That Sunday Feeling!

[Hushabyemountain98]

Welcome to to my new thread. I hope that all my MN friends from Onwards and Upwards will join me and maybe a few new ones!xx

Hello Hush.

I have had a busy weekend so far but I haven't really done anything exciting.

My last counselling session has really given me a lot to think about.

I hope you're well. Xx

Hello WTAFF.

Good that you had a busy weekend. Were you decorating?

Glad that your last counselling session has given you a lot to think about. Hopefully in a positive way?

I saw my counsellor this morning. It was a very positive visit.

I better get some housework done as I have not achieved very much today.

Take care xx

Goodnight everyone.
I hope you all sleep well.
xx

Hello all

How is everyone? My DC are going to stay at STBXH's for the first time tonight so I'm going to be home alone. I've not got anyone I can go out with, I thought about going out on my own but sometimes (to cinema) but sometimes that makes me feel even more alone, being around other people in couples or groups.

When my DC were young I would have loved to have had an evening all to myself to do whatever I wanted, now it seems very daunting. And then the whole weekend ahead.

I really do feel that I would benefit from seeing a counsellor, hearing what some of you are getting from it. I am really becoming aware of the negative feelings I have about myself and how worthless I think I am. I've only ever been in 1 relationship after spending my teenage years thinking that boys didn't like me, and the way STBXH has treated me has just validated those thoughts.

Although I have times where I feel strong and positive, my low points seem to be getting lower. I do often feel like I just don't want to go on any more.

I've got home to the divorce petition confirmation in the post. Broken down in tears. Even though I filed it.
I just can't cope with it all.

Hello faffalotty,

Can you find something good to watch on TV?
Maybe have a nice bath and a glass of wine.
I don't like going out on my own.
I think you would benefit from seeing a Counsellor.
Mine has helped me so much and I know other ladies on here have found the same.
Please do not think you are worthless. You are not. My counsellor has helped me see that I am a kind and intelligent woman with so much to offer. I lost all my confidence. Now I am a lot more confident.
I've started making cakes again. My photography skills have been appreciated by other people. I have even been told that I am artistic!
I felt that I did not want to go on anymore but how would our children feel about that. They would be devastated.
It hurts seeing the divorce petition in black and white.
You will cope though. Just take one day at a time.
Please look into seeing a counsellor.
Thinking of you.
Take care xx

Hi faffalotty, some excellent advice from hush, please heed it.
It's still very early days for you, you're doing really well considering.

Some days are easier than others, I'm two years on from him leaving and ten months divorced, but I still have some sad days where I wish it hadn't happened. The dark thoughts you are having are only natural after such a shock, we've all had them, even if only fleetingly, you just want the pain to end, and it will my love, it just takes time.

hush and hobbit - thank you so much for your kind words and support and for letting me ramble on. Places like this are invaluable, I just wish there were real life support groups for women going through the same thing.

I've had a bath but don't drink, so no wine. I guess I am circling through the stages of grief. At least I don't have to see him, that would make it harder - at one stage when we were selling up I was hoping that he might decide to emigrate (as he had always wanted to). I know that wouldn't be good for the DC but it would have helped me!

I don't know what to do about counselling. I saw someone a few times through a work benefit scheme, so it was free. But it was mostly just someone to talk to about what was going on and she would tell me that how I felt was normal and not to dwell on the past or look too far forward into the future. That was about it. It was more practical help than addressing my psychological issues.

I do have confidence in my ability to do certain things, like my job or some hobbies but I have no confidence with people, well really I think it is just with men. I notice that any interaction I have, such as in a shop I am sort of feeling sorry for them for having to look at me or talk to me and I am expecting them to laugh at me behind my back. I know this is really weird and if I heard someone else saying this I would tell them to stop being silly and that they are imagining it all. But I just can't help it.

Good evening all.
And agreed - excellent advice from Hush. All I can add is that you need to start by learning to like yourself. In addition to a counsellor / someone to talk to, I make myself have little treats. I have redone my house - nothing expensive but have decluttered it. I've repainted rooms. I've cleared out such a lot of rubbish and it means that when I walk in it is my space and I feel quite calm. I know that at my age I am unlikely to ever have another relationship so I have made sure that my life is as interesting as possible - I treat myself (doesn't have to be expensive - could just be a scented candle, nice bath oils etc) and this has helped me overcome that massive sense of personal failure that I had when my relationship broke up.
It's a slow process but I'm sure it starts as we start to like and appreciate ourselves .

That sounds good Louisa

I don't know how old you are, but never say never!

I do need to like myself, it sounds easier than it is. I am getting myself involved in new things and I do try to be nice to myself. It's hard to break old habits and thought patterns - I guess that is what counselling can help with

Hi ladies
Excellent advice for faff , my heart breaks for you though as the early days are hard my lovely , you are broken into a 1000 shattered pieces , lonely in a full room , couple envy too , on here we all have massive empathy for you as we have all been there . That's why we are called Sunday feeling as weekends are so hard , Saturday night still kills me every week and my work friends text me throughout strictly 😢 Tonight I have invited them for a meal and to watch it with me 🎉 Like Louise says you have to learn to like yourself , read self help confidence books Paul McKenna does good ones , plus how to heal a broken heart , runaway husbands too

After 20 months alone , my kids are 25 and 21 and don't live at home , 10 months after doing my own divorce ( that bit hurt especially those names v names on the petition ) I am slowly feeling better , baking again , making chilli jam for Christmas and winter soups , I am healing slowly and I honestly never thought I would , down to 1 antidepressant from 4 😊 And living in the moment as I realise I can't control my future any more !

As my friends on here know I was 50 in May and have had 10 holidays all paid for me by family and friends , I am blessed as are we all on here with love , but the emotional roller coaster is a ride I don't want to repeat again ever , I will never be the same and I think deep down I hated being at home hence the holidays but I am good enough for today. God bless faffalotty and private message me if you are ever too lonely we on here will help you peice yourself together again ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thank you Kirk that is lovely.

I feel like I'm beyond the 'early days' and should be feeling better by now. Is it still early? I'm 5 months from discovery and 6 weeks from moving to my new house.

I put on a good show of being fine, at work there are a few people who know that we have separated but not the reasons behind it. They probably think that I'm over it as I don't show signs of how I am feeling. I don't have any family nearby, so don't see them often and when I'm in contact I act like I'm coping really well (again they don't know the reasons behind our breakup). I think they see any difficulties as being practical rather than emotional.

Last night I decided to confide in my SIL (by text). We've never been close, but she has been very sweet sending me texts now and again just to say hello and see how I am. I think she understands more than the rest of the family.

I'm not sure if I should go to the doctors. I've been on anti-depressants before (I had PND) and didn't want to take them again. I do worry though that I have had several moments recently where I have felt suicidal.

Please please open up to your SIL and honestly the antidepressants worked for me , I am a nurse and I didn't want to go on them but if you have suicidal thoughts they will lift your serotonin levels and help you cope , you can come off them when you are ready , you are still early days ,anyway it's how you feel , it takes as long as it takes maybe years but it will get better , please try and stop texting him , I did it and it drove me mAd , make a pact with me today go no contact I will help you and when you want to text him , pm me or put it on here , 1 day at a time and we will all get through this lovely lady ❤️

Seconding what Kirk says!
And weekends are the hardest. Once our children have left the nest, it can feel very lonely. That's why I worked on creating my own space which I actively enjoy.
I'm glad that you let your SIL know how you feel - as parents we create this aura of 'I'm fine' and floating over the surface - while underneath we're struggling to stay afloat.
I sing very loudly (and dreadfully) when I'm driving! It's very therapeutic - if a bit bonkers . I try to socialise and have learnt to take myself out for a coffee or lunch etc.
And I beg to disagree faff - it's still very early days for you - which I think is why it can seem so hard. I am now over nearly 4 years on (which is why I may give the illusion of being a bit sorted). But what I have struggled with is knowing that I 'wasted' my relationship with someone who I should have realised was never going to be there as I grow older. I'm over a decade older than you which is why I have had to make my peace with the fact that this is my life now - I won't be dating etc. So I have to make it a good life IYSWIM.

At five months on I was still very low, faffalotty my love, still having counselling, not sleeping or eating well, on beta blockers to stop the panic attacks and feelings of low self esteem.

I would go to your gp and explain how you're feeling, they are sympathetic, you are still traumatised after such a shock.

The trouble is, no one truly understands how hard this is until they have been through it themselves, they nod and agree how awful it is but don't really "get it". I didn't, I just thought, oh so and so is getting divorced, what a shame, not having a clue how devestating it can be.
But we do understand, that's why it's therapeutic to rant and vent and say what you like here, because you can bet your bottom dollar one of us has done it or felt it or lived it. Sending you love and strength, xx

Thanks again lovely people

I was offered beta blockers before by my previous doctor but I can't take them as I have quite low blood pressure.Now that I've moved I've registered at a different surgery and haven't been there yet, so don't know what they're like.

It's not how you imagine and not how it is portrayed in film and tv, where they tend to get over it all pretty quick and move on. I really feel sorry for celebrities who not only have to deal with this but also having it talked about all over the media.

He's dropped DS back home. I saw him out of my bedroom window. First time I've seen him in 6 weeks.

I really can't do this. I'm just sobbing and sobbing and no one cares. What's the point

It's ok to sob it's allowed faff , sobbing heals you too , remember he is not the man you knew , it's like a knife in your side every time you see them , the memories , the life you had together , you are grieving for him and you feel sad and lonely and in shock , you have post traumatic shock which I am sure we all have had , we are devastated , but please please trust me , lay down even with the kids and breathe and don't pretend you are fine you are anything but fine , people may not walking your path but they love you , grasp every ounce of that love and breathe x

You can do this, faffalotty my love, it's painful but you will get through it, I promise you. And we care, I know we are only strangers on the Internet, but we understand what you're going through, and will help you to deal with your heartbreak.

Kirk is right, get all the RL help you can, family, friends, your gp, a counsellor, they are your support network.

Hello faffa I'm so sorry to hear that you feel so low. The others are right, five months in are still very early days for you. This emotional rollercoaster that you are on is just horrible. You get really low days like these where you just feel overwhelmed, and then other days where you feel better and energised and then something tips you back to square one. Sadly this is normal for the situation you find yourself in. One that's not of your making.
Please take it easy this evening. You don't have to ask your DS if he had a nice time, just assume he has been taken care of. If he needs feeding have a takeaway, whatever garbage he wants! Going to collect it will at least get you out of the house for a bit. Or have it delivered, whatever feels best. Have a potter about, or just lie down.
And yes, I'm sure many of us know that feeling well. When you have been looking after small children effectively single handedly 24/7 you would give anything for an hours break. But to have them leave the home, even just overnight in these circumstances feels like a further punishment. It's awful, it really is. And then there's the worry of what it must be like for the kids to be ferried about between two houses.
But I promise you faffa, it does get better. It really does. Slowly but surely you will feel better and stronger in yourself. It just takes a lot of time. Talking about it helps. You feel like you are going over the same thing again and again, but actually it does help to process your thoughts.
I hope you are ok tonight, as much as you can be.
Be very kind to yourself and take care x

Good evening all.
Sorry I have not been around but I have been busy doing a birthday cake and a lemon meringue pie for my sons birthday party.
Once again the ladies on here are here to help.
Lots of really good support and advice.
I really hope that things get easier for you faffalotty. This is such a horrible journey but those that are a lot further on than you and me all say that it does get easier.
My Counsellor always tells me to be kind to myself.
Take care and keep posting xx

Thanks again all, the kindness of strangers is a wonderful thing.

I've realised this evening that the way I feel is similar to the start of my post natal depression, so that's an unpleasant reminder and also alerted me to the severity of the problem. I will definitely call the doctors on Monday, but I don't know how their appointment booking works or how long I might have to wait.

That's good that you've recognised you may be on the same path as in your past my love, better to get some help sooner and nip it in the bud.

These sorry excuses for husbands and fathers have a lot to answer for.
Look after yourself, xx

Didn't get enough sleep but I'm up, had breakfast and put some washing on. Realised that yesterday I hardly ate/drank anything, didn't wash (other than teeth) and didn't leave the house. All bad habits.

Also realised that I have an ingrained perception of myself as someone who over-reacts. Developed from being told that I am, eg when questioning his behaviour and accusing him of lying (which all turned out to be valid). Your sharing and supporting is helping me see that I'm not. That I'm actually coping with this as well as anyone can. I have done some name-calling, made snide comments and threatened to contact certain people to tell them what I think of them I haven't. But I haven't contacted anyone and I have maintained a certain level of dignity.

Wow faffy , I had goose bumps when I read your post so proud of you , what a strong woman you are , forget about those days like yesterday i bet all of us on here eh hush and co didn't wash for 3 days never mind 1 day or was that just me 🙈 Yesterday is behind you , today is Bloody Sunday our flagship hush's girl army day , you are doing it faffy you are being dignified and in control , that's their trick making you think you have gone mad !!! But all along we were never mad including you they wanted us to be mad so they could abandon us and our kids and feel justified in doing it !!

Get to the docs tomorrow and have my NHS position to say cry and demand to see a GP and I promise you in 3 weeks you will be able to lift your head up and start making some sort of sense of this mess they 😡😡 have created for us !
We are kind caring loving women who never asked for it but it's here and together we will get through the bear hunt ( we can't get over it , under it , we just have to get through it with virtual friends and real life people . Today faffy you are good enough ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️