DH is trying to get me pregnant against my wishes

[MrsHenryWinter]

I can't actually believe I'm writing this, it feels like a soap storyline.

I think DH is messing with our birth control after we decided not to try for anymore children.

For background, he always wanted children, I was never very bothered either way. He recently decided to go for a vasectomy and I supported his decision. Just before the appointment he decided that he wanted one more child, although I do not want anymore children. The vasectomy was cancelled so that we had more time to talk through our options.

We talked about this endlessly and I remained adamant that I didn't want more children. There were lots of tears and we finally decided to wait a year and see how we felt then.

TMI Alert!

Back to last night: we were having sex and he tried to enter me without a condom. I pushed him off and he said sorry and got a condom. I think he put it on (it was dark) but afterwards I was very wet and asked if he'd come inside me. He got a bit huffy and said no but then got up and took the 'evidence' with him. I'm 99% certain he ejaculated inside me without my permission.

I don't know what to feel about this. Apart from going to get the morning after pill with 2 young children in tow, I'm at a loss as to what to do next.

I just feel numb.

Sorry if I missed it but you have had a day to yourself (dh at work) but you can't get to the GP or pharmacy for emergency contraception that you are desperate for?

Bec You did miss it. There's a very good reason for it.

MrsHW hopefully you'll see this before you go. If he's this controlling he's likely checking your Internet history (if not tracking it with a keylogger or something). Clear your cookies and make sure you won't get emails about PMs etc. Delete your history and visit a few random sites so that if doesn't look cleared.

Be safe. Good luck.

This is horrific

Becoolio
The OP said this:
"My friend and I had plans together today. If I'd cancelled DH would have found out and wondered why. I thought I'd be able to go later in the afternoon but I had to cook dinner and do a few jobs. I just couldn't get away without there being some kind of fallout."
It doesn't make a lot of sense to me but I think the OP's husband is so controlling and abusive that he limits her autonomy even when he's not there. She is clearly too terrified to prioritise getting the MAP over doing the things he expects her to do.

mix

If this man is as dangerous as the OP is claiming I doubt he would just sulk or say oh well if the OP refused sex.

He could become very dangerous and even deadly

I too remember GettingBigs thread. This is just as horrific. OP does he also have security cameras or webcams up indoors. Because he sounds like the type that would.

Do you feel So shitty because you love this man and other have said that your DP takes you and now you feel like you HAVE to leave him?? Xx

Raped* sorry stupid phone

Ok fair enough. She did say she was going to town this morning to get MAP. It's up to her but the firm advice on here was to get it the day after.

Men like this are dangerous

jezebel.com/5978759/why-are-some-men-pulling-out-womens-iuds

Good advice fron Anchor.

Good luck this weekend, OP.

God this is so awful. So awful. I really identify with the 'guilded cage', I have had two relationships (one very long, 11 yrs) and I completely understand the 'sleepwalking' into a situation that something as awful as this could occur. But speaking from the other side, please just walk away from this prick. What he did was an act of selfishness in its most despicable form. First focus: getting that morning after pill, second: putting plans in place to get away from this monster. It's very confusing and seems much more black and white to strangers on the internet who, like me, can warrior from their keyboards, but try and think of it in terms of if it had happened to a friend (one of YOUR choosing ), what advice would you give. I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation

I can see it was difficult to take the MAP today but it is very important to take it asap. I became pregnant previously after taking the MAP at about 60-ish hours.
Here's the info for levonelle:
95% effective if taken within 12 hours of unprotected sex
85% effective if taken between 12- 24 hours of unprotected sex
75% effective if taken between 24- 48 hours of unprotected sex
58% effective if taken between 48- 72 hours of unprotected sex

Distance then, with respect, you're reading a different thread.

Everyone, OP has planned what to do. Planning what to do with a man like this is important. Telling her over and over again that she's doing the wrong thing is merely colluding with her H's abuse.

It also makes you look like you don't know what you're talking about, which in this case is deeply unhelpful.

Worth bearing in mind that most of us really don't know what we'recommend talking about, so listening to what the OP is saying really matters.

This is beyond the vast majority of us. It's specialist stuff.

We can do more harm than good if we push or try to shame.

MrsHenry says she is safe enough for the weekend and that she will be able to get the MAP tomorrow.

Let's believe her and trust her judgement.

And hope like fuck that she's right.

I should mention, the IUD seems to be more effective. Personally, I'd go for both, if you can.

Oh MrsHW this is heartbreaking to read.
Does he know your a MNetter? Just wondering whether it would be worth asking HQ to move your thread to somewhere a little less easy to find? You must keep posting if you don't have any RL support, as the scales fall from your eyes, you will struggle too much alone.
No one here is judging you, you've been gaslighted for a long time that he has your best interests at heart.

Threads like this are like an onion. You start out with one issue and then slowly the layers start to get peeled back. And it gets worse and worse.

I concur with those who are saying to keep any plans for the future quiet. You say you planned to leave before, is this something you will consider again? I think you know that you are not in a healthy (or safe) relationship.

Sort out your own contraception and if it's the pill, hide it where he won't find it. In the meantime, I don't know if they're still around, but there used to be contraceptive suppositories, creams, and foams containing Nonoxynol-9 that one could insert . They weren't terribly reliable but they would be better than nothing if he refuses to take 'no' for an answer. You could insert every night before bed, in the privacy of the bathroom. Don't depend on them for very long, just until you can get to the doctor for something better.

I haven't read all the answers honey but imagine it the other way around - a woman doing something similar would be ripped to shreds

In addition to what Pond said, I'd get and keep a spare day after pill at home for emergencies.

Injection would be untraceable and can be used if you have a clotting risk that makes the standard Pill inadvisable.

An injection would have to be done every 12 weeks so the OP would need to be able to get away at the right time every time when its due.

You can get it done early so she'd have about two weeks where it could be done and be effective. Plus no evidence like pills to have to keep around the house. And it's very reliable. Once it's in too there's nothing the husband can do. Hopefully it wouldn't need to be a long term thing if you can get away further down the line, OP.

Just read the majority of the thread.
OP I just wanted to add that you need to not get worked up, easier said than done, but an emotional explosion towards your H could quite possibly exasperate the situation. You need to keep you, and children safe.
Make a plan, but keep your cool.
You are not stupid nor do you need to feel humiliated. Your strong and slowly but surely opening your eyes to be a better future..

I've had a Google and I think this is the legal case.

www.kingsleynapley.co.uk/news-and-events/blogs/regulatory-and-professional-discipline-blog/case-update-r-on-the-application-of-f-v-the-director-of-public-prosecutions-and-a-2013-ewhc-945-admin

I'm so sorry that this has happened. Please keep yourself (and your children) safe.