I love her but she wants a child badly and I dont

[user1462882883]

Hi everyone,

I am new here and a male ( bear with me!). I have read this board for a while and wanted to post my story to share and would appreciate your views, especially anyone who can relate to it.

I am in a relationship with an amazing woman who i truly love, and who loves me. We want to be together forever. We have been together for just over a year with one or two splits.

Early on she said she had always wanted children in the near future, and I told her that children have never really been something i have yearned for. We were falling in love and this issue fell to the wayside - for a bit. Then it resurfaced and she hadn't changed her mind at all, it was non-negotiable for her. So i told her i would open my mind to the idea of becoming a father more as i loved her.

Fast forward to now, and she has given me an ultimatum that either i get on board now while she can still have children ( she is 37), or she will look elsewhere or have one on her own. So effectively she is choosing a hypothetical child over her love for me.

I have been to counselling, to explore why i am not paternal, and no matter what i do or try, i just cannot generate a want or a desire for a child of my own, even though i love this woman. It is so heartbreaking to lose her over this, i dont want to lose her. I will never meet another so perfect for me in all other ways.

I just cant seem to get that longing or want for a baby / child. People say once its my own, then it would kick in, but surely you have to have some sort of want on some level to do this?

Please advise as i cannot cope with the thought of losing this woman.

well at 37, she has very little time to play with, especially if she wants more than one. Why don't you let her have a family, on the understanding that she does a lot of the 'hard graft' of parenthood, and you support her with love, financially etc.

I know her time is short, which is why i am walking away tonight, not because i dont love her but because the baby is what matters here.

No we cant do an arrangement like the above, as the child will still need a father that truly wanted him and her, and i dont have a wanting for a child of my own.

Waaaah waaaaah waaaah the universe is against me, this is true love but I have to say goodbye waaaaah waaaah waaaah

Honestly op, I think you will be shocked how quickly she moves on from you.

What does your very closest friend say to all this? if they are still listening to you

she has wanted a "final" discussion since last Sunday that she thinks your going to tell her you will have a baby with her...

No, i can tell from her texts this week that she doesnt. i think she will be relieved once it is over for both our sakes. She can tell I havent changed my mind despite the counselling

my closest friend said that i should not have gone back last May

Waaaah waaaaah waaaah the universe is against me, this is true love but I have to say goodbye waaaaah waaaah waaaah

Honestly op, I think you will be shocked how quickly she moves on from you.

• Have you ever gone through what i am going through right now?

So you are meeting her in less than 2 hours?

The very fact you said earlier she is looking forward to seeing you for a romantic meal, leads me to think since you have been stringing her along for a year and she has wanted a "final" discussion since last Sunday that she thinks your going to tell her you will have a baby with her...

Because nobody drops that kind of bombshell after all the "I'm trying" to come round to the idea in a posh restaurant over dinner.

This.

Yes. Women hate you. Yes. Women are angry at you.
Because you've earned that.
So don't whine.

We see you. We see through your manipulative act.

I think you are the person who has made me the most angry on MN. I think you're an emotional abuser and playing us for fools, or you're mentally unwell.
I think a woman will live and die unfulfilled and childless because you are a selfish coward.

Have you ever gone through what i am going through right now?

Yes. When I was 15 and the boy in 6b didn't love me back. Then I grew up.

Meeting her at 630

Well he said he loved me. But he wouldn't meet at the back of the gym instead he wanted to play football. He dumped me at McDonalds. ~I moved on and up.

Have you ever gone through what i am going through right now?

Most of us felt what you articulate when we were in our teens - the me, me, me and the drama.

Most of us have been through far worse than this in our lives. Because we're proper grown ups. If you are really 40, there is something amiss or you're trying to manipulate us.

I don't think your selfish that's the most awful comment to read...

As a woman I don't have that overwhelming desire to have a child ... lucky my dh feels the same.. So I have no experience of coming around to his thinking but I do understand what you are saying and how you feel about not wanting children. I too was constantly told well when you have one.. Or more insultingly when you meet the right person...

My view has always been that I would end up despising my life and all the things I couldn't do..

Having children and indeed going through pregnancy and child birth and maybe any issued on the way or post such as baby blues sleepless night etc can be challenging when you both want a child so badly that when one person isn't on board I can imagine is hard.

If Id been given an ultimatum it would push me further away as I don't think anything as big as that should be a forced decision or blackmail

thank you lilmisskitty

Have you ever gone through what i am going through right now?
Clearly no one in the entire history of the whole wide world has every gone though such a tragic unfair and awful situation as this before OP.

You are unbelievably whiny manipulative selfish and immature tragic, unique and very very "special".

i wouldnt like my life and all the things i couldnt do, if i became a father.

If you can tell by her texts she doesn't expect a change in your mind why in hell do you think she would be looking forward to a romantic meal with you? Why wouldn't she just tell you to bugger off now.

Your not listening to anything anyone here is telling you!!

You are being cruel to this woman. I would bet my last £1 that she is hoping your have changed your mind 7pm. Because she has invested a lot of her very precious time with you hoping your change your mind because YOU and only YOU gave her some bullshit hope you might

Again I say you do not love this woman you are in love with the idea of her, and even what your doing now is cruel.

I don't think anything as big as that should be a forced decision

This.

you are totally right. You need to want it to do it.

HisName the Op is indeed very very unique. and whiny and immature not because he doesn't want to have dc but because of the way he has handled it.

And nobody absolutely NOBODY is saying you should be a father

We're saying grow the fuck up and show this woman who you apparently love so so much and is your soulmate some bloody respect and end it somewhere comfortable for her NOT YOU

why she wants a child with you leave me totally confused, but what I do think is that she has had a very lucky escape.

why in hell do you think she would be looking forward to a romantic meal with you?

because she just does?

she knows and i know we wont work out. She said as much all of last week.

Op you only have just over an hour to go. Shouldn't you be getting ready before you wave off your one true love. I hope it rains, just to add to the ambiance.

OP I hope it goes well, I know it tough decision but do what you need to do.

snow maybe?

or a flurry of pink blossom in the wind as they part?

because she just does??

So in your head you think she thinks your going to break up with her, after stringing her along for over year and telling her, her dream of having a child wit you is over and you think that she is going to be excited about doing this over a romantic meal...

Oh dear lord