That Sunday Feeling!

[Hushabyemountain98]

Welcome to to my new thread. I hope that all my MN friends from Onwards and Upwards will join me and maybe a few new ones!xx

Bless you Kirk

I've still struggled through today. I went to a DIY place earlier and started crying uncontrollably and had to leave. I've got stuck in this awful self-destructive mindset where I can't gt him out of my thoughts. Everything reminds me of him, of us, of building a life together. A few days ago I felt so stable, confident enough to post the divorce petition, feeling good about myself at the gym. I hate this new place that I'm in.

I've also had a realisation today of how much I think about what I do in terms of, what he would think. I've spent so many years trying to do the right thing, to please him, trying to be good enough for him. I'm a competent, intelligent woman - but I just didn't see how messed up I was getting. These aren't behaviours that you can just change overnight either, I reckon it will take a long time.

Sorry that this seems to have turned into the faff thread in the past few days.

Hello everyone. I'm just back from holiday so haven't had any internet access for a week.

Faffalotty, you have been given some excellent advice these last few days but you have to go at your own pace. I'm so sorry that you're hurting. Sending you strength.

Hush - how you doing?

I hope everyone else is doing ok? Xx

Hi everyone , hope you all ok , well guess what ? A very long text text came from him last night , wtf have I done you are fabulous etc etc etc it goes on , I cried a river but didn't text back , I am strong enough I can't advise you faffy and not do it myself ! Feeling shattered though today and off to London on a nursing course at 10 am , another sword in my side but I am not raising to the bait, it's cruel trying to push my buttons ,he make his choice , he left the marriage , now he has to deal with the consequences 😡😡😡

Oh no Kirk. What an awful situation to be in. He has caused you such pain and is still toying with your emotions.

As you say, don't reply. Hopefully you can keep yourself busy at your course.

Take care. Xx

Oh Kirk that must have been so painful to read. Very strong of you to not respond. Sorry, I'm not sure on your situation, how long is it since you split up?

Sending you warm (need them today) hugs to get you through today. I hope the course is a good distraction and you have a chance for an early night tonight.

Update from me, I got to see a doctor yesterday. A lovely lady. I am now citalopram and have been referred to some liaison person regarding counselling. I should hear from them quite soon apparently. I'm now not feeling very well, I think I must have a bug. Been feeling a bit sick, tired, shivery. I'm having my house rewired at the moment so I've no option of staying home. I just hope I don't feel any worse tomorrow.

Excellent news faffy , re medication you will better soon I promise been separated 18 months , did my own divorce in Feb this year after 11 months separated , he text again last night did you get my text ?? I still haven't responded although it has hurt me hard 😢

Hello everyone.
Sorry I have not been here for a couple of days but I am thinking of you all and sorry that some of you are having such a hard time.
I will be back later.

Take care xxx

Hi everyone , hope you all ok , faffy how are feeling Hun ?

Hi kirk. I'm not too bad thanks. The house is covered in dust from having work done so I have plenty to keep me busy. Hopefully a much less eventful weekend than last.

How are you? Quite a late posting from you (I don't know if it's normal for you to be up late)

Hello everyone. I want to say thank you to all of you lovely ladies who are going through hard times. I have been awake since 4am today feeling like I just can't go on and reading this thread until my kindle battery died really helped.

I have been with my stbxh for 20 years, since I was 19, and married for 15. In April he announced out of the blue that he was happy and moved out in June, swearing blind that there was no one else. He kept stringing me along for months sometimes saying he thought we could work things out and sometimes saying it was over... until he contacted me again. Halloween was the 20th anniversary of when we met, he invited me out for dinner, to my favourite restaurant

And he just came round and I punched him in the face, twice. I am shaking. Shit

Ok, I am going to carry on with my story..

It turns out that he has been having an affair for eight years with one woman, for three with another and then started up with a third earlier this year. I feel like my whole life has been a lie.

Shift I can't believe that I just punched him, I've never punched any body before. Talk about losing your dignity

He did deserve it though. I wish I'd hit him harder.

Hi all. Been a while since I posted but need a bit of support today.

DH told me last night that he has 'sort of a date' tonight. She works at his head office at the other end of the country, is the inevitable 32 and blonde. They're going to a works do 'more as mates than anything '.

This has knocked straight back to nearly a year ago. He came to see if i was ok this morning and I did all the wrongs things - got hysterical, begged him not to go. Of course, he can't handle emotions so completely withdrew and now I feel we've gone right back. I know we've been separated for ten months but he's been part of my life all that time and I've not had to endure many of the awful things some posters here have. He's also still married, wears his wedding ring, texts me everyday and cares about me (so he says). She knows he's married. What sort of person does that make her? What sort of person does that make him? I'm all over the place. I know tonight i'm just going to be thinking about what they're doing. I hate him for bringing me back to this point.

Good morning all.
The weather is rotten here. Got soaked out with my dog earlier. Plenty of wet paw marks in the house now!
I am watching some mushy Christmas film on TV.
I have made the bread, put washing on, cleaned the coffee machine and emptied the dishwasher. Just trying to gather the enthusiasm to do some other mundane task!
Welcome to my thread The Tapir.
I am sorry that you are having a hard time.
Sorry that you had to resort to punching your husband.
Still you have to find other ways to deal with what he has done.
Have you had any legal advice?
Do you have children?
Do you have plenty of support from family and friends?
The ladies on here are very helpful and supportive and very often have plenty of good advice.
Did you manage any sleep last night?
You may feel that you cannot go on but you will as most of us on here have felt like at some point during this dreadful experience.
You just have to get through small periods at a time. If you look too far ahead it just makes you panic and you cannot see a way forward.
I better go and get the ironing done!

Take care.
Bye for now xx

Hi madamehooch.
Sorry that you have been knocked right back.
I know you are questioning her morals but as I have been told it is really him that you have the issue with as he is your husband and who knows what these men tell these women. Don't think I am excusing her as I am not.
Is there anything you can do tonight to keep your mind occupied so you won't be thinking about them?
I am really sorry this is happening to you.
You deserve so much better.
Thinking of you.
Take care xx

Tapir did you just find out today about the affairs? Punching him was obviously not a good move, but I understand that overwhelming feeling.

How are you feeling now?

Hooch that sounds quite mean to tell you that. Why do you still have so much contact if you are separated?

Hope you don't mind a lurker (and an admirer of you all) sticking her oar in.
Faffalotty, you mention feeling poorly? Starting citalopram can make you feel as you describe. You should have been told to take 10mg a day for a week before increasing to prescribed dose.

Butts out again x

Thanks Cary. I did wonder if it could be the tablets, but the symptoms started quite soon after taking the first tablet (which was 10mg). Probably about 6 hours later.

Could be the tabs, when I started them it was about that time span for me. I was advised to take them at night with food, and it helped a bit. Was like mild gastric flu. Whether its them or not, hope you feel better soon.

And they take about two weeks to start to work and about six weeks to really have an effect, so hang on in there.

Hi Hush. My friend is coming round tonight to keep me company so that's good.

Faffa - DH and I have been married for 24 years. He's been diagnosed with depression and left home in January. There was definitely no other woman. We have a DD and we care about each other immensely. We have tried going no contact but it doesn't work for us. The positives are that we are there for each other. The negatives are that I know I have all the awful things to come - him going on 'sort of dates ' etc. My friend described it as 'death by a thousand papercuts ' and that's what it is. He told me because we've never kept any secrets from each other. I might sound like a naive fool but everyone's situation is different. I can't hate him and sometimes you need some of that to be able to move on.

Ah ok, I didn't understand the situation. Sounds tough

Hi, yes I've had legal advice, the divorce papers should be with him soon. I found out about the affairs last week but haven't seen him since so I decided to confront him. He said something dismissive that was just the final straw.

It was a stupid thing to do I know.

Hi Tapir my love, welcome to the club no one really wanted to join, you know violence isn't really the answer, but hey-Ho, I'm sure his smug face deserved it.

madame, that's an awful thing to read, nevermind experience, I'm sorry but he doesn't care about your feelings at all, or otherwise he's just too selfish to care. You must try and detach yourself from him, otherwise it's going to affect you very badly. Him going on "dates" and telling you about it is just torture, why does he think you want to hear about it? Are you hoping to reconcile? Because he obviously isn't on the same page. Hugs to you my lovely, xxx
Hi cary, and welcome, I've seen you post quite a bit about your situation, you're coping admirably well in the circumstances, KOKO, xx

I agree with Cary about the anti-d's maybe being responsible for you feeling ill, faffa, they did me. So much so I couldn't take them, they made me so sick, how are you feeling today?

Hi Hobbit. Yes I was hoping that he would come to his senses, get some help and come back and the family who loves him. As time has gone on I know that this is unlikely to happen. This has knocked me for six though. I think i'm going to get some help because I agree that this is not doing my mental health any good

I've been quite nauseous today, particularly when I went food shopping. Reminded me of morning sickness. If these are side-effects and they don't wear off soon I don't think I'll take the tablets. One thing that really helps me cope is exercise and I've not been able to do any this week as I've felt so tired and sick.

Hooch - I think you need to decide on boundaries, so what do you contact each other about and what do you not mention. I was talking to someone the other day about this, how it is difficult to know what level of conversation to have. I am trying to limit contact to only essential stuff to do with the DCs and not to engage in any chit chat. That is purely for my own sanity as I know I have to detach from him and reframe our relationship.