In love with DP but getting head turned unwillingly

[Kaperee]

I will start of first by saying I am a man and really struggling with my thoughts.

I am keen to settle down and have been craving family life. I met a great woman and have been seeing her for over 2 years. We have met families etc and are fully integrated in each other lives. She is perfect, and the plan is to marry her and start a family in the not too distance future.

I recently met another woman through a mutual friend. I am very attracted to her and find it hard to avoid her. I am fully aware the best option is to stay away from her completely, but I am finding the draw too strong and she is also very keen which makes it even harder. I have not cheated with this OW.

I am struggling with my thoughts as I always thought if you truly love someone, you don't get these urges anymore to see other people. The situation with this OW is making me question what I have with DP.

Has anyone ever experienced this and does anyone have any advice on how to overcome?

Sorry Kaperee, I think the title speaks volumes as to how deluded you are.

"Unwillingly having my head turned", are you not capable of making a clear decision not to break ties with this other woman? Is someone holding a gun to your head?

Lots of people don't realise when plutonic relationships turn to something more - reading the popular book by Shirley Glass - Not just friends can really open your eyes to that. However, you seem to be fully aware of this but are almost keeping this OW on the side lines, ready to jump ship on your existing relationship if this other woman offers something better at any point. Sorry but that is just being a cunt.

In answer to your original question, no it does not mean that if you are simply attracted to another woman that there is something wrong in your relationship, you can't necessarily control that, it is biology and fleeting, but if you don't do all you can to distance yourself from that danger then you are risking your current relationship. Although by the sounds of it you are not really committed to your current partner.

If I were to be fair on you I would admit that I used to hold the view you could be plutonic friends, even good ones, with someone you had been in a relationship with. I thought, after all we are all 'civilised' and in control of our actions. But it is, I'm afraid, a fallacy. Because good relationships are not always smooth sailing and take commitment and sometimes a lot of work (the rewards are so worth it), however this relies on having a total bond of trust between you and your partner, no secrets (except birthdays!) and unwavering support of each other. Being friends with someone that may offer solace in the bad times opens up cracks in the armour of your relationship with your partner, when instead you should be pouring everything you have in to that. There is no point in continuing a relationship that you are planning on treating in a half-arsed or complacent manner.

I feel a little bad for you as I have only really learnt the true meaning of these lessons recently, with great cost. But essentially you need to the following steps;

1. remove your head from your arse;
2. decide whether you really love and want to be with your partner.
3. if the answer to (2) was no fuck off and move to step 6.
4. if the answer was yes, ask yourself if she knew how you were thinking of this woman would she be ok with you being friends with her? Better yet tell her everything.
5. if she is not/would not be ok with it, put her first for fuck sake and never speak to this other woman again. You can find other good friends (without risking loosing your most important one)
6. have a great life.

Peace.

I think you need to take some time to seriously question your feelings for your partner. Perhaps you want the whole family set up, the lifestyle, the age appropriate rite of passage, more than you want your partner for herself. You need to be deeply in love to make this life changing decision. Your attraction for this OW might indicate that your heart is trying to tell you to listen and pay attention. Think carefully about how much you really want your partner.

So your dp knows you want to shag this ow.

Yet, you are also determined to have a 'platonic' yeah right relationship with her?

Do you care about how much you're hurting your dp at all?!

I think meeting this OW shows you are not ready to commit to your partner.

Doesn't mean you should pursue it, just to really question what you want.

Better to follow your SELF no, not selfishness than to regret the wrong life choices and dragging everyone else - wife, evt. kids, pils - down with it.

Really, you are giving you and her a gift by being true to yourself.
Especiallly her as she has her biological window in which to have children if she wants them.

I am not the best person to comment on this (experiences) BUT I think you're being an arsehole and should end your relationship with your DP as you clearly have what my father would describe as a "roving eye". I kind of wish I'd listened to him when he made the same comment about my ex-h of 15 years. Maybe I wouldn't be on my own, on benefits, the wrong side of 45 with an autistic 5 year old. However, that's just MY take on it. You know what you're doing...so go and do it, but send your DP off to the life she deserves...because she deserves better than you. I mean that kindly.

Whisky Or be a gent and leave her so she can move on.
A gent -this guy? That'd be a stretch!

Kaper leave your gf before she leaves you.

AF It seems like it; but if not, it means there is more than one.