I've just abandoned my very drunk/high dh in central London in favour of getting ds home

[HoldingPatternDone]

Namechanged yet again as all this is so, so identifying. Dh has struggled with addictions and after a peaceful few months it came to a head today when we saw his family.

He was being aggressive to everyone and when our bus arrived he wouldn't get on so I've just taken myself and ds home. Now he won't answer his phone and I feel awful I've abandoned him but our son is only 3 and I've got to get him home. I can't help feeling so guilty and bad and am both dreading and wishing him home. What do I do?

A parent who loves their child puts them first and keeps them safe. This man certainly doesn't do that and currently neither is the mother by letting a violent drug addict live with her.

You are failing your son as well. And for what? Because you 'love' him.? You need to stop taking your sweet time in 'getting there' to leave leave him. He is hugely damaging your son and so are you. His behaviour last night was truly shocking, he shouldn't be there with you both right now!

What does he have to do today ? Where has he gone at 8am on a Sunday morning ?
Hope he hasn't driven anywhere

I found it curious that you weren't worried about other people he might have harmed but only him.
It's not healthy.
You should have called the police on him.

I agree with others that it's just a matter of time before he hurts you or your DC physically.

What type of real life support have you been offered?
Are they actually prepared to step up to support you and protect you?

Have you managed to stop smoking drugs now? You are making progress, let what happened last night be the end of it, do you have anywhere you can go? He won't listen if you tell him not to come back and you will cave in and let him in anyway.

Hi op, I remember your other threads.

You really must now summon the strength to leave this man for your ds's sake and stop smoking yourself. He has proven, as I and others suspected he would, that he will never stay sober. Sorry, but you've got to stop giving him the benefit of the doubt. His family turned their backs on him for a reason and I suggest you now do the same.

"Ds is very clingy this morning"

This says it all. You need to remove him and yourself from this toxic situation.

I don't want to fail ds. I'm going to have to take some time off work to sort this mess out. Whilst in laws are supportive I can't see them taking him in. I'm thinking maybe travel lodge tonight.
I've had rl support via alanon and d&a counseling. Friends and my family don't know. No I'm not smoking.

you do not have to give him solutions

^ this. With bells on.

I'm thinking maybe he stays in a Travelodge tonight op, not you and your son. He's a selfish twat and doesn't deserve you pussy footing around him and his bloody needs.

Well done for giving up smoking. Don't let the current situation get the better of you and relapse. Your ds needs you more than ever.

I mean us in a travel lodge.

Why would you go to a travelodge? You have a child with you. He needs to go.

Why should you go to a travel lodge? Why can't he?

Why are you contemplating disrupting your ds rather than your useless H?

phequer I know you think I'm a pathetic waster. In many ways you're right but I really am sorting myself out. I'm not smoking at all.
I am using last night as a way to move forwards and am contemplating things I wasn't even caperble of thinking a few months back. He's got such a hold on me, I can't describe it. I'm realising what it's not is love.
I just can't feel like I've let my family down. They'd be shocked.

"Friends and my family don't know"

They should. Being with an addict is nothing to be ashamed of. If one of my friends had the problems you had I would be very upset that she couldn't tell me as I would want to help.

Just to remind everyone that it is Bank Hol and most Travelodges are full, or charging a lot of money. I was looking them up yesterday thinking of a spur of the moment trip.

You poor thing. What a nightmare. It is very common for an addict to make attempts to withdraw, only to relapse. An addict usually relapses because they haven't admitted to themselves that they have a problem. It doesn't mean your dp can't go back to recovery but I don't think the truth has dawned on him yet.

However, you need to realise you can't save him.
Losing you and your son maybe the kick up the arse he needs. I don't think he has a grip on how bad things are.

Keep strong

I'm not using drugs! I promise.

Your family are likely to know fine well you're not in a good situation - ok, they might not know the details but when you finally detach from this piece of absolute crap, my bets are they'll be waiting on the sidelines.

Tell them what's happening, you need them right now.