DH is trying to get me pregnant against my wishes

[MrsHenryWinter]

I can't actually believe I'm writing this, it feels like a soap storyline.

I think DH is messing with our birth control after we decided not to try for anymore children.

For background, he always wanted children, I was never very bothered either way. He recently decided to go for a vasectomy and I supported his decision. Just before the appointment he decided that he wanted one more child, although I do not want anymore children. The vasectomy was cancelled so that we had more time to talk through our options.

We talked about this endlessly and I remained adamant that I didn't want more children. There were lots of tears and we finally decided to wait a year and see how we felt then.

TMI Alert!

Back to last night: we were having sex and he tried to enter me without a condom. I pushed him off and he said sorry and got a condom. I think he put it on (it was dark) but afterwards I was very wet and asked if he'd come inside me. He got a bit huffy and said no but then got up and took the 'evidence' with him. I'm 99% certain he ejaculated inside me without my permission.

I don't know what to feel about this. Apart from going to get the morning after pill with 2 young children in tow, I'm at a loss as to what to do next.

I just feel numb.

I thought I was going crazy

This is was a capable emotional abuser does to you - you question your own good sense and end up not trusting yourself, instead replacing his standards/expectations as 'reasonable'.
It's a reflection of just how much of a head-job he's done on you.

I hope you can find your anger and channel it usefully soon.
In the meantime I am livid on your behalf.

Wishing you not to have to manage too much of a difficult 'mood' of his

Interesting statistics getyourself but worrying as if op doesn't get the MAP until late tomorrow afternoon that could be 40+ hours after.

A copper coil will work up to 5 days post UPSI.

PalmerViolet With respect, at 18:10:35 I asked the OP what the fallout would be. Just a few seconds earlier, at 18:10:19, the OP had said that he is capable of physical violence. I missed that because we crossed posts. Please don't patronise me.

The important thing is that you are not safe with this man, OP. Please get a copper coil on Monday to make sure that you are not pregnant by this monster.

OP the more you post the more scary this man sounds.

No wonder you feel numb. It is your mind's way of protecting you and keeping you safe.

You have opened pandora's box now and will see more and more just what an abusive man this is you are living with.

Keep yourself and your DC safe, get yourself contraception asap and make very careful plans to escape.

I'm so sorry, OP, what an awful thing to happen :-(

Do seriously consider having an emergency copper coil inserted. If you've had to wait an extra day, the MAP can be less effective, whereas the emergency coil is still extremely effective and can be put in up to five days after unprotected sex. It's the more reliable option at this stage (and it's also non-hormonal).

Thinking of you, hoping against hope you have a safe weekend

OP, this is downright horrendous .

Don't most people ask if they can go out?
.
No, they don't. Adults don't ask for permission. Marriage is the unit of two adults.
As for him preventing you physically from leaving the house, that's equally . As is him controlling whether you take medication, what you eat or him "approving" your friendships. Unless you live in Iran or Saudi Arabia, none of this is normal, OP. You are being abused. Get out before it's too late.

I've just read through the full post OP. I am so, so sorry that this is happening to you. You've had some fantastic advice - I hope you don't have any issues getting out tomorrow for the MAP & fingers crossed that it works.

I'm stuck in a relationship at the minute where I'm starting to believe that I may be the victim of emotional abuse - but then I tell myself I'm over-reacting. So I've been stuck for almost 12 years in a marriage where my husband controls everything. It won't be easy to just get up and go, but this man does sound very dangerous to me and I hope that you can get out safely with your children.

Try to find somewhere that you can start documenting things as and when they happen to help you in your case against him.

Thinking of you and good luck in getting through the weekend. Stay safe xxx

The Freedom Program website - have a look when you safely can.

driveninsane

You poor thing hope you are ok

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Know we're here for you and please protect yourself by using a private browser while on mumsnet and making sure you log out and close the page.

Thinking of you, OP.

Get the map and then the copper coil

Actually Pacificis right a copper coil will prevent pregnancy up 5 days after unprotected sex. It's actually more effective than MAP.

Hope you are ok today op. Just read the thread
Best of luck getting away from him

Good morning.

Please be assured that I am safe and well. As I mentioned we are in a 'good' place so he is happy and family life ticks along quite nicely.

I have been with him for 8 years and it's a long time since anything physical has taken place. Apart from the subject of this thread of course.

I will get the MAP today. I doubt I can get the coil fitted as he will know. He could feel it last time I had one and asked I have it removed. I will look into the spermicide though so thank you for that idea.

I feel quite panicked at reading some of your responses because I feel as if I'm making it all sound worse than it is. I honestly doubt that if I reported him anything would happen. There is no evidence and it would be his word against mine. If you met us you wouldn't suspect him in a million years.

But I must repeat that I am completely safe as are the children (he would never hurt them) as long as I don't try to leave. I have access to all family money and all our documents so I have that at least.

You can ask for a coil with the threads removed. If you tell a clinician confidentially that you fear reproductive coercion they will do this for you.
Good luck OP.

I mean if the threads are gone he won't know it's there.

Thanks for letting us know that OP. The coil has threads that can be felt, but you can specifically ask for the threads to be clipped so nobody could feel them. It would be completely hidden. Just so you know, that is the most effective option in your situation.
All the best for today.

I have read this thread with my jaw on the floor .

for you MrsH xx

X posted with manatee. Please seriously consider this OP.

Thank you for letting us know you are safe.

Please don't try to start minimising this though, or think that you wouldn't be believed. You would.

Take care and keep posting.xx

OP, what an awful thing to happen. I feel like I want to reach through the screen and give you a big hug. Glad you are safe.

Try not to get too overwhelmed with everything, just focus on the most important things - First of all, just try and keep as calm as you can. Then make sure you and your DC are safe. Asap, go and get the copper coil. I would talk to Women's Aid, they will give you guidance on what to do next.

You are doing so, so well

Look after yourself op. . Maybe have a long look at your h behaviour including the stopping you leaving. Keep yourself and dc safe. Mn is here for you if even you need help. Xxx

Look after yourself OP and take your time. xxx