DRY 13

[lilybetsy]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.

I will quote a sober poster "I'm fitter, slimmer, richer, happier & healthier"

Go sober warriors !

Morning all! 4 weeks under my belt - day 29 today!

onewhite - I was sooo very thirsty for the first 2 weeks - not sure why, but it did tail off - I was downing pints of water like there was no tomorrow!

Feeling a bit flat today - not sure why, the thought of never drinking again is weighing heavily on me - have no intention/desire to drink right now (which is good, as it's 9:30 am!) or even tonight, but feel dragged down by the thought of not ever drinking wine again!

ust do some yoga

Today I'm not drinking... :)

Hi again - yay on Day 29 finnish!

I am okay here. Just getting over a few days of crippling migraines accompanied by vomiting. Very pissed off to find I have not lost weight out of it. [grrr]

Last week I had 2 glasses of wine then started crying and could not stop. I finally told DH that the 'self-help group' I have been going to is AA. He was very supportive and is going to drive me to a meeting today as I am in no fit state to drive with the remnants of the 3 day migraine hanging over me. I had not told DH because I was ashamed to admit to him I had a drinking problem (like he did not know!) and was afraid that if we split up he will use it against me. Instead his reaction was total, unqualified support. So I feel physically drained and emotionally drained, and ever so vulnerable but better.

so, that is me. I have not been following the thread properly, so sorry. Will go back and read.

Hi lurker and occasional poster here I read and benefit so much from words of wisdom . What has been going through my head a lot is the cycle that I am going through and wonder if others relate? I am not af yet am trying to stick to 14 unit "limit " but find this so hard even to do that and find I go over by a couple ( used to be more so going in right direction ) I guess what I am wondering is how long I will go down this well trodden path- I still expect alcohol to be fun and I look around and I think is it still fun for others ? Is it just me . Counting units and educating myself has been edifying though- what units are in what drinks , I have found the drink aware site useful ( I get the irony that the booze industry find some of it! ) and non judgy

Hi Ginger.

I found that the constant thoughts about alcohol dimish when I make the commitment to not drink - Although I obviously think about drinking a fair bit - hence posting on this site! - but realistically, it's about 20 mins a day that I spend thinking about alcohol.

When I was trying to cut down, I spent hours obsessing over alcohol, justifications/recriminations/trade offs

It all got too exhausting.

Slim - glad the migraines finally stopped - and it's great how supportive your DH is - I'm very impressed that you've told him - DP is still unaware of anything other than me trying 3 months of sobriety... which we've not really talked about much either...

I still think that secretly I'm hoping that a good long period off will cure me then I can drink like a normal - but I'm also feeling fairly sure that that's not possible for me - I can drink like a normal, but it's fake, and requires much more engergy/control than it does for those that can enjoy a glass of wine and then not fancy another for 3 weeks...

Today I am disgustingly excited

I have planned to do something entirely and completely for myself this afternoon. It is totally self indulgent and, dare I say it, vain. I’m not planing to tell ANYONE in real life.

The wish to do something vain self caring, tells me that my self esteem is improving. When I have been drinking heavily I feel low, and don’t care about my appearance / clothing / grooming, beyond the basic cleanliness and ironed clothes. I will often not bother with make up, dress for comfort rather than elegance, and hide my figure (which is not THAT bad for 51) in a selection of unflattering baggy tops, skirts and trousers.

Yesterday I celebrated my 3 months soberversary. Not than anyone other than me was aware if it, and that is what I wanted. We had a big family lunch, with my partners children and mum as well as my kids. DP and I did not drink, and we had a wonderful, happy, family Sunday. My partner, who has also been a heavy drinker, completed 12 days AF yesterday, and has said that he feels better, is more focused, clearer and more motivated. Well, who knew ! From my perspective he is a lot less grumpy (though he still snores). I’m hoping he will decide to continue AF, but I am saying very little and hoping the results speak for themselves…

Yesterdays lunch was a testament to how much fun can be had without alcohol. Pre March I would have started drinking on the stroke of 12. By the time the family arrived I would have been almost a bottle down, lunch would have been late (er), and it is possible that an argument would have ensued – not caused by me, but by the alcohol consumed all around. This morning I would have been hungover, tired and depressed.

So, my positive mood today, my self caring treat booked for later (I’m actually a bit nervous) my smart clothes and shoes, my inner smile at the thought of a happy family lunch – all of these things have come about because I am sober. Today I am as close as I have ever been to not wanting to drink alcohol. Not denying myself, not resisting the urge, but choosing NOT to drink because my life is better without it.

This feels important, I want to box this feeling and hold it close – I’ll settle for sharing it with my lovely sober friends and thank you for your support.

Ginger personally I find it a great deal easier to drink nothing rather than moderate. I think drinking a 'bit' just stirs up all the cravings and wishes that you have to drink, so you are constantly having to fight to moderate. Once you actually STOP completely, it gets easier....

Hi Slim, sounding good.

Where is Matron?? Please come back x

Finnish WELL DONE ! just go gently today if it feels like too much xx

Lilyxx

Lily that sounds lovely. I hope I am feeling as happy and calm as you seem to be when I am at three months. How long was it before you could confidently say, 'I don't drink anymore'?

Today is day 7 for me and last night was the hardest yet. I just lay in bed tossing and turning and feeling sorry for myself. Anxious and irritable and upset. DH is still sulking and it is really bothering me. I can't tell if I am just generally irritable, or he's being really cruel and unreasonable, or we're both just stressed. I don't know. I feel very alone. But my drinking mind is also looking for any excuse at all to drink and I don't want to turn this into one. I need to come up with some kind of action plan for tonight. I sat up and read blogs last night and it really did help.

lily I am so excited for you. You deserve a huge treat and it sounds as if you have chosen something really special. I am so glad you are feeling brighter. Hold on to this feeling.

one you are doing really well. 7 days is tough. You have a lot going on in your head and your body is adjusting so you struggle physically too. It will get better I promise.

Is your partner a drinker ? I wonder if he is feeling uncomfortable about his drinking now that you have stopped. I had this with one of my friends who has basically stopped engaging with me. I think it is because she knows she has a problem with drinking but she is not ready to stop.

This evening do as little as possible. Healthy supper, bath and an early night. You need to nurture your sober self. Blogs are good and I like the Bubble hour podcasts when I am in bed.

onepillow - thank you 🙂

I don't say that I'm not a drinker. I really haven't told anyone except DP that I intend never to drink again. My closest friend knows I am not drinking, but not that this is it. Others, most noticeably my mother, may have noticed, but haven't asked ...
I absolutely agreed with everything vxa said, it's really early days for you, and you are still physically ridding your body of alcohol and toxic by products. I'm pleased for you that you didn't go out last night - feeling unwell, and vulnerable and anxious is a recipe for disaster in a social situations full of people who expect you to drink. There is plenty of time to do social stuff when you are stronger...

I will also say to you, what Lucy said to me, when I had a big wobble with DP early on in my sobriety; Don't make any huge decisions right now, try to let things slide over you. Emotions are all over the place at the moment, and there is little stability. It gets better, little by little things improve...

Little steps, self care is hugely important in the early days and weeks - and that means protecting yourself fromtoo much stress !

Lily X 🌷

PS thanks for the good wishes. I blew all the ones I have saved not drinking, (again) but I feel very happy !

Lily 🌷

Lily it's wonderful to hear you sounding so happy and positive. Congratulations on your 3 months 😄🎉👍🏻 and enjoy that sober treat!!

Love to all sober warriors tonight.

Lily that is such a great post from you. well done!

I'm so up and down at the moment. I phoned in sick to work because I couldn't stop crying. I think it is better to go and get some company if I can but I just couldn't get up and out there. I had a message from a work friend asking if I was ok and it was devastating. He was the only person in the world who asked and I cried and cried and wondered what it would be like if I told him how not ok I am.

Tomorrow is going to be better. I insist. I am going to clean up, have some tea, have a sleep and tomorrow is another day.

Welcome onewhitepillow.

slim, well done on opening up. This could be the start of something amazing for you both, not just for you, but for you together.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had opened up to XP about needing to stop drinking, and asking for support, even for him to stop or cut down. It might have been the end of us, to be honest I doubt he would have chosen me over booze and i guess I knew that.

Money is going to be a lot tighter and despite this I am looking for a therapist. I have never managed to get the money or the time together for it. It seems clear now that I haven't been properly supported by XP. I think a part of me has been waiting for 10 years for him to make stuff happen: thinking I have a partner who will step in and say: stop, take a break, look after yourself. I don't. I don't have a partner at all any more so it's time to be realistic and do it for myself.

lily hope you had a lovely afternoon.

vxa love your blog how you describe your emotions rings so true with me.

slim glad your dh is so supportive.

ginger I can only echo other posters and I'm only 3 weeks but modifying was exhausting for me and I feel so much better that for me alcohol can no longer be an option.

Everyone else keep going!

Thank you all for the time and the insightful words I know abstinence is the only way not he constant booze maths and cheating so ... Day one starts here wish Me luck and best wishes all

Just marking my place. Day 1.

Howbad I hope you are feeling better this morning lovely

Welcome ginger and crusoe I won't be drinking today either :)

welcome ginger and Crusoe - I won't drink today either :)

lily - hope that your sober treat went well - are we allowed to know what it is? (in my head it's some kind of spa day, which would be my definition of scary self-care!)

howbad - your post really reminded me of something I read which rang true for me on a sober blog - Hip sobriety - apologies if it's not useful... I found counselling so useful at unpicking my past - my top tip is to not feel bad about changing counsellors if you don't click with your therapist - It took me 4 goes to find someone that worked well with me, and I regret taking years between attempts, thinking that counselling wasn't for me simply because the counsellor wasn't a good fit!

Lucy - your posts make me feel happy and grounded - don't know why!

waves at Fuzzy vxa and efc - apologies to anyone I've missed!

onewite - I had to go and sleep in a different bed from DP somewhere around 7 days - I found I just couldn't settle to sleep, and was annoyed at him being their because I couldn't toss and turn with abandon! After a 2 nights I returned to getting better sleep - am now sleeping better than before when I was drinking - I haven't woken up at 2 am for ages :)

Hi Ginger and Crusoe, good to have you on board. Will it ever stop raining?! How do you get angry bird motif to come back?

Morning all.

Howbad thinking of you today. How are you feeling? You have been facing the tough times you have faced with such grace.

ginger crusoe welcome. I agree with everyone about moderating. Just attempting it fucks me right up, to excuse the language. I'm not drinking today either.

waves to everyone.

Hello all, how are we all.

I am sorry to say I lost the plot again at day 23 which was well over a week ago. I then had 3 days dry last week but today is again my day 1.

I don't know what keeps happening at about 23 days - that's the third time I got there and I kind of knew it might be a problem and think I almost allowed and helped it be the problem I had told myself it was.

Anyway none of that now - I am back on track and day 1 it is.

Notably I have no read the thread whilst I have been "away" I am going off now for a catch up.

Morning all and waves all round am feeling good to have made a decision that moderating does not work for me. I know it doesn't as I can never stick to it -that tells me something so here for me to refer back to is a list of things I won't miss and don't want in my life -wasting money on alcohol and bad food because I am in a pub and get hungry , ditto fruit machines - the look on my partners face when I come home with alcohol mid week, feeling tired and sleeping badly and then not having the time and attention to my loved ones . Sneaking drinks and hiding the recycling , wondering why it is not fun anymore but I still do it. Day time drinking and getting recognised by the regular blokes ( am not a bloke) that frequent the pub all day every day as one of their own . Feeling argumentative and emotional but not in a healthy way. The sweaty gritty feeling of my skin and the amount of time energy and effort in planning to drink and covering my tracks ....farewell to all that

Good m

Good morning ladies. Welcome crusoe and ginger. Moderation is so hard. I know I can't just have one and taking drinking out of the equation makes everything much simpler. Exhausting but simpler and so worth it.

lou I think you may be right in that you almost set yourself up to drink. I did that lots of times. But look forward now. Day 1 is all you need to think about today.

lily I hope your treat was fantastic !!!

efc thank you for your kind words about my blog.

Love and sober strength to everyone xxx

well done ginger - now take that list and put it somewhere you can refer to it any time you feel like drinking. My list ( the honest one) is disgustingly shameful. I have included a lot of emotions that I had very frequently whilst drinking - humiliation, shame, embarrassment, defensiveness, anxiety etc. etc.

Loubilou welcome back ; what is it about 3 weeks do you think ? Is it that you feel much better physically and mentally and therefore sort of " forget" that you decided to be sober ? Are you missing something associated with drinking ? Well done for picking yourself up and starting straight back...

Slim somehow I missed your post yesterday morning, I'm sorry. How brave to tell your DH, and how wonderful that he is being supportive. You have much to be proud of yourself for - I agree with someone upthread who said this could be an important time for you to be close to your DH and really trust him to support you. I hope you are feeling ok - that level of exposure and vulnerability makes me anxious...

howbad, I think the decision to seek some counselling is a really really good one, which is full of self love and belief that YOU ARE WORTH IT. I think the emotional rollercoaster is to be expected and that the grief and pain is better cried out than bottled up. I'm sending you hugs and love and a big for your continued sobriety in amongst ALL that you have to deal with. Forgive my language but that's F**king impressive.

My DP is now on day 14 AF. I am torn between admiration (he has just given up with none of the anguish and soul searching that I did) pleasure (no alcohol in the house), relief - he is much calmer and less grumpy, and irritation that he declares (often) "This is easy" ... I just smile and offer support !

Yesterday I visited a cosmetic clinic and had botox and fillers. The former has not yet started to show, the latter has caused a little bruising, but already the effects are amazing. I chose the clinic and practitioner very carefully - I have been thinking about this for some time - and I wanted someone experienced, medically qualified, with a track record of not overdoing it. I wanted somewhere reasonably close so I can pop back easily if I need to.

I feel fantastic:-) the botox was for the big frown lines between my eyes. and the fillers for the nasolabial folds (between nose and mouth) and other wrinkles/ deep lines around my mouth. I didn't get lip fillers , although he did put a little to define my lip shape better. To me I look fresher and younger already, DP and the boys did not notice! I'm not planning to tell anyone IRL - maybe my BFF who may well notice - its a gift for me....

I am 51 and my skin is apparently is in pretty good nick - don't sunbathe much - but the lines have really developed in the last 12 months (perimenopause anyone ! ) My self confidence is growing and I want to look good as well as feel good. Its vain, but I don't care !!!

love to all

Lily x

Wow lily I am so pleased. Not at all vain. Xxxx