Work relationships. Am I crazy and how to make this right and move forward.

[Goandplay]

I have started a new job in the last 6 weeks following extended leave after maternity due to PND. Started to feel better consistently around Christmas and decided I was ready to return to work.

Prior to having my youngest DC's I retrained for a different career whilst working for a job I knew I would really like.

This is my first role in this profession although it is office based and I am used to working in offices to the environment is familiar.

There is a woman at my work who I am not sure particularly likes me. Nothing obvious, just repeating what I say if I mispronounce a company name, not returning any tea's or coffees made, asking to speak to colleagues privately when there is no real need, making me feel left out of conversations by not including me or making eye contact. All this is fine as we worked in different areas of the building.

Our offices have been combined and she has been responsible for the moving of desks and new furniture ordered etc. I have arrive today at work and my desk is facing the corner, the other 2 people in the office, (her and another woman doing the same role as me) have their desks facing outwards and there is room for me to be outwards. I knew I would feel isolated even more as she is going to be working in the same office now and the men at my work are big practical jokers so I feel vulnerable with my back to the room when everyone else can see.

Boss arrives after I have settled down to work and comments a few times that it's not right having someone sitting facing a corner. Each time he is answered with a reason why, room in the office, fitting desks etc. The boss then came back and said again that someone can't sit in a corner - he won't have it, the girl says she wants to put up shelves above my desk for files as well. He says no again, she manages to distract him. The new desk arrived which is massive, I am looking at the desk thinking I could turn my desk round, it would work. Mention this and I am told to leave it as it is for now until the other director sees it.

Now embarrassingly I am unable to hold in the tears (there were tears first thing that morning but I went outside, everyone saw but I was outside, the 2 girls I work with asked what was wrong but were a bit blunt about it) but I am facing the wall so I am fighting it. Realising that today is going to be like this all day I spoke to my boss, said I was having a bad day and could I take annual leave. He said no problem at all and also mentioned the desk again and said to move it round, I said that I had said I wanted to and they had both said no. He said do it anyway (I wouldn't be able to move it on my own). He said let the other girl that does the same job as me know that I was going home and go home and come back when I feel better.

I said I was going home and this was met with the phone being picked up and her asking the boss if there was a problem. I don't know what it said but thinking about it now she gave a little laugh and said that she would need someone for the end of the week. I waited until she finished and explained it was for one day and I would be back tomorrow. She then says that it isn't personal that I am sat in the corner and it was the only way the office could work with an extra desk etc. I said (now crying again) I didn't feel as though it was personal, and that I knew me continuing in the role was dependant on us all getting along (was mentioned at the interview) and I like the job etc but felt that the other woman didn't like me. She was there and said what?! of course I do etc. I said this is why I felt I needed to go home because I was losing perspective on the situation and I really didn't want to get into the whole do you like me etc conversation. The boss appeared and changed the conversation to a work related issue and I left.

How do I move forward. I couldn't help crying, I can't stop :( once I feel that way.

I emailed about an hour later to the lady I work with and normally get on with about something work related and finished with saying I would definitely be in tomorrow but didn't receive a reply.

I am gutted - I love my job.

Thanks for listening.

You have dome really well this week. You have picked yourself up - gone back in and challenged the bully. OK you did not get what you want - but you will have your moment. Just bide your time and speak with the boss. Agree that she is known to have form - they always do and people know it. Keep a written log (times, dates witnesses etc) of actions or emails. Bullying is often a series of smaller events. But it is hideous and your responsibility is to deal with what you can directly with her but also to report it if it goes on to your boss or HR.

You have done really well to retrain, you are doing a job you love -- keep that focus - dont let her take this away from you.

Have some generic assertive stock phrases ready which you have practised in the mirror to deploy at any time.

"Is that what you think?"
"What do you mean by that"
"Are you aware that you come across as rude"
"I will get back to you on that"
"I need to consider other options'
'No."
"No. That is not what I want"

Can you just turn the desk around? Anyone with half a brain can see that this is TOTALLY inappropriate particularly for a new recruit.

I was told by the main director to wait until director 2 had seen the office. He saw it yesterday, made no real comment until the afternoon when he said it was crap but he was distracted by the office move woman.
It's exasperating. I think my plan of action is to wait until the meeting, if it's not mentioned then I will speak to the two directors myself explaining all the reasons it doesn't work and that I have given it a go for 2/3 days and I do not want to sit in the corner.

A few other employees have mentioned that they don't like walking in to the room and seeing the back of someone's head.

Can you send an email to both Directors and ask if it is OK for you to ask the caretaker (or someone else appropriate) to move the desk by the end of Monday because:

a) the screen may have something confidential on it.
b) you really want to feel part of the team and feel this will ensure that you can do your very best in this job.

In other words, how it will help them get the best from you, the employee.

Can you end the email by saying "If you don't want me to organise this please let me know - thank you so much."

This means that they need to take action if they don't want this move to happen.

That's a good idea. Especially because in an email it's all there, calmly.

Will the meeting with all these people solely focus on the desk?

If I was your director I'd be incredibly irritated to be pulled into all this.

Of course it's unacceptable for someone's desk to face the wall if there is another option.

I'd move it myself and then let it be.

The directors bizarrely are involved regardless of my desk. They seem to flit between things.

The meeting does not seem to have any purpose as far as I know. They want to hold regular meetings with all of the administration employees present. I do not know if the desks will be brought up or not. We was asked to have any agenda items in by a deadline but the agenda has not been circulated. I have been asked to attend a review with one of the directors which has been delayed twice and has now been forgotten about. This seems to be normal practice in this company. I have seen a director give instructions to call him when someone arrived for a meeting but the two women in the office decided to go ahead with the meeting without him. He didn't seem to notice or care.

I think you need to find another job, they sound hopelessly confused about what they should be doing, I doubt the company will last long anyway.

Rather than say 'is it OK?', perhaps tell them you are going to do it, and for them to let you know if it's a problem. It sounds like it's just a lack of inertia on their part and you'll sound like your proactive and decisive. Once your sitting the right way round, any attempts to change by nasty woman will make her look like a loon obsessed with desks.

Definitely highlight that you've given it a go and it isn't working for you and the team. Perhaps throw in a bit of 'I know you're both so busy, so I'll just sort it out myself' sucking up kind of thing.

I work for a small company with directors who are probably more involved with the details than they should be, and even they would be rolling their eyes over more than one conversation about who sits where.

Yes but can you actually just move the desk? You know, unplug the IT, slide it around and plug it back in again?

I actually left a job because of exactly this crap (desk politics and all!); took a pay cut and moved halfway across the country but it was worth it. I was losing my mental health to it all and it sounds like you are too.

Anyway, hope it improves fast for you OP - if not, hope you find a new job away from such an insidious bully!

It sounds as if you are in the middle of a power game between other people in the office. Someone's nose is out of joint.

Which makes it essential to be as neutral as possible.

Feeling apprehensive about tomorrow. I don't even know if I should just forget the bloody desk!

Looking for another job; I've only been here for coming up to 2 months after an extended break for mental health reasons I'm not sure I would find something similar. It would look bad on my cv. Think I'm stuck for now, making the most of a bad situation.

Well my penny's worth is that if you have been off for mental health reasons it is really important that your work environment doesn't compromise your mental health further.

It's really not on that an employee should feel like this about going in to work on a Monday, but the situation can't be resolved unless you stand your ground. The desk may sound trivial but its impacting on you so its not trivial and its not OK.

If you don't want to tackle it tomorrow, I suggest you list your professional reasons for not being stuck in the corner and keep the list to hand for when it comes up. You could also make a note during the day of how it impacting your work. Then you can calmly base any discussions on this.

I think you should also suggest a regular coffee/catch up with the person who is your equal (if you don't already do this) as part of her training you up, and so that you are working with her to reduce her workload/stress. You don't need to mention the desk to her.

Good luck!

Thank you. I really appreciate your advice. Will definitely do the coffee meeting idea 10/15 min once a week or so would do it.

Good luck today.

So ... The meeting happened. Generally day to day running etc. Equal colleague had a bit of a telling off for an error from last week.
Colleague then said that she felt snowed under and having me has not helped and I need to learn how to prioritise my work, mentioning something that had built up. I said that she had quite clearly told me that they were not a priority and they could wait almost up to a month and I had double checked this with her and she had asked me to do other things in place of that task.
Director said that training needed to be a priority and they offered her support of an extra member of staff to allow this to happen on a regular basis. I think I will ask for this to be documented.
At the end of the meeting I said I wanted to bring up the position of my desk that I had given it ago and it just didn't work. Office move lady was not happen when director agreed that it didn't work and it needed to be changed. She 'washed her hands' of the situation. Other director came down and moved my desk.
They are unhappy in my office now. I am not. My colleague said that I need to work faster?! I said I really couldn't see any problems in my opinion. Confirmed with director that I will have a review of my performance on Friday. Think I need to defend my position. I work hard and I do not think it is at all fair that everytime she makes a mistake somehow this will be my fault...
Good day overall though.

Well done!!

Try and document everything in email - so confirm to her what she told you and when you intend to do it etc.

Good for you, I'm so pleased - you stood your ground and by the sounds of it you did it calmly and professionally.

Having a mini-strop and "washing her hands" of the situation makes your colleague look like the gobshite she is .

Just keep on doing what you're doing - Cool, calm, polite and professional.

Also, document every sarky comment about your desk that you overhear or are told. Time, place, who was there and what was said by who.

Well done, indeed! Good result.

Obviously there is stuff going on there but they'll hopefully have got the message not to drag you into it.

Excellent turn around. However watch that woman. She sounds like she's going to be a problem. I would start keeping a diary and documenting stuff via email esp when you are asked about tasks and are told one deadline and they change the goalposts to try and make you look poor in front of the directors. The position you're in sounds very similar to mine where the Chief lady had been there 12+ years and didn't like a young whippersnapper coming in who could do the jobs she was taking all week to do in half an hour. Be careful.

I would recommend sending confirmatory emails to the woman who has been critical of your work. Every time she tells you what to do/when to do it etc just email her and say "Further to our discussion this morning I'm emailing to confirm my understanding that task A needs to completed by X date and if anything changes you will let me know by email. If she questions it just say that after the misunderstanding over the incident mentioned at the meeting with the directors you thought it best to make sure it doesn't happen again.

It's an almighty pain in the arse but she is clearly struggling and is looking for a scapegoat. By doing this you also alert her to the fact that you're on to her.

Go you! Well done, and now she knows you're not be messed with.

'Washed her hands' ha ha, it's a desk Ffs!