Spring has sprung and the sap is rising! It's Dating Thread 104

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Looks like I have a date

Decided to call the guy I'm chatting to on tinder "mrjamacia" due to his latest holiday, we have been messaging since Sunday eve and he seems normal he has just messaged saying "you seem really lovely, I would love it if you allowed me to take you out" exciting times

Freaky you should treat yourself to something gorgeous by the way.

It's the rule. I bought a handbag after H.

I nearly bought myself a spray mop in B&m earlier as a treat...does that count?
It's my birthday next week and I usually get myself a little gift so might get a new top to wear out to dinner.

I saw this one today. What do you think? I love the back.

Sassy did you slip your number to the hot guy on the train? I am going between relief and rage (especially at the hanging up!) but there was also a brief moment of "hang on, did I overreact?" earlier. But I soon sorted that out...

Bant Holding doors is just good manners! Not sure why men seem to think this marks them out in some way...

Barb yay on the date!

314 any update from Dave?

Oooh, or a Jawbone! If I don't get one for my birthday I am totally buying myself one as a "I got shagged and dumped" gift.

oh lucky you! I want Dave the rave to suggest meeting up. I've made it fairly obvious I'd say sure why not if he did.
I hope he does.

lastnickname any loo update.

freaky what does that mean, a jawbone?? I don't get that.
But yes, I bought myself a lovely shagged and dumped gift from me to me after H.

freaky you've handled it all superbly and with dignity. Go buy that lovely top!

Hello
I'm taking a break from dating at the moment because real life events have taken over but I'm lurking and wishing you all great irons and dates.
I'm sure I'll be back at some point.

Freaky you handled the Bacon situation well, I'm hoping for better irons to come.

The top is nice Freaky!

Aw, thanks all!. 314, a jawbone is a fitness tracker, one of those bracelety ones. Like a fit bit.

Anna, hope you are ok x

Just curious, what would you define friends with benefits as? I ask as I've been seeing my lovely guy for 8 weeks, due to both our circumstances it's a strictly once a week thing (met online), but just lately I feel the messages are slightly less frequent and less banterish, phone calls slightly less too (but such a slight shift that I can't quite put my finger on it....), but still the expectation that we will meet up once a week, have a lot of sex, and the messages pre to meeting up are all about sex. I am fully compliant in this I have to say, I do love meeting up for sex and we are making an effort to get out of the bubble and actually go out more. But I just don't know, feel I'm being moved into non-relationship material and friends with benefits instead.

Just read my message, think I'm actually just off loading and not sure what I'm even asking! But still, feels good to off load! The more I know and I experience and the more I read on here the more I realise honesty is probably THE most important quality we can seek. And if by being honest ourselves we scare a few guys off that can't handle it then quite frankly so be it, they're not worth it.

tulip I would say he could possibly be just a shag buddy, does he take you out at all or is is just s meet at his or your house for a shag?

I think we are very good at spotting a change in communication/tone and our gut is usually right!

I personally would be wary if he was only messaging about sex and didn't seem intrested/bothered with the checking in/small talk

Tulip, I'd ask him outright, say, something like "what would suit me best would be a committed relationship, so I'm guessing I should start dating men who open to more intimacy, and more commitment... ?" See what he says. Don't necessarily believe what he says though. See if what he says matches his actions. Don't apologise for what you want. You know what Amy Young would say....

But this clip is for if you really want it to be a thing. If you don't think he's boyfriend material either then no worries.

Thanks dating and I so agree about our gut, you're right. It really resonates with your situation freaky in that you absolutely knew something had shifted and even though you hoped it was work or other things, you just knew. I sense a change and can't pin point it. He does message about other things but a little repetitive how was your day blah blah..... But I guess I've no room to criticise when I'm going along with it and rocking up for the sex. But may force a conversation this weekend to say I'd like a little more. 8 weeks isn't nothing in my book.

314 I continue to admire your wisdom by the way

314 post overlap! Thank you, I'll watch that now. It's funny, as I've said in previous posts he's so not my type and so many reasons why it wouldn't work and he's not long term material. So in my head making it so much easier to call it off if he's moving me into FWB territory. But then, I strip back what values do I think are important, and he's there! He has them all!

314 that's my first viewing of an Amy vid, loved it!! Thanks

She's great. I love the way she condenses it in to a sound bite that you can just roll around in your head repetitively. That one ''I need to get turned off'' I listened to that clip about 20 times and then I was brave enough to walk away from a man who didn't want a relationship (with me). I thought he didn't want one but towards the end I was less certain he didn't want one at all and it became possible that he wanted one but not with me. So, Amy's clips helped a lot. If somebody doesn't want me, then I won't allow myself to like them. I don't, I won't.

I also like
Mixed messages are not my thing
I rearrange my life for no man
No response is a response (this one is also useful to me,,,, in that, if you walk away and they don't call you back, keep walking)
I'm nobody's fake girlfriend (I was for a while)
Genuine interest, genuine focus or nothing at all

It's amazying that I was so clueless before. No wonder i have never had a relationship with a man I liked. I just couldn't get out of bad relationships I sort of stumbled in to where they were the boss.

Finally home. Just checking in to say OMG best. Zeroith. Date. Ever.!!!

Freaky you did what you had to do to Bacon, and no-one can fault what you said, especially when he started trying to pin everything on you. You’re quite justified in getting angry with him. It’s looking increasing like our experiences are mirroring. Except that I seem to have been dumped by text, but it’s not clear if I am or if it’s just a holding message. I’m tempted to confront, to try to find out what’s going on, but I think I’ll just get shouted at again and I want to be the bigger person. Sorry that this is turning in to another me, me post.

So, everyone (I don’t want to use a gender specific term!) it’s not just you who get dumped on by the opposite sex. I feel a break from dating is on the cards.

But to continue …

Dating

Last wonderful ! Glad you had fun!

last that's brilliant! Hope you're onto something. 314 thanks again, I'm going to get watching those today. reddish I really wouldn't make contact now. I think she's made her position clear and as you say you don't want to push her further or make her angry. Perhaps time to gently get back out there?

Just wanted to add I don't mean to sound shallow when I say I don't see my guy as long term material. That comment is based around distance and logistics with both our children. He says lets go one date at a time and see how we go. But when the dates are so much about sex (which I do happily go along with) can't help thinking its FWB. Argh who knows!

Enjoy the sunshine everyone!

last oh hooray on your zeroth date

Do come back and de-brief!! WOOP!!

Tulip do you think you are developing feelings for you fwb? Does the change in communication bother you?

Happy Friday all! I hope there are going to be some dates in this beautiful sunshine this weekend?

Me - am working and on call the whole weekend so will be living vicariously through you all.....

Another WOOP for last I love that these amazing zeroth dates pop up where you least expect them...

Thanks handy yes how true, when you're all out of enthusiasm and really have zero expectations so you rock up without even washing your hair and BOOM have an amazing date with so much chemistry and awesome snogging!! I took one look at him and thought oh wow lucky me he's gorgeous! Spent a lovely evening talking and laughing but he wasn't giving me any definate signs of anything so I wasn't sure if he was interested or not. Half an hour's lush kissing when the pub shut was a very nice way to find out he was! hopefully he'll get back in touch today but if I've learned anything in this game it's not to assume anything!