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Original poster

Work relationships. Am I crazy and how to make this right and move forward.

144 replies

Goandplay · 04/05/2016 17:44

I have started a new job in the last 6 weeks following extended leave after maternity due to PND. Started to feel better consistently around Christmas and decided I was ready to return to work.

Prior to having my youngest DC's I retrained for a different career whilst working for a job I knew I would really like.

This is my first role in this profession although it is office based and I am used to working in offices to the environment is familiar.

There is a woman at my work who I am not sure particularly likes me. Nothing obvious, just repeating what I say if I mispronounce a company name, not returning any tea's or coffees made, asking to speak to colleagues privately when there is no real need, making me feel left out of conversations by not including me or making eye contact. All this is fine as we worked in different areas of the building.

Our offices have been combined and she has been responsible for the moving of desks and new furniture ordered etc. I have arrive today at work and my desk is facing the corner, the other 2 people in the office, (her and another woman doing the same role as me) have their desks facing outwards and there is room for me to be outwards. I knew I would feel isolated even more as she is going to be working in the same office now and the men at my work are big practical jokers so I feel vulnerable with my back to the room when everyone else can see.

Boss arrives after I have settled down to work and comments a few times that it's not right having someone sitting facing a corner. Each time he is answered with a reason why, room in the office, fitting desks etc. The boss then came back and said again that someone can't sit in a corner - he won't have it, the girl says she wants to put up shelves above my desk for files as well. He says no again, she manages to distract him. The new desk arrived which is massive, I am looking at the desk thinking I could turn my desk round, it would work. Mention this and I am told to leave it as it is for now until the other director sees it.

Now embarrassingly I am unable to hold in the tears (there were tears first thing that morning but I went outside, everyone saw but I was outside, the 2 girls I work with asked what was wrong but were a bit blunt about it) but I am facing the wall so I am fighting it. Realising that today is going to be like this all day I spoke to my boss, said I was having a bad day and could I take annual leave. He said no problem at all and also mentioned the desk again and said to move it round, I said that I had said I wanted to and they had both said no. He said do it anyway (I wouldn't be able to move it on my own). He said let the other girl that does the same job as me know that I was going home and go home and come back when I feel better.

I said I was going home and this was met with the phone being picked up and her asking the boss if there was a problem. I don't know what it said but thinking about it now she gave a little laugh and said that she would need someone for the end of the week. I waited until she finished and explained it was for one day and I would be back tomorrow. She then says that it isn't personal that I am sat in the corner and it was the only way the office could work with an extra desk etc. I said (now crying again) I didn't feel as though it was personal, and that I knew me continuing in the role was dependant on us all getting along (was mentioned at the interview) and I like the job etc but felt that the other woman didn't like me. She was there and said what?! of course I do etc. I said this is why I felt I needed to go home because I was losing perspective on the situation and I really didn't want to get into the whole do you like me etc conversation. The boss appeared and changed the conversation to a work related issue and I left.

How do I move forward. I couldn't help crying, I can't stop :( once I feel that way.

I emailed about an hour later to the lady I work with and normally get on with about something work related and finished with saying I would definitely be in tomorrow but didn't receive a reply.

I am gutted - I love my job.

Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 04/05/2016 20:16

Get the desk moved with help.

This is bullying - it is very snide and underhand

She needs to realise this is no way to treat people. Ignore her, do as you need to and she will learn

If I countered this kind of bullshit in my office (I manage a large team), I'd come down hard on this woman. It is un-fucking-acceptable

Original poster
Goandplay · 04/05/2016 20:17

Thank you all so much. I feel so much better. I'm ready for tomorrow.

OP posts:
whirlygirly · 04/05/2016 20:23

Sounds like you have the support of the boss. They will be on to her.

We have one at work. I totally stand up to her these days and she never tries it with me anymore. Difficult when you're new though. Just try and stay calm Flowers

BYOSnowman · 04/05/2016 20:25

I didn't mean you should actually call her names!

It sounds like the boss has got her number but is a bit weak. I should imagine this is not the first time she has upset someone and I doubt he wants to go through recruiting a replacement for you when you are doing so well. As long as you are professional throughout she will continue to show herself up.

I tend to deal with people like this by giving them a benign smile and then ignoring them. I have a friend who dealt with similar by being ott nice (eg of corrected she would do the whole 'oh thank you so much for telling me, I totally forgot, I wishe I had your amazing memory') but it left the bully confused as they couldn't figure out if she meant it or not.

Pick what works for you - you can deal with this and you will. It takes courage to retrain so you can easily deal with her.

OreoHeaven · 04/05/2016 20:31

Wow some people are so nasty! Move your desk. If questioned say you've slept on it and prefer to be facing the team. I can imagine all the face pulling and eye rolling that will be going on behind your back otherwise. If she's so keen on your desk facing the wall then perhaps she should have it as her permanent desk.

I hate bullies. Having been bullied myself I know where you are coming from and the best thing to do is to sort it out now. Longer it goes on the worse it gets. Keep a diary too of any incidences.

OllyBJolly · 04/05/2016 20:54

Maintain professionalism Spot on, Done

Go in early, move the desk. When people get in - stand up and say "Sorry, folks, bit emotional yesterday. All good today. Moved the desk around because I want to be part of this team, not look at the wall all day. I'm not Shirley Valentine. " Take control. Don't let anyone push your around.

Original poster
Goandplay · 05/05/2016 08:59

I'm not allowed to move my desk now. I double checked when I arrived with the boss and he said leave it as it is. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Goandplay · 05/05/2016 09:00

There is a meeting now with everyone tomorrow.

OP posts:
wizzywig · 05/05/2016 09:05

Have a great day OP. Push your table around and lets hope all the bosses decide to stick her on a table her facing the wall. Nobody puts OP in a corner!

wizzywig · 05/05/2016 09:06

Aah sorry just read your post. Lets all think of a plan b

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 05/05/2016 09:09

Go and speak to your boss and explain how you feel. Are you all in equal roles?

I'd suggest to the boss that if the other ladies genuinely think the desk is fine facing the wall, then you would be happy to swap. Given that you are new to the team, it is important that you can be part of conversations and able to learn on the job from your n colleagues. You cant do that facing the wall. ..

He told you it was fine to move, so ask why that changed. He himself intimed that it wasn't appropriate so remind him of that.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 05/05/2016 09:10

Apologies for typos!

QuiteLikely5 · 05/05/2016 09:14

Wth is going on! Why won't he let you move it?

CocktailQueen · 05/05/2016 09:20

What NeedMoreSleep says.

FFS.

If your boss has changed his mind because of your colleague, he is a crap manager. She sounds like a nightmare.

Be strong, OP. Update us!

Original poster
Goandplay · 05/05/2016 11:31

The girl I work side by side with as equals doing the same role (we've had a good relationship imo) has said today that she feels snowed under still and I was employed to take the weight off of her. She said she has told the boss that it is partly her fault as she's not shown me what needs to be done but this sounds like I'm not efficient in my role I think.

There is a meeting with all the admin team with both directors tomorrow.

OP posts:
enfru · 05/05/2016 11:50

I think you need to have a chat with your manager before the meeting. Explain how you feel isolated with your back to everyone, that you love the job but aren't being shown the ropes so to speak and you feel that will only continue if you're stuck in the corner.

I would also point out how it is better for the team as a whole if you are all facing one another as then you'll be able to communicate better.

Stand up for yourself, you can do it.

Donethat16 · 05/05/2016 16:43

Think positively. If you get too down about it that will affect your ability to keep a clear head and fight your corner.

You should consider seriously what you would like to get out of this meeting. It could simply be the agreement to rearrange you desk or it could be something more fundamental like establishing clear boundaries, roles, and clarifying working arrangements.

You must go into the meeting with a plan and part of this will need to be about how to leave feeling you'vd achieved all or some of what you want.

You should also make it clear that asking you to face the wall is like putting a child in a naughty corner. Ask point blank why is it you are being asked to put up with an arrangement that feels like you are being punished.

In terms of counteractING your colleague's attempt to throw you under the bus. Do not get personal about it. Bring it up to the level of organisational efficency. Don't let them make it about you. You should make it an issue about how to create clarity around the tasks, develop a process of allocating to the person best placed in terms of skills and time, blah, blah blah. I hopersonally you get the idea. Keep drawing the conversation away from you because you might find that you are facing a pack and they will devour you if it boils down to personal feedback.

Box clever. Visualise yourself being super effective in that meeting.

You can do it.

Donethat16 · 05/05/2016 16:45

That was meant to be 'I hope you get the idea'

Original poster
Goandplay · 05/05/2016 21:58

I feel like have an army of mentors. Thank you everyone.
Think the meeting is cancelled but I am ready to make my point.

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 06/05/2016 06:05

Your company sounds crap and disorganised. Are you being given work to do? Are you being trained?

Maybe you should look around for another job...

Imbroglio · 06/05/2016 08:19

Good luck today. It sounds as if you've stumbled into a messy situation. Not your fault at all.

hellsbellsmelons · 06/05/2016 08:49

Good luck today.
Get your point across.
Nobody puts baby in the corner!!!
Suggest that you rotate desks.
So one week you sit there and then the next week you all move round one so everyone gets to sit in the corner!
Not sure if that is practical or not but worth asking.
Be assertive and be confident!

freshprincess · 06/05/2016 19:27

Hope it went well today!

Hippywannabe · 06/05/2016 22:11

Hope you are ok

Original poster
Goandplay · 07/05/2016 13:13

So... Lady 2 who did office move was in today. She asked how I feel about my desk now. I said that i didn't think it was appropriate for my screen to be on view to anyone walking into the office because of the nature of some my work. She said on those day we could shut the door. I then said I am not happy having my back to the room, it is bad for feeling a part of the team, communicating and where I am still learning it won't help. She said that we are there to work and we should be fine wherever we sit and she will be saying she wants the office to stay as it is. I said that's fine but I will be saying I don't like it and giving my reasons for why it doesn't work.
The meeting was then cancelled, well not even cancelled it just didn't happen. Lady 1 was off yesterday and while she was away a few things that she has been responsible for have been done wrong or incorrectly. The director was very unhappy, he called the office more than 5 or 6 times to talk about it. (IMO making a mountain out of a molehill, it was easily fixed) He seemed to be discussing it, asking for advice regarding it from lady 2.

Sitting in the corner wasn't so bad the first day with lady 1 but then yesterday it was uncomfortable. People were coming into the office and I wasn't aware they were there, I felt like there was someone there when there wasn't. I think I was spoken to a few times and didn't realise. The director came into the office and listened to me talking to someone at length (which is fine but I didn't know he was there which makes me feel weird). Then some of the guys who work in the building came in and were messing about with lady 2 and to have my back to them made me feel really vulnerable. I felt like I was the joke sometimes, lady 2 was being really childish and vulgar.
I am just so about it all because doing my work I am really happy and I seriously think I could make a massive difference and be efficient in the role.

OP posts: