Good Morning Everyone.
Husha, Im loving you having a dance around the living room - its something I do as well. I'd actually love to be a lot better at dancing than I am and if I lived somewhere lessons were easily available I'd be there everyday. Its one of the things Im looking forward to when I go on the cruise with my pal in September. She loves dancing and goes away on the 60's/70's/80's dancing weekend things at the likes of Butlins and I know for sure we'll be in the Disco every night on board. I like those dance routines like the Electric Slide so when Im back from the UK in a couple of weeks Im going to spend the summer learning via Youtube videos because Im not going outdoors unless its in the evening. Its roasting here, absolutely roasting, and when I collected the wee one from school yesterday it was 53 degrees at 2pm, thats 127 degrees in pound shillings and pence. It was awful.
My eldest son who wanted to pick a fight with me told me the other day that he's met the new woman in my husbands life. He's met her twice for brief periods. He was asked by his father as the eldest son to validate the two little ones so he did. Anyway my counselling seems to be working because I was able to sit and listen to him and not react. I just said I can understand why you did it ( I do understand why he did it) but I dont understand why you had to tell me ( I do, he was looking for a fight) but more to the point son I always knew it would be you who did. He didn't like it and said - oh don't think Im all friendly with her. So I told him - its none of my business if you are because again, I always knew it would be you, you are thinking long term and you will always look after yourself. I was able to say it without any malice and not only did he not get the fight he was looking for, Im his go to person when he wants a quarrel, I totally un-nerved him and he was left thinking - mhmm this hasn't gone the way I wanted it to. He even said - your different 
So I told him yeah its all of your inheritance that Im spending on very expensive counselling.
My daughters have met her as well but they went with a completely different agenda to my son and their thoughts were made very clear. He's a very difficult person and I worry because of his job and on days when I want to scud him in the lug I tell myself if anything happened to him at work and there was bad feeling between you you'd never be able to live with it, and if anything happened to him at work then he should be able to be terrified and perhaps want his mum and know that you loved him a lot. It really is my bottom line with regards to him but I know it must sound half daft.
Anyway yesterday was hard because my bravado had kind of left me and on top of my DS having an awful day I was also left pondering me and my eldest boy and Im even more determined now to try and improve things between us, and get to the bottom of him/us. Not because he met the other woman - simply because he was willing to use the information to try and upset me.
My DS2 and his wife called in to see me before they went to the airport to drop my DIL and the wee one off to go on holiday. She saw I was a bit down and to be frank they're all sick of my eldest son (no one's really bothering with him he's such difficult a character and the other kids have had enough, they can't help him anymore) and we discussed what he did. I said to her I feel as if my husband got away with everything and she said to me no, he hasn't, because I made it very clear to him last week how we all felt.
So seemingly my husband visited them after he'd been to see the new baby and said its obvious you're all afraid of Tattie but if your are flying from Dubai come and stay at home. No one need worry about her finding out because it can be a secret, we'll just keep it to ourselves. So my DIL said to him, if you will give me a few minutes of your time I will explain the situation to you. She said no one is afraid of Tattie, but we do love and respect her very much so Im sorry but I can never meet your new family because the two just do not go hand in hand. She then went on to say but this isn't even about Tattie, its about your son, my husband, you have to understand that you were away a lot when they were younger and the business took up your life when they were older and you would tell them that when you'd made money you'd slow down and spend time with the family - that family life would be great. So they all looked forward to that and lived for the day they would have their dad around and their children would have their grandfather but what have they got? They've got nothing because you are away living your life with another family? Thats the reason why you children are not on board with you. She was very good and kept it very polite and there was no mention of the standard of person he's now with and her behaviour over the years which was tacky in the extreme.
She said that my husband sat there and was trying to talk over her and make jokes and say things like - oh its all water under the bridge, and what happened happened, and life's too short etc etc etc. She said he was like a teenager with hardly any grasp on reality at all and she said its obvious he either can't or wont think of the reality that is our family life. She's also of the opinion that its one of the reasons he surrounds himself with drunken court jesters because they're now the only ones in his life who'll accept his version of reality for the price of their drinks and electricity bills.
My son was at home, he'd been on a nightshift and got up when he heard his father in the house, and the first thing my husband did was say to him - come and stay at home if you are dropping them in Dubai. And that was when my son said - Dad as long as you're living the life you're living I will never set foot anywhere you call home so please stop asking because its not going to happen.
Im not gloating about that. In fact I find it very sad because first and foremost its about the pain my children are in and it shows that no matter how old our children are - there's still parts of them that are our wee boys and girls. And you may find this bit daft but I actually feel quite sorry for my husband.
Oh and on the same day I felt grim I was talking to someone I hadn't seen for a long time and they told me about one of my husbands very poor distant relatives who took the chance of an all expenses paid holiday from Kenya to Dubai and 5 days into her stay with my husband and his family she asked if he would book her on a flight the next day as she couldn't stand the fighting and shouting going on in the house. And thats another indication of how far removed he is from people who make better choices in life - our immediate extended family will have nothing to do with his situation, its in fact over a year since he saw his sisters, and all he has now are very far removed, previously hardly ever seen poor relatives,who can't believe that Sir Galahad has rode into their life wielding a cheque book.
Then on the same day there was one of his old friends who I met at the shops and he told me - no one can believe what he is with now, a young girl who set off from the Phillipines to earn 200 pounds a month and her only ambition lay in getting herself a wealthy foreigner. First she was with her European Boss and then your stupid DH came along.
So as you can imagine that was quite a shock because whilst we always knew what she is (and what he is) its come as a bit of a shock to realise she's even worse than we first thought. But at the same time we've had a good laugh about it and not just because when my husband found out he got her to leave work and then set her up in an apartment where she sat and waited for him to arrive in Dubai every week. It must have been terrible for him not being able to trust his mistress to go to work everyday and work alongside the boss she'd being having an affair with before she met my husband eh And that latter bit, the bit about him getting her to leave work is the sociopath in him - he was showing the boss who was Boss. He was showing another successful man - 'Im de man'!
And then of course once she was in the flat - came the pregnancy. Well not that we know that for sure given how often he changes his mind about what came first - the pregnancy or the wedding. It really all does depend on the version of events he's telling to people that day.
So Im sure you can understand why my kids are so upset when they say - why did he have to sink so low mum, why couldn't he have chosen someone decent so that when they dust settled we could have at least all made a go of it and still and our dad?
What a bloody mess.
Sorry for typos, am typing with one eye over my shoulder in case grizzly bear adams comes into the room with a sore head 