DRY 13

[lilybetsy]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.

I will quote a sober poster "I'm fitter, slimmer, richer, happier & healthier"

Go sober warriors !

Suddenly this split actually happening has hit me like a train. I feel dizzy with grief. It feels like a bad dream that this is actually happening. I can't bear it. I can't stop crying. I have no one.

Oh howbad for you. Grief at the end of a relationship is inevitable, particularly when your dp is the father of your children.

You have us! We're all rooting for you. Do you have family or friends nearby to help and support in real life?

Thanks jojo. Thank you for saying it's inevitable, I'm trying to see it as just one of those things to get through but it's hard today.
I need to keep busy, I made the mistake of slowing down too much today.

I don't have friends or family close - people I know in this town are nice but just acquaintances and none of them know yet. I am seeing a real friend tomorrow though. It seemed like a huge amount of time away when I posted before but I'm feeling a bit better now.

Some of the people I know are going through horrific things. I work with someone whose teenaged daughter is badly ill and I don't know how on earth she keeps going the way she does. In the past weeks I have been thinking a lot about how lucky I am with my healthy dcs, my job, my house but just suddenly this afternoon I lost all perspective and collapsed.

I need to get some projects on the go and I need to sort out some addictive podcasts.

Thanks jojo that word "inevitable" was really helpful

You are doing so well, focusing on all the positives and keeping everything going on your own - just make sure you prioritise some nice, relaxing stuff for yourself as running around and keeping busy can often end in a collapse and relapse! Hope you have a nice meet up with your friend tomorrow and a relaxing evening tonight. I've spent today doing stuff in the garden and will be zonking out in front of Britains' Got Talent soon - its rubbish I know but the ds's love it and I can snooze on the sofa!

Matron that's absolutely utterly fantastic. I am so pleased for you. Not only did you get through, you had a great time as well !!

howbad I'm sorry you are feeling so low. Don't feel guilty because you think what's happening in your life isn't as bad. You are going through a horrible thing and you are so strong. You are going through a grieving process and if you need to cry, do. We are all here for you.

lily I hope you have managed to speak to DP. The list is a good idea. I am much calmer, sleep better, concentrate more and sometimes even happy. I am not any slimmer though !! Apparently that will happen post 100 days!

I have ordered some botoniqe too. I'm excited about it.

Love to all the wonderful sober ladies here xxxx

I've had a good day! I love BH weekends and one with sunshine too is a huge bonus .

Went to Pilates earlier and had a coffee / read of the papers in peace at the gym, had a proper chat with DP - much more reasonable - thank goodness, went for a long walk with BFF & dog , and having a BBQ with DS 2 & 3 this evening. Have some becks blue lemon and feel content.

Both DP and BFF talked to me about being AF today , DP said he was a bit jealous of what I had achieved - which really surprised me!

howbad no matter how awful your relationship, there is always grief and sadness when it ends, as much for the hopes and dreams that you once shared. You loved each other, and had children together - that's always going to be a part of you. Hope you are ok this evening, I think it's okay to cry and feel sad - be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend 🌸🍫☕️💐🍰

Waves to all the other fab people on the thread

Lily 🌷

cooee I failed my bronze was it the swimming one with the brick and pjs?

We do not have naice ham on this thread, we have wafer thin ham.

First night of holiday and so far the responses to me not drinking or wanting to drink have been:

'Have a brandy, just on its own, that will sort you out'

'Have a cider that's more fruit than anything'

'Have an Irish coffee there is not much alcohol in that'

I'm in bed reading. It really unsettles my crowd if I abstain.

howbad just imagine how much worse your situation could be drunk. I rate professional help highly. Maybe a therapist or relate or similar would be of good use to you. Xx

Lily glad you are feeling content and the reference to lemon blue Becks has got my ears pricked up.

vxa and lucy and biscuits of all nationalities thank you for the boost it feels good.

Matron that's the one! I was useless at the pyjama part. My mum had to take off the buttons and put press studs on instead so I could rip them off a bit like a Chippendale.

God why are people so insistent in trying to get other people drinking? It doesn't make any sense! When people have tried it with me (fortunately this happens rarely) I just think of them as Mrs Doyle from Father Ted. "Will you have a cup of tea? Ah go on. Go on go on go on go on. Go on go on go on go on go on go on"

Hope you've seen Father Ted or this will make no sense!

Howbad of course you are sad, that's natural. But think of how much better you will be when things are finalised. Then you will be free to live your life the way you want to, perhaps find a new partner. Who knows!

Thanks sober warriors for the good wishes. Today has been much better. lots of fun stuff. Still wanting to drink but amazon prime and dvds are helping me not to. As is Eiesburg wine :)

Why am I suddenly craving so much? after 150 days AF? wtf is that all about?

Thanks everyone.

Still struggling. Really sad. I have forgotten why I thought it would be so fun to be single. Feeling really hopeless and lonely.

My dds are going through an adorable phase where they want to sleep together and have pushed their beds together into one. I feel like sleeping in there with them, I really feel like I need the company

I've got to get with my friends. I've got to get out doing something.

thanks for pointing out that at least I'm not drunk! I think this is the loneliness and panic that has driven to me to drink and bad relationships in the past. I've got to watch what I'm doing. I've got to feel this and try to make some good decisions for once.

Hoping for a sunny day tomorrow.

Hope you are all well xxx I would go mad without you lot

glad - I do love a bit of amazon prime!

Cooee - I loved doing those survival awards! I was a slow swimmer but I always got there in the end. Very soothing chugging up and down the pool

Matron that sounds Very Annoying

vxa, Lily, everyone, thank you thank you

Morning all, beautiful day here, am going for a swim and then to eat a chocolate pastry on my patio enjoying my flower pots!

howbad I don't know how old your girls are but I sometimes get my 4 year old to sleep in with me if dh is away (or in the spare room snoring!!) so I reckon you should snuggle in with them if they don't mind!

I also have a good friend whose marriage collapsed through her husbands infidelity. It was horrendous for her and her two daughters but she did get eventually through it and started dating again when her girls were older. She is now seeing a very nice man who actually shares her interests, is on reasonable terms with her ex, the girls did very well at school and are happy and successful. It can and will happen for you too!

Am chuckling at the Father Ted Mrs Doyle reference...I will remember that next time someone tries to get me to drink!

glad can you take it back to basics, just stay sober for today and let this phase pass, because that's all it is. You are doing so so very well. Treat this week as if it was your first. Self care, sober treats

howbad a running theme in my life has been a feeling of being lonely. My life is a circus so this feeling is not from lack of company, it is something deeper.

Reading your posts I don't think you were aiming for single I think you were not prepared to settle for an unfulfilling partnership which will result in being single (temporarily maybe). You do need people around you so gather up all your contacts and plan some coffee dates, walks etc. You will make the good decisions KOKO. I'm routing for you

jojo Mrs Doyle and her wafer thin ham. I am just picturing everyone dressed as Mrs Doyle!!

jojo I'm fretting a bit as I have left my pots to their own devices. Unwatered and unloved for the week.

matron well done again ! Resisting the " just have one" is hard, especially as it means NOT doing what someone else wants - just you did it !
Fan-bloody-Tastic and a clear head today as a reward 🎉🎉🎉👍👍👍

glad I think I read that attacks of PAWS can last up to two years. They get less frequent and less long - but they still happen. Do you reckon it could be that ? Is it the association with late May bank holiday ? An excuse to get wasted for pretty much every heavy drinker in the world ! Either way, it will pass. It's good that you are aware if it, take extra care of yourself glad - seriously , and make sure you have 'relapse proofed' your self in every way you are able. No big tests of resilience , no HALT, nice sober treats and tine for you. 🍫🍰

howbad the end of a marriage/partnership is likea bereavement. Separation is second only to death as a cause of major life stress. You are not abnormal, it hurts like hell, make you anxious, vulnerable, and question everything. Can I suggest that you make a list, doesn't have to be detailed, about why you wanted to separate ? It will help, I promise, when you are feeling unsure and tempted to try again. Hold on tight to your girls, and really try hard to be kind to you. You are a good person and deserve to be happy - the decision to separate is not a whim, but one taken after years of struggling to make a tolerable partnership. That's ok, and your life will be better, more honest, more fulfilling. 💐💐💐💐💐

Today we have some friends over for a BBQ. I was thinking about this in bed this morning, and possibly for the first time in my adult life the thought popped into my head "I don't WANT to drink" , I could, it would be expected, there is wine, nothing awful will happen, but I DONT WANT TO. Almost every time I have not drunk, pregnancy, driving, for whatever reason, most of the 8 months I previously did sober, I would have preferred to be drinking. I was able to resist (mostly) if I HAD to, but not drinking was never a positive choice. I have read blogs where other sober women have said they genuinely don't want to drink ( I read in disbelief!) but I have been resigned to the fact that wouldn't happen for me. I really believed that for me, I would always be denying myself something I would prefer to have. But this morning I can honestly say, if you put in front of me a glass of cold sav blanc and a lime and soda, I would choose the latter. 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

It may not last, even beyond lunchtime,but this feeling gives me hope for the future, that I CAN choose to live AF and be pleased and not denying myself something I want.

Have a great day everyone xx

Lily🌷

That sounds really positive lily - the actual not wanting to drink.
I am sometimes like that, particularly if it's hot, I feel quite ill in the heat and so alcohol becomes repellant. My family holiday last year was a case in point...as everyone else got stuck into wine from lunchtime onwards in France, I stuck to sparkling water and found it easy. I had forgotten that. Like you say, if you really don't want it then refusing is easy!

Town festival thing on today - beer tent etc so will see people getting drunker as the day goes on. Not feeling any urge myself thankfully, warm wine in a plastic cup, yuk!!

Parents in law tomorrow will be more of a challenge but am taking af drinks with me. Am going to try and keep the 'I don't WANT wine' thoughts in my head and think of it as warm, bitter and dehydrating and my drinks as cool, sparkling and refreshing

matron keep on with your Mrs Doyle-ing and chuckle your way through the week!!

Lily that is EXACTLY how I feel at almost 1000 days! Last week-end there was no point where I wanted to drink despite the huge desire to fit in around old friends who feel like family.
KOKO sober warriors

Cooee bloody brilliant - Mrs Doyle!!

I am reminded of Teapot sharing that scene from Father Ted

I really like the thought of being truly free of any desire for alcohol. I ebb and flow still.

lily that's wonderful. I am so pleased. What a great feeling. Just goes to show how strong you are.

This morning I was having a clear out and I found one of the little 250ml bottles of wine I used to drink on the side and hide. I thought that was such a clever idea at the time. What a mess I got myself into.

60 days today and I think the steep incline I have been struggling up might be levelling out just slightly.

I hope everyone is enjoying a lovely sober Sunday xx

vxa how great to feel the struggle weaken! 60 days of strength have got you here. Lovely that you have got a reward for your efforts.

cooee that is so sweet that you had press studs for some reason it reminded me of those bodies I wore in the 80ties with a studded gusset

Another challenging night in the bar. Most people started drinking at lunchtime, not steadily but if I was drinking I would have taken one or two people under with me in to an all day and night session.

I'm going to look for Becks Blue. If not then hot chocolate, if not good old lime and soda, if not Diet Coke. Got to have a plan

lily that's wonderful. I am so pleased. What a great feeling. Just goes to show how strong you are.

This morning I was having a clear out and I found one of the little 250ml bottles of wine I used to drink on the side and hide. I thought that was such a clever idea at the time. What a mess I got myself into.

60 days today and I think the steep incline I have been struggling up might be levelling out just slightly.

I hope everyone is enjoying a lovely sober Sunday xx