last night it all went wrong

[MrsRWilliams]

I've name changed for this as I have personal friends on mn who know my regular name.

I'll start by saying that I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I also suffer with acute anxiety disorder, occasional depression and complex trauma syndrome, and also ptsd. I have seen therapist after therapist and don't feel I've gained anything at all from any of them. I'm also on medication, which means that if I drink too much I can become easily confused.

I've recently come through two years of cancer treatment, including 18mths of chemo, over 10 surgeries, and several infections which caused me to be hospitalised.

I had a bloody shit upbringing, was physically and emotionally abused as a child/teen, raped by someone I knew when I was 16, and in an abusive relationship for 7 years before I met dh.

Dh and I have been together for over 15yrs and have 4dcs, aged from toddler to tween. I'm being deliberately vague in case I'm outed.

So anyway, when dh and I got together at first, he was very untrusting, always convinced I was lying to him about where I'd been and who with. He was occasionally aggressive - shoved me and held me down, punched things and threatened me, but after counselling, and me basically saying if it happened again I would leave, he stopped. He got his temper under control and had never again in 15yrs did it again.

Until last night. I got (inexcusably) drunk, and my friend came round who was also drunk. DH had been out earlier in the night so went to bed. My friend decided she wanted a cigarette so we walked round to her house (5 min away), but lost track of time so I was away for about two hours. When I got home DH was furious, demanding to know where the fuck I'd been, and for some reason, a combination of defiance and too much to drink I think, all I would say was "with friends". He thought I was lying (I have never, ever cheated on him or given him reason to mistrust me) and just got angrier and angrier until eventually he grabbed me hard by the wrist and smacked me about the face and head until I just curled in a ball and begged him to stop.

I've woken today to a badly bruised and swollen wrist, a lump and bruise above my temple and a massive bruise on the bridge of my nose.

DH is distraught today, can't believe what he has done. He has begged me to forgive him and sworn he will never touch me again. I have said I've forgiven him, but I just can't shake how upset I am by it. I know I'm horrible to live with, and I know I've put him through hell in recent years.

I always said if he lifted his hands to me then I'd leave, but he has sworn that he would never do anything like that ever again and I want to believe him. Could it just have been a momentary loss of temper? I love him so much and the dcs adore him.

Can anyone tell me they've got past something like this? I also know that I need to address my issues with alcohol.

Sorry for the essay. Oh and I'm in another Timezone, which is why I'm posting at this time. Thank you if you've read this far.

This analogy is a false one. You are referring to the impact that the unhealthy relationship with food has on the person 's body. The question is about what does an unhealthy relationship means. It means a misuse or abuse of alcohol. The impact could be an impairment of judgement.

As for the OP being made to think by her husband that she is abusing alcohol that really is reaching far.

As for the OP being made to think by her husband that she is abusing alcohol that really is reaching far.

Actually, it isn't. It's part of the script. They will pick on anything.

Donethat16 just by posting that, you've shown that you don't actually have very much knowledge of how domestic abuse works.

It is far reaching in terms of you jumping to conclusions. You accuse others of reaching far in their assumptions. So are you by assuming the OP hasn't reached that realisation herself but rather she was made to think that by her husband.

It is entirely possible for an abusive person to brainwash another but in this case, yes you are over reaching.

Having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol does not mean you even drink. Alcoholics who are not drinking are still alcoholics etc...

I don't even know why you think a statement about having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol obviously means the op is a dangerous alcoholic whose children need protection but saying someone may fear being called an alcoholic because they have been made afraid of it by a partner who beats them is overreaching.

And I might add no-one has said that is what happened, I said it may have happened. Other people have made sweeping statements about the drinking without any information at all.

And you may notice as soon as princess started this crap about alcoholic and not being safe alone with the kids the op didn't come back.

Would you for one minute stop and think about how a woman who was beaten up last night by her partner, who already feels it is her fault, who has been abused her whole life feels being told things like 'you can't tell the police' because you are a dangerous alcoholic?

Most especially bad because there is no evidence at all on which to base the wild leap. I would say 95+% of people who drink have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Find me one drinker who has never opened a bottle of wine after a bad day or got a bit too drunk because they were emotional. She could be no worse than many of the judgey pant hoikers themselves...

And that doesn't mean it doesn't need addressing but if she is self medicating abuse trauma then it will not get better while she is living with an abuser. The primary concern is helping support the op to protect herself and the DC from being subjected to/witnessing physical violence.

And scaremongering about SS and police who are some of the organisations who could help her is really really low.

Oh FFS.

If I had a pound for every abuser who uses 'MH' and 'alcohol issues' to terrify a woman into believing she cannot cope and is an unfit mother without his 'assistance' I'd be a very wealthy lady indeed.

We don't know exactly how much of a grip on reality the soap has - that's the beauty of abuse: victims idea of 'normal' becomes so massively distorted, their self esteem so low that they end up believing anything the vile piece of crap she's living with tells her.

OP - please keep talking to us and ignore the victim blaming

It is far reaching in terms of you jumping to conclusions.

Certainly not more than about the OP's use of alcohol.

"It is far reaching in terms of you jumping to conclusions. "

I haven't jumped to any conclusions.

I merely pointed out that it's bog-standard gaslighting, for abusers to tell their victims that the kids will be taken away from her if she leaves. It's useful to know that so that we can bear it in mind when considering what the OP is telling us.

People who have jumped to conclusions, are the ones who assume that an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, is the OP telling us that she's a raging drunk who isn't fit to look after her children.

Op, what happened last night is not your fault, it really isn't. Hope you are ok.