DRY 13

[lilybetsy]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.

I will quote a sober poster "I'm fitter, slimmer, richer, happier & healthier"

Go sober warriors !

girlsonfilm was at day 6 yesterday ..

Glad you have some RL support - will your DH not drink at home for a while?

The essay is 'easy' theoretically, in that I know all the 'facts'; but referencing it all ? I'm quite close to saying bugger it! Ive left it much too late - mainly because I had a million other things to do in the last month, party because my down time is jealously guarded and protected at the moment - so I will NOT bring work home in the evenings - ho hm.

It really doesn't matter if I flunk out - but It will damage my pride. Maybe I need to accept that rest and recuperation is more important right now!

Wat do you like to drink pillow that is non alcoholic? I find it helps to have different things available - some lovely cordial, special tea, diet coke ! I Also love Becks blue lemon, Seedlip (non alcoholic spirit which is GORGEOUS) and just got some Botonique which is a sparking non alcoholic wine type things! (Jury is out on that one at the moment) My absolute fave at the moment is San Pellegrino Pompelmo (grapefruit) which is stashed in the fridge with a DO NOT TOUCH sign so the marauding children don't demolish my whole supply !

There are some fabulous mock-tail recipes around for interesting subtle and complex flavor drinks - not too sweet, but feel like real treats.

Lily x

Hi pillow sorry to hear of your awful experience. Are you considering more therapy?

I miscounted I'm 3 weeks sober today (I thought it was 4!) but I also checked my quit app and I'm 40 weeks not smoking and I don't even think about it anymore, I am hoping I will hit 40 weeks AF and feel the same.

placemarking. :)

Morning everyone. Sorry for my placemark yesterday. I have been a longtime lurker and am now on day 1. I just realised that I am potentially identifiable in RL under this user name so will name change and come back later today.

Thanks to you all for your inspiration.

I had a great night's sleep and feeling much better. I am now on Day 6. So glad to see others who have just started here too. Good luck notsure.

Lily not really thought about other drinks - I've been drinking lots of water and herbal teas, coffee in the afternoons when I've been feeling lethargic. I've been eating sweet things but I don't really want to get into that too much. Supermarket shop today though - and I plan to get myself some nice cordials and maybe lime and sparkling water for the evenings when I feel like a treat.

efc thank you for your kind wishes. I've had a psychologist, a counsellor and ongoing care from my GP. I did take Sertraline for two years, but have been weaned off it since. I do feel like the PTSD has been resolved, and the drinking is a relic that I used as a coping mechanism and now has become a dependency and a nasty habit. I used to be a very moderate social drinker - for years and years and years - but I know I can't go back to that now.

I'm going to go swimming today and get a treat for myself this afternoon. What are everyone else's plans?

Does anyone have any tips for me on dealing with social events? I have one coming up in a couple of weeks time that I can't get out of. It will be VERY boozy and people, knowing me, will expect me to be trashed and the fact that I won't be will cause comment. These people aren't close enough to get the truth about my difficulties just yet, and I don't want them thinking I am pregnant either...

Welcome notsure. onewhite, I drive to these events now and take my own supply of Becks Blue. I have found, surprisingly, that I have enjoyed all of the social events I've attended in my new AF state. And it is brilliant the next day as you haven't been the person making a tit of themselves. You mentioned the phenomenon of 'over sharing' yesterday, which triggered (oh god) some really awful memories of my drunken behaviour particularly at works do's. Just hope everyone else also pissed and don't remember this.

Oversharing, flirting, ranting - the works.

Last week I was away for work in Glasgow. Woke up in my hotel room with a bruise on my face having no idea how I got home. I had my purse and keys and I was alone (thank god). I went down to breakfast in the morning having NO IDEA if the hotel staff had had to help me find my room, what state I'd come back in, or anything. It isn't the first time that has happened to me and right now I am not sure why this is different (I've done much worse) but it is the last. I've not taken a drink since. I hate thinking about it - it makes me feel really ashamed and upset and anxious - but if thinking about it keeps me off the booze, then thinking about it is what I have to do.

absolutebeginner the event is a kind of weekend stay somewhere - so driving isn't necessarily going to help. But your idea to take AF drinks is a good one. I might take something like a sparkling water and lots of fruits - I imagine once everyone else gets a few inside them they won't notice what is or isn't in my glass.

What do you tell people about not drinking? Most people know I had mental health problems for the past few years. I was thinking of saying something like, 'I've learned it doesn't do me much good and I want to carry on recovering, so this feels like the next step.' I want to say something that will shut down conversation and not have people worrying about me, but which will be clear and final.

I guess I don't have to think about this today anyway. I am only five and a tiny bit of day six in.

Morning (another one without a hangover😊)

One I'm day 7 af today and, having been offered drinks yesterday and turned them down, feeling pretty good. Having said that I've been ruminating on some of the horrible, embarrassing and downright dangerous situations that I have been in due to alcohol and let me tell you it ain't pretty!

I think you're reference to your mh will shut most arguements down quite effectively. I haven't yet decided what my long term reason for not drinking to the wider public, at the moment its all to do with losing weight and then it might morph into "I feel so good without it I've decided I don't want to ho there again"

Morning sober warriors! Thanks for the kind words about my car and our 1000 days :) Will try the lemon juice later as I'm working in it again today.
onewhite I would tell a white lie and say you are on antibiotics for an infection - you don't have to say what but if they probe I would say a urinary tract infection that'll teach them to be nosey . That said I'm a nurse so wouldn't baulk at saying this . Just give yourself a cast iron excuse so that you can't go back on it with yourself or with the encouragement of them. As you say the first 10 minutes are usually the worst as people get their first drinks but once that has passed so does the anxiety in my experience. You could always go hide in the loo and check in here - which is a ploy I used in the early days :)

Well done Girlson! Sunday's particularly without a hangover never gets old
Try not to ruminate about the past as we cannot change it and we have to forgive ourselves and draw a line We were not acting like ourselves because our brain had been hijacked by alcohol and although we own the decision to take the first drink those after it are much more difficult to resist because of the way alcohol works as a disinhibitor.

Hi all, I've not posted recently as I'm struggling for time really.....but I do read every single post at some point once a day.

So, with that in mind, you're getting one massive one!!!

Lucy, congrats from me too for your milestone. Fantastic!
Onewhite and anyone else thinking about the past and stuff you've done whilst pissed......honestly, just accept it happened and then forget about it. I promise you, we've all been there, whatever it is. I was the queen of blackouts, I've woken up many times having no memory as to how I've got home, undressed, not undressed.....the works. I've fallen off trains and not remembered, I've just been told about it the day after. You haven't murdered anyone, you've just got really pissed.....

It is a total waste of your precious sober time and energy, beating yourselves up. So stop it.

Also, what other people think........I promise you that nobody is thinking about you anywhere near as much as you think they are. They really aren't so stop torturing yourselves. And, you will really piss them off because you being sober will shine a very bright light upon them..........
So, what to do??? Well, you could spend your time making the most of your new clarity of thought and start getting excited about your future......because you have the chance of a fantastic one by making the very brave decision to quit.
I highly recommend that you read the blogs and literature that has been recommended. I also love mummywasasecretdrinker.......fabulous resource as is Lucy's
Also, I adore Brene Brown's TEDx Talks which you'll find on YouTube. The first one is about embracing vulnerability and the second is about shame. They are incredible and every woman should watch them. They are both only about 25 minutes long. They will probably lead you to all sorts of other websites and resources.

Lily I want to give you a hug. But you are so strong my lovely xx
Absolute my sober twin.......nearly 6 months for us two!! How are we going to celebrate.......??

One final thing, don't ever doubt your decision to quit. Also, if and when you start to have the conversation in your head that you could moderate.......forget it. It's exhausting. Quitting is just so much easier than torturing yourself with "well, if I have one glass at 7pm, then water til 9, then another glass........""
Instead look forward to your anxiety disappearing, people telling you that you look bloody fantastic, your hair suddenly getting thicker and thicker, your mood just becoming better and better.....and experiencing feelings like joy......

Good luck to you all

KOKO sober warriors......sorry I haven't name checked you all. I am grateful every single day to all of you for being here

Never forget that we are so incredibly strong by making this decision. Most people couldn't do it and we have.......

Hi hurricane I thought I might mark six months with a necklace like lily's. Was it you, Lily, or did I get that wrong? Re what to tell people. At the stage I'm at now I'm happy telling the truth although I don't share the bit about growing up with a drinking parent. That stuff is private, though it is the reason why being AF feels so 'right'. I was scared to say too much in early days in case I failed but once you have a few weeks under yr belt it will get easier. I think urinary infection is a brilliant cover story.

Thank you so much likeahurricane - that really gets things into perspective. Yes, I was a drunken mess and a pain in the arse, and I embarrassed myself and let people down, but I didn't kill anyone. And no - no-one will be sitting thinking about me as much as I am right now. Perhaps this is the self-isolating and narcissism of the addict that I keep reading about.

I had an okay day today. DH was a right sod - he's tired because he can't sleep in the heat, but he's been nagging and picking and I lost it with him today. I took the kids out on my own and he's been sulking all afternoon. Wouldn't come and eat with us. I felt really really tempted to drink, but I think he is expecting me too - because that is how I usually deal with stress and upset. So I've bathed the kids, left them with him for their bedside story and am about to have a bath myself with a fennel tea.

Another early night, I think, then day 6 will be over. I've not been 6 days AF in a row in YEARS. I am sleeping so much - is that normal? I think my body and brain are probably healing, and emotionally I still need to check out a bit and sleep is probably a healthier way to do that than booze is.

UTI! Sounds good to me. I am taking notes and will be checking out the blogs tonight.

Yes onewhite, the sleeping will be PAWS. There's lots about that on Lucy's blog and Mummy's blog. Enjoy reading

In life the only people who's opinion matters are those who love us and genuinely have our best interests at heart. Those who have our backs.....

Absolute great idea......mmm, got me thinking now

Hello everyone, huge welcome to the newcomers and congrats to everyone marking milestones. Lily, you don't sound awful to me you sound shattered and in need of some tlc.

You did the hard thing when you decided to quit. It gets better now as the poison works its way out. I feel I'm starting to reconnect with the old Sybil now - and she's ok :) It's a funny thing, really - emotions and memories surface and gradually you know you can face them without anaesthetic.

Brilliant strategies for driving, taking nice alternatives, planning what to say. I generally don't bother saying much. I told people I was doing a dry january, then I'd given up for lent (ok that one won't fly in July) and then that it's made so feel so much better I've decided to carry on "for a bit". Cos actually it is none of their business... And anyway, it's just one day at a time and that's ok.

I have had a really grim time at work lately - one of the reasons I've not been posting. I think we're coming out the other side now and have managed it entirely sober and not even really been tempted as know don't want to make things worse with hangover etc.

Our angry bird has vanished. Have some instead!

beginner, yes that was me. I wear it quite often. In some ways it felt a bit stupid ordering it so earl on, but in other ways it was a solid statement and a tangible reminder ft the commitment I have made.

Well done pillow another hurdle negotiated!

Hugs to all xx

Lily 🌷

disclaimer - "you decided to quit" wasn't directed at anyone - "we decided" was the spirit of the thing. Sorry, lily if it reads as a bit inane and twee there. Was trying, rather feebly, to post about something I've found so key - the slowly improving mental clarity and calm that comes from going af. Will never be zen but definitely less hyper stressed these days and that alone makes it worth doing.

I am very sleepy and considering the sober warrior's favourite thing s - a lovely soaky bath and an early night :)

Also vxa and lily I liked your blogs very much and also find Lucy and sober mummy incredibly helpful.

Evening everyone.

On the subject of explaining not drinking to other people, I have 6 long term sober friends all have different reasons-

1. He likes going the gym/fitness and alcohol ruins this
2. Serious medical condition can't drink with medication
3. Religious reasons
4. History of mh problems that alcohol seriously increase
5. In recovery but doesn't really discuss
6. Doesn't like taste

I've started telling a few close friends mainly saying I don't enjoy how it makes me feel anymore which is very close to the truth.

I don't think I'm going to say anything at this particular event - I don't really want to go, it will be stressful and horrible, and I don't want to have a personal conversation with the people who I am with. So I think I will just say, 'I'm not feeling up to it' and leave it at that. But for other people - I think being honest about previous MH problems (which were no secret) and how drinking does and did me no favours is the way to go.

I feel sad again tonight. DH is still sulking and ignoring me and took the pillows downstairs to sleep alone. He's behaved awfully these past few days - like a bear with a sore head - which is not like him, but I shouldn't have lost it with him. I just got so tired of him picking at me and nagging the kids. I have a weird craving feeling - I don't want to drink, I don't think - but I am thinking about smoking (gave that up a couple of months ago) and generally feeling all itchy and irritable. I want to find some way of soothing or comforting myself that is healthy but I don't know what that is.

Made myself yet more tea. I am thirsty all the time. Do you think I could still be dehydrated? Off to check out blogs now.

Hi everyone a while since I've posted been lurking and just reading through the thread X welcome all newcomers we are so amazing the Sober Warriors Rock!! can't believe they've taken our symbol away currently on day 41 AF!! everyday is different but all in all so much better for it xxx keep up the fab work Ladies we should all be so proud of each other xxxx lots of love

Evening all!

Work is bonkersconkers as DD would say, and I have been so bad at posting lately. But I am reading every post, and cheering everyone along, old and new.

So very excited about Lucy's 1000 - I know you have a big trip planned, but did you decide on a reward to mark the day itself? Sorry if you said already and I missed it.

Lily I hope you are on the way back up out of your low patch

Welcome new peeps!

So I just checked my app and today is day 400 for me - a nice number I think, but then they all are really

Looks like the old bird is still there, for those of us in the know

Rock on warriors!

Evening
fuzzy no nothing planned for the day which is only 5 days away now WOOHOO!!! - should do something about that! I have my first sober wedding the next day so need to have some sober treats lined up to counter-balance surviving another booze soaked event
Thanks also to all of you for the kind words about my blog

Hi all,

just getting myself back on the thread. Not been on MN lately.

Hope you are all well. Congrats Lucy!

Hey Slim Hope you're okay lovely :)

Lovely to see you rose and slim. Has anyone seen boodle and bleach ?