Hello Hush. Hello everybody!
I've been away for a few days visiting some friends from college - 32 years ago! - and it was lovely to see them. I went to the first friend for a day and then we drove up to see the second friend who lives in the back of beyond, a couple of miles from where I lived as a young child and very close to the campsite where my family camped every year. Beautiful place and it brought back so many memories. It was wonderful to see my friends and catch up. We talked and talked and talked - mostly me 
- and put away quite a bit of wine.
On the downside, I found it very difficult coming back home and leaving the little bubble of nostalgia and happy memories. I'm afraid I have hardly stopped crying ever since. I think the contrast of happy carefree past with horrible sad present and scary uncertain future is just too much. I'm so glad I went and saw my friends because I had such a lovely time, but am finding it very difficult coming back to "reality".
Didn't help to come back to a car that won't start. I think it's the battery that has died, but I haven't a clue what to do. My neighbour jump started me and the car ran fine, but the next morning - dead as a dodo. The car is being collected next Tuesday by the garage, so it's back to that strange concept of walking and carrying bags. Bit like my childhood 
DS was on his own whilst I was away; DD2 was at Reading Festival and DD1 was at her boyfriend's. I suspected that DS might have a few friends round, so I told him it was OK, but that the only thing I didn't want was for the neighbours to be upset or any illegal substances to be used. Well, on the Friday night I had a text from DD2 at Reading screeching that she had seen on Snapchat that our house was full of people including some girls from school who she didn't like. Turned out, he'd had more than a few friends round. There was no damage done and he'd made a good attempt at clearing up. Dog was fine. However, I think some of his guests had got quite rowdy and silly and the neighbours mentioned it to me. However, they were the ones who jump started me, so I'm guessing they're not too upset at me. DS is still "crawling". Little git!
Anyway, enough about me. Sorry to hear that quite a few of you are feeling a bit low at the moment. Hush, I know exactly how you feel about the solicitors and everything. It's just bringing it home and making it even more real. I've got an appointment with my solicitor today and a third mediation session tomorrow. It's absolutely horrible, isn't it? All this negotiating and bartering of our lives; it's like having to justify our existence over all those years. I definitely feel that I'm being seen as a passenger and a leech that STBXH is working to free himself from to move on to a happy ever after. I've become the enemy overnight.
I think all we can do is just keep going, one step at a time. So many people have said that it does get so much better once it's all sorted out and that it is usually the abandoned wives who end up happier than the runaway husbands in these situations. I do hope there's some truth in that.
I think that something to hold on to is that despite the pain of betrayal and the upheaval of our lives, we are the ones who will be able to hold up our heads because we didn't cheat or lie or betray. They are the ones who put their own selfish needs above the happiness of others and rushed off to shiny new lives leaving their families devastated in their wake. Selfish, selfish, entitled men. There's a lot to be said for achieving the moral high ground and I know that further down this horrible, shitty path, it will become even more important. I hold on to that thought when I'm tempted - and, God, am I tempted - to wreak some form of revenge on him and her. It's nice to hold on to the fantasy of revenge, though
Well, better get off and prepare for the appointment. Pack my tissues and all that.
Chin up to all those who are going through misery at the moment. We are all worth so much more than this and it is NO reflection on us at all. Their behaviour says more about their characters than it does about ours and we are not to be defined by their selfish, self-serving, entitled actions. Oh, and let's hope their willies all drop off.