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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Work relationships. Am I crazy and how to make this right and move forward.

144 replies

Goandplay · 04/05/2016 17:44

I have started a new job in the last 6 weeks following extended leave after maternity due to PND. Started to feel better consistently around Christmas and decided I was ready to return to work.

Prior to having my youngest DC's I retrained for a different career whilst working for a job I knew I would really like.

This is my first role in this profession although it is office based and I am used to working in offices to the environment is familiar.

There is a woman at my work who I am not sure particularly likes me. Nothing obvious, just repeating what I say if I mispronounce a company name, not returning any tea's or coffees made, asking to speak to colleagues privately when there is no real need, making me feel left out of conversations by not including me or making eye contact. All this is fine as we worked in different areas of the building.

Our offices have been combined and she has been responsible for the moving of desks and new furniture ordered etc. I have arrive today at work and my desk is facing the corner, the other 2 people in the office, (her and another woman doing the same role as me) have their desks facing outwards and there is room for me to be outwards. I knew I would feel isolated even more as she is going to be working in the same office now and the men at my work are big practical jokers so I feel vulnerable with my back to the room when everyone else can see.

Boss arrives after I have settled down to work and comments a few times that it's not right having someone sitting facing a corner. Each time he is answered with a reason why, room in the office, fitting desks etc. The boss then came back and said again that someone can't sit in a corner - he won't have it, the girl says she wants to put up shelves above my desk for files as well. He says no again, she manages to distract him. The new desk arrived which is massive, I am looking at the desk thinking I could turn my desk round, it would work. Mention this and I am told to leave it as it is for now until the other director sees it.

Now embarrassingly I am unable to hold in the tears (there were tears first thing that morning but I went outside, everyone saw but I was outside, the 2 girls I work with asked what was wrong but were a bit blunt about it) but I am facing the wall so I am fighting it. Realising that today is going to be like this all day I spoke to my boss, said I was having a bad day and could I take annual leave. He said no problem at all and also mentioned the desk again and said to move it round, I said that I had said I wanted to and they had both said no. He said do it anyway (I wouldn't be able to move it on my own). He said let the other girl that does the same job as me know that I was going home and go home and come back when I feel better.

I said I was going home and this was met with the phone being picked up and her asking the boss if there was a problem. I don't know what it said but thinking about it now she gave a little laugh and said that she would need someone for the end of the week. I waited until she finished and explained it was for one day and I would be back tomorrow. She then says that it isn't personal that I am sat in the corner and it was the only way the office could work with an extra desk etc. I said (now crying again) I didn't feel as though it was personal, and that I knew me continuing in the role was dependant on us all getting along (was mentioned at the interview) and I like the job etc but felt that the other woman didn't like me. She was there and said what?! of course I do etc. I said this is why I felt I needed to go home because I was losing perspective on the situation and I really didn't want to get into the whole do you like me etc conversation. The boss appeared and changed the conversation to a work related issue and I left.

How do I move forward. I couldn't help crying, I can't stop :( once I feel that way.

I emailed about an hour later to the lady I work with and normally get on with about something work related and finished with saying I would definitely be in tomorrow but didn't receive a reply.

I am gutted - I love my job.

Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
Goandplay · 16/05/2016 07:10

Thank you.

I'm sad because I really love the job and I don't know if I could get a similar job so easily if at all without any experience.

I hope you're right and it's been slept on over the weekend but I doubt it.

Alarm bells rang when the girl before me left without a job to go to, refused a leaving do and hasn't been in since even though she said she would.

OP posts:
Imbroglio · 16/05/2016 07:41

Good luck for today, and take care of yourself.

It's a shame you've turned your desk in one respect - you could have had the Acas employment rights pages open for all to see.

indigo88 · 16/05/2016 07:50

hold your nerve and stand your ground

Merd · 16/05/2016 07:57

Yep - that tells you A LOT!

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/05/2016 08:47

op, I'd be tempted to stick it out for an acceptable period if you can cope with their unprofessionalism (say 6 months minimum?). Be on the lookout for another job all through that time of course - I say this because short time periods on CVs can reflect poorly on you, not the company in question. It's terribly unfair but there it is.

Sympathies, they sound rubbish!

Oly5 · 16/05/2016 09:22

Yes I agree you should stick it out for 6 months at least while looking for another job. Whatever you do, don't leave without a job to go to.
Your workplace undoubtedly has a bullying culture but just hold your nerve OP. Think about the long term... Stick it out for a bit and then go on to bigger and better things

Merd · 16/05/2016 11:21

I disagree - your MH comes first. Protect yourself first of all. Keep posting here if you need reassurance. Do NOT stay in a place that drives you (literally) mad.

WipsGlitter · 16/05/2016 16:25

I would be documenting everything and looking for another job. It looks like you are being given the reputation of trouble maker.

Imbroglio · 16/05/2016 18:52

How did it go today?

Ilovewillow · 16/05/2016 19:08

Go in and move the desk, if possible get your boss to help you move it! It will show a united front, he should be sorting it anyway, he is in charge not this unpleasant woman!

Make sure any other issues are reported in writing to your manager, she is a bully!

Choughed · 16/05/2016 19:19

Willow RTFT Hmm

Goandplay · 16/05/2016 20:15

My colleague called in sick today so it was just me and the other woman. Was fine but the (I know, I know, curiosity got the better of me) I had to open her email to receive a specific document. (Password security etc is unheard of at my work, everyone uses the same log in etc) So while I was on her computer I looked at the 'report' but 3 days before the report she had sent an email telling the director that they need to document talking to me and be ready to dismiss me at the end of three months because I was lazy and temperamental. The actual report listed 3 or 4 mistakes I have made in the recent weeks since starting and then explain the possible 'consequences' of these mistakes if they hadn't been found.

To make things worse I couldn't complete a piece of relatively easy work today because the was a problem I couldn't find Sad. I have however documented on email everything I have done today and sent it to my colleague so she knew what I had done today and copied in the director.

She also mentioned that I have a habit of making work harder than it is by spending all day creating a spreadsheet Blush, I know what she is referring to but the spreadsheet was just exported from a website we use. I took 2 minutes to export the data which meant I could sort it into an easier list. I DO take longer than expected because I finish the task completely rather than allowing the work to pile up in another area - this is literally just us working in a different manner.

I cannot address the issues raised directly as I should not have been snooping. I do know now though that the whole 'I will call you tonight' situation was based on her wanting the others input in put into this report about me.

Good news though - I was not emotional and I almost feel like shouting I knew it because she also says that she doubts I will ever fit in...

OP posts:
Goandplay · 16/05/2016 20:19

I may have forgot to mention the random comments that come out of the others mouth during a day at work, such as: "I don't often play the game but if I do I play to win!' - I have no idea what she is talking about. Think this may be some sort of warning to me but Biscuit.

OP posts:
Imbroglio · 16/05/2016 20:38

Off sick? Mmmmmm.

Please do request the notes from the meeting you had with the Director.

Who is your line manager?

Goandplay · 16/05/2016 20:43

I would say the director is my line manager although I am given work by the other woman I work with.

I sent him an email for the notes from the meeting.

I am beginning to feel that it is all a bit hopeless. How can I defend myself when I am not being told directly of the issue? Also in an correspondence I am referred to as she and her.

I spoke to ACAS today and they said that I do not have many rights as such until I have been employed for 2 years! Checked my contract and handbook and there is nothing there.

OP posts:
Goandplay · 16/05/2016 20:45

I know.. On a Monday too after a heavy weekend! Who'd have guessed. She was also sick on my first day which was a Monday. I have noticed her sick days are never logged on the system along with the rest of the company.

OP posts:
Imbroglio · 16/05/2016 20:49

Horrible situation. Sounds like you are doing very well in the circs.

First things first - your mental health is the priority.

It sounds like there is a massive pre-existing issue here and it may be the end game for the bully if other staff have walked and the madder behaviour (ie desk, vexatious complaints) has been noted. But the end may come too late for you.

Deffo start looking elsewhere and in the meantime keep your head down and make sure everything - EVERYTHING - is in writing.

Goandplay · 17/05/2016 14:54

Possible break through. Director is having someone come and report on the department externally.

He also is asking colleague to redo her work because someone has complained and the other director wants it investigated. My director said to remember a job I'm working on today will take me longer than expected because it's the first time I've done it.

I have been left out of the biscuit round and teas though. I'm not bothered though.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 17/05/2016 14:57

Oh see, I'd be saying - 'It's OK, don't mind me, I don't want tea or a biscuit thanks'
But I'm a bolshy cow!

Sounds promising with the external assessment!

Keep going, you're doing a great job.

Needtofeelsomething · 17/05/2016 16:45

I feel for you. I worked with a woman a few years ago who was a bully. I was her assistant for a year or so and we got on really well. Then I got a promotion and became her equal and she turned on me. She would bitch and moan about me but never to my face, there was always lots of whispering, emails to HR etc.

We ended up having to have mediation and she cried when I told her how she had made me feel. All a show in IMO as she must have known the impact of her actions.

I am no wall flower but it got me down and I took the opportunity to transfer to a different department at the first opportunity. She still haunted me until I finally took voluntary redundancy without a job to go to.

Stay strong, do a good job and they will have nothing to pick you up on. It is good that someone from the outside is coming in to review the department, although expect that they will be as nice as pie while they are there.

Imbroglio · 17/05/2016 18:57

Bring your own biscuits. Duchy Originals. No sharing!

And yes - it sounds like the Directors are on to this. They've given the bullies some rope and watched what they would do.

Well done you.

Imbroglio · 18/05/2016 19:09

Hope today went well for you.

Goandplay · 18/05/2016 19:42

It did. I feel more prepared going in now that I know their true feelings. I don't feel on tender hooks wondering if they like me or what I'm doing wrong.

I went in earlier than normal to get going on something I'm working on. I made tea just for myself as they do and got on with my work. Was polite etc but not overly nice. Made a point of being up beat when boss came in.

My boss gave me my review typed up. The last line said he was happy with my progress. So I can only take that at face value but I popped into his office and said thank you and I'm glad he felt that way.

They had their normal chat about all the stuff they're planning to do together but it made me smile in a bingo / full house kind of way.

The other woman left half day today and it's very nice without her there. Even another person that works there seems more chatty and generally more relaxed when she's not there.

All in all today was a good day. I'll keep my guard up and see their absurdity as amusing. It all says more about them than me. I've realised that sitting in a particular way I can't even see the worst woman.

OP posts:
Whensmyturn · 18/05/2016 19:55

Well done you! I think you're doing brilliantly. They sound like poor excuses for humanity these women. I can't stand this kind of primary school behaviour.

Imbroglio · 18/05/2016 20:30

Well done indeed! And now you've got it in writing that you are doing fine.

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