DRY 13

[lilybetsy]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.

I will quote a sober poster "I'm fitter, slimmer, richer, happier & healthier"

Go sober warriors !

On a positive note, I have just coloured in today on my calendar a bright, sunshiny yellow to mark my Day 1. I used to do this for the days but got out of the habit. It cheers me up!

It's great that your DH is generally supportive, Jojo. I think it can be quite difficult for partners to get their heads around the seriousness of the whole thing. I know my DH is the same. He does support my decision not to drink, but I don't think he really gets why I've had to make this decision. Nor, do I think, does he actually believe I am serious about never drinking again.

I suppose it's taken us years to get to the point where we reached the decision to go dry, so those around us have a bit on an adjustment to make as well.

I was thinking about the concentration thing this afternoon (while the girls played in the playground...). Now 36 days in I am still feeling very tired. I'd hoped to feel better by now. I wonder if that has to do with the fact that I am in fact, spending a lot of brain power on not drinking? While I am not really struggling and quite firm in my resolve to stay dry, every day I have to force myself to readjust my thinking. Every day I am explaining away cravings by reminding myself that it is just habit and (usually for me) actual physical thirst. I'm constantly reminding myself that I do not want to drink, that there is nothing to be gained from it.

It works, obviously, but it is also quite tiring. Hopefully eventually new habits will form and I can start allocating some brain power to other things again.

Hi DrPiggle, I agree with you about the partners thing, My OH is very supportive of me not drinking, and he KNOWS that I have been drinking way too much. he also Knows I cant moderate, and at least some of the awful things I have done when drunk. I have explicitly told him I am intending for this to be permanent, but he still looks astonished when I try to explain why !

Sorry you are not feeling physically better, The preoccupation with alcohol is, I agree exhausting. It does get better - I'm at day 88, and although I think about my drinking / not drinking several times every day, its less 'intense' IYKWIM and less intrusive.

Jojo - that isn't a lot to make you feel so ill - hopefully you have gained some inner resilience from this experience - and it will be easier t resist next time x

finnish & Lucy & efc HI !!! xxx

Lily x

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Evening everyone.

My dh thinks it's a good idea not to drink and he wanted to stop too but come Friday night he was buying beer. I've been very firm I do not want any and when I felt good Saturday morning I was justified.

drpiggle I wonder if the tiredness is that by being sober you are more present in your own head? Noticing things and processing thoughts that may previously of been ignored in a drink fog?

So hot here think we are about to get thunder!

Morning all, well I just slept for 9 hours and I feel like a different person.
I don't know why it happens but alcohol now stops me sleeping completely and I think that is why I end up feeling so dreadful.
The biggest lesson I've just reinforced to myself with this slip is that I must try and recognise what I need - which is usually rest - and that alcohol is the opposite to that.
Feeling so good today!! Thank-you for all the support everyone, hope you all have a good day today!

jojo glad you're feeling better. One of the best thing about stopping drinking has been how much better I sleep, it really does make such s huge difference. And you're clearheaded and with none of those horrible fuzzy thoughts when you can't remember exactly how you get to bed. That's how it was for me anyway.

drpiggle how are you feeling today ?

Morning to all you other lovely ladies.

70 days for me today !

Woo! 70 days! that's brilliant Vxa

Up in time for yoga before getting the kdis up = about to head into work - have a lovely sober day everyone

xx

70 days is fab vxa good on you!

I aspire to that, my longest is still Dry Jan and since then I seem to have a slip every few weeks. Although I guess all the alcohol free days in total is still way better than when I drank most days without even thinking about it.
Onwards and upwards

Just checking in, and spotted you have 70 days vxa -- WELL DONE!! 💐🎉🎈

Thinking of all sober warriors

I am off today on yet another work trip that will be very different this time round!

Take care all

vxa congratulations 🌟🌟🌟👍👍👍🎉🎉🎉

That really is great ! Glad you are feeling better jojo

I've had a ridiculously busy day - 13 hours straight at work, got home at 8.45 pm and collapsed in front of the TV !

Hope everyone Is ok

Lily🌷

vxa! 70 days! WOO! I hope you are feeling really great about that. Well done.

Glad you are feeling better today jojo.

I had a becks blue today while working in a cafe, because everything just felt so hot and summery. It was really nice because if I was a drinker, I would never have had a beer at 4pm while working; but because I am not, I can. Odd but nice.

Finnish?! yoga before work? - that's kind of incredible. you're an inspiration. You're making me want to go to bed so I can stop dragging myself out of bed at the last minute.

Morning all, another hot, muggy night but I woke up feeling very peaceful today. Something feels different this time - perhaps its that I've made it very clear to myself and to DH that I don't want to drink alcohol at all, no ifs or buts. Which is making me feel very calm about the upcoming weekend - it's our tenth wedding anniversary and for the first time ever (!) we have a night away without the ds's. Previously I would have been thinking, could I have a few glasses, it's a special occasion etc etc and then stressing about how rubbish I'd feel as a result but now I feel just fine and excited. We are having a meal and seeing something special and staying in a nice hotel - and I will remember all of it, we won't bicker as a result of me drinking, I won't feel ill and exhausted on Sunday. I like this feeling.

jojo sounds like a good firm sober resolution for a lovely weekend. Congrats to you and dh on your anniversary and have a lovely weekend.

I'm still in work. But I have loads more energy this week now I'm getting some sober time under my belt!

Hope everyone else ok

I'm wondering increasingly about my persistent listlessness and inability to 'get on with things'. This is really unlike me - and although I know I must allow myself space to adjust to the new reality of not drinking, I'm struggling with the consequences - it seems to me that everything is falling apart.

I lack the motivation to cook, to clean up, to manage the washing, to help the kids with homework, to manage my paperwork. All I seem to do is watch rubbish TV, drag myself to the gym, spend money I don't have, and EAT - sugar and carbs being top of the list.

This behaviour, or lack of it, is making me really miserable. I wake feeling hopeful, planning things I need to do, and then all my energy is used up being at work and I come home with barely the energy to unload the dishwasher. The house is a mess, the kids do very little, (In reality nothing at all unless I nag them to death) and my partner just doesn't seem to see what needs done.

All this failure to do what I need to, is not great for my mood.

This persistent feeling, from 'not bring good enough ' to just plain BAD , is very familiar to me. For a long time it was my drinking that I felt bad about, my weakness in giving in every day to the lure of alcohol. It's ironic that, having removed the dissonant feeling related to my drinking , it's almost immediately replaced with something else.

Could it be that I'm so unfamiliar with feeling happy with myself, so unused to Not feeling ashamed of me, that I am self sabotaging? Replacing my disgust with myself related to my drinking to disgust with myself for laziness, overeating and neglectful parenting?

Is this uncharacteristic idleness serving some deeper psychological need within me ? That it's too hard to be proud of myself ? That I deep inside believe I am too worthless to feel comfortable in my own skin. So, to bring back the unpleasant but familiar cognitive dissonance and self disgust, I subconsciously do other things that I disapprove of.

Oh heck I am a mess. A sober mess, but still a dreadful mess ...

Lily you are really hard on yourself my lovely You said yourself you had a 13 hour day at work yesterday so it is hardly surprising you feel tired and listless and collapsed in front of the tv! That doesn't make you lazy or a neglectful parent - that makes you very stretched indeed and in need of some self-care and self compassion :)

Thanks howbad - did yoga before getting kids up again today, now in bed already. Too tired to even have the bubble bath I want!

Crazy day tomorrow, ds2 has his moving up school day, in the school he'll be in in Sept, dd1 had rehearsal for her music exam, and ds1 at hospital hopefully getting a proper diagnosis at last! (autism rather than illness) - glad I'll be doing it without a hangover :)

lily I agree with lucy - you are exhausted because of working 13 hour days, you crazy thing! You don't need to spend your alcohol free haranguing yourself.

Am off to sleep! Night all

Lily I so hear you!
Easier said than done, but please try not to be too hard on yourself.
How old are your dcs again?

I find increasingly that tiredness is accumulative; it takes me a long longer than one good night's sleep to bounce back from tough periods at work for instance, even only a day or two. I don't know whether this is because I have never attempted to do much consistently before, or whether it is to do with getting older. (Honestly, I think it is the former because the years I was a regular gym bunny I had no children and my job was going nowhere and I was phoning it in, with a trivial commute; etc)

It sounds to me as if you are very stretched and it;s hard to be busy all the time.

I work from home on Fridays and leave the office every Thursday evening filled with good intentions about all the single-person stuff I can plough through by myself at home. then I find I am good for very little. I work so slowly on Fridays because I am exhausted. I often have work left over that I do late into the evening because I was so tired during the day. If I have worked late often earlier in the week, my fridays are even worse. It feels like there is no way to get ahead because I'm spending out of a finite purse of energy whether I spend it early or late in the week.

Anyway I'm sorry that isn't very encouraging. It isn't meant to be a downer! Just - it's hard.

I hear you on the self sabotage too. WHY?

lily as Lucy said please be kind to yourself. Just tackle the drinking for now you do not have to be perfect at everything. Have you listened to The bubble hour podcast? I downloaded a few and the one I listened to this morning was about shame. It talks about exactly what you have described and has some useful ideas. I'd highly recommend it.

finnish hope ds appointment goes well, same for dd moving up.

I have a weekend of ferrying kids and my dm to various activities and hospital appointments and I will be doing it without a hangover. I know I will face tough days but for now I'll keep going sober.

Howbad my guess on the why is because it is familiar territory and addiction is a crafty fox. If we are comfortable giving ourselves a hard time that habit takes a while to break just like the booze we threw down our neck that triggered it. I found CBT really helpful with breaking some of my negative thought patterns around drinking and self-sabotage and wrote a whole series of posts about them here :)

lily you are being really really hard on yourself. You have so much going on. A stressful job which you do with compassion and selflessness for 13 hour days, three children, a home, a partner who could be more helpful by the sounds of it. You are keeping all of that together, going to the gym, going to school reunions and enjoying them, and posting wonderfully supportive and wise advice here and writing a blog which if you don't mind me saying is pretty damn good. All of that and not drinking for - is it 90 days ? Lily you are a superwoman, you are fantastic, you really really are.

I know you feel shit today but you must be exhausted and in a funny way perhaps approaching 100 days is a bit overwhelming too. Have you ever had and CBT at all? Might be worth thinking about.

I think I share a lot of traits with you. As you know I am quite worried that now I have got my drinking under some kind of control my problem will just shift to something else. I need to work on that. My CBT therapist who I have been seeing privately on and off for a few years is helping me with that. He has suggested a really good book which I have from audible and it makes a lot of sense to me. It might be worth a look/listen. I can send you the details.

Get some rest Lily and take some time to look after you.

vxa2 well done on 70 (now 71!) days

Woken up feeling really agitated. It is so wearing. It's 10 weeks ffs (sorry for swearing).

Longtime lurker and once only poster back again.....

I'm Day 6 AF, but have dinner party tonight, and I need to go as what has brought on this period of sobriety is a bbq I was at on Sunday (with all the dinner party goers in attendance) at which I got totally smashed.... So I have to go along tonight, laugh it off like it's all hilarious, whilst absolutely cringing with shame inside, I keep reminding myself about consequences. I have offered to drive so that will provide me with an excuse not to drink.

I'm your classic high functioning binge drinker (and have been for the past 30 years). On the outside great job, highly educated, lovely family and home. Reality is once I start drinking I simply cannot stop until the alcohol has gone, be it one bottle and then no more as there's no more in the house or as was the case on Sunday a free bar until I black out.

My main three drivers for giving up are health, showing my DCs a good example and wanting to have a healthy relationship with alcohol, but I know I can't have that so AF is the only way.

So at 48 now is the time to address it; I cannot afford to waste my health, relationships, friendships, memories and money on wine.

So here's to being fitter, slimmer, richer, happier & healthier.

Welcome GirlsonFilm. FWIW I would not be going to the dinner party. You really do not have to. I would probably be saying I have a D&V bug or one of my children does.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You are what matters and one of the absolutely fundamental things I have learned here is that I have to look after myself. 6 days is great but you are very vulnerable. Please think really carefully. Why put yourself under that pressure.

welcome girlsonfilm ; your story is very similar to min an several others on the thread, including the bit about not being able to moderate and setting a good example to my children!

It is very very nice now, to wake up in the morning with no anxieties about what I might had said or done, no cringing embarrassment, and no 'black spaces' where memories should be

I second vxa about avoiding stressful and triggering situations at the very start of your AF journey. Don't go tonight - its really NOT necessary - an excuse will serve well and allow you to protect your new sobriety. Avoid the shameful feelings, and avoid having to explain why you are not drinking.

Thank you all so much for your kind words, Lucy, finnish, howbad, efc and vxa. You are right howbad that the tiredness is cumulative and draining. I sleep really well now, and try to go to bed early, but when I am up it feels like a constant rush. That is tiring - and if I were talking to another, I would urge them to recognise that and try to build in some more rest...To that end a kindle has arrived from Amazon for me - the old one is not working great, and I hope I wil be able to read more.

Thanks guys x

Lily x