DRY 13

[lilybetsy]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.

I will quote a sober poster "I'm fitter, slimmer, richer, happier & healthier"

Go sober warriors !

Today we got the diagnosis we wanted. Ds is autistic. Am sat in a pub, drinking coke before I move onto sorting out next child. Don't fancy a drink at all. But I do really fancy a fag!

I feel both happy and sad. Glad that we know what's going on for ds, a bit shocked at how severe his autism is.

But its ok because today, I'm not drinking.

Koko everyone

welcome to the fold Gordon girlson

Hi Everyone, been following but not posting for a while as I find it really frustrating on my phone! Maybe I'm just too uncoordinated to type at any kind of a decent speed.

Wow everyone is doing so well! Well done vxa on your 71 days! Jojo congratulations for your wedding anniversary, it sounds lovely to be getting some couple time, and I don't mean that in an oo-err kind of way!

Lily sounds like your life is a bit crazy at the moment, so it's not surprising you are feeling tired. I remember sleeping constantly for the first few months after going AF and wondering if it would ever stop- it seems to come and go in cycles, Sometimes I feel like I have so much energy I could explode, and sometimes I can barely drag myself through the day. I'm learning to just go with it, whatever I need to do and just trust that this will all pass in time!

Welcome GirlsonFilm (great name! Did you watch the concert at the Eden Project? Epic) I would probably skip tonight too. However when I started Dry Jan I managed two evenings out the first week, one of which was at a champagne bar of all places, and it was surprisingly fine. So if you really feel you must go, prepare your excuses, take some AF drinks, and be ready to leave if it all gets too much.

Day 161 here! Currently in the duracell bunny, bouncy stage again. Very handy as I have a million and one things to do! Ah well.

to all you awesome sober warriors!

howbad the DC are 17, 14 and 11

Hi everyone.

Can I join you? I am getting towards the end of day 4 AF. I've not been four days without booze in about six years. I am a heavy daily drinker (a bottle of wine a night, a couple of beers on top of that if I am still awake) as well as a binge-drinker when out. I can't count the number of times I have tried to moderate, to stop, to give up. I can't tell you the amount of shameful and upsetting things I have done or have happened to me as a result of the drinking.

I am so tired of it all.

I should be proud of myself for having these four days, but I have a cracking headache and I just feel so depressed and blue about all the time wasted and money spent. All the falling down in public, throwing up in the street, over-sharing with strangers, inappropriate sexual behaviour, unreliable at work - all this stuff. It all keeps on swirling around in my head and it makes me want to have a drink to forget about it.

Other than just hang in there, and go to bed early, I am not sure where to start or what to do next. Has anyone got any tips for me? I have been to AA before but it wasn't for me - I found the higher power stuff really off putting, there were very few other women there (I am 33) my age and the devotion to it seemed a bit cultish, like one addiction replaced with another. I have read Alan Carr's Easy Way - it didn't work for me.

I am so determined this time. I never want to have to do it again. I am so tired of that life. But I am also feeling so sad and I don't really know any other ways to comfort myself and feel all right again. Is anyone there?

Welcome onewhite and congrats on day 4 :) You answered your own question in that I would go to bed if you are feeling physically and psychologically under par. Sleep is a great healer for both.
Addiction is a cunning fox as we drink to forget and it nags us when we try to resist. The good news is the more we don't drink when we crave the smaller and fainter and less powerful the urge becomes.
I've just returned from a hen night sober - and am feeling equally vexed and will be doing the same

Welcome onewhite I didn't want to read and run. Your story sounds very similar to lots of us here. This is a lovely board with some wonderful ladies. You will get lots of support here.

For today I would focus on self care especially rest if you can. If you want something to keep you occupied have a look at some sober blogs or perhaps listen to a Bubble Hour podcast. There is an Andrew Johnson stop drinking app which a lot of people like and which you can listen to in bed.

I am sure someone else will be along with some ideas soon but I didn't want you to feel alone. You are doing a great thing.

Hi onewhite , you sound very sad, but the good news is that It can and does get better. The first two weeks are physically hard - but it gets much easier... I'm half asleep now, but just wanted to reply to you. Stick with it, and us. Loads of great advice on all the Dry threads, and blogs..

You are not alone, and you can have a great, calm happy life without alcohol

Lily 🌷 x

Hello All

Thank you for the warm welcome and advice. We did end up going to the dinner party but I was designated driver, we took af drinks and we also said that the babysitter had to be away by 10:30. So I ended up not drinking....amazing feeling as normally this would have been an idesl opportunity (in my eyes) for me to drink all that booze.

Cooee oh yes Duran at Eden (or rather John Taylor at Eden), still as wonderful as ever and made me feel 18 again!

Pressed post too soon. Hope you all have good things planned for today, we're off to a street party for the Queens Birthday, hence I'm up at the crack of dawn to get the sandwiches & quiches made.

Morning everyone.

Welcome gilson and onewhite you have both made the right choice to go sober. I'm relatively new to stopping but I've found a few things that work for me and I'm 4 weeks sober.

Being honest with myself that I can't drink anymore, when I'm tempted looking at the way it will end. I can't have a drink it would be a bottle and more. At best I would wake with a raging hangover, at worst I would black out, over share or end up in tears.

I've found being positive about being sober helpful not feeling like I'm denying myself something good (because now for me alcohol never is.)

I've been walking the dog a lot, I run, get stuck into tv, make plans to get up early and go to sleep at a good time.

I also just this week started the bubble hour podcasts which are very good.

Last just take each day (or hour) at a time for now. Don't over think future plans.

finnish hoe you have a quiet day planned yesterday sounds draining but I hope your ds will have lots of support now he is diagnosed.

cooee wow 161 days!

lily hope you are ok and can also have a quiet weekend.

lucy hope you enjoyed the hen party.

Everyone else have a great sober weekend

Welcome one white, and well done girls on your dinner party, I bet you feel amazing this morning!

Finnish I missed your post last night. My DS1 has Asoergers, I remember well that feeling of finally getting the diagnosis for him. It was a roller coaster of grief and relief and anger and guilt. Look after yourself really well, stock up with all your sober treats. And remember, the diagnosis doesn't change who he is. He is still your little boy It just means he will get the help and support he needs.

Was up late last night icing a cake for DS1s birthday party today. It's nothing to bother the great British bake off with but he things I have 'done a good job'. High praise from him!

Have a good day everyone!

Thanks efc

Hi Cooee - I've known for years - it feels strange to have the 'maybe its just me being a drama queen' thoughts removed! I'm really pleased though, it occurred to me that it would be a great excuse to drink 'I've just had this awful news about DS1, I need wine' - and no-one would have been cross with me - but it's just that, an excuse, so I didn't drink.

Feeling very proud.

Day 27 AF and I'm becoming more wise to the wine witch's whisper!

one white I can only echo EFC's excellent suggestions - I find that daily yoga (never did any before I decided to go AF), an awful lot of baths, and I find going to sleep with sleep hypnosis really useful.

I also struggle to drink enough water, but find it's easier if I push myself to drink lots of it!

I spent the first few weeks mainlining sugar too!

Well done on a sober hen night lucy

Not sure why you became Gordon Girlson - I suspect autocorrect, mobile phone and me being a massive biscuit...

how's the agitation feeling vxa

Waves at lily and everyone else

Morning ladies and welcome Girlson too - forgot to say yesterday Sorry!
Hen night was testing but dining venue had lots of AF choices, including a San Miguel 0% lemon beer (bit like a radler I guess) which was tasty. Left early and mainlined chocolate when I got home before bed. Went for a run this am and about to go get almond croissants as this morning's sober treat

Have a lovely week-end sober warriors :)

lucy I'm getting necks blue in for later.

I also ran this this morning, visited my niece, walked the dog and went for a coffee. My dh who sat around drinking last night is still in bed! I know at times it will be a trigger him still drinking but for now I do not want to waste my days like that and it's strengthening my resolve. I'm certainly not missing out today by being sober.

Exactly how I feel too efc! My DH hit his 1000 days today and he was at the stag do last night while I was at the hen. He ended up being taxi for the night and as he was leaving not only was there a drunken brawl ending up with them being ejected from where they were but in driving one person home who was in a right state he got the taxi driver honour of them throwing up in our car It smells rank today despite someone trying to clean it up in the early hours of this morning and I'm working today so need to use it later

Hi everyone

I am still here - half way through AF day 5. I am counting it by the hour at the moment. I woke up feeling a bit better and went out for a walk this morning, but had a bit of a temp. this afternoon so I am about to go for a nap in case I am coming down with something.

I just keep thinking about all the stupid things I did when I was drunk - for years. It is keeping me motivated to stop drinking and stay stopped, but it is also really depressing and making me never want to leave my house or speak to anyone again. There's got to be a happy medium here but I am not sure what it is.

pillow I think the resolution comes with laying down new, happier experiences. By resolving to live differently (and DOING so) you demonstrate to anyone you hurt or offended that you are genuinely sorry and have made real efforts not to do that again. i cringe, really cringe and shrivel up inside when I think of some things I have done when drunk. And then I think that those who love me, and understand that i have struggled, love me enough to forgive me and trust that I will do better in the future. Those who don't, don't really matter.

I realise that forgiving yourself is harder, and may take longer, but the road to that is also through building sobriety... gradually , as your AF days and weeks pass, you will lose that self loathing and shame - because you are NOT doing anything to feed it. In time you will come to feel proud of yourself. By deciding that this is ENOUGH you are brave, stronger and more self aware than many people. You are TRYING hard to be better - think of all teh selfish, self absorbed people, drunka dn otherwise who never try to do better.

Now think kindly of yourself. Fix yourself a treat for later - even if its just 1/2 hour in a relaxing bath of a chapter or two of book in bed. For the first weeks I found Meredith Bells book "Seven Days sober" a gentle, easy practical and kind book t gain inspiration from. Several of us have blogs here, Lucys is the most long running - search " ahangoverfreelife' is stuffed with good advice and thoughts. VXA also has one here

sothisissober.com/ and so do I , alcoholfree2016.wordpress.com/

You are doing really really well. Just hang on in there and prioritise your own needs. I promise it will be worth it - Im reaching across cyberspace to give you a big hug and lots of

lily xxx

Lucy I could do a little dance for you and DH at 1,000 days. What a FANTASTIC achievement. I feel so pleased for you both and I admire you both hugely Many Congratulations , you are an inspiration

Lily xxx

onewhite don't worry and try to feel glad that you've turned a corner. Stay with us. You are 33! Lots of us are much older. I wish wish wish I'd stopped at 33. I carried on drinking till I was 45, getting progressively more fat and useless. Your stage is an absolutely brilliant stage to turn things around. Listen to the Andrew Johnson app at bedtime tonight he will sort you out - I'm on day 165 and believe me it gets much better. Have you got a plan for getting through this evening? where is our angry bird symbol gone?

lucy what a shocker about your car. I would be so mad! Lemon juice, that takes the smell out of a microwave, not sure if it will work on stinky vom car as well. Let the miscreant pay for a valet.

Finnish your post re your DS really took me back.

My DS1 was diagnosed with Aspergers aged 9. I had taken him to the CAMHS appointment thinking he might have ADHD associated with his known dyslexia. Despite being a doctor I had missed the signs of Aspergers, and it came as an enormous shock to me. In retrospect of course he had ALL the classic symptoms, which I had not recognised because he was my first child... he has at a private school which was, in retrospect a huge mistake, as I believe a state school esp our local one now where DS 2 & # went , would have picked this up much earlier. I also believe a state school, would have been much better equipped to deal with his problems. Anyway, enough of me

well done for not drinking - I hope that your DS gets the help that he needs

Thank you everyone. Your support and advice really helps.

I guess I just feel really down and ashamed today. Most of the time I'm either pissed or hungover and I think this past few days is the clearest my head has been in years. What I see, I don't like. What other people must think of me - the reputation I must have amongst family, friends and colleagues is something I've never considered before but something I can't really stop thinking about today.

It does help to think of myself turning a corner today - it just has to stop now. I don't want this to be my life for another ten or twenty years.

I don't really have a plan for getting through tonight. I don't have any desire to drink, though I do have a desire to be numbed, to not think about this, to not feel so shamed and anxious - and that usually leads to drinking for me. So I think I will have a bath, read a book and do some knitting in front of a film.

I will also check out those blogs you mentioned. Thank you. Not so long to go until day 5 AF is over.

pillow, keep talking and posting if that helps.

I'm here most of the evening, trying to finish a Bl**dy essay I have to post on Monday. Why WHY do I take this stuff on. I haven't learned anything relevant and I have more than enough to do without writing 6000 word, Harvard referenced essays !

I'd much rather 'talk' to you and give back some of the support I have received here and elsewhere !

The anxiety when you first stop drinking is pretty grim. I found it hard to settle to anything, my concentration was shot and I was very edgy. I confess I had a few (14) 2mg valium from my GP to help in the earliest days. I found them extremely helpful. You could always ask your GP for a few - I think I had 10 -14 and I have a couple left. Now I take Kalms tablets occasionally, they are made from hops, gentian & valerian herbs - It may be a complete placebo, but I do find them helpful if I am very anxious. Also I have herbal nytol in my bedside drawer as I HATE insomnia. I haven't taken / needed to take them for weeks now - but they are there.

Having said all that the anxiety is about 5% of what it was in the first week. And my concentration is pretty good, and mostly ( apart from the last week of listlessness) I have been pretty productive. So there IS hope...

What else? Oh yes - if you are anything like me, thoughts of alcohol, drinking, not drinking, how to manage are going round your head with virtually no respite. I found it exhausting, demoralizing and very distracting. That has settled too

who is at home with you ? have you told them what your plan is ? Or anyone else IRL? I hear you re AA. I haven't used this support either, although many have.

It will be ok . Lily x

Hi everyone

pillow keep going tonight- 15mins at a time and please do not be too hard on yourself about things in the past this is a turning point. What are you knitting? I'd love to learn I've never tried, would it take me long to get the basics?

lucy and dh wow wow wow 1000 days. So sorry to hear about your car.

lily best of luck with that essay!

Thank you Lily. I really appreciate it. Now essays and Harvard are something I am good at - shame you can't send it over here so you can hold my hand and I can write your references... :)

I live with DH and two kids. DH has been exposed to the very worst of my drunken antics over the year. He's been massively understanding - the drinking was triggered by a terrible, terrible birth experience I had that left me with severe PTSD - but it has affected our relationship. I've had treatment for the PTSD - therapy and medication - but never delved into the drinking. I don't feel like my mental health is half as bad as it was anymore, so now it is time to tackle this last thing. He is a drinker - occasionally a heavy one, but day to day very moderate and he can take it or leave it. He's having a couple tonight to watch the football, but it will only be a couple.

I feel a bit more hopeful this evening. Have made myself a herbal tea and got a good book to read. Thank you.

How is everyone else getting alone? Is anyone at day 5 AF or thereabouts?