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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Work relationships. Am I crazy and how to make this right and move forward.

144 replies

Goandplay · 04/05/2016 17:44

I have started a new job in the last 6 weeks following extended leave after maternity due to PND. Started to feel better consistently around Christmas and decided I was ready to return to work.

Prior to having my youngest DC's I retrained for a different career whilst working for a job I knew I would really like.

This is my first role in this profession although it is office based and I am used to working in offices to the environment is familiar.

There is a woman at my work who I am not sure particularly likes me. Nothing obvious, just repeating what I say if I mispronounce a company name, not returning any tea's or coffees made, asking to speak to colleagues privately when there is no real need, making me feel left out of conversations by not including me or making eye contact. All this is fine as we worked in different areas of the building.

Our offices have been combined and she has been responsible for the moving of desks and new furniture ordered etc. I have arrive today at work and my desk is facing the corner, the other 2 people in the office, (her and another woman doing the same role as me) have their desks facing outwards and there is room for me to be outwards. I knew I would feel isolated even more as she is going to be working in the same office now and the men at my work are big practical jokers so I feel vulnerable with my back to the room when everyone else can see.

Boss arrives after I have settled down to work and comments a few times that it's not right having someone sitting facing a corner. Each time he is answered with a reason why, room in the office, fitting desks etc. The boss then came back and said again that someone can't sit in a corner - he won't have it, the girl says she wants to put up shelves above my desk for files as well. He says no again, she manages to distract him. The new desk arrived which is massive, I am looking at the desk thinking I could turn my desk round, it would work. Mention this and I am told to leave it as it is for now until the other director sees it.

Now embarrassingly I am unable to hold in the tears (there were tears first thing that morning but I went outside, everyone saw but I was outside, the 2 girls I work with asked what was wrong but were a bit blunt about it) but I am facing the wall so I am fighting it. Realising that today is going to be like this all day I spoke to my boss, said I was having a bad day and could I take annual leave. He said no problem at all and also mentioned the desk again and said to move it round, I said that I had said I wanted to and they had both said no. He said do it anyway (I wouldn't be able to move it on my own). He said let the other girl that does the same job as me know that I was going home and go home and come back when I feel better.

I said I was going home and this was met with the phone being picked up and her asking the boss if there was a problem. I don't know what it said but thinking about it now she gave a little laugh and said that she would need someone for the end of the week. I waited until she finished and explained it was for one day and I would be back tomorrow. She then says that it isn't personal that I am sat in the corner and it was the only way the office could work with an extra desk etc. I said (now crying again) I didn't feel as though it was personal, and that I knew me continuing in the role was dependant on us all getting along (was mentioned at the interview) and I like the job etc but felt that the other woman didn't like me. She was there and said what?! of course I do etc. I said this is why I felt I needed to go home because I was losing perspective on the situation and I really didn't want to get into the whole do you like me etc conversation. The boss appeared and changed the conversation to a work related issue and I left.

How do I move forward. I couldn't help crying, I can't stop :( once I feel that way.

I emailed about an hour later to the lady I work with and normally get on with about something work related and finished with saying I would definitely be in tomorrow but didn't receive a reply.

I am gutted - I love my job.

Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
Oly5 · 09/05/2016 21:50

I agree with everything donethat said.
Stay professional but be strong. Go in and move their desk. Ask the boss to help you. He tried to help you.
If she carries on bullying you then stand up to her without crying and tell your boss.
She sounds horrible.
You can do this OP.

Choughed · 09/05/2016 22:04

Glad it went well OP. Just be prepared for them to ramp up the nastiness. Keep professional and document EVERYTHING.

MadamDeathstare · 09/05/2016 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaContessaDiPlump · 11/05/2016 09:02

Definitely agree with what they said about emailing to confirm deadlines/priorities. Always cc in someone senior (i.e. not just her) as that'll keep her in line a bit.

hellsbellsmelons · 11/05/2016 09:15

Great result OP.
You've had some great advice so just put that in place.
You know you are doing a good job so document what you do on a daily basis so you can back up that you do a lot of good work in a timely manner.
Well done!!!

Oly5 · 11/05/2016 13:58

Well done OP. The directors run the show so keep in with them and work hard for them ....and forget about these stupid women

Goandplay · 12/05/2016 00:29

Don't think I've ever found so much support from a group of people. I love MN!

OP posts:
Oly5 · 12/05/2016 15:35

When MN is like this is brilliant.
When it's a nest of vipers it's awful.
Good for you OP, be confident in the job you love and work hard and you'll be ok.
And if in a year you can't bear them, you'll move on to bigger and better things at a new firm!

Goandplay · 12/05/2016 19:44

I have a review with the director tomorrow. If there is anything to report I guess I will be back Smile

OP posts:
Oly5 · 13/05/2016 09:55

Tell him you life your job and you want to do well and work hard. Music to their ears!!
If they mention the desk, say you thought it was mean and unnecessary to be put facing the wall and you're glad it's sorted

Oly5 · 13/05/2016 09:56

Love your job!

hellsbellsmelons · 13/05/2016 10:31

Ooohhhh - good luck today.
Take some notes in with you on what you have been doing.
Be confident and you'll be grand.

Goandplay · 15/05/2016 09:53

The Meeting! Opened with 'how do you think you're getting on?' I said really well, I think I am doing good etc. From their reactions (director and his DP who doesn't work thereHmm but was at also at my interview) this wasn't what they were expecting.

They asked me if I found that I could prioritise my work (this was what my colleague had said in the previous meeting) so I reiterated that she had told me that the particular task was not important. The director had a piece of paper in front of him that he kept looking at (as you would your cards in a game of poker)he then kind of dismissed what I was saying, interrupted towards the end and asked me about a mistake I had made (a minor mistake that no one can be sure was me).
He then asked me to explain about the situation with the desk - so I did. His DP agreed that she would not want to sit in the corner. I said that it felt as though the other two girls really didn't want me to turn my desk which was odd because it didn't really effect them. He said that he really doubted that because everyone gets on and they are not like that and it was important that we all got on and he wasn't having anyone say anything about anyone.

They then said that they asked my colleague to write a report on me! This was their basis of my review/appraisal. I said that I thought it was strange that a company would ask someone to write a report on someone and that they would not be shown what was said.

Directors DP then said that my colleague had said that in the last 3 days I had made an effort to fit in and I had been getting on well with everyone and my work... In the last three days the systems had been down.

They then brought my colleague up and she became emotional and said she hadn't wanted to write the report. I said that I thought it was odd that she had specifically said, without me asking, that they hadn't asked her anything and she didn't know what would happen in the meeting. She said that she had been asked to write the report and she does what the directors tell her and not me Hmm not what I meant at all. I then said that it was obvious they didn't like me and that's why I was put in the corner and when I was upset that day they kept saying that wasn't true - when it was! She said well I wasn't going to tell you directly was I? Which I suppose is true.

We then ended the meeting, I went down to my office and colleague went for a cigarette break, the internal phone went and the other girl who is a non smoker left to join her on the cigarette break. Directors DP came down and I said that things like this make me uncomfortable at work, along with the girls saying to one another cryptically "Julie I will call you tonight.." or "Fiona can you come look at my screen round this side for me" or Julie, Goandplay doesn't know this about me so can you come and read this email I sent my boyfriend", directors DP said I should understand that they are friends out of work and we are different ages....

I feel so awkward at work now. I am pretending it didn't happen and just trying to get on as before.

OP posts:
ChicRock · 15/05/2016 09:59

I think you should be looking for another job. This isn't the kind of place I'd want to spend a large portion of my week. The whole set up sounds completely unprofessional.

mamas12 · 15/05/2016 10:27

Agree with it sounding unprofessional
Sounds like their relationships co e first then the job!
Yes I would just be as professional as possible putting everything I. Writing leaving the most detailed paper trail you can to cover your back and look for another job

Merd · 15/05/2016 10:32

Get out! Run! Find any other job as fast as you can, I am not kidding. What a horrible place!

DaveCamoron · 15/05/2016 10:44

That is not a professional set up at all, why the hell was his DP in the meeting for starters? I'd be looking for another job pronto.

Oly5 · 15/05/2016 11:18

I think you should carry on as normal but also be looking for another job. What a bunch of idiots. Do not let them bully you OP but u would definitely work my way out of there

Rebecca2014 · 15/05/2016 11:28

You need to continue standing up for yourself,your in an situation where these people will take advantage of any weakness you show.

I agree you need to leave and I hope you find a new job asap.

Imbroglio · 15/05/2016 12:27

Weird and disconcerting behaviour.

However, by Monday your Director and his DP will have discussed it and may have taken on board what you have said.

However, I would ask for the notes from the meeting. If they asked for a report it was clearly a formal meeting and this wasn't communicated to you very well. If they demur, ask for clarification about what your position is, eg has someone made a formal complaint?

Also do you know what the appraisal structure and policy is? At my work we have a line-manager's handbook which we refer to for things like how often to have 1:1s, appraisals and what should happen in each meeting.

springydaffs · 15/05/2016 12:48

Absolutely start looking for another job.

Put this down to experience and move on. In that meeting they were blaming you for the 'trouble' (bullying)

Ime of similar the org went to huge lengths to put the blame on me. I was off sick for a loooong time.

Cut and run would be my advice. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. This lot are numpties and no good will come off it.

princessbeer · 15/05/2016 14:43

Hello OP
Just wanted to say that you sound really lovely and the way these people have behaved is bloody horrible. It's all bullying & nasty behaviour.
I hope you're able to find a new job with good colleagues who respect you & who aren't dickheads.

Imbroglio · 15/05/2016 20:22

Just remember that you won't have been the only one thinking this over at the weekend. See what Monday brings and good luck.

Choughed · 15/05/2016 22:02

As I said upthread, they are ramping up the bullying.

Keep a diary of EVERYTHING. I wouldn't be surprised if this was the start of the two bitches trying to push you to resign.

Donethat16 · 15/05/2016 23:18

It's an unprofessional place. Leave. It has turned into what people are saying about each other. Any place that encourages such story telling isn't somewhere any sane person would want to be. That is stuff for behind a tree in a school playground.

It all sounds so puerile.