I love her but she wants a child badly and I dont

[user1462882883]

Hi everyone,

I am new here and a male ( bear with me!). I have read this board for a while and wanted to post my story to share and would appreciate your views, especially anyone who can relate to it.

I am in a relationship with an amazing woman who i truly love, and who loves me. We want to be together forever. We have been together for just over a year with one or two splits.

Early on she said she had always wanted children in the near future, and I told her that children have never really been something i have yearned for. We were falling in love and this issue fell to the wayside - for a bit. Then it resurfaced and she hadn't changed her mind at all, it was non-negotiable for her. So i told her i would open my mind to the idea of becoming a father more as i loved her.

Fast forward to now, and she has given me an ultimatum that either i get on board now while she can still have children ( she is 37), or she will look elsewhere or have one on her own. So effectively she is choosing a hypothetical child over her love for me.

I have been to counselling, to explore why i am not paternal, and no matter what i do or try, i just cannot generate a want or a desire for a child of my own, even though i love this woman. It is so heartbreaking to lose her over this, i dont want to lose her. I will never meet another so perfect for me in all other ways.

I just cant seem to get that longing or want for a baby / child. People say once its my own, then it would kick in, but surely you have to have some sort of want on some level to do this?

Please advise as i cannot cope with the thought of losing this woman.

Think you are out of order sunny

Maybe a rainbow will appear as he walks off with a single tear rolling down his cheek?

and a unicorn will fart glitter

murphys Oh come on. You think he is genuine? And I don't mean that he is a troll, I mean do you really think he is being genuine?

Oh I can not believe this thread is still going.

It's ok to love some one and want different things. When things come to a head you have to let them go.
Just tell her tonight, anywhere that you are never going to want children.
if you break up after that you will get over it people do everyday, yes it's sad and it hurts but it's part of life.

I don't believe in anybody being forced in to being a parent ( male or female) but she could of walked away from the realtionship at any point, I assume the op doesn't have her locked under the stairs unable to leave. OP should of said he absolutely didn't want a child from the start.

she knows and i know we wont work out. She said as much all of last week.

From what I interpreted she issued an ultimatum. Make your mind up one way or the other by Sunday or you can fuck off? That is not that same as knowing that you'll drop the bombshell over the romantic date tonight surely?

People care when someone is hurting when they have earned that compassion by showing they are a grown up, kind, thoughtful, decent.

You come across as a big baby throwing your toys out of your never-going-to-push-one pram and with no sense of realising you make your own choices not the fucking universe.

murphys Have you read the entire thread?

I think sunny was being remarkably restrained.

I hope it rains, just to add to the ambiance.
snow maybe?
or a flurry of pink blossom in the wind as they part?
Maybe a rainbow
and a unicorn will fart glitter

Oh you lot are dreadful . Just imagine if those things happened With Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" playing in the background, OP would for ever have painful memories associated with rain, snow, pink blossom, rainbows and unicorns! That would be tragic [Sniff]

Why Whitney?
Tainted Love or Dance Away will do just as well shows age.

Say hello wave goodbye

Don't you want me, baby

Surely it warrants a Celine Dion song?

Please no - not Celine.

Yes I've read whole thread I've been commenting throughout.

I do believe op as usually fake posts etc don't come back with many comments

I also think that just because someone is more emotional about things and thinks things through to such detail should not be made fun of.

But hey for all any of us know this whole thread is utter bull shit or it's genuine.

We see you. We see through your manipulative act

Don't presume to be the mouthpiece of womankind.

I wouldn't want to be associated with you post, and most of the more recent ones. Horrible.

Please take this thread down, Mumsnet, before we all shoot ourselves.

Not least because no one can face the tragic updates from the restaurant.

(God, I envy her though. I wish I'd had this kind of escape from my husband).

And OP, regarding the whole 'have any of you been through what I'm going through?' Clearly you don't read these boards very much (or maybe you do but you're too self absorbed to actually ever think about what people on here have faced).

People on these boards have gone through marriage breakdowns after years together, humiliating cheating, lone parenting, financial problems as a result of the above, serious bereavement. The list goes on.

Do you know what? I became a single parent in January of three small children after my husband killed himself following an affair with a young girl at our workplace. I went back to work this month. And it was tough. That's serious shit. But I would never dream of whining on about it in the way you are doing here.

Just shut up. For goodness' sake.

Then your a sucker or internalise misogyny.

I'm not the mouthpiece of all womankind.

If a woman was behaving in a frankly weird, abusive way I would call her for it.

He sounds dangerously, cruelly selfish. Also sexist.

Suddenly after 20+ pages of aghast women, 2 leap to the defence.
But of course they're the voice of reason.

Is this still going on?

I thought they had already broken up and agreed to meet once a month to catch up? Did I imagine that?
Is this the once a month that they agreed to?
Why do they need to break up again?

As if you're going to crush someone you claim to love and end their dream...in public...in a restaurant!!

To save you having any memories on your couch!

You can't even finish it in a decent way, again it's all about you.

Words fail me sometimes.

Poor, poor lady. What has she done to deserve this vile, cruel treatment. At least afford her the privacy and dignity of having her heart broken somewhere she can retreat safely.

Go to her home and tell her, then never contact her again.

God you're such a Special Snowflake OP.

Bore off.

*We spoke last night and she effectively said that she is going to move on, not because she doesnt love me, but she has to for the baby. I totally understand, heartbroken but i cant give her what she wants.

I feel very cheated by the Universe in general. I wish i could be with her if things were different. She has agreed to meet me for a drink once a month to catch up, but no more dates or stayovers.

I feel so sad to be splitting up*

OP posted this on Tuesday...Why is she now so excited to meet up? Surely this is what she's expecting?

bold fail

I think that neither of you have done anything wrong, but she has made it quite clear and been honest with you that she wants a baby. If you really do not, and she really does its a deal breaker. You have to let her go, she will never forgive you if you lead her on until its too late. So sorry, its such a hard situation.

oh shit, i didnt read the whole thread....