DRY 13

[lilybetsy]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.

I will quote a sober poster "I'm fitter, slimmer, richer, happier & healthier"

Go sober warriors !

Sorry. Don't know how that happened X

vxa it was a trick of the finger that allows me to congratulate you twice for feeling the struggle ease

I am in bed. All too much. As well as suggesting baths at unusual times we on this thread can take to our beds. I am channeling 1850s lady of the manor taking a turn. All I need now is a maid to untruss my chinos and brush my hair out.

Joking aside I am frazzled. Night all.

Me too matron

That feeling was nice while it lasted. Unfortunately it didn't last very long. Although no one raised an eyebrow at my Becks blue , and these are very good friends, I found the afternoon really hard. I felt edgy, unable to relax, and while i didn't want to drink, it was the only way I could think of that would have settled my anxiety / agitation. I didn't drink - and am very very pleased I didn't - but it was hard , and not enjoyable at all really. Sigh . Think I am going to start the yoga camp this evening - distraction, and hopefully calming

Lily 😟🌷

Lily my thoughts and feelings exactly.

You did well lily and matron, I hope peace and tranquillity has descended on you both now. Good to hear someone at the peak vxa!

Had busy day, didn't organise the family well for this festival thing in the town and had to make 5 separate trips home for stuff - aargh - frazzled!! Then had to pack to go away tomorrow, more frazzling...not a single alcohol thought though and am now having a foot bath and feeling calm. Keep on sober warriors, we can do this! I'll be back if and when wifi permits.

Signing in after another really crap day. Sigh. Is it whiney of me to feel that life should have got better for me once I stopped drinking? Because it really really didn't :( Ok due to a load of external crap I agree, but the overall feeling is my life is now worse that it was when I drank :(
Still here, still sober btw but not in a happy place despite sober treats etc.

I know I am being irrational, I KNOW this is real life and not to do with my drinking or not, but that is how it feels to me. At the moment. Sorry to bring the tone down :(

Not whiney at all glad we all have crap days - booze or no booze
Sounds like wolfie is trying to trick you into thinking that life is worse than when you drank and I recommend you give the f**ker a kick from me
Hold on missus and I would give yourself extra sober treats - if in doubt increase self-care and support yes?

Hi

Lucy - that is one of my favourite fictional drinking moments of all time. I absolutely love that episode and it's a pleasure to watch that scene again.

Matron, thank you for sharing about being lonely. I know what you mean about it being something deeper.
I was out this evening with a friend and her husband. I broke away and went home when they went off to get something to eat. they asked me to come too, and I was hungry, but I just needed to end that part of the day and get off on my own, and made some excuse. Afterwards I was asking myself: Why? I could have sat down and had a friendly supper, and instead I'm on my own and hungry and wondering what to do next. But ... that's what I needed to do at the time. and it is to do with alcohol; because I would probably have drifted off with them if we'd all had a couple of drinks and it would have seemed easier to do.

Barbecue tomorrow. There will be alcohol. I will not be the only one not drinking, I don't think. I'm making a promise to myself that if certain people I like don't show, I'm not going to sweat it, and I'm going to leave early. It's probably going to rain and we'll be uncomfortably crammed inside. so if I hate it, we're leaving (me and the dcs) (sorry dcs)

howbad I am sorry you are feeling so sad. The end of your relationship is a bereavement and it really really hurts. I am no psychologist but as well as your relationship with DP, your relationship with alcohol is also over. That will also take time to come to terms with. I definitely think that for me there is a kind of grieving process as I try and come to terms with never drinking again.

It is a shame you couldn't go for something to eat but at least you didn't drink. Being hungry and tired and sad are all big risk factors but you didn't drink. That is really fantastic.

It is good you have a plan for the bbq. If you have to leave so be it. I am glad you are thinking of you - self care all the way. Give yourself as much a TLC as you can. It will get better.

Hi all,

In the pink cloud, and.feeling fairly TSP. Feels odd when I know lots of you are struggling.

Having lots of time to think about things, and I've realised that I drink partly to look self-less

You know, its not that I cant help, it's that I'm to passed/hungover etc. Is always struggled with boundaries. I guess I'm going to have to work on saying no.

Glad to hear you're joining me in yoga camp!

KOKO

And now I have a pounding headache ... Just as if I had been drinking - fed up :-(

"I've realised that I drink partly to look self-less"

Yes, or not just to look like that to other people, but to take time for yourself that you wouldn't otherwise justify.
I've drunk at home after being out, on my own, for no reason at all, except because I've had a good time and to prolong the carefree feeling of being off the hook for a few hours. I think it goes deeper even than making the evening longer; it also fucks with the next day and that becomes an award of free time or less focused time. I wish I had taken every day I have wasted on a hangover and just awarded it to myself to have fun with.

I've realised that the end of my relationship is to do with not looking after myself, and by extension us. Not just not making time for fun (though that is part of it); but just not expecting to be having a good time, thinking that life is about hanging on and getting through. I sacrificed myself and then found my self wasn't gone and not worth someone else being in a relationship with

Lily - sorry about your headache. It's cold and rainy here. Maybe time for a cup of tea, some chocolate and a movie.

Lily you have a headache... but do you also have the dry furry mouth, nausea, mystery abdominal pains, stink of alcohol on your sweat and breath, exhaustion after another poor nights sleep, and that delightful sense of fear, shame, and self-loathing?

No?

So be gentle with yourself, remember you are on a learning curve and you have come so far, and you have a common or garden headache. Take your preferred painkiller, hunker down and take care of you

lily snap.
It's rubbish isn't it. I feel like I've got a hangover but without the drinking.

Exactly howbad I need to work on giving myself time without it 'i need a drink' is ok, leave me alone I need time to just be myself seems less OK

Hope the headaches get better soon.

FWL No ! I don't. But DP does.

Thanks for reminding me. I'm feeling a bit gloomy today, although my mood has lifted a bit. I think its to do with yesterday, If I can't manage a few hours Summer BBQ , at my own home, with very close friends and no pressure without feeling anxious, edgy and stressed then I am doomed to a life of solitude and hibernation... I now thats an overreaction, and Im being self indulgent. just a bit peed off !

Spent the whole day doing expenses and IR forms. Dullsville, and ATM the whole kitchen table is covered with bits of paper... Im hoping I will feel a sense of achievement when its done - and it does have to get done....

DP, OTOH, having got totally wasted last night and fallen asleep in the garden, has being lying on the sofa all day watching the TV and playing on his phone. Fucking irritating.

Sorry for yet another me me me post. vxa i was so pleased to see your post yesterday that you were feeling better - I hope your headache has settled now x

Hey all
I just wanted to drop by and say that I think that you are all awesome. Everyday AF, is something to be celebrated and commended.

I have been there.
I am now 5.5 years sober. And if absolutely gets easier. I don't give very much thought at all.
The benefits - so many
Maintained my weight for years now, at a healthy size 10
Never wake up with the "fear"
Don't lose huge chunks of time
Weekends are so much longer and happier.
I am "present" in my children's life's and not just there.
I am so much healthier
If I make a mistake - still happens loads - I do it sober.
I can always drive, and can leave stuff I am not enjoying.

Stick with it
Seriously - you will never regret a sober day...

Thanks Huck Its always nice and empowering to hear from people with some lengthy sobriety !

Day 80 for me ..

Huck thanks for sharing. I feel really emotional reading your post. 5.5 years is fantastic. I am 61 days today. Do you mind me asking how you found stopping drinking affected your weight. I was hoping it would drop off but I have stayed the same. I am still craving carbs and I am eating more crisps, bread and peanut butter than before, I am hoping this will subside soon. Any pointers would be so much appreciated.

Sorry to read that so many of us are having a tough time. You have helped me so much when I have been down so here is a positive report from last night:

Big noisy dinner at restaurant. Everyone drunk and antagonistic, few squabbles breaking out here and there. I really enjoyed the food and worked my way down a list of imaginative mocktails.

I skipped the bar afterwards and went to bed at 9.30. I was up early had a walk in the sun and a luxurious swim in a near empty pool. Leisurely breakfast.

Some of my lot are still in bed, some are up and feeling ill, some are apologetic and confused.

It is the day times that make the sober choice worth it. KOKO xx

That sounds great matron - you've done so well staying sober over the weekend, and now you're getting the rewards!

Huck your post is very very cheering!

vxa - I too would like to know when the slimmer bit will arrive of the happier slimmer richer me (the richer bit too! :) )

80 sounds like a huge win to me Lily - day 15 here...

When the thread went quiet after my post last night I wondered if I had committed a big faux pas and not realised it.

vxa no faux pas, everyone was in the bath!

Hi
To answer your question vxa
I was "lucky" if you can think of it that way (at the time it didn't; feel like it) I ended an 8 yr relationship, and stopped drinking because of it, and then a month later stopped smoking..
So - I actually lost 2.5 stone in about 3 months without doing anything because I was so heartbroken, and I couldn't eat. So - not your normal end to drinking.

What did happen, was about 9 months later - I started to pick up a little weight again, so I started running, and that has become my drinking substitute - I will always be some kind of addict.
And that then bounced me into a very different life, with a running club, a totally new group of friends, and a huge social life, which has nights in the pub in it too, but I am really happy and comfortable with that now.

Everyone here is doing an amazing job.
One day at a time, and anything can be achieved.