DH is trying to get me pregnant against my wishes

[MrsHenryWinter]

I can't actually believe I'm writing this, it feels like a soap storyline.

I think DH is messing with our birth control after we decided not to try for anymore children.

For background, he always wanted children, I was never very bothered either way. He recently decided to go for a vasectomy and I supported his decision. Just before the appointment he decided that he wanted one more child, although I do not want anymore children. The vasectomy was cancelled so that we had more time to talk through our options.

We talked about this endlessly and I remained adamant that I didn't want more children. There were lots of tears and we finally decided to wait a year and see how we felt then.

TMI Alert!

Back to last night: we were having sex and he tried to enter me without a condom. I pushed him off and he said sorry and got a condom. I think he put it on (it was dark) but afterwards I was very wet and asked if he'd come inside me. He got a bit huffy and said no but then got up and took the 'evidence' with him. I'm 99% certain he ejaculated inside me without my permission.

I don't know what to feel about this. Apart from going to get the morning after pill with 2 young children in tow, I'm at a loss as to what to do next.

I just feel numb.

You have not said much about your childhood/upbringing, so I don't know whether Napac might have something to offer you but have a look and see if anything might be helpful.

In many ways you are institutionalised - like somebody who has only ever known, say, the discipline of the army, the thought of living outwith a very structured environment with lots of rules seems frightening. You've forgotten what making your own decisions and leading your own life can be like

At the start of this thread somebody alluded to the boiling frog - that is exactly it. It's insidious and pernicious and his control over you and your reliance on him (while of course also resenting him) will get worse and make for a miserable life.
And a horrible life lesson for your children about how relationships work, or rather how deeply dysfunctional relationships work.

When you are living in the confines of your h boundaries, life is fine.

Then you realise that actually, the one setting the boundaries WITHIN his boundaries is you. You make the rules just a little stricter than his as a defence against falling foul of a line crossed etc.

It's a very hard habit to break. The freedom programme will help. Best do it when you're out. Otherwise when you realise just how weird the set up is, you'll rail against it and you need space to do that.

Yes dailymail there was a lot of sexual coercion in that posters threads and a lot of similarities. I wish I could remember her name - something beginning with A?

The poster was adorably2014. I remember posting on one of her threads and her name stuck in my mind because the situation was so awful - sadly, very similar to what the OP is experiencing

The best thing is to fake an AF regardless. I presume you can do that without being discovered.

Not sure it is. Even if it does arrive it might be beeter to say nothing and let him assume you are pg so he leaves you alone. You can then pass off any subsequent bleed or abortion as mc. I know that sounds a bit awful especially as you have suffered mc but desperate times.

I have all my fingers crossed for you OP.

I hope you are coping with all the processing you are having to do. It must be very difficult.

How would you fake a period anyway?! You could wear sanpro I guess (without actually having a period) but he seems like the kind of guy who would inspect it to see if it was soiled.

I couldn't fake a period. We have sex everyday so he would know I wasn't bleeding. Way too much information there!

I think SmallLegs is right about saying nothing.

Every day

This really is Sleeping with the Enemy. This is not a relationship, it is surveillance.

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this.

How do you feel about having sex every day?

Oh OP, this gets worse and worse. I assume you don't want sex every day?

Has he tried it on without a condom again since you first posted?

for you

Every day

Just did a search and adorably has finalised her divorce and is doing much better. Thank God!

OP, do you fancy sex every day? Do you have a very high libido? Sorry for asking such a personal question, but do you do it every single day for yourself, or to head off his moods?

OP I really hope you are not pregnant. But now is the time to make plans just in case...

I strongly urge you to get in touch with Women's Aid - they can provide support and advice. Most importantly, they might be able to assist with putting you in touch with a family planning clinic at the earliest opportunity. If you are pregnant, then you can get pills to terminate - which you can take privately and without your H knowing - and the result would just look like a heavy period. Time is of the essence though.

In the meantime, you need to speak to your GP. Stress absolute confidentiality and ask if you could have the contraceptive injection - there is no way that your H would know you've had it and it would give you a backup form of contraception if he decides to play funny buggers with condoms again.

And pardon me for asking more, but I'm guessing that means you've had sex twice more since Thursday night? Any concerns about him in bed since?

OP, am thinking of you x

Supplementary question to above, how are things if you don't want sex?

Pretty sure we can guess the answers to all these questions...

If you are having sex every day, and you ovulated a couple of days ago, taking the MAP once will not necessarily protect you against unwanted pregnancy - really, you should very seriously consider a copper coil.

I am so sorry.
He has done a right number on you, hasn't he?

What?!

So what has happened since, with condoms?

The MAP won't work with repeated instances of unprotected sex.

I urge you to get a coil tomorrow or the injection.

I got a bit confused because I thought you had said previously that it had been a long time apart from the subject of this thread, that anything physical had taken place, about 8 years ago.

So actually this means that he does have form for being violent then.

Please keep safe. He must not guess that you are cottoning on to him.

everyone day?

Please, please, speak to Womens Aid tomorrow while he is at work.

I will contact my doctor tomorrow about the coil. I know the MAP doesn't work for repeated incidents. I can't take another one anyway as I chose the Ellaone pill as the pharmacist said it would be more effective.

He has used condoms which have been disposed of in the usual way so I'm guessing they haven't been tampered with. I can't see any evidence of tampering.

Sex everyday is fine. I'm reticent to talk too much about this as I don't want to draw unsavoury attention to the thread.

the H in question probably thinks OP believes he used a condom before; hopefully he has been using one properly since to try and lull her into a false sense of security.

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