change your MN username too, to be on the safe side.

You have a great sense of humour about all this but don't underestimate the seriousness of the situation.

OrchardDweller · 07/06/2016 23:06

OP - you sound fantastic! Stand up to your terrible DH and dreadful MIL. Don't let them push you around. They are bullies.

Just1945 · 07/06/2016 23:07

He has always had my email passwords, I'm a boring old soul with nothing much to hide. I mean shovelling chicken shit with his £600 5 iron wasn't a secret per se... Realistically if he is embarressed by his conduct then he should change his conduct.

I have changed passwords now though.

OP posts:
AugustaFinkNottle · 07/06/2016 23:08

I don't follow how access to emails means he can read this thread? It doesn't have anything to do with emails, does it?

kerbys · 07/06/2016 23:09

OP, be careful please. This stuff is out there now.

I would report your own thread.

Just1945 · 07/06/2016 23:10

I have all varieties of notifications turned on Shock perhaps I should have thought about that. I have only recently re-registered so all those details were also in the inbox.

OP posts:
SpaceDinosaur · 07/06/2016 23:12

BWAH HA HA HA!!!!!

Oh David, your dear wife started this conversation because you were unavailable physically... Emotionally... Intellectually... But treating her like a serving wench who should be glad of the scraps of time you fling the family way.

She was desperate for a conversation about the status quo in your home but because you are too important (and we don't want you to get fired) she's had that conversation with wonderful people who have, sadly for you, helped your wife to see you for what you are.

Out of interest, was your parent's relationship like the one you are demanding or was your precious mummy treated with more respect?

In case you missed it, there's a lot of art which can be created from gold paraphernalia and your wife has never once said anything cruel, malicious or even contemplated kicking you out of your children's home.

Perhaps get out from behind mummy's skirts and have a conversation like a real grown up?

Be a good husband David.

NameChange30 · 07/06/2016 23:12

Tbh I was already worried that there was a lot of identifying info on this thread. And now the fact that he's found it means that you've lost the advantage of confidential support.

Just1945 · 07/06/2016 23:15

You know he isn't particularly internet savvy (no Facebook, etc) and so I'm sure he would have had assistance from mother to suss it out Hmm I will delete this username later on and make a new one for anonymity, but for now I shall basque in the glory of wine and mumsnet in the bath Grin

OP posts:
LastGirlOnTheLeft · 07/06/2016 23:19

Just you are pretty incredible and that David thing sounds like one creepy fucker! His mother I am guessing has hair like a helmet, a walk in wardrobe fill of twinsets, a mountain load of make up and smells like face cream?

pambeesley · 07/06/2016 23:22

Just read this thread and so proud of you already.

My grandmother had an awful marriage to my grandfather. He never did a thing. He died 6 years ago and now in her 80s she says she is the happiest she has ever been as she can do what she wants without him dictating her life.

How sad is that? You are making steps to stopping yourself from only being happy when he's dead!

RandomMess · 07/06/2016 23:22

Honestly he has moved back to mummy so quickly I want to shout "troll" but erm he really is this useless and self important!

Your poor DC have such a lazy abusive idiot for a father Sad

Just1945 · 07/06/2016 23:26

I have no doubt he is heavily influenced by mil and his own laziness and pride. The irony is they don't get on for long periods of time so we shall see how long this lasts Hmm

OP posts:
glassgarden · 07/06/2016 23:31

He died 6 years ago and now in her 80s she says she is the happiest she has ever been as she can do what she wants without him dictating her life

I'm pleased to hear that she did eventually get to live her life for herself an on her own terms Pam but how terrible for her to have spent most of her life oppressed by her husband:(

Do you think it was only after he died that she really woke up to how much of a burden he was?

RandomMess · 07/06/2016 23:32

sweepstake time! Although he is never around is he, long hours at work, golf at weekends...

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