He's gone tepid, cut my losses?

[cherrybomme]

Hi I've been dating a guy for a few months. He pursued me, we hit it off, I shagged him v early in the proceedings because I had the horn!
He carried on pursuing me, v regular contact, unexpected phone calls, soppy message, always treating me to meals etc.(I did reciprocate in terms of meals as well)
He works away a lot, after I've spent time with him we'd always be texting etc but the last couple of weeks he went quite cold, said he'd ring but didn't and ignoring my messages for days and days (longest has been five days)
He always initiates contact but sometimes when I respond he just ignores my repsonse
So I called him out on it last week as was pissed off he said he'd phone but didn't all week and ignored my messages
I asked him if he was not interested because if so I'd rather cut my losses
He responded quite quickly to that message, said he's still keen but had been super busy and stressed.
Sadly cos of technology I can see when he's been online and it's pretty regular and frequent so clearly just ignoring me
He also said he loves our time together and has wanted to talk to me for ages about where we're heading
So we arranged to meet this weds, in the convo about meeting up I left the last message last night which he's once again ignored
I'm now thinking of ditching the whole thing
I didn't want a boyfriend or full on relationship but am now in the position where I'm checking my phone loads and getting stressed and sad about it
When wer'e together it's really lovely, romantic and funny but when we're apart with zero communication it just kills it for me.
I don't expect to hear from him every day although he used to message me for hours each day (in the eves, lunch time, mornings etc) but I'd like to have some communication with him otherwise he starts to feel like a stranger.
What do you think? Am I expecting too much?
Should I meet him this last time or just ditch the whole idea?
I'm so confused m never been thru this with anyone before .

Still not clear. Therein may be the problem for both of you. I think you may be keener on him than you want to admit.

No we live in the same town but he works away a lot and has his child a lot when he's home. He does have a very active social life as well which I had been invited to be a part of and like I said we know lots of the same people. He said his last relationship ended because of his work...
I did become more keen on him than I planned to sleepingtiger otherwise I wouldn't even be bothering or questioning...I'm normally pretty cool when it comes to casual relationships and on the whole prefer them so this has knocked me a bit.
I think I am being clear about where I am, how I just said I'd grown fonder of him than I expected to. but at the same time this communication breakdown is putting me off. I am here because I am confused and asking for advice, pretty sure I put that in the op???!!!

How long exactly have you been seeing him? Are you sure he is single? When you say you know he is online do you mean Facebook? If he is ignoring you now, I don't think he is serious. Personally I would not meet up with him.

Morning cherrybombe
Sorry you're going through this mind fuck! Most of us have probably been there - got the tshirt and it's always easy to give advice when you're not the one consumed by it!
I think you sound like you know what you want and more importantly what you don't want....
I'd meet up with him, obviously looking smoking hot, and see what he has to say. If he says or does anything that you don't like the sound of you can take the higher ground and say you want or would expect more from a relationship. Wish him well and leave......X good luck X

Sorry I meant to add the reason it's not clear as well is because in my eyes it's early days, therefore I was still assessing the situation and my posting here is part of that assessment, working out whether to cut my losses as in the title . If it was clear and if I'd assessed it I wouldn't be here asking for advice. I have spoken to friends and all without exception have told me to persevere and make allowances (presumably because he's a man) I wasn't comfortable with making allowances and being ignored hence why I came here to a broader audience

Well then, my advice is to slow down. It's like you are blow torching the relationship away with passion. He initially, and now you. You sound good individually and probably good together. Slow it down, stop and smell the roses. Write a letter, put a stamp on it and post it, from time to time.

My advice is to not drag it out. Do you think he might have a porn habit so that he can't orgasm without the death grip?

Anothercnx , yes Facebook, we have lots of the same friends, I can see when he comments on their stuff or has a convo on his wall plus of course messenger where I can we when he's red my messages and it shows at the top of the message page when he was last online or online now. He friend requested me originally
It had been two months. Petty sure he's single, there has been mild flirty banter between us on his page a while ago. A good friend is good friends with his ex with whom he split about a month before he asked me out. He said he'd sworn off women prior to meeting me, honestly, I wasn't interested in him to start!

User1460 thanks for your lovely message, and good wishes xxx

There you go - two entirely opposite posts at 9:50! 😄

Was he married though? Is that the mother of his kid? Do you think that's the reason why is acting the way he is?

Buzzardbird , it had crossed my mind...I do seem to meet a lot of porn addicts... Unless there's jut a lot of them about. He smokes weed as well which could be a big part of it. He seemed so switched on tho and in control of his life that I ignored it but maybe he's more of a flake than he first presents as.
Thanks sleepingtiger you're definitely right about the slowing down. I'll see how I feel tomoro, dunno if I can be arsed to drag it out and meet up but like I said I do just want to see in real life, I can gauge more from body language, voice etc

No he wasn't married, the last relAtionship wasn't the mother of his child. Apparently he and the mum were never really a thing

Messaging you for hours each day is a red flag, you should have cooled it right off from the start. Apart from anything else, that level of contact is completely unsustainable.

And now no contact and ignoring messages for 5 days? Then when you call him out on it he dangled the 'meeting up/talk about where this is going' carrot. I think it's pretty clear he's giving you just enough to keep you hanging in there.

What is there to talk about? Nothing. Bin him.

Sleepingtiger, I told u I was confused!

Ah ok chicrock, I didn't know that was a red flag, it just seemed like some nice back and forth convos, seemed normal to me, as it is with other people I know and chat with. I just went wth it, maybe my social skills or social awareness is a bit lacking!

This thread is making the hairs on my arms prickle, I have been here totally, even down to the non-orgasming and his child from a fling... He was (as it turned out) not interested in a relationship yet acted as if he was open to one. He disappeared for a week, turned out he was trying to make a go of it with child's mum and when that didn't work he came back! I would take no shit. Get out while you can, he sounds like a head fuck.

Niceupthedance that's sad for you, wonder if it's the same guy?! He does make a thing of saying what a disaster he and the mum were as a couple but what brilliant friends they are now, how well she knows him etc, I saw that as a positive but who knows? Maybe he can't reach a crescendo with me cos he's in lurve with someone else?
Weirdly, like with the mothe of his child story, I notice he says a lot of the same things a lot so the first few dates I seemed to learn a lot about him then he was back on a loop of telling the same stories with the same lines, I thought maybe he's just a bit forgetful, but maybe it points to him having less dimensions than I first thought!

It's amazing how the super stressed and busy schtick only ever kicks in after they've reeled in their next conquest.

I'd lay money he's as shallow as a puddle especially after hearing he's started to loop his stories with you!

Time to give him the old heave ho cherrybomme.

zucker yes all the signs are pointing towards either shallow or on to the next I hate that I've been played if that's what it is, I'm probably coming from a place of hurt pride on top of everything else!

I'd cut your losses op.

oddsocksgalore bleddy shame , so annoying that I started to like this guy, I'm usually much more in control and takes me a long time to actually be interested in someone, probably due to deep seated trust issues and fear of being hurt, now I feel really hurt but I'll get over it!
Hormones up and down doesn't help, I'm feeling so anxious right now

Please let us know how it pans out. Take care and remember you deserve more than what he's given you so far X

Thank you user1460 I'm still torn between meet and not, I think I still will, if he gets in touch. Obvs if I don't hear from him re tomoro night it's a moot point anyway.
but unless he says something remarkable it will be the end of it. He might be just meeting to end it anyway, which will be grim but at least I'd know.
I feel really shitty today emotionally and menstrualy so if I feel the same tomoro I def won't meet him
I remember telling him that my last couple of relationships were with really needy men who did my head in so I wonder if this might have influenced his behaviour. I hate being on here guessing what might be going on in his head, it's a trait I don't admire in others and here I am doing it myself !!!

I think you should still meet him and see what he has to say.

Good luck!

I hate the 'checking phone every 2 mins' thing. I used to turn mine off, but then turn it back on 5 mins later!!