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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just found out dh had an affair

486 replies

faffalotty · 02/06/2016 11:09

About 3 years ago apparently. I feel sick shaky and empty. Dont know what to do. We've been together 28 years
Handholding or sympathy welcome

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 16/06/2016 12:47

It's not a one size fits all.

Some will find it helpful to tell colleagues, friends and family. Others will absolutely not tell family, because many times the couple reconcile and the BSs family hate the WS and it causes a lot of problems.

People often forgive those who hurt them your siblings and parents find it more difficult.

The WS often views you telling others as revenge ... that's not necessarily the case.

Reconciliation is a long and difficult journey. I know a couple who 30 years later still have triggers now and again. It never totally leaves your marriage. Never.

You can actually build a better marriage than before, but that takes full remorse from the WS and their ability to be patient, honest, transparent and reassuring towards you.

Overshoulderbolderholder · 16/06/2016 12:51

This is so shitty and often so bloody pointless, I wonder if he has the first inkling of the actual physical pain this revelation will have caused. I'm so sorry for you right
You will want the full story but be prepared that you may not get it or more importantly you may feel that there is more, lots that you don't know and you may never feel like you've got to the bottom of it, that's what can eat you up and spell the end because you can never quite move on. Talk, talk, talk, counselling, whatever it takes to try and get to the point where you feel you are on the same side again and can move forward together. He has to be prepared to fight to regain enough trust. Best of luck with whatever you choose. X

BloodontheTracks · 16/06/2016 12:51

Yes, exactly, I said it was too late to 'take back' the affair or get things back on track or mend things etc etc. Like Jones said, it's about a new relationship now. getting loads of stuff out of the box, seeing what excuses and permissions were given for the affair, whether that's in character or out of character, seeing in what other ways the cheater has been entitled, or secretive, or fearful of intimacy or deceptive and owning them. Most cheaters don't like what they've done, they WANT to change. But without looking at it, truthfully, it's too hard and they're too afraid of judgement (rightly!) Jones' threads are really enlightening because they show a man who really knew he wanted things to work out, trying his best to win his marriage back, and that's what's required. Because the wound can be so deep. Having said that, lots of people have affairs, it's how they're handled in the aftermath that really changes the chances of happiness in the future. Note I say happiness, not marriage success, because an important thing is opening the mind to what the happiest outcome will be , in order to truly choose the future you want, not fearfully stick to it.

Of course you can tell who you like, or not, there's no rules. Advice here is not so much telling you what to do as trying to gently let you look at the relationship, the partner, natural instincts at this point and the whole situation as something you can actually take charge of and change and see differently if you want. To empower you to stay in a marriage you really desire, if that's what you want to do. Rather than remain in something broken out of fear. (It's all getting a bit Europe!)
An affair swipes the legs out from under you, and it's utterly understandable it's too much to think of anything.

But maybe have a think, Is there anything he could do or have done that would mean you'd leave him, Going? If so, what would it be? If not, do you know and understand why?

Were you always a private person, faff, or has that come with your marriage? And what does being private mean? That you find it difficult to confide in people? That you dislike that sort of introspection? That you feel it would be a burden to others to share? Or that you have few people around you feel comfortable you can be vulnerable with?

I understand if you're not interested in answering questions right now. I'm just encouraging using this as an opportunity for looking at lives / relationships and selves right now to see the affair in a greater context you might want to examine. Whatever you do about the marriages. That way this could be an empowering life event rather than a terrible repressed brunt hit of emotion you never fully recover from.

The big question for the cheater is what did they say to themselves to give themselves permission to cheat. And the other thing is to get to a point where they are telling the truth, broadly, about what has happened. It doesn't need to be details, but it needs to not be total minimised bullshit designed to continue the privacy and fear and confusion while they try and hold onto power in the relationship.

Goingtobeawesome · 16/06/2016 13:19

I think I'd only leave if he hurt the children.

Before he told me I'd always known I'd not leave if he cheated. I had my reasons for expecting it but felt safe in the knowledge he never would. The reason he did wasn't the reason I expected Sad. .

BarbaraRoberts · 16/06/2016 15:33

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dontknowwhatcomesnext · 16/06/2016 16:48

I would like to just second two points that Jones made above.

For me and my husband (still not using DH), I also think the individual counselling was actually the much more valuable thing to do. Couples counselling has been helpful in some ways, but the understanding that I felt my husband needed came almost fully from his individual counselling. In our case, my husband had gone so far from the man I thought he was, and the man he pictured himself to be, by a whole series of steps and a long time of becoming more and more selfish and separate from the family. And my counselling helped me to see my role in that, through a thousand choices I had made, which undermined what I actually wanted and actually thought. I've said to him many times, I so catered to his needs, and smoothed his day to day life so much, he just slid right out from the family. Listen to those who say that it is the person who is less invested who does the cheating. What I am working on, and it is very much a work in progress is to stop, identify what I actually think and need and then EXPRESS it. Easy for some, but so hard for me for all sorts of growing up issues (child of an alcoholic, etc). When I'm doing that, surprise, surprise, he is forced to stop also, look at me, remember me as a separate person and not some outshoot of him. None of this may be applicable to your cases, but the bigger point is that it was individual counselling that helped both of us figure out our roles and to fix them, because really what is the point of going back to the same marriage. I'm not sure how I'd survive round 2 of this!

The other thing I would second from Jones is that you really can't underestimate the effect of time on things. Many of you are in SUCH early stages. It was also about a year for me before suddenly I just felt as if something had lifted. It was the culmination of all sorts of things, but also the effect of time. I'm sure of that.

I'd also say that I agree we don't know how we would react before it happens. Believe it or not, I would have probably said that I would've stayed if my husband felt bad, etc. Instead, I booted him the night I found out, and he has not lived here since (though we are discussing reconciliation actively). Part of it was because he had treated me dreadfully during the affair and before I found out, and it really felt like he had not only had the affair but set out to make me feel about as miserable as possible the whole time (while lying in answer to my questions, etc.), but the other part was that I had this really strong feeling that if there was ever going to be any chance for us, or even for him to be a decent human being, he had to feel every last consequence of his actions. Also, I literally could not look at him!

Goingtobeawesome · 16/06/2016 17:17

BR - feelings and relationships can't be black and white all the time. Our hearts aren't logical. I'm just not liking how I feel sometimes. I've been cold steely strong and weak panicky scared.

faffalotty · 16/06/2016 19:41

dontknow how have you coped with living as you have been since you found out, does it feel like your life is on hold?

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dontknowwhatcomesnext · 16/06/2016 20:08

faffa, I'm not sure I have an answer for that. It has felt like my life was on hold, but I didn't feel I had a choice, as I just wasn't able to pull the trigger after I saw a solicitor and got all the initial paperwork. Mostly, it really has just been a day to day thing. I really just got on with it. I work part time. I have two DCs at home, so I upped my time with them, made sure we ate dinner together most evenings even if it was 15 minutes long. I did go out more with friends, or at least make a bit more effort, but really just on the margins, so maybe doing something once a week, either evening or coffee during the day. Sometimes I was utterly miserable and depressed, and other times, to be honest, I was so relieved not to live in a house where I was walking on eggshells all the time and wondering what I did to make my husband go off me so much that I actually took some solace in being alone, watching what I want to watch on the telly, going to bed when I wanted to. There are parts of my life now that I will miss if/when we reconcile, believe it or not.

BarbaraRoberts · 17/06/2016 08:47

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faffalotty · 17/06/2016 08:58

dontknow when you say pull the trigger, do you mean file for divorce? What made you unable to do it?

br glad to hear that you are excited about the days ahead, I am guessing it is a wedding anniversary? I'm feeeling quite drained but calm right now, no anxiety or panics. DH has been away for the past few days and the only contact we have had is a single text each day - it's strange. He will be back at the weekend - I have no idea if we are going to be in agreement about where we go from here. I really don't want any arguments.

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Goingtobeawesome · 17/06/2016 09:11

We talked again last night. In brief I have to forget and move on from an actual affair. He can't shake the false impression that I've still been in love with my ex for our whole relationship and it was just a matter of time until I left DH for him. I get he can't switch it off. I've felt as if DH has done X when actually he hasn't but I do manage to let it go. Has my love not been enough? Have my actions not proved he's my love?

faffalotty · 17/06/2016 10:26

when you say you 'have to forget' - do you mean that you feel you have to or your DH does? There's no way that you can forget it

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BarbaraRoberts · 17/06/2016 10:47

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faffalotty · 17/06/2016 10:53

ah I see - sorry got the wrong end of the stick there!

I would rather he didn't come back to be honest. We will have to talk about next steps, but other than that I'd like to keep separate as much as possible

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Goingtobeawesome · 17/06/2016 10:55

I'm sure he'd want me to forget. I want to forget. But ffs it was only march that he told me and it was over ten days!

He's said he had the affair partly because he felt I was in love with my ex and would leave for him. Ex and I have had contact on 2 occasions in a few years but nothing has happened. I realise now I may have had an ea without realising it was a thing and I told DH the day I got the first message from ex. I didn't hide it but I accept I may have said things that upset DH over the year.

I've said I'm sorry. I mistakenly thought my words and actions over the twenty years we had been together meant something.

BarbaraRoberts · 17/06/2016 11:02

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BarbaraRoberts · 17/06/2016 11:05

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Goingtobeawesome · 17/06/2016 11:14

BR - the day after he told me it hadn't been one day of sex he took me to the cathedral and said his vows to em while putting in my wedding ring. He cried. But he also missed out the forsaking all others and in three further attempts didn't get it quite right Hmm. I told him to stop as it became meaningless but this week I was thinking what do I need and it was for him to ask me to marry him again. He didn't come home with a ring as said he needs me there for size but did bring me something I'd sent the link of to him to try.

BarbaraRoberts · 17/06/2016 11:23

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Goingtobeawesome · 17/06/2016 11:25

BR, can you tell me more about your ceremony as that might be what we need but I have no idea how to go about it.

Did you have a new ring? DH is worried every time I saw the ring it would be a horrible reminder of what he did.

faffalotty · 17/06/2016 12:02

sounds like you 2 had a lot more romance in your marriages. We only had a simple register office service, no vows. I went and got my own engagement ring (how sad is that?!)

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Goingtobeawesome · 17/06/2016 14:18

I'd trade my diamonds to not have the pain I'm in now. Seems it's all my fault.

faffalotty · 17/06/2016 15:32

It is absolutely not your fault. He chose to do it.

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BarbaraRoberts · 17/06/2016 15:37

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