I've just abandoned my very drunk/high dh in central London in favour of getting ds home

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Namechanged yet again as all this is so, so identifying. Dh has struggled with addictions and after a peaceful few months it came to a head today when we saw his family.

He was being aggressive to everyone and when our bus arrived he wouldn't get on so I've just taken myself and ds home. Now he won't answer his phone and I feel awful I've abandoned him but our son is only 3 and I've got to get him home. I can't help feeling so guilty and bad and am both dreading and wishing him home. What do I do?

Neither you nor your DS should have to put up with that. He's clearly not sorry is he.
I now it sounds like a corny cliche but think of this as the first day of your new life, get that man out of your life until such time as he is completely clean and half human.

OP I think you have had an NC failure there. Want to report it and ask MN to help?

I am glad your "D"h has left the house today. Did he storm out or did you kick him out?

While he is out, consider getting a deadbolt on the inside of door. I'm sure your LL would understand.

Oh shit! Thanks.

What's the plan for today op?

Good morning op - your screen name has changed so not sure everyone will spot this but well done, keep goong, get all the help that is there to help you and ds. He is telling you with his clinginess that he wants you to protect him, fantastic you are taking these first crucial steps.

Please dont let your husband try to blame you. You taking responsibility in the past -even just for hiding it - wasn't necessarily helpful to him, and awful for you. The process won't be easy but remember you are doing this not only for your son, but for your husband's son too, if you see what I mean. Stay strong

Forget the ultimatum, the time for that is past.
It's time to detach physically if not emotionally. You and your son need to live apart from him. If he sorts himself out after you do this then you can consider getting back together way down the line but your child cannot be exposed to his recovery or his downward spiral, whichever happens.

Complete namechange fail.I've ask MNHQ to change it. I don't know what the plan is.

Is he home?

I would suggest getting some RL help - tell a friend or relative exactly what happened and get some support in planning practicalities. I'd also recommend Al Anon, support groups for people with family or friends with alcoholism or addiction. Hang in to the determination to protect your little boy which took you away from your H last night - that instinct was right.

Did he turn up during the night?

She said he did .... and left again...
I am proud of you. I gave you a hard time on your last thread but you sound more positive and have stood up to him.
This is the first day of your new life with your son. You can do this :)

He came back in the early hours. Ashamed to say I let him in. He wasn't aggressive or angry but I just kept out of his way and slept in ds's room. Then when he noticed I was 'pissed off' this morning he made a feeble apology with lots of reasons why it happened and when I didn't accept this he got all 'fucking this that, give me a break etc' and left. Hes got somewhere he's meant to be today so he won't be back any time soon.

Ah yes so she did. Missed the update.

I think now is the time you need to haul in some RL support OP.

Op you need to leave, do you have somewhere to go. Your oh is getting wasted and being violent in public in front of your child. How long do you think it will be before someone contacts SS. If I had been on that train yesterday I would have reported it, so for all you know it may already have happened. Speak to someone who can help before someone else does it.

Speaking with in law today. They were giving me lots of rl support last night.

A friend of mine is currently attending court to support her friend. He is married to a drug addict. He has refused to leave her and so the children are now likely to end up in care.

That could be you and it will be your own fault. Do you actually love your child? If so why are you doing this to him?

You can't make your DH behave like a responsible human being BUT you can control what you decide to do for yourself and your child.

I really hope you get this man out of your home.

What I have said is cruel but the truth. I have read your previous threads and I do wonder when you will realise that he loves his drugs and not you

Do you actually love your child?

BIt harsh! You're right that her child could end up in care if ss beleive she is not protecting him but it is not black and white. Do you really think if it was that easy for her to walk out that she would still be with this prick???
Have some empathy FFS!

These 'AND IF THE GENDERS WERE REVERSED' posts that seem to crop up on every thread are tiresome as fuck. Firstly, they aren't, so its irrelevant to the question and just smuggery/goady fuckery and secondly in most of the instances when this is said responses would be the same.

Indeed everysongbird, although personally I find them a useful predictor that the poster concerned has shit for brains. Nine times out of ten, I'm right.

You've done the right thing OP, believe me. Keep doing it.

If / when his behaviour becomes threatening and/or violent - and that includes things like punching walls and threatening language- you need to call the police. Have you contacted your health visitor? You need a paper trail showing that this man is dangerous around your child.

Harsh but true.

Maybe having the love for her child questioned will be the kick she needs to sort this situation out.

A parent who loves their child puts them first and keeps them safe. This man certainly doesn't do that and currently neither is the mother by letting a violent drug addict live with her.

The family I spoke of above have never shown violence but are still in court about to loose their children

Get him out of you and your son's life.

You say DH isn't violent, but he clearly is and it's only a matter of time before you or your DS are on the receiving end of it. You're well past the point of an ultimatum, if he was going to sort himself out he would have done it by now.

Stay strong OP. Making the decision to leave is the first step towards a safer, happier future for you and your son. Imagine how your life could be a year from now without all this crap. Sending big supportive hugs.

Good start OP. Do be aware though that in the harsh light of day your ILs maybe start to wonder where your husband would live if you kicked him out? Would he expect to go back to them?

I truly hope they don't (unlike my own ExILs) suggest you really should give it another go. Your husband has proved to you he won't stay clean/sober. It's time you put yourself and your son first. Hopefully your ILs will support you emotionally. Do you have your own parents/siblings or friends also?

A parent who loves their child puts them first and keeps them safe. This man certainly doesn't do that and currently neither is the mother by letting a violent drug addict live with her.

This.