That Sunday Feeling!

[Hushabyemountain98]

Welcome to to my new thread. I hope that all my MN friends from Onwards and Upwards will join me and maybe a few new ones!xx

Oh bless you thankgod , I know just how you feel , I was the same , I didn't want it to be a competition but in my head it killed me when they so him and they are 25 and 21 so I didn't need to be involved ! You my lovely are heartbroken and your mind talk drives you mad , try and read runaway husbands and Paul McKenna how to mend a broken heart 💔 , we are all here for you and honestly this is all absolutely normal on this awful roller coaster , just breathe and take it hour by hour xxxxxx

I hope I haven't upset you or anyone else on this thread

No upset here either.

Though I will admit I did feel a bit ashamed when I thought of how many times Ive read 'that' particular scenario into the most innocent of things and it really doesnt do us any good at all which is why I dived in at the deep and shot from the finger tips.

Very eloquently put Thankgod and Im so sorry this is now your reality.

I'll tell you what my daughter said to me one day when I said my god you must all be so bloody fed up of me, I feel so ashamed. She told me mama we love you and whilst we've had to carry you on a stretcher for quite some time our arms have only ever felt a bit tired - we have never ever wanted to put you down on the ground and walk away and leave you.

Im sure your daughter will feel the same way about you.

We can't hurry these things along, its a process we have to go through, but sometimes it helps those around us if we fake it till we make it. It doesn't have to be huge gestures, it can be the smallest of things that give our loved ones a bit of hope that not everyday is a bad day or bad hour for us. It can be one step forward and ten back, but that one step forward is good for our loved ones even if its a great big bloody lie in reality.

And you know what? Eventually you realise that the faking it is helping you to make it and you start to look forward to the faking it because its become very real.

Does that make sense?

If not no one will blame you

Husha, thank you, the feeding has got going today and hopefully they'll both be home tomorrow but Ive said that if she needs another couple of nights in hospital it will be arranged. I never knew that each time a person has a c-section it can hinder feeding a bit. Ive no idea why but the poor thing was feeling rather useless today because the wee ones blood sugar was repeatedly quite low and none of us could come up with any ideas even though we're all breast feeders so I went and told the midwife. She explained things and my DIL felt much better afterwards but if she wants to stay in longer she can. Not that we're those militant breast feeders but first time round my DIL couldnt breast feed and this time she really wants it to happen so its all hands on deck so to speak in order to give it a really good chance of happening. Anyway she's sitting up in bed and looking the picture of health and happiness and as a family we're all feeling rather loved up.

Still no name though, but we have seen this wee face before - the wee one does indeed look like me but most of all she looks like my second granddaughter who also looks very much like my granny.

So many people saw her today and said - we've seen that face before.

Kirk/Notonyour
Thank you for your kind words. You've made me cry again.
I've ordered those books you recommended. I'll try anything to feel better.
I've promised my daughter that she can do my makeup once she's tidied her room up a bit. Hopefully it will take our mind of things for a bit. She's very into all this contouring etc off You Tube. God knows what I'll look like!

Thankgod I hope makeup session was good fun (smile)

Hi ThankGod.
I am glad that you have found plenty of support on here in my absence.
I found the Runaway Husbands book really good.
It is so difficult with all these raw feelings and thinking about your daughter with your ex after what he has done.
If she does see him that does not mean that she does not love you the most. I am sure you are precious to her as she is you.
She will not ever be fed up with you.
I hope you enjoyed having your make up done?
How are you feeling today? Xxx

Hi Kirk,
How are you doing?
Are you doing anything nice this weekend?
I went to the cinema with a friend last night and went out for brunch with another friend this morning.
Have been wound up by a certain person again.
That's how it is though. I can never win!
Take care xx

Hi notonyur.
I am glad that the feeding has got going.
Are you daughter in law and granddaughter home now or are they staying in hospital a little longer?
Breast feeding is great if you can do it! I tried everything but it turned out that I was only producing a tiny amount of milk! So after a real battle I had to give up! I tried with my second one and I had the same problem!
I am glad that your daughter in law is looking a picture of health and happiness.
It is good that your new granddaughter looks like you and your second granddaughter. Does she have a name yet?
I hope that she turns out to be really kind like her grandma is.

Well I better close as I have achieved very little today.
Take care xxx

Good morning all.
We have a sunny day here.
Unfortunately I have that Sunday feeling!
Only mine started yesterday afternoon.
One of my MN friends suggested that I put on here how I am actually feeling rather than making out that I am okay.

Yesterday I was out with a friend in the morning for brunch which was really nice.
In the afternoon though I felt so low again.
I just felt so low and desperate again.
I just felt so lonely again.
I even felt like asking my dh to come home. I know he won't come because I cannot offer him what she does.
Then I started to look at houses which will be in my budget and that depressed me. The thought of losing my beautiful home.
So I am going to lose my home, my car, my life and my husband. Why?
I just wanted to end it all!
Here come the tears again!
My sister is coming to dinner this afternoon so I will have company.

Sorry to drag you all down this morning.
I hope you all have a lovely sunny day xx☀️

Hush
You are not dragging anyone down!
I feel exactly the same. I walk around our village and cry that I'm going to have to leave. I look at I can afford and get upset. It's not fair.
But your MN friend was right. Post what you really feel. I find it helps me to post my sad moments. I'm using MN as a kind of online journal as well as somewhere to talk/get advice/comfort. Hopefully in the future I will be able to look back over my posts and see a gradual shift in how I'm doing.
I want my husband to tell me he's made a mistake - just so I can turn round and agree that yes he has. But it's too late now. Just so I feel a bit better in myself. Just so the last 15 years don't feel like a waste.
Off to walk the dog now - but please Hush (anyone else) don't hide how you are feeling.

Good Morning ThankGod,
It is good to hear about your feelings too.
Let's hope we will be able to look back at our posts and see how much we have improved. It's just hard to see now. My counsellor told me not to look at houses as I do not know what is going to happen yet. That is in the future only deal with today!
Talking about Counsellors how did you get on with the phone Counselling. Have they set up an appointment with a Counsellor?
I do not have mine this week as it is bank holiday!
The thing is even if my husband came back it will only happen again a few years down the line. It's just that I really miss him! Here come the tears again!
I have to get the dogs out for a walk. I have to have a shower as I slept in my clothes last night!
Have a good day xxx

Morning mn friends , oh yes it's Sunday and I am today going to the 2nd wedding of the weekend , I had to put on the biggest brave face at ex nephew wedding ( ex wouldn't go as its all about his feelings and he would be embraced VICTIM ) my kids kept saying mum we are so proud of you with your held held high ! All a bloody good act from me , everyone in couples me 50 yr old single woman who feels 88 stone and a failure , I cried a lot through the ceremony for my own marriage and to see my beautiful nephew cry at his vows 😢

Today it is my step mums nephews so it's my gang , but still another putting on a front day !!!
Yesterday was ex and dd birthday ( same day for the first time without each other ) obviously he was with her ( in my head having a Bbq a cake with her kids 😡) he left ow the other week that's 4 times now , I don't want him ( I don't think ??) but I sure as hell don't want him to be with her and its still killing me how selfish he is , who is he now ????? I subscribe to a divorce support site so I put it on here to help us today , hush and thank god , I after 12 months still feel the same pain at times though , it does become a bit easier until you let your mind run away with itself and I try so hard not to let this happen . My dad lost his best friend yesterday , today on a Sunday we breathe , we are loved because we are so good and kind and we will survive this together with openness and dignity ❤️

One Day at a Time
365 days of healing and encouragement

Divorce support

The Danger of Not Forgiving
Day 292

“Bitterness is a poison that can destroy you, and it never destroys the person it’s aimed at. A way to get through bitterness is to forgive,” says Christine.

Dr. Les Carter says, “I recall one woman who came to me ten years after her divorce. She was talking about her son’s marriage and her daughter’s graduation. Her ex was going to be at both. She had never resolved the fact that he had rejected her. She kept going over in her mind, ‘How could he have done this to me? Can’t he see that he just ripped apart a family?’ Her children would say, ‘Mom, we know the facts. We know he did it. We can’t go back and rewrite history.’ She would always come back with those infamous words, ‘Yes, but …’

"That is a woman who is so stuck in the past that it’s as though she is willing to hold on to that divorce, to hold on to that anger, as being the defining element in her personality.”

If you do not forgive the person who has hurt you, you are making it impossible to receive forgiveness for yourself. You need that forgiveness for your own freedom and healing and to release power in your life.

Sermon from kirk over for our Sunday feeling group 😂🙈

Hello Hush. That takes guts to write down those feelings. Especially when you have been conditioned to shut up and accept for so long. I know we shouldn't place all this value on material things, but our homes and our neighbours are very important to us. I think especially so if other areas of our lives are not good, our homes give us stability and to know that you are surrounded by neighbours that are good and kind is a comfort. It does compensate for the other things that may be lacking. So I think you have every right to feel cheated out of the life that you had as you were putting all your energy into making it a good one and into being a loving and loyal wife and mother. It is very unfair. It is absolutely not your fault that your husband has done what he has.
I agree with your counsellor, it's impossible to look at other houses until you know exactly what you will have to play with. Deal with it then. With the exception of fighting for pension rights try not to look too far in advance. If you do at the moment it's either impossibly frightening or a big black void! So don't look! The future has a habit of working itself out, and who knows what opportunities might present themselves.
This is without a doubt the hardest thing we will have to face.
Yes, materially we will be worse off. But the trick is not to become bitter about it all as that will eat you up eventually. Angry, yes, you have every right to be angry, but not for ever. You will come out of this stronger, happier and a better person. I know it sounds like a cliche, but I really think it's true. It just takes time.
Onwards and upwards. Xxx

Great sermon Kirk!
You see, I'm so glad you write truthfully about how you're feeling because it makes me feel less barking! Because twelve months on, yes I do feel better but just like you I can quite easily let those thoughts run around crazy in my head.
Well done on surviving the weddings. They can be very tough.
I hope you're ok. Are you able to retake the test on your course? Xx

Thanks pisco , yes resubmit it in July xx oh yes and it should of said embrassed not embraced lol !!!

Hi Kirk,
I hope you get through the wedding today!
How wonderful that your kids are proud of you.
That is so important!
What is it that one of my MN friends says 'Fake it until you make it'.
You will make it.
You are certainly not a failure. You have a great job/career and kids that adore you and plenty of friends!
You certainly are not 88 stone and you look great to me. You will be able to lose the weight if you need to!

Sorry that your Dad lost his best friend yesterday.

Thank you for sharing your divorce support site with us.

I better go and start getting the dinner ready for my guests.

Enjoy the wedding xxx

Okay - please can I say it first?

Stuff forgiveness because some things are unforgivable and not forgiving someone for what they've done doesn't mean you live your life in the past all the while becoming a shrew. I will never ever forgive my husband for what he's done but I am going on into the future in a good way and I've never been so 'together' emotionally or mentally.

Hi Pisco.

Thanks for your very kind and supportive e mail.
I think you and my counsellor are right. I am going to try and not look at houses until I know what my budget will be. I have to get through the valuation this week.
I have not gone back to my DH again as he will only come back with some smart answer making me unreasonable.
My other issue is looking at the smart OW. I try not to look but I cannot help it! She makes me feel so inadequate! She is on her travels again and no doubt my DH will be joining her again!
She is so full of confidence and a total extrovert. The top dog and I am like the runt of the litter! She is so photogenic and I am not anymore!
Here come the tears again.
I have to go as I have to get the dinner on the go!
Thank you for listening.
xxx

Yes stuff forgiveness notonyur!
I forgave him before and where did that get me!
xx

My friend had a terrible life with her husband and she eventually left. Quite a few years later when she had remarried her first husband was dying a very early death and he would only let her nurse him. He was also remarried by this time but only my friend was allowed near him towards the end. It was the way his mind was working at that stage. So my friend nursed him but even so she never forgave him for what he'd did to her and when people would say buy you nursed him at the end she would just reply - I gave him a good death for the sake of my children. But forgive him? No.

I think at times there is way too much emphasis put on forgiveness and people then find it really hard to cope with their new life. They're deemed failures because they won't forgive. In my mind it can be far more beneficial to say no, I will never forgive him or her - then to live your new life owning not forgiving.

It does not have to make you bitter and twisted. It can in fact be good for you.

Husha im sure it pains all of us to see you in so much distress when you compare yourself to the OW.

Don't think I am forgiveness stage , either lol ! Just sharing what others think we need to do !!!! That stage may take me a lifetime girls xxxx

Everyone (there seems to be so many of us at the moment). I am not a forgiving kind of person. Maybe that is my weakness/failing but hey oh! I will never ever forgive him for what he has done - but I hope that eventually I can forget and move on with my life. I am bitter. I think anyone would be. You have a future life planned out and then in a few short sentences it is destroyed. Anyone would find that hard to forgive.
Hush you asked about my counselling - I'm a bit disappointed to be honest. I had my telephone appointment on Monday where they said counselling would be useful but I have to have another longer telephone appointment first. In three weeks time. By the time I see someone it will probably have been at least two months since it happened. Really you need to speak to someone whilst it's all I had raw.
I have looked at houses online but will not go and see any until my own house is under offer. I would hate to see something I loved and it sell to someone else.
I am glad I found this thread (and the last one). Talking with you all is helping me enormously. Whilst I am so sorry that you are all going through this. It helps to know that I am not alone.

Just sharing what others think we need to do

I'd actually like to twat that pastor or whatever he is. I read the bit about forgiveness and I couldnt but help equate it to the disgraceful old fashioned notion on hysteria being specific to women.

Anyway, I also wanted to say that I hope I dont hurt people with my thoughts on things. I'd like to think we can speak freely and just know that no one here is going to hurt anyone else.

xxx