Hello Hush and everybody! Thought I'd just drop by quickly to say "Hello" and offer solidarity to everybody who is going through this shit-storm. I often lurk to see how everybody is doing but have been having some low moments where I've not been able to summon up enough ooopmh to post. Having said that, I started taking ADs mid-May and I think they might be starting to kick in. Still feel sad and scared and all the rest, but somehow it seems a bit blunter and easier to cope with.
Sorry to hear everybody's stories and all the sadness and heartbreak that accompanies them. I had absolutely no idea how common it was for "D"Hs to up and off for OWs until it happened to me and I started speaking to people online and in RL. It's like a bloody epidemic: there are at least 5 women at work it happened to; it's happened to the mums of others; it's happened to dentist's receptionists; friends of friends; relatives of friends .... I wonder if it's some sort of modern-day phenomenon (for want of a better description)?
Whatever it is, it's horrible! It did make me think, though, that I have been - and still am - beating myself up hugely for all the things I said and did that contributed to the marriage being wrong and what a horrible and unkind person I was - and am - and going over and over every little detail of the past 26 years to try to see my own part in the demise of everything. I have felt like nastiness personified and that I probably deserved what happened to me because of the way I had behaved in the past. After all, to have provoked such an angry and cruel reaction in STBXH, I must have done something to warrant it! Now, if this was something that had happened just to STBXH and me, then perhaps it would indicate some deep and unusual flaws within me and the marriage; some personality defect that was unique to me and which succeeded in driving him away. However, the fact that husbands running off with OW seems to be happening more and more often and following an eerily similar pattern (age range of the couple, age/status of OW, stage of marriage, children, age/status of the husband etc), rather suggests that the spotlight should be turned on those who have left. The pattern seems to be with them .... I don't know, maybe I'm postulating a load of piffle! It's so hard to fathom out and the hardest bit is trying to make sense of what happened and why. I guess we are all trying to do that in our own ways.
I've read that some of you have had to have valuations done. I did, too, a few weeks ago. It was so hard and I had a friend round to keep me company and make sure I didn't weep over the estate agent. I had a lovely surprise when I got home to await the agent's arrival. Lovely DS had been out in the garden, picked up the dog poo, got the lawnmower out, discovered it wasn't working, phoned a mate who came round with his parents' lawnmower and both set to work cutting the grass which was like a jungle. I was extremely moved and asked him if he had done it to help because the estate agent was coming round. He looked at me blankly and said "No, it's coz I want to have some mates round tonight and they might want to go out in the garden and can you lend me a tenner and can you buy me some Kopparberg? And can you not cry?" Life goes on, eh? 
The gathering was a huge success - bottles and cans all over the garden, lots of very bad singing and even worse dancing, the dog escaped twice and was seen lapping up spilt beer and eating cigarette butts. He had a wonderful time as well.
Hope you are OK today Hush and everybody else. I often think about you all and we will all get through this. We will!